Carrie Goes Off the Map (15 page)

‘So how are you getting on?' asked Rowena the next day.

Carrie clamped the phone firmly to her ear. She'd been determined not to be in when Matt got back from his night of passion with Natasha, so she'd walked down to the town. She'd finally succumbed to the Tate and spent several hours wandering round it, sitting in front of the artwork and installations. Huw would have had to be bound and gagged to enter a gallery.

‘Sorry, Rowena. I can't hear you. There's a demonic seagull trying to attack me.'

She flapped her arm and the gull flew off, but not before it had swiped her ice cream. ‘Get off, you horrible bird!'

‘Where are you?'

‘On the roof of the Tate in St. Ives. You have got to see their new Damien Hirst installation. And the naive fishermen's paintings are incredible… Oh, and did you know that the Barbara Hepworth sculpture garden is here—'

‘Yeah, yeah, but how
are
you getting on?' cut in Rowena.

‘Fine.'

‘Only fine? I thought you might have had more to report by now.'

‘Okay. I get it. If you expected us to fall into each other's arms, it hasn't worked. Matt's just spent the night with Natasha on some skanky old luxury yacht.'

‘Sounds totally crap. I can see why you'd rather stay in a rusty old camper van.'

‘Wash your mouth out, Rowena. Nelson would faint if he heard that. Look, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not the slightest bit bothered about Matt. He isn't my type.'

‘What about Spike?'

‘I passed on Spike. I'm a free agent these days.'

The seagull was back, eyeing her paper bag of groceries. She gave it her best death look.

‘That's a shame. He sounded cute,' Rowena went on as the gull stared at Carrie like the creepy little boy in
The
Sixth
Sense
.

‘He turned out to be a tax inspector,' muttered Carrie, deciding to leave out the fact that he'd also left her on the beach stoned out of her skull.

‘Well, it's not exactly grounds for dumping the guy, but I suppose it's your life.'

‘How are you getting on, Rowena?'

‘The truth? It is bloody manic. Mayhem. I don't want to go on about me, but you won't believe who was on the set this morning…'

Half an hour later, Carrie's mobile was beeping to show the battery was running low and the seagull had dive-bombed a family into handing over their chips. It was late afternoon. She figured Matt would be back by now, unless he'd decided to stay on the yacht for another night. She wanted to get back to Dolly, have a shower and wander into town for the evening. She'd seen flyers saying there was a band playing at one of the waterfront pubs. One of those Ye Olde Something or Other places by the harbor. Gripping her bag of supplies tighter, she peered at the leaflet in the pub window. It was a Nirvana tribute band.

‘It is you, isn't it?'

She turned to see Lola smiling at her.

‘What are you doing here?' They both said it at the same time.

‘You first,' said Lola, flicking back her long hair. She seemed nervous, shy even.

‘Matt wanted to revisit old haunts,' said Carrie. Trying to avoid the seagull muck, she deposited the groceries on the pub table.

Lola hopped about nervously, then said, ‘We missed you and Matt.'

Carrie was glad Matt wasn't here now with Natasha. She had a feeling Lola still had a major crush on him.

‘Have Spike and the others gone home?' she asked, but the question was answered by the man himself strolling out of the pub.

He was shoving his change and a box of matches into the pocket of his board shorts.

‘Sorry,' mouthed Lola.

‘It's fine,' said Carrie, gritting her teeth. Behind him were Baz and Stig, both grunting hello before scarpering faster than hares out of a trap. So, they all knew he'd dumped her, thought Carrie; though that wasn't strictly true, because she'd walked away from him. Her face heating up didn't help.

‘What a surprise to see you here. Down for the weekend?' she said, hardly bothering to keep the edge out of her voice.

He gave her his best lazy smile but she could see he was beyond his comfort zone. ‘No. We decided to stay on a couple more weeks, catch some more waves while we could. How're you doing?'

He'd obviously been planning to stay on surfing and was too cowardly to tell her the truth. Yet she could hardly complain: she'd buggered off too. He owed her nothing, but she didn't like being lied to.

‘You know. We get about. We've been round the south coast to Land's End. Matt took me to the Minack Theatre to see
A
Midsummer
Night's Dream
.'

