Candy at Last (31 page)

What’s incredible about both of my children is how much time they spend with their children. They both also married people who are equally committed to prioritizing their children. Dean is a natural at being a parent. He is great hands-on dad. Randy and Leah are also a real team. They both share in the day-to-day responsibility of their children, and it shows. I think this is in large part why Sage is so present and intuitive, and I have no doubt Lotus will be the same way.

I recently violated my own rule about not offering unsolicited opinions to my children. In my own defense, I gave it some thought before I decided to be vocal. I so admire Randy and Leah’s hands-on approach to parenting. It is just the two of them without any help, and they are doing it all on their own. Even though they are enjoying it, every minute of their day is occupied. They never get a break and after spending a weekend with them, I worried that they might burn out.

So I got brave and found a gentle way of suggesting they carve out time for themselves and enlist some responsible part-time help. Randy was open and heard me out. I was happy that last week he checked in to let me know that they had found someone they trusted and were looking forward to having some time for themselves.

As a grandmother I have the wisdom of already having been a mother. So when I think about what I want for my grandchildren, I don’t just think about the best schools, the nicest clothes, or other material things. I have already set up school funds for each and every one of them so that they can have the very best educations. Apart from all that, my wish for them is that they are able to continue to blossom into the little unique individuals that they already are. If they are sensitive or creative or whatever it is that they are, I hope those special qualities are recognized in them and nurtured. And more than anything, I would like to be a part of that.

When I moved into The Manor in the Sky, I gave Tori and Randy what I like to call artifacts of our family. I kept enough stuff so that all of the grandchildren could inherit a piece of their family legacy. I think people always assume the family legacy is success in show business. Truthfully, I think all of that was just a wonderful by-product of the true Spelling legacy. As I see it, our family legacy is the ability to see it and bring it to life. I want my grandchildren to know that they can write their own life story, and, if they act courageously and overcome obstacles, they can make it happen.

One of my favorite yearly traditions has become attending the
Hero Dog Awards
put on by the American Humane Association. It’s a black-tie event honoring service dogs from around the country. The evening is filled with celebrities, animal advocates, and dog lovers. They even have a red carpet for the dogs to walk up just like they do at Hollywood premieres.

The service dogs are nominated by people, and then there is a vote to determine the winner. All the stories of the dogs and their owners are incredibly moving and powerful, but only one can win. The dog who gets the most votes is the winner, but obviously in this kind of competition, everybody wins.

Last year, one of my fellow judges was country singer Miranda Lambert. I don’t know very much about country music, but I do know this: Miranda Lambert loves animals. She and her organization MuttNation are tremendous supporters of the American Humane Association. I think she probably moved the entire nation to tears during the
Healing the Heartland
relief concert benefiting the victims of the tornado in Moore, Oklahoma. Her song
The House That Built Me
is just so poignant I couldn’t stop thinking about the lyrics.

I had never heard the song before the concert. At its core, it’s about a woman’s identity. The narrator of the song goes back to her childhood home as an adult in an attempt to resolve some feelings.

The song title, for obvious reasons, is very resonant with me. It made me think of being a little girl and sitting in front of our television set and laughing as George Burns and Gracie Allen bantered with each other. I never would have dreamed that one day my husband and I would be friends with this celebrity couple. I’ve always referred to The Manor as the house I built or the house that Aaron and I built. The truth is, The Manor built me. It defined who I was to the public, and, even though I had never spoken in public, people believed they knew me and I became a controversial figure.

Gracie Allen had a famous quote that I love: “I’m a very lucky woman. I was courted by the youngest, handsomest, most charming, most sought-after star in show business—but I still married George because I loved him.” This always reminded me of Aaron. My story with Aaron was very different from Gracie’s story with George, but the quote really captured the idea that the human heart is full of mysteries.

For thirty-eight years I was the “better half” of one of the most rarified marriages in Hollywood. It was only when my husband passed away that I came into my own. With my better half gone, I was left to find my own better self. I never felt that I was in the shadow of my marriage. I was happy and proud to be Mrs. Aaron Spelling. I honestly just never thought of life without Aaron, so when it came so soon and unexpectedly, it was as if someone had turned the lights out.

I suppose I could have just stayed in The Manor and been Aaron’s widow, but I was determined to forge my own fate and find my identity. Going forward with a new life when you’re in your sixties is frightening and wonderful all at the same time. I laugh when I tell myself that I am just grateful when I wake up each morning. I am at a time in life when you hear, “Just be happy you have your health,” and as soon as the person has said it, they knock on wood. I am in full agreement with this sentiment. The strange thing is, in my heart, I still feel nineteen.

