Captain's Fury (15 page)

Tavi watched him go and bit his lip.

"He knows what he is doing,
chala
," Kitai said.

Chapter 10

Just as Tavi rose to leave his office for the field, Araris shut the door, and said in a very quiet voice, "I have to talk to you."

There were a hundred details still to take care of, and they formed a precise, clear list in the young commander's mind. Tavi buckled on his sword belt as he mentally ordered the list, and reached for his cloak. "Fine. We can talk on the road."

"No," the
singulare
said quietly.

Tavi threw the cloak around his shoulders. "The Senator isn't going to appreciate it if we hold him up. Let's move."

Araris looked steadily at Tavi for a second. Then he locked the door, folded his arms, and leaned back against it. "The Senator," he said, "can wait."

Tavi drew up short and stared at the older man until he had managed to shake the list out of the forefront of his thoughts. He studied Araris for a minute, taking in his wary posture, his obvious tension. Tavi concentrated for a moment and was able to feel a vague sense of unease tinting an iron shell of resolve.

"Oh," Tavi said quietly. "This talk."

Araris nodded. "It's time."

Boots thudded dully on the floors overhead, probably the Subtribunes Logistica moving the Legion's treasury chest along with two full spears of guards.

"Why now?"

Araris nodded up at the world above. "Because you're leaving on campaign. There's always the possibility that you might not come back from it. And because you're a grown man, Tavi. Because rumors are spreading, and you've got to be ready. You need to know. You deserve to know."

Tavi felt a flash of old, hot frustration flare through him, but he pushed it back. "I'm listening."

Araris nodded. "There's a lot. Tell me what you've already worked out."

Tavi took a deep breath. "I know," he said, "that you were a
singulare
to the Princeps Gaius Septimus. I know that he died at the First Battle of Calderon twenty-two years ago. His
singulares
were thought to have died with him. They were buried with him at the Princeps Memorium back in Calderon.

"I know," Tavi continued, "that you pledged your loyalty to me. That Gaius didn't seem to care for that, but that he kept you close to me for years."

Araris nodded. "All true."

"I know that Aunt Isana doesn't talk about my mother much. Neither does Uncle Bernard." Tavi glanced down. "The only thing they've ever said about my father is that he was a soldier." He tried not to let it happen, but his voice turned bitter. "Which means I'm just a
legionare's
bastard. There are plenty of those around."

Araris looked up sharply. "Bastard? No. No, your parents were wed, Tavi."

Tavi felt his heart begin to speed up. He'd spent a lifetime knowing almost nothing about his mother and father. No one had ever been willing to speak of them in anything but the vaguest terms. Tavi barely trusted himself to speak. "You… you knew them?"

Araris's eyes grew distant for a moment. "Oh, yes," he said quietly. "Very well."

"How—" Tavi began, but his throat clenched shut. "Who… What did..."

Araris held up a hand. "First," he said, "I must tell you this. I did not want to be the one to speak. That duty by rights belonged to Isana. But she…" He shook his head. "When someone goes through as much grief and loss as she did, in such a short amount of time, it can leave wounds as surely as any sword. You can recover from some wounds. But sometimes they're lasting. Crippling. And the best you can hope for is to survive them."

"She's terrified of losing you. It clouds her judgment, I think. Her resolve. I believe that she wanted to tell you the truth long before now. But she'd kept it locked up so tightly, for so long, I'm not sure she knew how to let it out again."

He'd known—no, not
known
, but speculated, analyzing what he knew and putting it together in a theory, as the Cursors had trained him to do. It had been an idle exercise, or so he thought, though it might be more accurate to say that he had simply found a new way to daydream about what it would have been like actually to have parents in his life. He'd done that often as a child, spending hours picturing them, imagining what they might have looked like, sounded like, what they might have said.

What life would have been like. How much better it might have been.

Of course, the idea of the Princeps as Tavi's unknown father had a single major stumbling block—the utter lack of furycraft that had haunted Tavi until two years before.

But that wasn't an issue anymore.

In fact, as he thought on it, it should have been more obvious to him. Tavi's crafting was still sharply limited by his lack of ability to control a manifest fury, but had he been in the Academy, he would have earned two or three beads in every single branch of crafting by now. While it was not unheard of for a crafter—especially a scion of the Citizenry—to be gifted in several areas of craft, it was exceedingly rare for anyone but the upper tiers of talent to possess skills that ran the entire spectrum of furycraft.

It should have been more obvious, but he supposed it was possible he hadn't
wanted
it to be true. If Araris was correct, if the Princeps truly was wed to his mother, it meant that he was a legitimate heir of the House of Gaius. It meant…

Other pieces fell into place. He could see why Gaius had brought him to the Academy—to give him a sound education. To expose him to the children of the Citizenry. He'd been trained with the Cursors, learning the arts of intrigue and deception. He'd been assigned to a room with Max—another outcast to Aleran high society, just as Tavi himself was. That a friendship of mutual alliance would grow between them had been all but inevitable, and Tavi abruptly felt certain that Gaius had planned deliberately to secure Tavi at least one ally with the crafting power of a High Lord.