Spike's eyes flickered momentarily to two girls in bikinis laughing by the harbor. ‘Where is Matt?' he asked, refocusing on her.

‘Out with his friends. We're not joined at the hip.' She bit her lip as he raised his eyebrows. ‘I have to go. My fish sticks are melting.'

He laughed. ‘Well, we can't have your dinner defrosting. Maybe I'll see you around.'

She wanted to sink into a hole. ‘Maybe.'

Hoisting her bag, she scuttled off along the harbor. It was the opposite direction to the site but she didn't care if she ended up in Glasgow as long as she got out of Spike's sight. However, the pub table must have been damp, and the bottom of her bag disintegrated, sending cans and packets rolling out over the cobbles. Everyone turned, of course. She was now more entertaining than the seagulls dive-bombing a traffic warden as he tried to ticket a motorbike.

‘Hey. Let me help.'

Lola was behind her, picking up beans and rice as deftly as a Wimbledon ball girl.

‘Thanks. What a plonker I am.'

‘Nah. You just need a stronger bag. Hang on.' She pulled a tote bag out of her backpack and handed it over.

‘Thanks,' said Carrie, shoving the shopping inside. ‘Love the logo.
Say
no
to
plastic
.'

‘I printed it myself,' Lola said, her cheeks turning pale pink, her eyes shining.

‘It's great, Lola. You're really clever.'

The girl smiled modestly, and Carrie could see why Matt liked her. Her heart went out to Lola. It was all very well shagging people you picked up on the beach, but it also meant casting them aside like driftwood. If you weren't careful, if you got into any kind of relationship that went beyond mutual-bonk level, someone ended up feeling discarded.

‘Do you want to go for a smoothie or an herbal tea? There's a great fair trade café up the hill,' said Lola.

Carrie smiled. Herbal tea. Daring. ‘What about Spike? Won't your friends miss you?'

‘They said they're going off to Perranporth for the day.'

‘And you don't want to go surfing with them?'

‘I'd rather talk to you.'

Carrie smiled, but inwardly she knew that talking about Matt might mean she was going to have to tell Lola about Natasha.

‘I've been wondering how you were,' said Lola as they walked up the cobbled street, drinks in hand.

‘I'm fine, why would you worry about me? If you think I'm upset about Spike, then don't. We both knew it was just a bit of a fling.'

‘Oh no. I know you don't care about Spike. It's Matt I was thinking of.'

‘Matt? Why would you be worrying about me and him?'

Lola looked puzzled. ‘You like him, don't you?'

‘Like him? I suppose that's one word for it. He's okay in his way. As a friend.' She felt his lips on her forehead, putting her in her place in the gentlest yet hardest of ways.

‘I think he's amazing,' Lola said dreamily.

There was no hope now. Should she tell her?
Matt's got a girlfriend. She's called Natasha and last night they went out together, had wild sex, and he hasn't come back yet
.

‘He's incredible. Working out in Tuman as a doctor, helping all those people, and I like his tattoos.'

Carrie wasn't sure the message would get through, but she didn't know how far to push things. ‘Lola, I think you should know that Matt's not the type to settle down. He never has been and I've known him a few years now.'

‘Yes, I know all about that. He told me about when you were at university together. And all about your fiancé and what you did at the church. I thought it was funny, actually. I mean, I was upset for you but I'm sure I'd have reacted the same way if the person I loved did that to me.'

Carrie stopped and rested the bag on a wall. She'd been puffing all the way up the hill but Lola's remark had taken away what was left of her breath. ‘I really wish Matt hadn't told you about the wedding.'

‘Why not? He was only being nice.'

Nice? Well, hey, why not put an ad in the
Cornish
Times
and the
Devonshire
Bugle
, maybe even the
John
O'Groats Gazette
, she thought. No. Why not tell Sky News and broadcast it to the whole world?

‘He really cares about you,' said Lola hastily.

‘I'm sure he does care, but he needn't worry about me. What happened is all in the past now. It's light years away. I'm a completely different person.'

Lola picked up Carrie's bag from the wall and her face brightened. ‘Are you? Are you really different?'

There was no point taking things out on Lola, who was really very sweet if slightly not of this earth. ‘Yes, I am. The woman Matt told you about—the crazy, stupid one—'

‘I'm sure you could never be stupid!'

