Casanova Cowboy (A Morgan Mallory Story) (21 page)

Chapter 24

Ryan and I were both on the go the next year. He was dating Julie, working, flying, and going to school at night. I was going to school during the day and working four jobs around it to meet my new obligations. If I got five hours of sleep anymore, it was amazing. I didn’t have time to date or even think about dating. I had a couple one-night-stands that left me feeling empty afterwards, so I stopped. If I went anywhere, it was usually over to my parents.

“I worry about yo
u,” Mom said. “Your life is too hectic. You don’t have any spare time to enjoy it.”

             
“Oh, Mom, quit worrying,” I said.

             
I’d stopped by to visit and was doing math homework at her counter while she was busy in the kitchen.

             
“What are you cooking?” I asked as she started something on the stove.

             
“Trying a new chicken dish I pulled out of a magazine. I assume you’re staying for dinner?” she asked.

             
“Sure, why not, no one to go home to,” I said tapping my pencil on my book.

             
“Are you seeing anyone?” she asked casually.

             
It was the question we both knew I hated, and that she asked too often. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t have a steady boyfriend. She’d told me more than once she’d never lacked for boyfriends; she certainly had never gone years without one. It made me feel even more broken.

             
“Don’t ask,” I said, not wanting to have that conversation again. “Can you believe Jackie’s getting married to Marty this summer?”

Mom’s dog
, Skyler, scratched at the slider.

             
“Let her in, will you?” Mom asked.

             
I walked to the slider and was surprised to see Ryan’s dog, Bo. He rotated his big square head at me with puppy dog eyes, and was happily wagging his tail.

             
“What’s he doing here?” I asked.

             
“He’s here a lot. Ryan felt bad leaving him in his apartment all day while he works, so I told him to bring him here. He drops him off almost every day. Skyler seems to like him,” she said.

             
I opened the door, and they both shot into the kitchen and hurried over beneath Mom’s feet. I was a little surprised Mom hadn’t told me about Bo’s daily visits. I felt out of the loop again, like being so busy I was missing out on so much that was going on.

“B
ack to what you were saying, no, I can’t believe Jackie’s marrying Marty. Good for her, though. Those two have dated off and on forever,” Mom stated.

             
“On and off through high school, on and off after high school, on and off until they got engaged. Worries me a little, the on and off, I knew someone like that once,” I said, knowing she would pick up on who I meant.

             
“You ever talk to Mathew anymore?” she asked. “I assume that is who you are referring to.”

             
“No. He was never good at calling, and I finally quit,” I answered.

             
“You ever regret not going, trying to make it work with him?” she asked.

             
“There have been times, moments I wished I made a different choice. Funny, because even when I’ve wished I could change my decision, there is a part of me that still knows it was the right thing. I wonder if I will ever love someone like that again.”

             
“You loved Max,” she said.

             
“Not like that. At first Max was exciting because he chased me, wanted me. Mathew never did that. Like most girls, I was in love with the idea of
love
. Then real life comes in. Do you still love Dad, Mom?” I asked.

             
She started to make a salad, washing the iceberg lettuce, and putting it on the counter next to the sink to drain. I realized she never specifically taught me, but I washed lettuce the same way. I watched as she cut the tomatoes and then sliced some red onion, moving back and forth to the refrigerator, stepping around the dogs now lying in the middle of the floor.

“Sometimes
,” she answered honestly. “Sometimes not. When you’ve been married as long as we have, things change. It comes and goes. Right now, it’s sort of gone. Your dad travels so much that we get our space; it helps keep it together. There’s no place either of us wants to go right now,” she said.

             
“How sad,” I said, frowning.

             
“Open us a bottle of wine,” she requested.

             
“Do you still have sex?” I asked, concentrating as I screwed the opener into the cork of the wine bottle.

             
“Sometimes,” she said.

             
“Oh,” I said, feeling an ache in my chest. “And sometimes not?”

“Quit it, i
t’s not that bad,” she said, flapping her hand at me.

             
“I’m starting to realize I may think love is more than it is. I want someone who loves me and respects me and wants to share with me. I don’t want it to stop. I don’t want it to fade away. I want the sex to stay good, I don’t want that to go away either. I want to feel in love after twenty, thirty years, or however long. I want to still feel my husband is hot and want to jump his bones,” I said.

             
She turned from the refrigerator with an amused look on her face.

             
“Then you’ll both have to work at it. It can be like that if both people work at it. It’s not easy. What happens most of the time is one or the other stops working at it. Life pounds you down. Day-to-day living makes it harder than when you date. Kids come into play, money worries, laundry, and on and on, it’s endless,” she said.

