Carly's Gift (33 page)

“Want me to get that?” Barbara asked.

Carly nodded. “If it's Ethan ask him if I can call him back later.”

Barbara picked up the phone. “Hargrove residence. How may I help you?”

Carly smiled at the formality, the last visible remnant of her mother's years of working as a secretary.

“David!” Barbara exclaimed. “How nice to hear your voice. And it's so clear. Just like you were calling from across town.” She paused. “She's right here. Let me get her for you.” She held the phone out to Carly and mouthed, “Want me to take a hike?”

Carly shook her head. “You've heard something?” she asked, excitement mixing with fear at the prospect and consequences of Andrea being pregnant.

“We got back from the doctor's office a couple of hours ago,” he said, his voice a strange monotone.

“And?” she prodded.

“It isn't what we thought.”

“Well, what is it then?”

“Jesus, I don't know how to tell you this.”

Her heart leapt to her throat. “Don't do this to me, David.” Her mind tried to focus on the possibility of bad news and Andrea being intertwined somehow, but couldn't. “Don't make me stand here and guess what you mean. Just tell me whatever it is.”

Several more seconds passed before he said, “Andrea has leukemia.” The door in Carly's mind where words like leukemia gained entry instantly closed. “That's not possible,” she said.

“There has to be some mistake,” Carly said evenly.

“I already went through that with the doctor,” he told her. “I even made him check with the lab to be sure there was no chance her file had been mixed up with someone else's, before I allowed them to do the bone marrow testing. I didn't want Andrea to have to go through hearing something like this unless we were certain.”

“But she isn't sick. She was just tired.”

“Remember the nosebleeds? And the bruises she said she got when she fell off the horse? And how pale she looked? And remember how you kept feeling her forehead and saying you thought she had a fever? They're all symptoms.”

“Of a hundred different things,” she said, her impatience rising. “The same thing happened to me when I was anemic.”

“Being anemic is part of having leukemia. The mutated white blood cells are growing so fast, they're crowding out the red.”

“You're acting as if you want to believe she's sick.”

“That's not fair, Carly,” he said, his voice heavy with fatigue. “I've been with the doctors all morning. I've read the lab results. I've seen the sores in her mouth. I'm the one who spent an hour with her yesterday morning trying to get her gums to stop bleeding after she ate a piece of toast.”

He had closed the escape routes, leaving her no place to run. She put her hand over her mouth to block the wave of fear she felt rising.

“What is it?” Barbara asked anxiously.

“Carly?” David said. “Are you still there?”

“I'm here,” she told him, struggling against the light-headedness washing over her. She started to sway. Barbara brought her a chair.

“Put your mother on the phone,” David said.

“I'm all right.” She looked at her mother. A sickening feeling of déjà vu came over Carly as she flashed back to when Shawn had been in his accident. “How is Andrea taking the news?” Behind her she heard her mother's quick intake of breath.

“For God's sake,” Barbara said, her voice desperate. “Would you please tell me what's going on?”

Carly held her hand up and mouthed, “In a minute.”

“I don't think it's really hit her yet,” David said. “Or she's already in denial. She's giving me a hard time about starting treatment before school is over.”

“And that's not an option?” The long pause that followed was as frightening as anything David had told her.

“No.”

Carly bit down hard on her lip. A coppery taste filled her mouth. “Why not?” she managed to ask.

“Because she's—just because it's not. This lympho—Wait a minute, I've got it written down someplace.”

Carly heard the rustle of paper in the background and locked on to the normality of the sound, trying to ground herself with inconsequential details in a world gone mad.

“Here it is,” he said, picking up the phone again. “It's called lymphocytic leukemia. There's more, but until you've picked up the jargon, it won't make sense.” He hesitated. “According to Dr. Reardon, she has one of the bad ones.”

“Bad ones?” she repeated. “What in the hell is that supposed to mean? They have good and bad leukemias now?” She knew she was using anger to hold her own fear at bay and that it was unfair to make David her target, but she couldn't stop herself.

“It means that she has to start her chemotherapy immediately.”

“Or?” she demanded, challenging him, daring him to tell her the worst.

“Or we'll lose her.”

She was instantly and unreasoningly furious with him for not bothering to qualify his words with a could or a maybe or a might. “Who is this Dr. Reardon anyway? I've never heard Andrea talk about him. Has she seen him before? Does he know her? Is he a specialist?” She didn't wait for answers. “I want a second opinion. And I want it from Dr. Hopkins. He's known Andrea all her life. I have complete—”

“There isn't time,” he told her with infinite patience. “I have everything set up for her to go into the hospital the day after tomorrow. We can't mess around with this, Carly. We don't have the luxury.”

“You had no right to decide something like that without consulting me first.”

“There wasn't anything to decide. If Andrea doesn't get immediate and intensive chemotherapy, she's going to die. It's as simple as that.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her palm against her forehead.

Barbara placed herself in front of Carly, demanding with her physical presence that she be paid attention to.

Before Carly could figure out a way to lessen the blow, the words tumbled out. “David says Andrea has leukemia.”

Barbara looked as if Carly had hit her. She stood perfectly still for a long time and then turned and walked out of the room. Torn between going after her and maintaining even the tenuous connection to Andrea that David provided, Carly found she could not let go of the telephone. “Is Andrea there?” Carly asked. “I want to talk to her.”

“She's asleep. After everything she went through this morning, she was so tired when we got home she could hardly make it to her room. Besides, I think it would be better if you took some time to absorb the news before you talked to her. She's already had to deal with one parent falling apart on her. She doesn't need another.”

“How did this happen, David?”

“I don't know,” he said, frustration heavy in his voice. “No one does.”