Since selling The Manor, people will ask me if I miss it or if I would like to go back there one last time. The truth is, I don’t. I have my memories, and fortunately I have no regrets or feelings about The Manor or my marriage that I need to go back there to resolve.

Sometimes I wish we had traveled more, but there was no way I would have ever asked Aaron to get on an airplane. He really was afraid of flying, and I am a fatalist. I never would have forgiven myself if something had happened to him on a plane that I pressured him into boarding.

We once took a Princess Cruise to Mexico. This was back before anybody knew what a Princess Cruise was. Dean Martin didn’t want us to go. He offered to buy me a brand-new Rolls-Royce if I would let his friend Aaron skip the cruise and stay home with him. I turned down the car. It had been too long since I had been anywhere outside of Los Angeles with my husband.

Sometimes I find myself thinking about what terrible shape Club View Drive was always in. Club View Drive is the street that ran along the west side of our house. It was uneven and had quite a few potholes that never got filled in. When I think about it, it really is a wonderful metaphor for life. There are no guarantees, and there are always obstacles you need to get around.

My biggest obstacle was the identity The Manor had built for me. The public wasn’t my problem. I had to divest myself from being the Lady of the Manor and believe in myself the same way I had believed in Aaron all those years ago. I also had to take some emotional risks to create opportunities for myself. In the last few years, I have really challenged myself and gotten out of my comfort zone.

It all started with
Bank of Hollywood
, a show I almost turned down because I was scared to try something new. Since then, I have created many opportunities for myself, and I hope to find many more. Writing books, producing plays, and traveling have all been wonderful, but there is one opportunity I am particularly grateful for. It has come late in the game, but it is without question my biggest treasure. Finally, at long last, it is the chance for me to just be Candy.

I know they say you can’t go home again.

I just had to come back one last time.

Ma’am I know you don’t know me from Adam.

But these handprints on the front steps are mine.

And up those stairs, in that little back bedroom
is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar.
And I bet you didn’t know under that live oak
my favorite dog is buried in the yard.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here it’s like I’m someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself
if I could just come in I swear I’ll leave.
Won’t take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years.
From
Better Homes and Garden
magazines.
Plans were drawn, concrete poured,
and nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to Mama’s dream.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I’m someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave.
Won’t take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.

You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can.
I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here it’s like I’m someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could walk around I swear I’ll leave.
Won’t take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.

Writing this memoir was an epic journey, and it took an entire team to nourish the creation of this book. I am privileged to have had the dedicated and enthusiastic support of Florence Grace, who spearheaded this project from its very inception, weathering the magical highs and frustrating lows of the writing process with me.

My editor, Christina Roth, and Turner Publishing should be recognized for their bravery in embracing a project they did not start in a publishing landscape that is vastly different from what it was just five years ago when I wrote my first book.

My agent, Steve Troha, deserves major credit for believing in me. I would also like to thank Stephanie Gertler for getting me started on my walk down memory lane. Creating a book of this nature was a learning process. I was fortunate to have Brenda Arechiga, my own personal flashlight along this journey’s path.

Of course, I never would have had the courage to sit down and produce this memoir were it not for the influence of Ryan Seacrest and Stuart Krasnow, who together gave me a voice and educated me in the production of reality television. Both Craig Zadan and Neil Meron have not only believed in my talents but also put me on the path to building a life as a single, independent, creative woman, nurturing me to become a successful Broadway producer.

I consider myself fortunate to work with my attorney, Larry Marks. My assistants Jennifer Peterson and Stephanie DeLoach deserve recognition for assembling the complex puzzle of facts necessary to create a time line for the book and also for the patience they show me every day.

is the widow of Aaron Spelling, mega-Hollywood producer of hit TV series such as
Dynasty, Charlie’s Angels
, and
Beverly Hills 90210.
The
New York Times
bestselling author of
Stories from Candyland,
she is the mother of TV star Tori Spelling, bestselling author of
Spelling It Like It Is, uncharted terriTORI, sTORI telling,
and
Mommywood.
Candy has produced the award-winning Broadway musicals
Promises, Promises, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, Nice Work If You Can Get It,
and
After Midnight.
She appears regularly on national broadcast media including
Good Morning America, Today, The View,
and
The Early Show
and blogs for the Huffington Post and other online media.