‘Oh, I could. Anyway, she's history. This is me now.'

They'd reached the gates of the campsite and Carrie was hoping Lola wouldn't want to come in with her. Bloody, bloody Matt. He'd allowed a nice girl like that to get a crush on him, discussed all Carrie's embarrassing secrets with her, and then gone off and shagged Natasha. Lola's eyes were fixed on the orange beacon that was Dolly.

‘Isn't that your camper van? And look, there's Matt! Do you mind if I say hello?'

‘Of course not, but I need some stuff from the shop first,' said Carrie, hoping Lola wouldn't ask what stuff because she had no idea. She just didn't want to be a witness to their reunion. In fact she was a big coward and desperately hoped Matt would tell Lola about Natasha himself.

‘Shall I take your groceries back to Dolly?' offered Lola.

‘Oh, would you mind?' said Carrie, before realizing she sounded exactly like Natasha.

***

She'd queued for ages in the shop behind a group of teenagers trying to scam bottles of cider out of the assistant. Which turned out to be lucky, because by the time she got back to the van, Matt had evidently done the deed. He was standing in the awning with his arms round Lola, giving her a distinctly fraternal hug. Carrie slowed her step. Matt was kissing the top of Lola's head, rather like he'd kissed her after the play at the Minack. A gentle but firm dismissal.

She just was wondering whether to creep away when Matt saw her and mouthed, ‘Wait.' She froze as he gave Lola a large white handkerchief and she blew her nose noisily. It could only be moments before Lola realized she was here, so she strolled towards the van making as much noise as possible without coughing or humming too obviously. Matt whispered in Lola's ear and she wiped her face hastily. When she turned, her eyes were bright and her cheeks pink but she was smiling.

‘Did you get your stuff?' she asked so courageously that Carrie's heart went out to her.

‘Yes thanks.' She rattled her paper bag loudly.

‘I'd better be getting back,' said Lola.

‘Do you want me to walk you home?' said Matt.

Lola shook her head and threw them both a brave smile. ‘No thanks. I'll be fine.'

‘She's not fine, is she?' said Carrie after Lola had gone.

‘She will be,' said Matt.

‘No thanks to you.'

His face darkened. ‘What did you say?'

‘Forget it.'

‘No, Carrie. I won't forget it. Are you blaming me for Lola being upset?'

Furious at his self-righteousness, she exploded. ‘Yes, I am. Can't you see that you've hurt her? She worships the ground you walk on and you've just used her for sex and chucked her away like a… like an old chip wrapper! The minute Natasha came sniffing round, Lola may as well have not existed.' She was trembling but she didn't care.

‘Have you finished?' he snapped.

‘No. As a matter of fact, I haven't. I'm pretty pissed off actually, Matt.'

‘Again?'

Her heart was thumping. ‘Yes. Again.'

‘And what is it this time?'

‘You told Lola all about the wedding. About me trashing the flowers. Why did you do that?'

‘I wasn't aware your horticultural vandalism was classified material and I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, but Lola wanted to know about you so I told her. Yes, I mentioned Huw and I said you were here to try and get away from what had happened. To try and change your life.'

‘I never said I was here to change my life. I've never discussed how I feel about Huw, so how can you presume to know me?'

‘I've shared Dolly with you for nearly a month. I think I've gained some insight into your moods by now.'

‘Really? So you know me, do you? You like discussing me like I'm some… some kind of
specimen
?'

He laughed out loud but she was like a rocket now, a rocket that was about to take off. ‘I expect you talk to Natasha about me too, don't you? I expect you laugh your bloody heads off at me while you're shagging each other.'

For a moment, as she stood there simmering with indignation, she thought Matt was going to shout at her. God, she wanted him to shout at her. It wasn't fair, arguing with someone who stayed so horribly calm. But he didn't shout; instead, he picked his wallet up carefully from the table, turned to face her, and said softly, ‘Firstly, Carrie, I would never discuss you with Natasha. Secondly, when I'm making love to Natasha, the only person I'd ever discuss or think about is Natasha.' He reached out and touched her cheek. ‘And thirdly, if you're jealous about me having a relationship with Natasha or Lola, and the reason you're so angry with me is that you want to have sex with me yourself, you only have to ask.'