“Is it my fault?”

“How in the hell could it be your fault?”

“It might be genetic.”

“Goddamn it, Carly, would you listen to yourself? Do you really think it's going to make Andrea better if you take the blame for her leukemia. For the first and last time, you had nothing to do with Andrea getting sick.”

“You can't know that for sure,” she said, the weight of what had happened eighteen years ago crushing her.

“We'll talk about this when you get here,” he said, temporarily abandoning his attempt to reason with her. “When do you think that will be?”

“What?” She was lost in her own private hell and only half listening.

“You are coming, aren't you? Andrea's going to need you here to help her get through this.”

Carly thought about the suitcase she'd put away less than an hour ago. “I'll be there as soon as I can.”

“You're going to have more questions when you've had a little while to think about this. I know I did.”

She didn't want to let him go. “I'm sorry I tried to take this out on you.”

“It's all right, Carly. I understand.”

“You'll let Andrea know I'm coming?”

“I'll have her call you as soon as she wakes up.”

“She's going to be okay, isn't she, David?”

“Of course she is,” he said, but not with the conviction Carly needed to hear. “And when she comes out the other side, she's going to have a lust for life that will blow us all away. None of us will be able to keep up with her. She's going to look up in the sky and see rainbows when everyone else is running around with their heads down dodging raindrops.”

Nothing could have told Carly more clearly how terrified David was. He was already trying to infuse his own strength into Andrea. “I love you,” she told him.

“We'll get through this.”

“Have you told Jeffery?”

“Not yet,” he admitted.

“When?”

“I think I should let Andrea decide that.”

“She'll want to put it off until he's finished with his exams.”

“That will never work. He's going to figure out something's wrong long before then.”

“My God,” she breathed. “How am I going to tell Shawn and Eric?”

“Why don't you let Ethan do it? He's good with them and the last thing you need—”

“My mother,” Carly groaned, interrupting him. “I forgot she was here. I've got to go find her.”

“Call me as soon as you know when you're coming.”

“I will.” She moved to the living room to see if Barbara was there. She wasn't. Before hanging up, she added, “Tell Andrea I love her.”

Carly found Barbara in Andrea's bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Mom?” she said, coming into the room. “Are you all right?”

“She's the innocent. Why is she being punished?” Barbara lifted her head to look at Carly. “It should be me.”

“Don't do this to yourself,” Carly said, recoiling at the pain she saw in her mother's eyes, at the tears running down her face.

“It isn't right. She has her whole life ahead of her.”

Barbara's grief and guilt left little room for Carly's own. “She's going to beat this, Mom. They've made real strides in the treatment of leukemia in the past ten years. Especially in young people.” Where had that come from?

“Her beautiful hair . . .” Barbara pulled a tissue from the pocket of her skirt and wiped her eyes. “She's going to lose it, you know.”

Carly sat down on the bed beside her mother. “It'll grow back. From what I've heard, it could even return curly. Wouldn't that drive her crazy?”

“Wally had a cousin—” She shook herself. “Never mind.”

“I remember, Mom. He had leukemia and he died. Wally flew there for the funeral.”

“That was a stupid thing for me to bring up.” She stiffened her spine. “You don't need anyone doing that to you, least of all me.”

“I'm scared, too, Mom. I know there are lots of people who get leukemia and die. We're just not going to let Andrea be one of them.”

Even as Barbara wiped the tears away, new ones took their place. “Tell me what you want me to do.”

Carly hadn't had time to figure out what she was going to do herself, let alone give out assignments. “I don't know. I suppose I should call Ethan. David thinks he should be the one to tell the boys.” Carly thought a minute. “I know what you can do for me. Call the airlines and see if I can get on a flight to London tomorrow. I was going to try to leave tonight, but that wouldn't be fair to the boys.”

“It'll cost you a fortune to get a ticket on such short notice,” she said, standing.

“I'll put it on the MasterCard.”

“Why don't you let me pay for it?”

“Because you're going to need your money for you and Wally. As soon as Andrea feels up to it, I want you to fly over with Shawn and Eric. Ethan too, if you can get him to come.”

“Are you sure Ethan would want you to charge the tickets on—” She didn't finish. “I think all of us flying over together sounds like a grand idea.”

Carly got up and put her arms around her mother. “What would I do without you?”

“I'm sorry I fell apart before. It won't happen again.”

“You're allowed, Mom.”

“And you're allowed, too,” she said. “You've got to stop acting like you're invincible, Carly. We both know it isn't true. If ever there was a reason to have a good cry, this is it.”

“I don't need the headache and stuffed-up nose. I've got too much to do.”

“Better a headache than an ulcer.”

Carly guided her toward the door. “Stop acting like a mother.”

“I'll call you as soon as I find out something. Do you want me to come back tonight to help you pack?”

“You're going to have your hands full with Wally. I may need you to drive me to the airport tomorrow, though.”

Barbara nodded and started down the stairs. She was at the front door when she turned and said, “When you talk to Andrea, tell her I love her. And don't forget her grandpa.” Fresh tears glistened in her eyes at the mention of Wally. “He's going to be devastated.”

“I'll give her the message.”

“And tell her that—” She shrugged. “There's really nothing else to be said, is there?”

“If there is, you can tell her yourself when you get there.”

“One more thing.” Barbara shifted from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable with what she would say next. “Try not to forget Ethan was her father a long time before David came into the picture. He's going to be remembering the little girl who used to ride on his shoulders and call him Daddy.”

Barbara knew Carly better than she knew herself. Ethan was a natural target for Carly's fear. Who better to lash out at than the man who had done everything in his power to make sure Andrea never came home again?

And who else had the power to make what she had to do even more difficult?