Caroline's Secret (25 page)

“How did you get here?” Caroline asked.

“I took a bus from Wells Landing, then once I got here I rented a car.”

“A car?” Grace asked.

Andrew shrugged as if it were no big thing. “It’s no different than driving a tractor.” Well, not
a lot
different.

“
Ach
, that’s right,” Grace said. “I had forgotten the Amish in Oklahoma used tractors. Caroline wrote me and told me that once.”

“But you need a driver’s license to drive a car,
jah
?” Caroline asked.

Andrew ducked his head. “I got one in the last years of my
rumspringa
. It is still valid.” He felt the heat fill his ears and knew they had to be as red as his
mamm
’s canned beets. He had come here to ask Caroline to marry him. He hoped this measure of liberalism didn’t ruin his chances with her family.

They made small talk about the bus trip and the weather. Andrew told Caroline the latest stories about Moxie while he devoured the sight of her.

All too soon his cup was empty, though he still had so much he wanted to say.

He stood. “I should go now.”

Grace followed suit, wiping her hands down the sides of her black dress. “You are welcome to stay.”

Andrew shook his head.
“Nay, danki”.

“I’ll see you to the door.” Caroline rose from her seat.

Together they walked out onto the porch.

“Can I come visit tomorrow?” Andrew asked. “I have some things to talk to you about.”

She gave a small nod. “
Jah
. There are things that need to be discussed.”

Before he could question the seriousness of her tone, the sound of tires crunching against gravel floated to them on the summer breeze.

Andrew looked to the street as a shiny black car turned into the drive.

But it wasn’t someone looking for a place to turn around, for it kept coming like it had a reason to be there.

The car stopped and a handsome
Englischer
got out, his gaze shifting from Caroline to Andrew and back again.

He pocketed his keys and approached. As he got nearer, it became apparent that he was accustomed to being on an Amish farm. Or maybe it was
this
Amish farm.

“Caroline,” the stranger said in greeting.

He might be a stranger to Andrew but not to the woman at his side. There was something familiar about him. It was his eyes. They were gray, a remarkable gray, and just like Emma’s. This
Englischer
had to be her father.

The man bounded up the stairs and took Caroline’s hands into his own. He stared deeply into her eyes and looked as if he wanted to kiss her right then and there.

Caroline took a step back and away from the man, and Andrew wanted to believe the action was a good sign. But he couldn’t let his hopes get too high. At least not until he got his chance to talk to Caroline alone.

“Trey, this is Andrew Fitch. He’s from Oklahoma. Well, Missouri, but he’s living in Wells Landing now with his uncle.”

Andrew extended one hand to shake, and Trey was forced to mirror the gesture. Though he was certain the last thing the
Englischer
wanted to do was shake hands with him. There was a wariness about Trey that belied the confident way he’d strode to the porch.

“Andrew, this is Trey Rycroft.”

“Her fiancé,” Trey added.

Andrew’s heart sank to the soles of his shoes. “Your what?”

Trey smiled, and as much as he hated to admit it, Andrew could see why Caroline had fallen for the
Englischer
so long ago. The man was handsome to a fault and confident beyond measure. Andrew hated him on sight.

“Caroline has agreed to marry me.”

“But”—Andrew turned toward her—“you’ll be put under the
bann
.”

She swallowed hard.
“Jah.”

He couldn’t let this happen. He couldn’t let her marry this man . . . ruin her life. “Caroline, can I speak with you . . . alone?”

Trey opened his mouth, no doubt to protest, but closed it again as Caroline said,
“Jah.”

Andrew wanted to grab her by the elbow and drag her to the middle of the yard where they wouldn’t be overheard, but allowed her to lead him to the end of the porch. They were far enough away from the
Englischer
that every word wouldn’t be overheard as long as he kept his voice at a strong whisper.

“Caroline, what are you doing?” he asked as soon as they had gone as far as they could. He leaned against the porch railing, trying to appear as if this wasn’t the most important conversation of his life.

“I’m building a family,” she said, but her eyes were focused on a spot to the left of his ear.

