Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel (35 page)

The door clicks shut and I'm left there, staring at Bryce, unable to believe he would do this to me. This isn't the Bryce I know. Lying to me? Bribing my mom? All these years, I thought I knew him, but the Bryce I know wouldn't do those things.

Now that I know this, a future with Bryce is looking less and less like a possibility.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Jen

Bryce comes around the couch and sits next to me. "Jen. You have to hear me out. It's not like she said. You know Rita lies. She lies all the damn time."

"She didn't lie. You admitted you had sex with that girl. A day after you and I kissed. That kiss meant nothing to you. All this time, I thought it did. I thought—"

"Would you just listen and let me explain?" He holds my forearms, keeping me in place.

"What's there to explain?" I yank my arms free and shove away from him. "If that kiss meant something to you, you wouldn't have been having sex with some girl in a parking lot the very next night."

"It was a mistake. I didn't plan on it. I didn't even want to do it."

"Oh really?" I huff. "So she forced herself on you and you just couldn't fight her off?"

"Yeah, she
did
force herself on me. And I should've told her no but I didn't. I was upset and confused and...a part of me thought that being with this girl would make me forget about the kiss we had."

"Why would you want to forget it?" I hear the pain in my voice.

His shoulders drop and he closes his eyes a moment, then opens them again. "When we kissed that night...it changed everything. I knew then that you were the one. The person I wanted to be with forever. I always thought you were, but I didn't know for sure until I kissed you. But then the next day, I panicked. I wanted you more than anything, but I was too young and too unsure of myself to think I could have you. I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. And I know you think it's a lame excuse, but I honestly thought I'd ruin your life by being with you. I wanted so much for you, Jen. I wanted you to have everything you could ever want and I knew I couldn't give that to you. So I did everything I could to not think about that kiss, and that night."

"So you had sex with some other girl. That was your solution?"

"Yeah, I know it was wrong. And I wish I'd never done it. After it happened, I just wanted to forget about it, but your mom saw me and she wouldn't let it go."

"You really bribed her to keep quiet?"

"It wasn't my idea. I—okay, don't be mad at me about this—but after I saw that parking ticket at your apartment, I went to see your mom."

"Why would you do that? I told you I'd pay it."

"Yes, but I didn't want you to. You were letting your mom use you again and I couldn't just stand by and watch. So I went over there and told her to pay the ticket. That's when she threatened to tell you about that night. When I left her house, I assumed she'd tell you. But then she called me and said she wouldn't say anything if I agreed to pay the ticket."

"Why did she want
you
to pay it? I already told her I'd pay it myself."

"She wanted you to think that she paid it. She was trying to get on your good side because she doesn't want you to move away." He sighs. "Jen, I swear, I almost told you myself what happened. I wasn't going to let Rita blackmail me like that. But then I decided to just pay the ticket so you wouldn't have to."

"And you never told me. Because if you told me, you would've had to tell me what you did with that girl."

"Why would you want me to tell you that? I knew it would hurt you, so why would I tell you? It was four years ago. It doesn't matter now. It didn't matter then. It was just a stupid mistake."

"It matters because of what it meant. You said you did it so you could forget about me and move on. What if you do that again? What if you panic like you did after graduation and decide this isn't what you want?"

"That's not going to happen. I'm not 18 anymore. And I know what I want. I want YOU. I want a life with you."

"Which you decided, what...three weeks ago? That's not long enough for me to know you mean it. We wouldn't even be dating right now if I hadn't been staying at your place over spring break. We'd just be friends, dating other people."

He doesn't deny it because he knows it's true. There was something about that week, and about us living together, that made Bryce wake up and realize that he wanted to be with me. And now, he doesn't want me to leave.

"What do you want me to say, Jen? I've told you everything. I don't have any more secrets."

"Just go." I close my eyes so I don't have to see his face. He's hurt and sad, but so am I, and I really just want to be alone right now to think.