             
“Now you’re making it sound like a job. A job most people come to hate. Maybe single is good,” I said, sipping my wine.

             
Why did she even want me to date, to get married, and go ho-hum?
I heard the side gate creak open, and Bo ran to the slider.

             
“Must be Ryan,” Mom said.

             
I watched Bo wag his tail excitedly until Ryan reached the door. He smiled at me through the glass. His hair was shorter. In cutting it, he’d removed most of the blond ends. The boyish curls were still there, though. He opened the door and gave Bo a big pat.

             
“Hey, buddy,” he said before he walked over to my mom and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey
, Patty, something smells good,” he said as he inspected the pans on the stove.

“Some new recipe
she’s trying,” I said.

I was happy to see
him.

“One of my
new favorites, I’m sure,” he said with a grin.

“Stay for dinner
,” Mom pleaded. “Morgan’s staying.”

“So you take care of his dog and feed him
too?” I joked.

Ryan
gave me a silly, artificial smile.

“Not that often
.”

“Sure
,” I mocked, “Mom has always wanted to pick up the stray dogs. I get it.”

While
Ryan petted his dog and teased my mom, the door from the garage opened, and Dad walked in. He put his briefcase down on the table.

“Not there
,” Mom said, going to move it. “I’ve talked Morgan and Ryan into staying for dinner, and we’re sitting at the table.”

“That’s great, nice to have good company,” Dad said. “I’ll go slip into something more comfortable and come have a drink.”

Ryan appreciated a home cooked meal—something other than microwave meals was good. Mom was happy to have people enjoy her cooking, and Ryan always complimented her. It made me realize how we as her family failed to do so, taking her efforts for granted. When dinner was over, she insisted that Ryan and I take our wine glasses to the living room. Dad excused himself to watch TV. It had been a rainy spring, and it was too cool to sit outside. I knew Mom would come join us, once she finished up in the kitchen.

“So how is
school and flying going?” I asked.

“Going.
It’s a little rough, trying to do it all. I’m flying with a team from school, and I’m teaching flying, so I’m flying a lot. All good though, gives me more hours towards the license. School and work going all right for you? Your mom always tells me how busy you are.”

I
suddenly realized Ryan saw my mom more than I did now, and I felt a pang of guilt.

“
Like you, it’s a lot. Juggling the jobs, school, homework; it’s exhausting sometimes,” I answered pulling my feet up under me on the soft down couch.

“How’s the c
ondo?”

“Good, slowly getting furniture w
hich is nice,” I said thankfully.

“Still glad you took the plunge?” he asked.

I knew Ryan still couldn’t understand why I had burdened myself with a mortgage when I could have stayed in my parents’ beautiful home for nothing.

“Most of the time.
I like my independence. You know me, type A, take on all you can and then some,” I joked.

He laughed.

“Are you still seeing Julie?” I asked, hoping she wasn’t a part of his life anymore.

Hoping that maybe we could find more
occasions to do things together, feeling nostalgic, missing his company.

“Yeah
, but it’s hard to find the time, and she doesn’t like that,” he said.

Damn,
Julie had been around awhile. It was the longest I’d seen Ryan date anyone. I wondered if he was in love and at the same time didn’t want to know.

Chapter 25

“Hey, what are you doing?” Ryan asked when I answered the phone.

“Same thing you’re doing, getting ready for finals.
Mom told me your team took first place in the last flying competition. That’s so cool,” I said as I leaned against the counter, glad to hear his voice.

We were
like ships in the night. The last few months we heard more about each other from my mom than from one another.

“It
was cool. Pretty exciting that the boys from the junior college beat the guys from the big fancy schools.”

“I bet, congratulations.”

“I was wondering if you were going to Jackie and Marty’s wedding?” he asked.

I thought it was a strange question, how could I miss it.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be? Mom and I are going together. You bringing Julie,” I asked, knowing she wouldn’t come.

“We broke up,” he said.

“You did? I’m sorry. I thought you really liked her,” I consoled as I counted back in my head: they’d dated just shy of a year.

The butterflies in my stomach
woke and did a little jig of happiness.

“I did
, but my life is busy and she wasn’t very patient. She went back to her old boyfriend,” he said.

He didn’t sound sad necessarily
. He hadn’t talked to me about his feelings for her. In fact, he hadn’t told me much about her at all. I basically knew she was shy, and that she hadn’t attended anything they’d been invited to.

“Can I join you and your
mom? I’m happy to drive,” he offered.

“Of course,” I said excitedly
.