“With an
Englischer
?”

She looked down at her fingers, tightly fisted in the fabric of her apron. “He’s Emma’s
vatter
.”

“I know that.”

Her gaze jerked to his. “You do?”

“
Jah
. It’s obvious, isn’t it? With those stormy eyes?”

Caroline’s gaze fell to the planks beneath their feet.

“Why are you marrying him, Caroline?” Andrew asked quietly.

“I don’t have many more options.”

“You do.”

“Like what?” she asked, her voice small.

“You could marry me.”

Caroline started to tremble. Was he serious? “What?” was all she could manage to ask.

“Marry me,” Andrew said again.

He made it sound so simple. “Marry me.” And all their problems would be solved.

But what of Trey?

She chewed her lip and glanced back to where he stood watching them with hooded eyes. Caroline had the feeling that he wished Andrew would disappear in a puff of smoke.

“Andrew,” she said, turning back to him. “I’ve already told Trey I would marry him.” Her heart broke in two as she said the words. Was it possible to love two men? Did she love Trey as much as she had before? As much as she did Andrew now?

His grasp was warm and gentle as he wrapped his fingers around her arms just above her elbows. She had to fight the urge to lean into him and absorb some of his steady strength. “You don’t have to marry him. You can marry me. You can come with me back to Wells Landing. We can be a family—you, me, and Emma.”

“He’s her father,” Caroline whispered.

“I know he’s her
vatter
, but no one will ever love her as much as I do . . . and no one will ever love you as much as I do now.”

“I—” What was she supposed to say? She had made her promise to marry Trey. To not back out of the arrangement. Trey was taking a lot of resistance from his family. He wanted nothing more than to do the right thing. Do what was best for them all.

Emma needed steady and true. She needed a life without upheaval and chaos. Would she find that with her father . . . her
real
father? With grandparents who wanted nothing to do with her and a father who didn’t understand her mother’s way of life?

And what of God?

“Please think about it.”

How could she do anything but think about it? The problem would be knowing the right thing to do.

Caroline stared at the dark ceiling above her bed, her mind whirling like a windmill in a storm. That was a good way to describe what she felt. Andrew coming here only intensified the raging that continued inside her.

How was she supposed to know what was best for them? She had prayed and prayed, but God had been strangely quiet. It was as if He was saying this decision was all hers. He couldn’t direct her through this.

Across the room she heard Emma let out a soft snore, and a smile fluttered to her lips. She loved the child more than anything on the earth. And she only wanted what was best for her.

If only she could figure out what that was.

With a small groan of frustration, she threw back the covers and padded into the kitchen. Maybe a glass of milk and a piece of pie. She opened her mother’s icebox and retrieved the jar of milk, placing it and the remainder of the apple pie they’d had with supper on the counter.

What a day, she sighed to herself as she cut a wedge of the sweet pie and placed it on a saucer.

“Will you cut me a slice, or is this a private party?”

Caroline looked up to see her mother framed in the kitchen doorway. “
Nay
, not private.” She scooped a second piece of pie onto a saucer, then took them both to the table. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

Mamm
shook her head and eased down into one of the chairs. “I wasn’t really sleeping.”

Caroline sat down next to her. “How’s
Dat
?”

Her mother shrugged. “You know Amish men. He’ll pretend that he doesn’t miss his
vatter
until he almost believes it himself.”

Amish men were like that, hiding their feelings until they had everyone convinced that they didn’t have those emotions. But not Andrew. He had been open with her from the start, telling her about Beth, how he was mourning her death and only wanted to be friends. But then something happened. Friendship turned into love. And now this . . .

“What’s keeping you awake, Caroline Grace?”

She sighed and picked up her fork, cutting a piece of the pie and praying for the right words. “Andrew asked me to marry him today.”

Her mother sat back in her chair, surprise lighting her features. “Andrew did?”

Caroline nodded.

“And what of Trey and his proposal?”

“I don’t know,” Caroline whispered.

“But you told Trey yes,
jah
?”

“Jah.”

Was it the right thing to do?

