Carole (12 page)
Authors: Bonnie Bryant
I was trying my best to be a good hostess, so as we started across the fields to the woods, when Marie mentioned that
she was a little rusty because she hadn’t been riding much lately, I offered to give her a few pointers. “From back here I’ll be able to see what you’re doing wrong,” I said helpfully, since I was riding behind her. “For instance, right now your heels should be down more, and your arms look a little stiff.”
Marie adjusted her position. “Better?”
“A little,” I said. “But now you’re leaning back too much, and your legs are too far forward. You look like you’re sitting in a chair.”
“Oops.” Marie adjusted again.
“Okay, that’s better,” I said, glad that she was improving, at least a little. “Now let’s work on the way you’re holding the reins. Don’t curl your wrists, and keep your thumbs pointing up and your elbows in.…” I kept on advising her like that as we rode down the trail, trying to be as helpful as possible.
A few minutes later we heard the sound of hoofbeats on the trail ahead. It was Simon Atherton. As usual, he looked as if he might fall out of the saddle at any moment. His elbows were sticking out at a crazy angle, his toes were practically pointing straight up, and—well, like I said,
as usual
. Anyway, it turned out he was riding alone because Veronica diAngelo had ditched him. Big surprise there. He’s had a huge crush on her for ages and she just hates it. I don’t know if that’s got more to do with the fact that Simon’s kind of nerdy or that his family doesn’t belong to the Willow Creek Country Club and drive a car that’s more expensive than my house.
Ugh. I keep getting off the subject here. I can’t even seem to
think
straight since Marie has been here! The point is, for
some reason Marie suddenly decided to ride back to Pine Hollow with Simon rather than continuing the trail ride with us. Don’t ask me what
that
was all about. She said something about wanting to be there when Dad came to pick us up, so maybe that was it.
My friends and I rode on. “It’s unusual for your father to pick you up on a weekday, isn’t it?” Stevie asked me.
She wasn’t the only one who’d noticed
that
, believe me. “Yeah, well, a lot of unusual things have been going on around here lately,” I said, feeling kind of grumpy.
Stevie and Lisa changed the subject after that. But by the time we headed back toward the stable, I was starting to feel kind of bad about how Marie had left. I was really trying to be helpful when I corrected all those things about the way she was riding, but I realized it might have come across as, well, maybe a little mean. More like criticism than helpful advice. For some reason, though, I just hadn’t been able to stop myself.
I mean, even if Marie has been sort of annoying since she’s come to stay, even if Dad has been acting strange because of her visit, it wasn’t very polite of me to act that way. I decided I was just overtired from not sleeping much, and maybe a little shaky because of that phone call at school. I vowed to try to do better.
So when we got back to the stable, I insisted that Marie just hang out and relax while my friends and I did all the work taking care of the horses. Instead of appreciating how nice I was being, Stevie and Lisa actually started criticizing me! They seemed to think I was depriving Marie, making her
feel left out because I hadn’t begged her to muck out Starlight’s stall with me! They didn’t even seem to notice how hard I was trying to be nice. I couldn’t believe it—it was as if they were turning into different people, too, right along with Dad and Marie.
“Give me a break,” I snapped at them. “Marie doesn’t have to hang around with us every single second, you know.”
I guess that wasn’t a very nice thing to say. But again, I couldn’t seem to stop the sharp words from popping out of my mouth.
So I guess I have to include
myself
with all the people who have been taken over by aliens, huh?
Dear Diary:
I’m glad the holidays are finally over. I never thought that Christmas and New Year’s Eve could be so totally miserable
.
The thing that made it the worst is the way Mom and Dad have been acting. They’re trying so hard to act like everything is normal that it’s totally
ab
normal. Dad has been cracking so many corny jokes lately that I’m ready to tear my hair out. And that’s not all. He even dressed up as Santa Claus on Christmas Eve! Can you believe it? He hasn’t done that since I was about five years old. And he seemed totally shocked when I didn’t jump up and down and squeal at his silly
ho ho hos
like I used to back then. Give me a break!
