Can't Let Go (2 page)

The thought of being apart from him—of not seeing those beautiful gray eyes every morning, or that casual smile of his whenever he thought something was funny—of not feeling the warmth of his chest as he held her, or the way her heart responded with even the faintest touch…just the mere thought was enough send an ache so devastating through her chest that she struggled to breathe for a moment.

She loved him. 

Whatever the consequences, she could take them. 

Abby glanced toward Hayley and Blake, who were so happy they were glowing…and she knew that, so long as Logan was with her, she would have all that she needed. 

Nothing else would matter, so long as he was at her side.

The driver of the limo appeared then, shattering the moment.  Abby quickly averted her eyes, fearful that Logan would see the certainty—and more so, the need—she now felt.  She couldn’t let him know—not yet. 

She knew how he would respond.

Grateful that the moment was over, Abby smiled at the driver as he held the door of the limousine open to allow the two couples inside.  It was a short drive—a limo really unnecessary.  But Hayley had insisted.  It was her parents’ treat—a wedding present, Hayley called it, as the majority of the trip was.  But deep down, Abby knew it was Hayley’s way of throwing their blatant disapproval of her choices back in their face just one last time.

And so, in true Hayley fashion—she spared no expense.  Private cottages, private beaches, limo rides, a designer wedding gown…she’d gone above and beyond to make sure it would be a memorable occasion, for those present, and those who had refused to attend.

When they arrived at their destination, Abby found
herself
breathless as she considered the beauty of the scene in front of her.  They were on the Waimanalo beach, the sun just beginning to set in the background.  The mingled scent of salt and the sweet perfume of flowers washed over her and she closed her eyes for a moment, allowing everything to soak in. 

She wanted to remember all of it—every little detail. 

There on the beach in front of them was a small wooden arch with flower petals scattered all around it, the sunset reflecting off the ocean surface serving as the perfect backdrop.  There were no chairs, as the only guests would be standing at
the alter
beside the bride and groom. 

It was all so simple—so incredibly romantic, Abby thought.  It was the perfect setting for Hayley’s wedding. 

They were greeted by a pretty woman with dark black hair down to her waist.  She offered instructions to the small group—splitting the men up from the women and sending them in different directions.  The separation was momentary, though—lasting just long enough for the girls to receive their flowers and the boys to get in position. 

“This is it,
Hayl
,”
  Abby
said quietly as they stood side by side, waiting to hear the faint sounds of music that would signal their cue. 
“You nervous?”

“Not even in the slightest.”  And Abby knew she was telling the truth. 

Hayley didn’t feel even the faintest hesitation to say goodbye to life as she’d known it.  She wasn’t afraid to leave her family behind.  She wasn’t afraid to start a new life with the man that she loved.

Abby had never admired her friend more than she did in that moment.

And then the music started and Abby smiled excitedly, suddenly leaning forward and embracing her friend, a strange sadness washing over her.  She couldn’t help but feel as though everything was going to change.  “I love you, Hayley Lawrence.”

“Last time you’ll be able to call me that,”
  her
friend whispered, her voice barely higher than a whisper. 

As Abby pulled away, she met Hayley’s eyes.  While Hayley may not have felt anxious, there was a certain undeniable sorrow in her eyes—the knowledge that she was letting go of everything she was certain of obviously weighing heavily on her.  The decision may have been easy to make, and she may not have been afraid of it, but that didn’t mean that Hayley wasn’t mourning what she was losing. 

“Go on—I’ll be just a minute.”  She urged, and Abby held her friend’s eyes for just a moment longer, trying to convey to her that, as far as Abby was concerned, Hayley was making the right choice.  And nothing would ever change that. 

More than ever, in that moment, Abby could understand her best friend’s decision.

Abby exited the small room, stepping into the sand with her plain yellow heels, her admiration of the strength of her friend soaring.  She took a deep breath before she made her way toward the flower-petal path, where she paused for just a brief moment. 

