Caroselli's Baby Chase (14 page)

“Then let me say, for the record, Rob and I are
not
having an affair.” Carrie sounded calm, but there was an undercurrent of anger in her voice that had Rob worrying that she might blow. That or dissolve into tears, which would probably be worse.

“People, could you give us a few minutes,” Rob said.

“Absolutely,” Al said, and they practically ran from the conference room. Not that Rob could blame them.

He got up and closed the door behind them, and when he turned back to the table, Carrie was on her feet and standing by the window, her gaze on the street below.

“Well,” she said, “that was unbelievably humiliating.”

“I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, I’m glad you did. It’s always good to know when people are laughing at you behind your back.”

“That’s not what they were doing.”

“Now do you see?” She turned to him, anger leaking into her voice. “Do you understand why I didn’t want anyone to know about us?”

“I honestly don’t think Will meant it like that. He has the tendency to put his foot in his mouth.” In fact, he was the one who had started this stupid conversation.

“Maybe he didn’t mean it that time, but you know they all thought it at some point. That’s the way it is in business for a successful woman. No one believes you got there on your own merit.”

“You are extremely good at what you do, and everyone knows it. They told me that you and I have obvious chemistry, and that’s basically how they knew about us.”

“Terrific,” she said.

“They’re right.”

“I know they are. And we can’t do a damn thing about it.”

“I know.” If he really cared about her feelings, cared about
her,
he would back off. Which was exactly what he planned to do. Which sucked, because he honestly believed they could have had something really good, if Carrie could just let her guard down. Even if it was only temporary. Or hell, she could have wound up being the mother of his fifteen-million-dollar heir. Even if it had been a possibility, it would never happen now.

“We could still be friends,” he said.

“No, we can’t, because people will always wonder if it’s more than that.”

He shrugged. “So what? Does it really matter that much what other people think?”

“To me it does. I know that probably seems silly to you, but I can’t help it. I’m a people pleaser. It’s in my genetic makeup. I wouldn’t expect someone like you to understand.”

“Someone like me?”

“You’re rich and handsome and successful. And nice. And fantastic in bed. You’re the closest thing to a perfect man that I’ve ever met. Do you have any idea how intimidating that is? And how inferior it makes me feel?”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Yes, it is. And I know that, but it’s still how I feel.”

“No,” he said, taking out his wallet. “What I mean is, it’s ridiculous to think of me as perfect. I’m not. Not even close.”

He pulled out the small stack of photos that he always carried with him, the ones he looked at every time he was tempted to put something unhealthy in his mouth or skip his morning workout. It was a reminder of just how far he’d come, and how much he didn’t want to go back to being that unhealthy, pathetic person.

“Here,” he said, handing the pictures to her. “This kid is far from perfect.”

As she looked through them, Carrie’s eyes grew wide and her mouth forming a perfect O. “Oh, my gosh, is this
you?
”

“Roly Poly Robby. That’s what they used to call me.”

“You were so…”

“Fat?”

“I was going to say chubby.”

“No, for the better part of my childhood, until I started college, I fluctuated between being twenty-five and fifty pounds overweight. I was
fat
.”

“Slow metabolism?”

He laughed. “No, I liked food. I still do. But back then I didn’t have much in the way of self-control, and no interest whatsoever in exercising. I was the uncoordinated, unpopular fat kid who got picked on in grade school, and chosen last in gym class. In middle school I learned I could make the other kids laugh with me instead by telling self-deprecating jokes about my weight, which didn’t make me any less miserable. But I convinced my friends and my family that I was confident and happy looking the way I did. I pretended not to mind that girls I liked dated my buddies, when with me they were only interested in being
friends
.”

“But you did mind.”

“What teenage boy doesn’t?”

“Did you ever try to lose the weight?”

“I don’t think there was a time when I
wasn’t
trying to lose it. There was always some new diet fad to try. I would do okay for a few weeks, drop ten or fifteen pounds, but I always fell back into my old habits and gained it back. I loathed myself for being so weak. It took me a long time to figure out that diets don’t work. That I was just setting myself up to fail, and losing the weight meant completely changing my lifestyle. Becoming healthy.”

“And look at you. Your body is…amazing. That must make you proud.”

“Sure it does. But the work doesn’t end when you reach your goal weight. There isn’t a day that I don’t struggle with it. The pathetic little fat kid is still in there.”

“The exterior doesn’t change who you are on the inside. That’s what matters.”

“Tell me honestly, if we had met in high school with me looking the way I did, would you have been the least bit interested in dating me?”

“I told you, I only date jerks. But if I did choose to judge someone based on their looks or their weight, that’s my problem, not theirs. And I apologize for judging you, and calling you perfect before I knew the whole story.”

“I’ve been called worse.”

“You do realize what a great guy you are, right? And I’m not just talking looks or physique. You’re the entire package. Take it from someone who has met her share of creeps. And I would be the luckiest woman in the world to be with you.”

“Yet you’re not going to be with me.”

“The truth is, you deserve better. I would eventually screw it up. I always do. I would hurt you, and I don’t want to see that happen.”

For a woman so well put together, who seemed to know just what she wanted, her lack of confidence was astonishing. And the last thing he wanted was to be responsible for making her feel even worse than she already did.

“I’ll see to it that everyone is set straight about our relationship,” he told her. “I don’t foresee anyone hassling you about it, but if anyone does, I’ll take care of it.”

She shook her head. “That will only make matters worse. If there’s a problem, I can deal with it myself.”

“Whatever you want. Should we call the others back in so we can get this progress report started? My dad and Uncle Tony would like to see something from us by end of day and I don’t want to rock the boat right now.”

“This is probably none of my business,” she said, “but I sense a definite rift between your dad and your uncle Tony.”