I realized that
, although my life was busy, I’d missed him. He had been easily accessible before Julie, then when she came into the picture, she had taken up any spare time that he had.

The wedding was beautiful, and Jackie and Marty couldn’t have looked more in love. I hoped for their sake the relationship would stay
on
this time. At the reception, I danced with Ryan most of the evening, enjoying the light and funny Ryan I knew from earlier days. He danced with Mom several times as well as Sadie.

Sadie was
a hard woman to get to know. She had this standoffish, sort of bitchy, judgmental demeanor. Sadie hadn’t liked me from the start in high school, when I became friends with Karen and Jackie. She didn’t try to hide it, and I ignored it. The winter I moved away, she realized I hadn’t been the one influencing her little darlings after all, and when I came back to town, her attitude towards me changed. I thought it was funny because I didn’t care either way. I knew her history. Sadie Sharp had no right to judge anyone.

There had been two failed marriages, and several affairs.
The real scandal however broke my senior year in high school. It broke big enough that it was the talk of the town. Karen came home early from school one afternoon and caught her mother in bed with Dirk—who was Karen’s boyfriend. When Karen found out it had been going on for some time, she was devastated. Thinking about my own mother, I couldn’t imagine a mother doing that to her daughter.

I
officially met the girls around that time when I started attending the same Jazzercise classes they went to. After several classes, Karen introduced herself, and we started talking before and after class, and then getting together outside of class. Karen and I became close the year I started dating Max, because she was dating his brother Brian, and Brian lived with Max. Brian and Karen hadn’t lasted either, but he was the one to let her down easy.

“How about I pick you up about six thirty?” I asked Karen over the phone. “Liz is meeting us at Cowboy Dan’s.”

The cowboy craze set off by
John Travolta and Debra Winger in
Urban Cowboy
years ago was still popular. Cowboy Dan’s was a new bar in neighboring San Marcos and they played right into the cowboy theme with a mechanical bull and line dancing. None of us were very western, but we did like line dancing, and it was easy to do without a man, so us girls could easily go together. When I pulled into Karen’s driveway, I saw Ryan’s van and figured Karen must have invited him to go. I rang the bell and Karen answered.

             
“You look cute,” I said.

She wore
a form-fitting, asymmetrically cut top with yellow, red, and a splash of black dressed up by her black stilettos and tight jeans.

“Like the bare shoulder
. You look ready to do some damage.”

“Back at you
,” she said.

“Well
, I figured we were going cowboy,” I said, feeling comparatively frumpy in my tight jeans, white flouncy top, and boots.

“Who cares, it all goes
,” she said.

“
Ryan going?” I asked.

“I don’t think so
,” she said with a look of surprise.

Karen pulled the door wider and I stepped into the tiled entry.

“His van’s here,” I said, a question in my voice.

“Oh, h
e’s helping Sadie remodel the bathrooms.”

It
amused me that Karen always called her mom by her first name. Looking past her I could see Sadie and Ryan were sitting on the couch in the family room talking.

“Hey
,” I called.

Sadie looked up, as did Ryan.

“Hi, Morgan,” Sadie said. “You girls are going out tonight, huh?”

“Cowboy Dan’s,
do some line dancing,” I said, doing a quick two-step.

Ryan smiled
. I noticed he didn’t have his work clothes on, more like something he would wear to teach flying or go out. And he had his cowboy boots on.

“Are y
ou going with us, Ryan?” I asked, even more confused by his dress.

He seemed relaxed, sort of sunk into the couch, his left arm draped across the back.

“Didn’t know about it. I stopped by after flying to check on my tile in the bathrooms, and Sadie offered me a beer,” he said, raising his beer. “Headed home after this.”

“
You could go with us if you want,” I offered, feeling bad I hadn’t called and asked him.

“No, that’s ok
ay. Go on and have fun. I would just keep away the boys,” he said with a smirk.

Sadie wasn’t the small-
chat with worker-bees type, in fact she looked down on most of them, had elevated herself to a position above them, so it seemed a bit strange to me that she’d offer Ryan a beer. I cocked my head and smiled at him in question, he just smiled back.

“
Ready, Karen?” I asked, turning away from him.

“
Yep, let’s go,” she said.

“You gir
ls look like a million bucks,” Ryan said. “Stay out of trouble.”

I glanced back towards him.

“Always. I mean, looking for it,” I grinned. “Trouble with a capital T.”

I
caught Sadie’s eye, but she wasn’t smiling.

             
“Kidding, Sadie,” I said. “Lighten up. I won’t get Karen in too deep.”