And the First Lord's designs hadn't stopped there. Tavi had been sent out into a Legion to learn the arts of strategy, tactics, logistics, and leadership. Granted, Gaius hadn't expected Tavi to wind up in
command
of the bloody thing, but the First Lord—his
grandfather
—couldn't have been terribly displeased with the results.

Gaius.

His grandfather.

He had a
grandfather
.

Tavi knew he was breathing too quickly, and it was making him dizzy, but too many thoughts were spinning through his mind to pay any attention. He wasn't sure if he wanted to scream, or hit something, or run, or laugh, or burst out weeping. His mind was an enormous blur of ideas and memories and possible futures, and only one thing was certain.

Everything had changed.

Everything.

"I've… I've…" Tavi swallowed and forced himself to stop stammering. "I've known that there were things Aunt Isana wasn't telling me about my parents, but…"

Araris closed his eyes and sighed. Then he opened them and faced Tavi. "No, Tavi. There's a lot your mother hasn't told you about your father."

Tavi frowned and opened his mouth to ask another question—then stopped suddenly as he heard the very gentle emphasis Araris put on the word
mother
.

A lot his
mother
hadn't told him.

Not Aunt Isana.

His
mother
.

Isana. Isana
was
his mother.

Tavi's heart suddenly throbbed and clenched, and the searing flame of shock and pain seared through his vitals. It was as if every tiny wound his heart had received over the years, every little momentary pain of a lonely child, every jab of self-loathing he felt when other children had asked who his parents were, every moment of longing for
anything
to fill that emptiness where his parents should have been—
all
of it came back to him at the same instant, in the same place, the concentrated heartache of a lifetime.

Tavi turned his head and clutched a hand at his chest, fingers sliding over the plates of his armor. The pain wasn't physical, of course—but that made it no less real, and no less terrible.

"Her sister was killed in the Marat attack at First Calderon," Araris said. "Almost everyone was. You were born that same night, in fact.'' His face clouded with an old sadness. "Isana believed that Septimus was betrayed by another Aleran and that if his enemies learned that he might
possibly
have sired an heir, you would surely be killed. So she hid you. She lied about who your mother was. She watercrafted you during your baths, to slow down your growth. She wanted anyone who looked at you to think that you were too young to be Septimus's child, born too long after his death."

Araris stepped forward and put a hand on Tavi's shoulder. "I helped her," he said quietly. He gestured at his scarred, branded face. "I did this to myself, Tavi. Araris Valerian was thought to be dead, and if anyone recognized me, they would have been awfully curious to note that I was watching over a boy. So I became Fade. A simple slave. The scar was part of the disguise. No one ever looked past it."

Tavi could only stare at the older man. Then he heard himself say, "That's what she wanted to talk about the other day."

Araris grimaced and nodded. "She was trying. She was afraid of what it might mean if she told you."

Tavi's vision blurred over, and the tears seemed to magnify the pain bursting through his chest. "All those years and… and she was
lying
to me. She was
lying
." He jerked his head upright as another thought flashed through his mind like a thunderbolt. "That's why I was never able to… she crafted me. She slowed my growth. She stunted my talents—and I never
knew
. . ."

"Tavi," Araris said, his voice carefully calm. "Wait. You've got to understand that she did what she did because she loves you. She had very few resources to draw upon, and she did everything in her power to protect you."

"No," Tavi spat. She'd done it to him. The years of humiliation, the bewildered pain as he bore the stigma of a freak, unable to furycraft, scorned and held in contempt by people wherever he went. He hadn't been born a freak, born unlucky, a victim of terrible mischance as he always thought.

Someone had
done
it to him.

His
mother
had done it to him.

Part of Tavi was listening to Araris's words, and part of him knew that the
singulare
was probably right—but it was a very small, very distant part. The pain, the outrage, and the humiliation left very little room for anything else.

"Tavi," Araris said, "you've got to calm down. She did the best she could."

"
No
!" Tavi spat, the anger giving his voice a vicious edge. "She
lied
to me. She
took
my crafting." His voice gained volume, independently of his control. "Do you
know
how many nights I couldn't sleep, how many times I suffered because I was the furyless freak? Do you have any
idea
, all the humiliation I had to go through? How
alone
I was?"

"Tavi," Araris said, voice quiet, as one speaking to a spooked horse, "you've got to control yourself.
Think
, man. She's out there, right now, and she's ripped apart inside. You don't know what is going to happen when you leave on campaign. You don't
know
if you're ever going to see her again. You need to see her. You need to make this right while you still can."

Tavi only stared at him incredulously. "Right? Make this
right?
She's been lying to me since before I could stand up, and I'm supposed to make that
right?"
He mopped a hand over his face and felt it shaking as it smeared tears. "You bring this to me today. When we're about to march, and I've got five thousand men to consider. You throw this in my face
today
."

"Tavi," Araris said. "She's your mother. She needs this."

No. Tavi found himself shaking his head. The list came pouring back through his thoughts. This was too much. It was all far, far too much. He had barely slept in the past two days. He was already faced with an enormous and most likely insoluble dilemma in his assignment from the First—from his grandfather. Thousands of lives were dependent upon him. If he truly was the Princeps's son and heir, it meant that
millions
of lives were or would become his responsibility. Not only
that
, but he had just gained a veritable pantheon of foes who were more like demigods than human beings.