“There’s always been a bit of animosity between my uncles and my dad, but in the past couple of months…I don’t know. Something is up. My dad keeps saying that nothing is wrong, but it’s obvious that he and my uncle Tony are at odds.”

“Why is there animosity, if you don’t mind my asking? I mean, dysfunctional family relationships are kind of my specialty.”

“When my dad was a kid, he was the black sheep of the family. The brilliant-but-bored type. He was constantly getting into trouble in school, and then later with the law. My
nonno
—”

“Nonno?”

“It’s Italian for grandfather.”

“Giuseppe?”

He nodded. “He came here from Italy, and he brought with him a lot of old world traditional values. My dad rebelled against them all, and even worse, he wanted nothing to do with the family business. Finally
Nonno
got fed up. When my dad was twenty-five he was arrested after a bar fight and
Nonno
gave him a choice—sit in jail or join the army. He chose the army.”

“Tough love.”

“The toughest. Though it was a toss-up as to who was tougher, him or
Nonna
.”

“Your grandmother?”

He nodded.

“It obviously did your dad some good.”

“Definitely. He went to college and graduated top of his class. After that he came to work for Caroselli Chocolate and shot up the ranks. When
Nonno
retired he made my dad CEO, which both his brothers resented. Plus there’s always been some added tension between my dad and Tony.”

“Why is that?”

“When my dad went into the army, Tony married his girlfriend, Sarah.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah. You can’t say that my family history isn’t colorful.”

“I’ve learned that most are. But as close as your family is, I’m sure everything will work out.”

He hoped she was right. Or everything
Nonno
worked for could crumble around them.

Twelve

C
arrie loved what she did for a living. As long as she’d been a consultant, there had hardly been a morning when she woke dreading the workday, even though in the past there had been individuals she dreaded working with.

Usually it was the challenge of saving the company that thrilled her. The act of solving the puzzle. But the past couple of weeks she had begun to realize that this time it was more than that. This time it was the people working for the company that she cared about. It really was like a big family, and hard as she had tried to keep her distance, they had sucked her right in.

As coworkers she and Rob got along exceptionally well together. Their management styles were similar, and what differences they did have seemed to complement each other rather than clash. It was as if he could anticipate her next move before she even made it, and they were so in sync that they’d even begun finishing each other’s sentences. If ever she had to choose her favorite assignment, hands down this was it. Yet she was torn between loving it, and the fear of getting
too
close.

When Carrie wasn’t working, most of her free time was spent with Alice—who wasn’t nearly as blasé about her breakup with Rex or her career change as she’d let on. But there were times when she found herself wishing she could be with Rob. Sometimes at work they would stand close to one another and she would get that soul-deep longing to touch him, or he would look at her a certain way and her knees would go weak. She missed the intimacy of their physical relationship—and not just the sex. She missed the way they would lie in bed, side by side, fingers entwined, and just talk. Usually about nothing in particular.

He could be intense at times, and was passionate in his convictions, but his dry wit appealed to her snarky sense of humor. He didn’t take crap from her or anyone else, and when someone gave him a hard time he didn’t hesitate to call them out on it. He had integrity, and radiated a confidence that was infectious. With a few simple words of praise he could make a person feel as if they were something really special, because while he wasn’t a negative boss, he only handed out compliments where they were earned. Which seemed to make his employees strive to please him. Hell, even she felt a little nervous about possibly letting him down, when as a rule she never let herself become emotionally invested in a client. And she typically never formed attachments. But so far, nothing about this job was what she would call typical.

She even began to think that Rob being a nice guy wasn’t such a bad thing after all and if there was a man out there who could ever put up with her, he might have actually been it. Which of course scared the living hell out of her. Alice had once accused Carrie of being afraid to be happy, and Carrie was beginning to wonder if maybe she was right. Maybe she was worried that with happiness came the possibility of losing that happiness. It was so much easier to have low expectations, and hurt less when the inevitable letdown came.

Alice used to be her number one supporter when it came to Carrie’s hang-ups, but lately she seemed to be defecting to the other side.

“You’re an idiot,” she said after Carrie hung up from a work-related phone call to Rob that had turned into a two-hour-long conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with marketing reports.

Carrie looked up from the work spread out on the bed. “We’ve been friends for over ten years and you’re just now noticing this?”

“Do you honestly not see how good you two are together? How much he cares about you? And I mean
really
cares. You just talked for two hours. I was lucky if I could get Rex to talk for ten minutes.”

“He deserves better than someone like me.”

“Isn’t that up to him to decide?”

Alice wasn’t in any position to be passing judgment. She excelled at snagging emotionally unavailable men. Which always landed her where she was right now. Miserable and alone with shattered self-esteem.

“We’re coworkers,” Carrie said. “I don’t date coworkers.”

“You told me yourself how well you guys work together, so that lame excuse is not going to cut it anymore.”

“I live in Los Angeles, he lives in Chicago. Talk about a long-distance relationship.”

“Other than your mom, who you barely even talk to, what do you really have in Los Angeles that you couldn’t have here?”

The answer should have come immediately, and it surprised Carrie to realize that she had no answer. What did she have in Los Angeles, other than work, which frankly she could do anywhere? Her best friend lived all the way across the country, and she worked so much she didn’t have time to make other friends. Or at least, that was what she liked to tell herself.

“I’m tired of sleeping on the couch,” Alice said out of the blue.

“I told you before that I could turn the office into a bedroom.”

“You’re not tired of me yet?”

“Of course not. I was sort of hoping that you would stay here with me until I go back to L.A.”

“In that case I should probably order some bedroom furniture.”

“Renting it would be a lot cheaper.”

She sighed. “As much as I love to shop, you’re probably right. Until I decide what to do with my life, I should probably watch my spending.”