I feel the couch move as he slides over, then feel his hand around mine. "Don't make me leave. Let's figure this out. Tell me what I need to do to make this right and I'll do it."

"There's nothing you can do." I swallow. "Please...just go."

"Will you at least say goodbye to me?"

I open my eyes and see his arms extended toward me. I give him a hug and he lifts up my legs and sets me over his lap and holds me like he's never going to let me go.

"I love you," he whispers, clutching me to his chest and kissing my head. "Please don't let this come between us. I promise you, I'm not going to run away this time. I want this. I wanted it back then. I just didn't know I could have it. And maybe I still can't. But I want it, Jen. It's all I want." He kisses my forehead and keeps me in his arms until I back away and stand up.

"I'll call you later." I take a deep breath, feeling like I'm going to cry again.

"Later, as in later tonight?"

I shake my head. "No. Later as in when I've figured this out. So don't call me. Just give me some time. Can you do that for me?"

"But we only have a few weeks before—"

"Bryce, I'm asking you to do this for me."

He holds my gaze for a moment, then gets up and walks to the door and leaves.

As much as I want to, I don't call him that night, or the next day, or the day after that. But I think about him, and what he said, and about our situation. And that prompts me to do something on the job front, just to see what might happen.
 

By Saturday morning I'm desperate to talk to someone about this, so I go to the person I'm most likely to confide in after Bryce. And that's Mitch, who has always been like a dad to me.

"Sorry I'm late," he says, sitting down in the chair next to mine. We're at a coffee shop near campus. "I hit some traffic on the way here."

"Don't worry about it," I say. "Thanks for meeting me."

"I was happy to." He smiles. "You're so busy I never see you."
 

"I know. This last half of the semester's been crazy."

"Just a few more weeks and you'll be done. I'd like to have a small graduation party at the house, if that's okay. Your mother's invited, of course."

"Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks."

He was holding his phone but he puts it away. "So I assume this is about Bryce?"

"Kind of, but not entirely. I wanted to talk to you about the job I might get. I assume Bryce told you about it?"

"No. What's the job?"

I'm surprised Bryce didn't tell him, but since he didn't, I explain, starting with why they called me and ending with the interview. "They basically told me I got the job but that I wouldn't get the official offer until next week."

He nods. "And now you're not sure you want to leave Chicago."

"Yeah. And it's not just about Bryce, but about this being my home. I've never lived anywhere else. I'm comfortable here, and this is where my family is." I look at him as I say it because
he's
my family, along with his sons. I feel closer to the Wheeler family than I do to my own mom.

"You don't have to take the job," Mitch says. "There'll be other jobs."

"Maybe. But it could take months before I get another offer. I've applied for a ton of jobs and haven't heard back from a single one. This offer might be the only one I get for a while."

"If you're not going to be happy there, it's not worth taking the job, especially if you're not excited about it. And I can tell that you're not."

I shrug. "I'm kind of excited. Just not overly thrilled. But you can't be picky when you're starting out. You have to take what you can get."

"What does your gut tell you to do?"

"Not take it," I say, without even hesitating.

"Well, there you go. It's easy. If your gut tells you no, then don't do it."

"But I don't trust my gut. I'm worried that turning down this job would be a mistake."

"You think that now because you can't see what lies ahead. Just give it time. Eventually something better will come along. Something you're actually excited about."

"But what if it doesn't?"

"Then life goes on. It's not the end of the world. I'm telling you, Jen, if this doesn't feel right, then don't do it. It's a lot easier to back out of this now than once you're living there, stuck in a job you don't like."

"I won't know if I like it until I'm actually doing it. Maybe I'm just afraid and that's why I feel this way."

"It's normal to be afraid to move someplace new, but you should still be excited about it."

"I know," I say, looking down at the coffee in my hand.

"Jen, if you're worried about money, you know you can always come to me. Living expenses, your college loans, whatever you need help with, just ask."