Sadie and I both knew what
ever trouble Karen got into, had nothing to do with me. I was poking fun at her about her old opinion of me.

“Who’s driving?” I
asked once we got out the front door.

             
“I’ll drive,” Karen said. “Let you get twisted tonight.”

             
She walked to the keypad next to the garage door and entered the code. As the door rose I could see her red sporty Toyota parked next to Sadie’s shiny Mercedes convertible.

             
“Ryan still seeing that girl from the airport?” Karen asked as she drove.

             
“No. They broke up,” I said.

             
“Wasn’t he with her a long time?”

             
“Almost a year,” I answered. “You know, I never met her. He said she was shy. She obviously made him go underground for a while.”

“How’s Pat
?” Karen asked. “I haven’t seen him around.”

             
“He’s fine, I guess. I hardly see him. He stays at Mom’s sometimes, but mostly crashes at a friend’s or his girlfriend’s,” I said.

             
I tried to think of the last time Pat and I had been out together. Ever since Park City we’d sort of gone different ways.

             
“You two used to be so close,” Karen, said glancing towards me.

             
“I know. I sort of moved on with my life, and he’s still in the same, party-like-a-rock-star mode,” I said with a sigh.

             
Liz was waiting for us when we walked in the door. The music was loud, but the bar wasn’t too crowded. We found a booth and ordered drinks. The three of us tore it up on the dance floor the first part of the evening. When it came to the line dancing, Karen seemed to pick up the steps easily while Liz and I struggled a little before we got it, then laughed when we would lose it. Some of the people had it down to a science, but I really had to concentrate. Liz got hit on by a good-looking cowboy and begged off a few dances to talk to him. I ran into a guy I dated once in junior college, and he came and sat with Karen and me.

“He’s so cute
,” Karen gushed when he left us to get another round.

             
“Go for it,” I said seeing the want in her eyes.

             
“You don’t care?” she asked.

             
“No. Dated him once,
once
,” I emphasized.

She
watched him as he made his way across the bar. It was apparent to me that my information didn’t seem to register with her. There was a reason for
only once
—he was a player. When he came back with our drinks he slid into the booth next to Karen. My stomach cinched and rolled when I saw the way he looked at her.

“Come on,” Liz called waving at us to join her on the dance floor as another
line dance started.

“You go,” Karen said with a
knowing smile.

After several more hours
Liz ended up taking me back to my car at Sadie’s house because Karen wanted to stay.

“That guy is after one thing,” I said.

“Maybe Karen is too,” Liz said with a grin.

“Maybe.”

The road to Sadie’s was dark, no streetlights, Liz’s headlights caught brief glimpses of houses, bushes and such. I remembered the trip to San Francisco with Ryan and Karen. The night Ryan and I had tried to find a motel on a dark Highway 1.

“I think I’ll stay at Mom’s tonight instead of driving all the way home
,” I said feeling a little solitary.

“She’ll be happy about that. She loves to find you there in the morning.”

I let myself in with the key on the water heater; it had been there forever. Everyone who knew us knew it was there. Karen and Jackie had used it more than a few times to let themselves in and spend the night, telling Sadie before they left their house they were staying at a girlfriend’s—my parents didn’t patrol what time they got in.

The house was dark
when I quietly slipped through the back door. I got a glass of water and made my way down to the guest room, Ryan’s old room. After I moved out, they made my room into an office for Dad. I was almost asleep when Mom opened the door. I could see her silhouette in the doorway.

             
“Everything okay?” she asked in the dark.

             
“Hey, Mom, everything’s fine,” I said quietly. “I went out with Karen and Liz tonight, and decided I didn’t want to drive home.”

             
“See you in the morning,” she said cheerfully, as she shut the door.

             
I slept in. I didn’t have to work until that night, my Chart House shift. When I got up, I found Dad in his office on the computer and Mom in the kitchen. Since Mom and I had talked about her and Dad’s relationship, I could really see they did their own thing. They were civil to each other, but I could tell there was something missing. It made me sad for both of them.

             
“Can I fix you breakfast?” she asked.

             
“No thanks, never liked breakfast. Coffee would be good, though” I said.

             
She poured us both a cup, and we headed outside into the sunshine. I shielded my eyes as the light hit them and set my coffee on the glass table.

“Shit
, I need sunglasses,” I said as Mom sat down.

I dashed back into the kitchen and dug through my purse, found my glasses and returned quickly

“So much better,” I said, sinking into a chair.

I
picked up my coffee as both dogs came to me wagging their tails. Bo pushed his head into my lap.