And then there’s Mom. She’s not acting quite as weird as Dad, but in a way that makes it even worse. How can she act so normal when everything has changed? Sometimes I just
want to scream at her, to shake her and shout out
, “Come on,
Mom, you have
cancer
! Don’t you even realize that?”
If I didn’t have Pine Hollow to go to every day, I’m not sure what I would do. Of course, things aren’t totally normal there, either. I finally told Lauren about my mom’s diagnosis. I thought she should know, since she’s my best friend in Willow Creek. Or at least I thought she was. Now I’m not so sure—I think she’s been avoiding me, though I could be imagining things, I guess. But I know she must have told other people, because now everyone seems to know. Max and Mrs. Reg have both spoken to me about it, saying if I ever need to talk to anyone, etc. etc. etc. It’s nice of them, I know, but I really don’t feel like chatting about that particular topic too much
.
The worst part about it all is that a lot of the other kids (at school as well as Pine Hollow) look at me with this weird expression—sort of sympathetic, sort of sad, sort of nervous, sort of curious. It’s like they think that just because my mom has this horrible disease, suddenly I’m a whole different person or something. How weird is that? About the only people who haven’t treated me much differently are Veronica diAngelo (she’s as snobby as ever) and Stevie Lake and Dinah Slattery. The day after I told Lauren about my mom, the two of them came up to me as I was leading Delilah out of the stable before our riding class
.
“Hi, Carole,” Dinah says, right out. “We heard about your mother being sick. We’re sorry.”
“Yeah,” Stevie added. “That really stinks.”
I couldn’t help smiling a little at that. It was just about the
truest thing anyone had said since that first doctor’s visit. “Thanks,” I said
.
That was the entire conversation. I continued on my way with Delilah, and Stevie and Dinah went back to where they’d left their horses. And after that, the two of them went back to acting just the same way they always do, joking around and goofing off and getting yelled at for talking too much in class. And not giving me that weirdo sympathetic-sad-curious look at all. For some reason that makes me feel a little less like a being from another planet during riding class
.
Anyway, no matter how many strange looks the others give me, there’s no way I’d stop going to Pine Hollow. It’s the only place that feels comfortable and safe most of the time these days. Other than what he said that one time, Max still treats me just the same as always—in other words, he still yells at me to keep my heels down and my hands steady. And of course the horses haven’t changed their opinions at all. Delilah still lets her head droop whenever she thinks I’ll let her get away with it, Barq still pins his ears back when Delilah and I come a little too close, and Pepper still pokes his head out and snorts at me every time I pass his stall
.
I really don’t know what I would do without them
.
I’m sitting in Starlight’s stall right now, and I just opened this to write down that the farrier came by and fitted Starlight with new calked plane shoes this afternoon. But I
also happened to see what I wrote about Marie in that last entry. It’s amazing how much your thoughts and feelings can change in just a week or two. I figure maybe I should write down what happened during the rest of her visit, so that I’ll remember it someday years in the future, when I’m looking back over these notes for tips I can use for my career as a _____. (Fill in the blank: trainer? riding instructor? vet? competitive rider? breeder? camp counselor? cowboy? I still have no idea.)
Actually, it all seems kind of embarrassing now. But like Max always says, we sometimes learn best from our own mistakes. I wasn’t too embarrassed to write down the time a few months ago when Starlight stumbled a little when I wasn’t paying enough attention to the terrain, and I fell off and landed in a gigantic mud puddle. So I guess I shouldn’t be too embarrassed to write about this, either. Maybe if I do, I’ll remember never to act like such a jerk again.
It started on Thursday evening, the first week of her visit, when I came downstairs looking for a snack and some help with my homework. I discovered that Marie and Dad had eaten all the good cookies in the house and that they were already working on Marie’s homework together. That kind of set me off. Especially when Dad looked up and said, “Oh, hello, sweetheart. Is your homework all done?”