Her eyes caught Logan’s and a fleeting glimpse of their future flashed across her eyes.  She saw Logan waiting for her at the end of an aisle, smiling at her as he was now, knowing that their whole lives were ahead of them.  A life of happiness, with children, and a home full of warmth and laughter.    

It felt
so
real as she took her first steps down the aisle-way.

But the glimpse lasted only a moment and she was brought back to the present, her feet carrying her down the path.  She held a small bouquet of orchids in front of her and a slight breeze ruffled the edges of her dress.  Abby finally came to rest at the end of the path, standing just outside the archway beneath which her best friend would recite her vows.  Blake caught her eyes and she nearly laughed at his expression—he was actually giddy with excitement. 

Abby shifted her gaze to Logan then, smiling warmly at him.  His eyes roamed over her appreciatively, his own heart soaring at the image of her. 
Still, after so long, he couldn’t believe that she was his—that she’d chosen him out of everyone else.
  This beautiful goddess of a woman, who had not even the vaguest hint of how beautiful she was—and she loved
him
. 

When their eyes met, he saw all of her hopes and dreams buried deep inside them. 

And each of them included him. 

It was at this moment that he felt something wrench inside him—some pain, deep within him.  Logan was all too aware that Abby would have to make sacrifices in order to have that future—and that was something he was unwilling to ask her to do. 

A future with him would cost her the future she deserved. 

Something sharp and painful flooded through his chest then, and he was suddenly overcome with the urge to run. 

But, of course, he couldn’t. 

He was here for Blake and Hayley. 

A moment later, both he and Abby’s eyes were trained on the figure in white, walking barefoot down the makeshift aisle.  Abby’s eyes filled with tears, Blake’s with devotion, and Logan’s with admiration.  His friend—the man he’d known his entire life—was going to provide his future wife with a life full of happiness.  He couldn’t help being happy for Blake, wishing he could see the same future for himself. 

But as much as he loved Abby, he knew he wasn’t enough.  He didn’t have the kind of future ahead of him that Blake had.  He wasn’t going to be some fancy doctor or a successful lawyer—the most he had to look forward to was his glorious career in construction—and that would never be good enough for Abby, and most certainly not for her father.

~*~

Hayley finally reached
the alter
, nearly bubbling over with delight as she clasped hands with the man she knew she was going to spend the rest of her life with.  The
officiant
began speaking, producing two leis he offered to the bride and groom.  As a Hawaiian tradition, the two exchanged the rings of flowers—symbols of their unending love. 

Abby’s eyes welled up with tears once more as she watched her two friends exchange vows, rings, and finally, a kiss.  A surge of happiness rushed through her as Hayley turned to her—any sign of the earlier sadness having disappeared from her eyes.

Hayley had done it—she’d made her choice.  She’d chosen her path.  She was happy—and, more importantly, she was
free
.   

Abby longed to feel the same liberation, now.  She found herself reaching out and taking Logan’s hand as they drove back to their resort, knowing that she had finally made peace with what a future with Logan would cost her. 

Something was coming to life inside her—a newfound confidence she’d been longing to feel.  What had begun to stir within Abby earlier had only been strengthened by watching her best friend shed any and all inhibitions she had felt.

But Abby didn’t voice herself.  Not yet—now was the time to celebrate Hayley and Blake.

A dinner had been prepared and laid out on the private lanai of Hayley and Blake’s cottage to celebrate.  The four of them sat around, drinking and laughing, reminiscing of the days when they had all first met. 

Hayley had met Blake one night while he was tending bar, and the two had hit it off immediately.  Logan and Abby had followed soon thereafter, having practically been forced together by their best friends. 

It had been impossible to ignore the chemistry, though, and before long, Abby found that, for the first time in her life, she was actually in love.  She and Logan had quickly become as inseparable as their best friends, unable to tell where one ended and the other began. 