I nod, but I don't want to take his money. I wouldn't feel right doing so. But he always offers it to me. Mitch would've paid for my college tuition if I let him. But I wanted to pay for it on my own, so I took out loans. But now I'll be graduating with a lot of debt, which is why I need a good paying job.

"So what does Bryce think about this?" he asks.
 

"He asked me to stay in Chicago."

He smiles slightly. "Bryce asked you to stay?"

"Yeah. He more than asked. He practically begged."

"Is that so?" He smiles even wider. "And you told him you needed more time to make a decision."

"Yes. And I haven't talked to him since."

His brows draw together in concern. "He hasn't called you?"

"I told him not to. I told him I needed time to think."

"Jen. Don't shut Bryce out. I know he's done that to you in the past, but that doesn't make it right. You need each other. You're about to make a big decision and you need someone to talk to. You and Bryce are best friends. This isn't the time to push him away. I understand that your new relationship with him changes things, but he's still your friend, and you should be talking to him about this."

"He'll just keep telling me not to take the job."

"He told you not to take it?"

"Well, no. He said if I really want the job, I should take it. He just doesn't want me to go."

He sighs and looks off to the side, then back at me. "I don't think you realize how hard it was for Bryce to tell you that. He's always been afraid of holding you back, so the fact that he told you he wants you to stay shows how much he's committed to this. I'm guessing that's your concern? That Bryce will run off like he did before?"

I nod. "Yeah. I'm not sure I trust him. What if I turn down this job and then Bryce ends things between us?"

"That's why you need to make this decision based on more than just Bryce. But as for your concerns about him, like I said, he never would've asked you to stay if he wasn't committed to being with you. In fact, I think you're a big reason why he's been seeking out more responsibility at work. He doesn't want to just pound nails in a wall for the rest of his life. He wants to be
more
for you. And for himself. I did the same thing when I met his mother. Even though she accepted me for who I was, I wanted to be more for her." He pauses. "All I'm asking is that you don't push Bryce away. Let him be there for you." His phone rings. "This'll just take a minute." He answers the phone. "Jake, I'm with Jen right now. Are you already there?" He checks his watch. "Yeah, I'll be there soon." He ends the call. "I have to get going, but if you want to come by the house tonight we could have dinner and talk some more."

"I can't. I have to study. And I don't really have anything else to say."

We both stand up and he gives me a hug. "For what it's worth, I'm with Bryce on this. I don't want you to go. But if you do, we'll all be flying out to see you. It'll give me an excuse to ski."

"Do you know how?"

He chuckles. "No. So that's probably a bad idea, especially at my age. But we'll still come see you."

I smile. "Thanks for talking with me."

"Anytime. I'll see you later."

After he leaves, I walk back to my apartment. The coffee shop is only a block away so I didn't want to drive. As I'm walking, my phone dings. There's a text message from Tracy that reads,
Hope you like snow and mountains! Letter coming next week!

So I got the job. They're sending me an offer. Why is this happening so fast? I don't graduate until May. What's the rush? Why do I have to decide this right now?

CHAPTER THIRTY

Bryce

I bang on her door. I know I shouldn't be here, but after what she did, I at least have to confront her about it.

It's Saturday morning so she might not be around. She goes to the bars on Friday nights and usually ends up staying over at some guy's house. I knock again and hear her walking to the door. She answers it wearing a short, leopard-print robe and black heels, her hair even blonder than normal, like she just had it bleached.

"Well, look who's here. Is Jen with you?" She snickers as she peers out at my truck. She knows Jen's not here.

"Is that what you wanted?" I ask. "For us to break up?"

She shrugs. "You take my daughter from me? I take her from you. It's payback."

"I didn't
take
her from you. The fact that she doesn't want to call you or come over here has nothing to do with me. That's all you, Rita."

"You turned her against me. You did it years ago and I've never been able to get her back."