“No,” I replied through clenched teeth. “I haven’t even started it yet. I came down to get some cookies, but I see that
somebody
has already eaten them all. I guess that
somebody
never stopped to think that I might like a snack, too. But then, that
somebody
never stops to think at all from what I
can tell. She just cracks some stupid joke and does whatever she feels like doing.”
Marie’s face was turning redder and redder through my whole speech. At the end she burst into tears and ran out of the room. I could hear her footsteps thumping up the stairs, and then the sound of a door slamming.
Dad stood up, his face thunderous, like it only gets when he’s
really, really
mad. “Just what was that all about, young lady?” he demanded. But before I could answer, he said, “No, I don’t want to hear. Whatever your problem is, there’s no excuse for taking it out on Marie the way you just did. She has done nothing but be a charming guest since she arrived. You, on the other hand, have been grouchier and ruder than I’ve ever seen you. I’m surprised Marie has been able to put up with you this long.”
I folded my arms across my chest, willing myself not to cry. “Fine. Take her side. As usual.”
Dad had already opened his mouth to go on with his yelling, but when he heard what I’d just said, he looked surprised. “Her side? Carole, I’m not taking anybody’s side here. I’m just pointing out—”
“You’re just pointing out everything that’s wrong with me and everything that’s wonderful about her,” I interrupted. “I bet you wish Marie were your daughter and that I was the one going home after a couple of weeks.”
Dad just stared at me for a moment, though I didn’t quite dare to meet his eyes. “Is that really what you think?” he asked at last.
I shrugged. “Well, what else would I think, after the way you’ve been gushing over her and ignoring me?”
“Carole, are you telling me you’re jealous of the way I’ve been treating Marie?” he asked. “Because you know as well as I do that she has been through some tough times lately. And if anyone could understand what she’s going through, I thought it would be you. Now, it’s obvious that you’re upset, and you know I don’t like to see that. But this time I think you’re just going to have to think things through on your own—calmly and rationally. When you do, I think you’ll see how ridiculous you’re being and how poorly you’ve been treating Marie.”
Part of my mind knew that what he was saying made sense. But a much louder and angrier part couldn’t help thinking that he just didn’t understand what I was feeling. Otherwise he would be comforting me, not scolding me.
So basically, that conversation didn’t end very well. I managed to stay pretty much out of Dad’s and Marie’s way the next day, Friday. But by Saturday morning I was feeling more miserable than ever. I wasn’t sure I could survive the sleepover we’d planned for Marie’s birthday celebration. I also realized that Dad and I had never settled on the perfect gift for Marie, but at that point I wasn’t about to remind him. I think I actually sort of hoped that he would forget all about it.
I decided to head over to Pine Hollow as soon as I got up. I really needed someone to talk to, and Starlight has always been the best listener there is. Plus I figured he was just about
the only one guaranteed not to start lecturing me about being nicer to Marie!
Dad and Marie were both still asleep, so I scribbled a note and took off. I spent the next hour or so grooming Starlight to within an inch of his life, complaining to him about Marie the whole time.
I had no idea at the time, but it turned out that Starlight wasn’t the only one who heard those complaints. Stevie and Lisa were in the hayloft right above his stall the whole time. They’d gone up there to check whether the loft was ready for our sleepover, and they didn’t really mean to eavesdrop, of course. But by the time they realized I was down there and heard what I was saying to Starlight, I guess they were sort of afraid to interrupt. So they just kept quiet and listened.
Then they started to plot. Or maybe I should say they just
continued
their plotting, since it turned out they were already worried about how Marie and I weren’t getting along that well. But more on that later.
I was feeling a little better by the time our Horse Wise meeting started later that morning. It was an unmounted meeting that week, and Max decided to have a sort of pop quiz Know-Down. I’m always pretty good at answering the questions, and that day was no exception. Except that I might have interrupted once or twice when it really wasn’t my turn, mostly to tell Marie that her answers were wrong.
That’s probably at least part of the reason that Marie disappeared as soon as our class was over. Stevie, Lisa, and I looked around for her, but she was nowhere to be seen at Pine Hollow.