“That’s something you’ll have to decide for yourself.”

Caroline didn’t realize she had spoken aloud until her mother answered.

Her mother gave her a small shrug and scraped up her last bite of pie. “Right has a lot of different faces,
liebschdi
.”

“How can I go back on my promise to Trey? He has sacrificed so much since he found me again. His family is against our marriage. Did you know his father gave me money so I could . . . ?” She searched for the words. “So I didn’t have to be pregnant any longer.”

Mamm
gasped. “You never told me that.”

“At the time I didn’t understand it myself.”

“That’s the money you used to go to Oklahoma?”

Caroline nodded.

“Perhaps that is your answer.”

But Caroline was more confused now than ever.

Her mother rose from the table and gathered up their plates. She deposited them in the sink, then made her way back to Caroline’s side.
Mamm
laid one hand on top of hers. “Try to sleep, my sweet Caroline. Maybe everything will look different tomorrow.”

Caroline hoped so, but she wasn’t convinced that anything would be more apparent after the sun came up in the morning. Not without God there to guide her.

Andrew pulled the rental to a stop in front of Caroline’s parents’ house and cut the engine. He took a deep breath, eased out, and stood. He didn’t think he would get used to driving around in a car. Thankfully he wouldn’t have to.

He had thought that he would come here, and Caroline would be so grateful he had come after her that she would fall into his arms and that would be that.

Instead, she was already engaged to marry the
Englischer
. Emma’s father. How was he supposed to compete with that?

He had to. It was that simple. If he didn’t at least try, then he couldn’t succeed and grasp the happiness that he so desperately needed. That they both deserved.

He bounded up the stairs and knocked on the door. Today was the day. He had to convince Caroline to not marry the
Englischer
Trey. Instead, she needed to agree to marry him and return with him to Wells Landing.

He smiled as Caroline opened the door.
“Guder mariye.”
Andrew couldn’t read her expression. Was she happy to see him? One thing was certain, she looked tired, like she hadn’t slept much the night before. “Will you and Emma come for a walk with me? That is . . . if you want to . . . walk, I mean . . .” What was wrong with him? He had practiced all last night and most of the morning. He had one shot at getting this right, and so far he was wasting it.

“Emma is off with my
dat
somewhere.”

“I hope she’ll be back soon. I’ve missed her.”

Caroline’s hazel eyes intently studied him.

“Then will you walk with me? I’d offer to take you for a drive, but . . . well, my driving skills are not up to
Englisch
standards.”

Perhaps it was the sheer truth in the sentence, but his words seemed to break through the barrier between them.

Caroline smiled for the first time since Trey had shown up the afternoon before. That smile was just one of the many things that Andrew had missed since she’d been gone. “A walk would be
gut
.”

She stepped out onto the porch and together they started toward the big field of corn.

“It’s coming along nicely,” Andrew said, inspecting the large green stalks.

But Caroline was having none of his small talk. “Andrew Fitch, you did not come here to talk about
mei vatter
’s corn.”

“Nay,”
he said. “I didn’t.”

They walked for a few moments in silence. Then Andrew spoke. “I came here to ask you to marry me.”

“Didn’t you already do that?”

He cut his gaze over to Caroline, but her expression was unreadable. “I did, but you never answered.”

Caroline stopped so suddenly that Andrew continued to walk several more feet before he realized that she was no longer at his side. “Andrew, I’ve already told Trey I would marry him.”

He backtracked to her side. He wanted to take her hands into his, move in close, let her know how much she meant to him. He couldn’t lose her and Emma both. He had come all this way. “Caroline, I love you.”

She bit her lip and turned her face away as tears started to fall down her cheeks. “Don’t say that.”

“Why not? It’s the truth.”

“Truth or not, it doesn’t matter.”

This time he did take a step closer and grasped her hands into his own. Despite the warm sun of the Tennessee summer, her fingers were cold as ice. “Caroline, look at me.” He gently squeezed her fingers when she kept her gaze averted. Finally, she turned those hazel eyes, still swimming in tears, to his. “Tell me you don’t love me.”

