Carrying Hope (24 page)

Maybe Bryce wasn’t the right one for me. For years, I thought Kevin was right for me and that seemed laughable to me now. Maybe in another few years I would look back on my brief fling with Bryce and feel the same way.

I didn’t think so though. Something about Bryce was different. Something about the way were were together, how intense my feelings were when I was with him, it convinced me that what we had was different. Too bad I was the only one convinced. It takes two people to make a relationship work, and if I learned anything from my relationship with Kevin, it was that I deserved to have a partner that would put in as much effort as I did.

Thoughts of my Nana made me feel much more emotional about everything. I’d already lost so much in my life, I didn’t want to lose her, too.

Finally, I pulled up to the nursing home and tried to shake off the memories of my last visit here with Bryce. Why couldn’t I keep him out of my head?

After signing in at the front desk, I was surprised to hear that Nana’s room had been moved. A bolt of panic struck me; what did that mean? I was directed down a series of hallways to her room. This portion of the facility was much nicer and cleaner. The nurses all had smiles on their face and a few of them asked me if I needed help with anything. I felt like I’d stepped into another world. This couldn’t possibly be the same decaying hell-hole that we visited last time.

“Nana?” I knocked, entering her room. She was, as usual, sitting by her window, reading. This room was decorated with photos and gifts. There were fresh flowers on her nightstand and everything was in its proper place. If I didn’t know any better, I would actually think that she’d
improved
.

“Marcia! You came to visit me!” She exclaimed happily, standing from her chair to give me a hug.

“Oh my goodness, look at you!”

I laughed and blushed, “Yeah, I didn’t get a chance to tell you last time I was here.”

She rested a bony hand on my distended belly and we were both treated to a little kick from the baby.

She looked up at me with watery eyes and hugged me fiercely again.

“I’m so glad you’re here, honey. When are you and your fella going to get married?”

That was Nana; no beating around the bush, just straight to the point.

“Kevin? We’re not going to. We’re better off just being friends, I think.”

“No, no, no. Not him. The other one. The one you brought with you last time, Bryan? Bruce, was it?”

I bit my lip and fidgeted awkwardly.

“Bryce,” I mumbled, not wanting the conversation to linger on him.

“That’s it. He sure was a fine piece of—”

“Nana!” I cried, not believing that she was capable of saying something like that.

She grinned at me and patted me on the arm.

“I’m senile dear, not blind. Come sit and talk to me,” she gestured to the chair opposite hers.

“This room is really nice. You have a lot more space in here,” I remarked.

“Yes, and the nurses are much nicer, too.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“So, what happened between you and Bryce?”

I explained most of everything, omitting some of the more explicit details. Then I told her what I’d heard and how I chose to just leave rather than face the music.

“Marcia, I’m disappointed in you,” she said sternly.

I suddenly felt like a child again, being reprimanded for doing something naughty. I hung my head and turned my eyes to my fingernails, not wanting to make eye contact with my grandmother. I didn’t want to see the disappointment in her eyes.

“You, of all people, should know that you never just walk away from those that you love.”

She was right; of course she was right. After my mother walked out of my life, I swore that I would never do that to someone I cared about. When Bryce left without a word to find his father, I was so angry at him. What made me think that it was okay for me to do? I was a hypocrite and I hated to admit it.

“What can I do though? He doesn’t want to be with me. He made that pretty clear.”

“Did he? You overheard a conversation that may or may not have been what you thought it was. You didn’t stick around to hear his side of the story, so how could he make himself clear?”

Over-sized tears gathered in my eyes and dribbled down my face.

“I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Nana. I’m so confused.”

Her frail hand patted mine reassuringly.

“The only thing that can keep love alive is communication. Without that, you have nothing.”

“I think it’s too late. It’s been over a month, I’m sure he’s moved on by now.”

She gave me a knowing smile and I wondered at the meaning behind it.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that just yet, dear.”

A fresh-faced nurse entered the room, wearing scrubs covered in kittens and a 1000-watt smile.

“Agnes! It’s time for your medicine,” she called cheerfully.

“Oh! You have a new guest! How nice.”

My grandmother introduced me to the nurse. As soon as she heard my name her eyes grew wide and a look of sudden comprehension crossed her face.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Marcie. I’ve heard
so much
about you,” she gushed, shaking my hand.

I nodded and smiled, still a little confused about what was happening.

“Am I missing something?” I asked my grandmother, looking for clues.

She smirked, but didn’t say anything as she swallowed the cup of pills the nurse gave her.

“Nana, why were you moved to this room?” I asked, a niggling suspicion growing in the back of my mind.

The nurse chimed in eagerly.

“Mr. Dorian paid for Agnes to be relocated to a private room. He’s also staffed three of us private nurses so that we’re always available to her.”

My grandmother’s cheeks flushed subtly and I turned my accusing glare to her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugged.

“You didn’t ask. He’s a wonderful young man, sweetheart. He visits me every week.”