“I would like to propose a toast,”
  Hayley
said suddenly, simply radiating happiness. 
“To my best friend and the love of her life.
  May you two know the same happiness as us
someday!
” 

“I second that!”  Blake agreed, kissing his wife on the cheek.  He reached over and patted his friend on the back.  “Better get on the ball, Logan.  You’re behind in the game.”  Abby watched Logan’s response, reading him carefully.  He smiled at the man he’d grown up with very quickly before dropping his eyes to the tabletop and staring at the cluttered surface. 

Something had made him uncomfortable. 

“And I think
we
,”
  Abby
rose to her feet, tugging gently at Logan’s shirtsleeve.  “Should let you two get on with your honeymoon.”  She suddenly longed to speak with him—to find out what was going through his mind and to tell him what was going through hers. 

“That sounds like a wonderful idea,”
  Blake
said with a mischievous grin.  Hayley laughed, rising to her feet and embracing Abby before moving on to Logan.  Blake rose and did the same, thanking each of them. 

“Congratulations, you two—you really deserve all the happiness in the world,” Abby said, smiling at them as she backed away.  The newlyweds only smiled in return, looking at one another happily. 

The cottage Abby shared with Logan was only a short walk down the beach and she paused at the sand to remove her heels.  He waited for her, offering his arm to steady her if she needed it. 
Abby remained quiet for a moment, trying to figure out exactly what she wanted to say.
 

“It was a beautiful ceremony,”
  she
began, but Logan only nodded.  It was obvious that something had changed since earlier this evening—something about him was different.  He was standing right next to her, but she’d never felt further away from him.  “They’re really happy, Logan.”

“They’re going to have a good life together.”  Even his voice sounded distant.

“So could we, you know.”  She attached herself to his arm as she said it, longing to feel close to him.  She needed to cross the distance and find him.

“Not like they will, Abby.”  She tried to ignore the pain that flooded through her.  “Blake—he’s going to do something with his life.  He’s going to be able to give Hayley a good life—”

“And by ‘good’ life, you mean a
wealthy
one.” 
Of course.
  This was what it always came back to. 

“A
happy
one.”
  Abby stopped just outside of their cottage, letting go of his arm.  He took a few more steps before turning back to face her. 

“
You
make me happy, Logan.  I don’t need anything else.”  She thought back to her earlier realization, as they stood outside the limousine.  He was all she needed to be happy.  Sure, it hurt to think about losing her dad—but if he couldn’t see how happy she was with Logan, then did his opinion really matter?

“You don’t know what you need.”  His tone was very gentle as he spoke to her, almost as if she were a child.  Another wave of pain passed through her as she stared at him.  Why was he saying these things?   Didn’t he feel the same?  Wasn’t his need as demanding
as her own
?

“I need you,”
  Abby
said, her voice very small—tainted with confusion and sorrow.  “I don’t care about anything else, Logan.”  How naïve she was, the girl he loved.  How little she’d experienced of the real world.

“But you do,
Abbs
.”  He told her, his gray eyes intense and his voice tainted with sorrow.  “I know you do.”  He sighed, hating himself more and more with every passing moment.  “What about your dad?” 

Another pang flared in Abby’s chest.  It would be hard, she knew.  She never claimed differently.  But she loved Logan.  Wasn’t that all that mattered? 

“If you choose a future with me, you choose one without him.”

“Then that’s
my
choice to make—”
  If
her father was unwilling to accept Logan, then it would be an easy decision.  She now understood completely the confidence Hayley had felt, because it was flowing through her own veins. 

“
No—no
, it isn’t, because
I
don’t want it.”  Her throat began to close up as her eyes welled with tears.  What was he saying?  “You’re not supposed to be with me, Abigail.  You know it as well as I
do
.” 

It felt as if he had actually stabbed her, the pain was so strong.

“Yes I
am
,”
  she
insisted, stepping forward and reaching out to him. 

“We’re from different worlds.”  He told her as he shrugged away from her.

“You
are
my world.”  His eyes flooded with anguish.  “I don’t care about money—I’m done with school, Logan.  I can get a job.  I can work and you can finish—”
  She
had to make him see.  She had to make him
try
.