Her teeth sank a little deeper into her bottom lip, and the strings on her prayer
kapp
swung wildly as she shook her head.

“Tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll get in that car and drive away. You’ll never see me again.”

“Nay.”

“Then why are you going to marry him?”

“Andrew, please understand me. He’s Emma’s father. Don’t you think he deserves a chance to be in her life?”

When she put it like that . . . He exhaled and all of his arguments blew away like the seeds of a dandelion. “What about you?” he finally asked. “What about me? Your
mamm
and
dat
?” When she didn’t answer, he continued. “You’ll be placed under the
bann
. By giving Emma an
Englischer vatter
, you’re cutting her off from the rest of her family.”

But she only shook her head. “He’s her
vatter
,” she said again.

“Does he love you?”

“I think so,
jah
.”

But that wasn’t what Andrew wanted to hear. “He can’t love you like I do.”

“Andrew, don’t. I have already made my promise.”

There was this part of him that couldn’t walk away, couldn’t let it be. It wasn’t part of the Amish nature to fight, but he couldn’t just stand by and let love slip through his fingers a second time.

“What would you have me do, Caroline? Come back tomorrow or the next day? How long before you believe my love is real?”

“I don’t doubt your feelings, Andrew.”

“But you’re still going to marry him?”

“Jah,”
she said quietly.

“Then I guess there’s nothing else to say.” He turned and started back toward the corn, pushing aside the chin-high stalks and trying to be gentle when all he wanted to do was shove them out of his way.

“Andrew.”

He could hear her rustling behind him, but he didn’t stop. If he did, he didn’t know what he’d do.

She caught up with him at the edge of the field nearest the house. “Andrew.”

He stopped and turned, unable to stop himself from facing her, looking into her beautiful eyes one last time.

“This is not how I thought this would turn out,” she said, tears sliding down her cheeks.

Andrew swallowed hard. “Me either.”

“I never meant to hurt you. Do you believe me?”

“Jah”,
he said. Then he took her hand because he couldn’t help himself and pulled her close. She came toward him willingly. He wanted just one last look at her. One last touch. He cupped her face in his hands, ran his thumbs along her cheekbones, memorizing each curve and freckle.

Then he pulled her to him and kissed her.

Trey pulled into the driveway at the Hostetler farm without immediately noticing the two people at the edge of the cornfield. At first he didn’t recognize the couple, but after a few moments, when the kiss ended, he realized it was Caroline and the Amish man from Oklahoma.

He tried to bring up jealousy, but the embrace looked so much like good-bye that he couldn’t muster up even a twinge.

Trey waited in the car until the man got in the blue rental and eased down the street. Then he got out and approached Caroline.

“Trey,” she said, wiping tears from her cheeks. “What are you doing here today?”

“I thought we could make some plans for the wedding.”

She sniffed and managed a watery smile. “
Jah
. Come inside.
Mamm
just made pie.”

He allowed her to direct him toward the house.

There was something wrong with the whole situation, but he just couldn’t put his finger on what it was.

“Why aren’t you wearing the clothes that I bought for you?”

She looked down at herself with a shake of her head. “I’m still Plain, you know.”

“I do, but I thought you would want to get used to wearing them.”

“There’s plenty of time for that.”

She led the way into the house and seated him at the table before pouring them both a cup of coffee and slicing the pie.

“Where’s your mother?”

“Probably down in the barn with
Dat
. She loves to take Emma down there.”

He wanted to see his daughter, but he couldn’t bring himself to demand that she go and get the child. Soon Caroline’s parents would have to give up the child for good if what they were telling him was correct and by marrying him Caroline would be placed under a
bann
.

The thought came with a searing pain in his stomach.

Maybe there was a way around it. Maybe since Emma wasn’t part of the church, she would be able to visit with her grandparents.

He didn’t know all the ins and outs of the religion, so he asked.

Caroline thought about it for a minute. “Technically, I suppose, the bishop would not be able to find a reason for my
elders
not to see Emma, but . . .”

“But what?”