My heart raced in my chest. My palms were clammy and trembling. My head spun with the possibilities. Could I afford to get my hopes up again?

I looked to the nurse for confirmation and she nodded.

“So… you’re not really doing worse?”

“No, of course not! I’m better than ever with all these fancy treatments your fella is paying for. We just told you that to get you here.”

The whole planet seemed to tilt on its axis. Everything I thought I knew… Everything was changed now.

“I… I have to go. I’m so sorry, Nana, but I have to go see him.”

The old woman smiled at me and nodded knowingly.

“Of course you do. Go get your man, honey.”

I gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek as tears streamed down my face.

It wasn’t over!

Chapter 28

“You have to leave this fucking room,” Tanner grunted as he tried to pull me out of bed.

I didn’t budge.

Ever since I talked to Marcie’s ex, or I guess now they were together, I’d been a recluse. I didn’t want to talk to anyone or see anyone. I made weekly trips to see Marcie’s grandmother, but that was the extent of my socialization. My room was a disaster area. After I came home that day, I’d destroyed anything and everything in sight. I ripped pictures off of the walls, threw furniture, broke mirrors, you name it. I couldn’t stand to see anything around me remain whole when I was so completely and utterly broken.

I was sure that the rest of the house had been put back into order. Clara didn’t dare come into my room though. I didn’t think she was frightened of me, but she knew better than to come near me when I was in a mood like this.

“Bryce fucking Dorian, get your sorry ass out of the fucking bed. I’m sick of you wallowing in your own pity. It’s time to grow up. Everyone gets their heart broken.”

I thought about punching him. He was being an ass and probably deserved it. I just couldn’t manage to care enough to muster the energy.

“Just leave me alone, Tanner.”

“You know I’m not going to do that. I wouldn’t do it when we were thirteen and I’m not going to do it now.”

My jaw tensed at his mention of our childhood. When Tanner and I met, I was in a bad place. My mother had just died, I was on my own for the first time, and I had no idea how to fend for myself. If it wasn’t for Tanner showing me the ropes and pulling me out of a few scrapes, who knows what would have happened to me.

He tugged on my arm again, grunting with the exertion.

“You’re being fucking ridiculous. Laying in bed all day isn’t going to make her magically appear.”

Just to prove him wrong, the doorbell rang.

We looked at each other and then looked to my door, both of us surprised by the visitor. People didn’t visit me unsolicited. I lived far enough away from any major roads that they didn’t happen upon my house by accident and I didn’t have any family or friends that would pop in other than the people already in the house.

I shot up in bed, my mind frantically telling me that I needed to answer the door, to find out who was on the other side. It couldn’t possibly be her, could it? After all of this time? I knew better than to hope. Hope is what had gotten me into this sad place to begin with.

A few minutes of Tanner struggling with me later and Francis entered my room with a hesitant knock.

“Mr. Dorian? There’s someone here to see you.”

“I don’t care,” I grumbled, annoyed that everyone was piling into my room when all I wanted was to be alone.

Okay, so that wasn’t all I wanted. But I couldn’t have what I really wanted.

Francis looked fidgety, something that was not characteristic of him at all.

“What aren’t you telling me?” I glowered, hoping that I hadn’t lost my fearsome touch in all of my time being depressed.

“I think you’ll want to see them,” he replied, barely suppressing a grin.

Before either one of them could say anything else, I flew out of my room and down the stairs with no regard for my scruffy beard, sweatpants or lack of shirt. It couldn’t be; it just couldn’t. What could have brought her to me now, after so long?

I opened the door and there she was, patiently waiting on the other side. My heart wanted to leap from my chest to join hers. My arms twitched, wanting to encircle her and never let go.

She raised her eyebrows, surprised to see me.

“Oh! I wasn’t expecting you to answer the door,” she said timidly. God how I missed those big beautiful cinnamon-colored eyes. How I longed for those luscious lips. How I craved those haunting curves. I’d had so many dreams about her that I just couldn’t believe she was really there, standing at my front door.

My hand reached out and cupped her face. I had to touch her, to know that she was real. I didn’t know why she was here. For all I knew, she wasn’t here to tell me she missed me, she could be here to tell me she was getting married or to pick up her remaining things. I couldn’t let my mind — or my heart — run wild just yet.

“Marcie,” I whispered, tears springing to my eyes unbidden. I wasn’t going to let them drop. I couldn’t show her any more of my vulnerability until I knew where she stood.

She nuzzled her face into my palm, sighing contentedly. It was promising, but not enough evidence for me to pour out my soul.

“I went to visit my grandmother. You didn’t have to do all of that for her, you know.”

My hand dropped; so that was it. She wanted to tell me to butt out of her Nana’s life. The one tiny part of Marcie that I still had and she wanted me to let it go. I didn’t know if I would be able to.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it without consulting you, but I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me. I just couldn’t stand to see her in those conditions anymore.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m just confused; I thought you didn’t want me… why would you help my Nana?”

Shock rippled through me; she thought that I didn’t want her? What would have made her think that?