Cade: Fire And Ice: A Second Chance Hockey Romance (14 page)

"We should go out. There's this awesome sushi restaurant I go to all the time."

"I don't know. Is it fancy?"

"It's a nice place, yeah. But it's my treat, Ellie."

She looked uncomfortable.

"Cade, I don't have anything to wear to somewhere fancy. And I didn't come here to let you buy me things."

"Ellie, don't be silly. Do you know how much money I make slapping a puck around the ice? It's enough to pay for dinner, believe me."

Finally, she agreed. Something was going on with Ellie. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. She seemed jumpy and nervous, like she was waiting for some kind of bomb to drop. When I asked her about it she just shrugged and said she was tired from the flight, but I knew better. Even after ten years, I could still read Ellie Hesketh like a book. And something was definitely up.

Was it a man? Was she married? I assumed she was. I'd reacted so terribly last time that I couldn't blame her for being secretive with me now. I drove into the city and got a haircut before our dinner at Urusawa and the feeling of uncertainty, of something huge looming on the horizon, didn't go away.

I wore the same dress I'd had on during the day to dinner with Cade, because it was the only halfway suitable thing I had. But I took a little time with my hair, pinning it back off my face with a small floral hairpin David had found for me at Goodwill, and did my make-up. My stomach was in knots as the hour for dinner approached. I was nervous about going to a nice restaurant, because I'd never been to one. Movies and books seemed to be filled with comic scenes of poor people doing embarrassing things in fancy restaurants and I desperately wanted to avoid doing something like that in front of Cade. He fit so well into his opulent home in his flashy, brightly-lit city. I felt myself sticking out like a sore thumb in the glitzy Los Angeles sunshine.

And more than any of those minor things, I still had to tell him. I didn't know how I was going to. Everything seemed to be going so well between us, I'd barely managed to restrain myself when he stood in front of me at his gate and straight-up told me he loved me. Was it going to be me who ruined it this time? With a story about a five year old boy with his father's bright blue eyes and wide, dimpled smile?

The sound of a horn honking shook me out of my thoughts, followed by heavy but nimble footsteps outside the hotel room door. I would know those footsteps anywhere, cast or not.

"Ellie?"

"Just a sec!"

I grabbed my suitcase and opened the door to Cade, freshly shorn and looking as sexy as I've ever seen him in a suit that hugged every masculine angle of his body. We both stood there for a few seconds, each of us staring at the other.

"Damn, Ellie. You look gorgeous."

I actually blushed a little at the compliment, like a teenager. I still loved Cade's gaze on me, warming my body. And I still recognized that hungry, intent look.

"Oh. Thanks. This is all I have to wear. I like your suit."

It took Cade a moment to snap out of it but I brushed past him before I did anything dumb, well aware that falling into bed with him at that point wasn't the smartest idea I've ever had, even if it was kind of the only thing I wanted to do. He took my suitcase and led the way down to his black Mercedes SUV and I didn't take my eyes off the broad, muscular expanse of his shoulders once. The cast on his leg made it impossible for Cade to drive so the team had hired someone to chauffeur him around until he was healed.

As soon as we walked into the gently air-conditioned, rarified air of the restaurant my self-consciousness, a trait that was so ingrained it was simply part of me by then, started to get the better of me. Cade saw the look on my face.

"What's up?"

"Uh, nothing," I lied.

He nodded at a staff member who gave him a reciprocal nod of recognition and wrapped his arm around me.

"Ellie, you're fine. This isn't black tie. You have just as much right to be here as anyone else."

I wanted to believe him. I tried to. But I had barely been out of North Falls before, let alone to a high-end restaurant. When it came time to eat, I was baffled.

"You can have whatever you want, Ellie. You don't have to let me order for you."

"It's not that, Cade. It's just...I've never had sushi before. I don't know what any of these things are."

He slapped his forehead. "Of course. What was I thinking. I'm sorry, Ellie. I didn't - I didn't realize, I didn't think. We can go somewhere else if you want?"

"No! I want to try it! I just don't know the names of any of it."

So we sat at a bar made of smooth, blonde wood and ate course after delicate, impeccably prepared course of seafood and sushi and sashimi and all kinds of things I'd never seen before. Cade was solicitous, always making sure I was comfortable, asking me if I liked the little gems of fish we were being served. Without him, I probably would have been a lot more conservative in my choices but that streak of courage inside me, the one I remembered from high school, the one that always seemed to show itself when I was with Cade, shone through under his gentle encouragement. Just the feeling of his sturdy shoulder next to me was comforting. It was perfect -
he
was perfect. When the meal was finished and I was tentatively sipping the Japanese sake that I couldn't figure out if I liked the taste of or not, Cade turned and smiled at me.

"Well? What did you think?"

What did I think? I thought I was going to melt right then and there. It would have been so easy to go home with him then, back to his house so he could take me to bed and I could show him just how happy I was to be with him. But I knew I couldn't do that. I knew I had to maintain a certain level of reserve until I'd told him what I'd flown out to Los Angeles to tell him.

"It was, oh Cade, it was amazing. I've never eaten anything so delicious in my life. Thank you for bringing me here."

We walked out to his SUV hand in hand, and when he went to open the door for me, I couldn't help tilting my head up and kissing him.

"Ellie," he whispered, cradling my face and kissing me back, pushing his tongue into my mouth and running one of his big hands down the curve of my waist. Every nerve-ending in my body buzzed with warm, open need under his touch and I had to fight to hold myself together. Thankfully, he pulled away before I lost it.

"Are you tired? I want to show you something."

"No, I'm not tired. What do you want to show me?"

"You'll see."

He said something to the driver, quietly so I couldn't hear what it was and we climbed into the backseat together. Forty-five minutes later we pulled into a deserted parking lot and I opened the door to the sound of roaring surf.

"Where are we?"

Cade took my hand and started leading me along a narrow, sandy path.

"The beach. I come here to go running sometimes and get away from everything."

When we got to the beach itself, Cade told me to take my shoes off. Then we walked down to the water's edge where the waves were breaking and I gasped as the surprisingly cold seawater rushed over my bare feet.

"There," Cade said, leaning over and kissing the top of my head, "now you've had your feet in the Pacific."

I smiled to myself as the warm evening breeze skimmed over my bare shoulders. "Is that why you brought me here?"

"Yeah. I wanted to be with you the first time you experienced the ocean."

I couldn't contain myself. He was trying so hard to make things right with me. He heard me start crying and suddenly scooped me up into his arms, kissing my face.

"Ellie, don't cry. Please. I know we haven't really talked about anything yet. I know you probably have...things going on in your life. But we can have this evening, can't we? I'm just so happy to be with you, right now, here."

I buried my face against his chest and let him carry me back to the top of the beach where we sat down on a huge driftwood log.

"Ellie. Talk to me. Are you OK?"

I looked up at him, barely able to make out his profile in the fading light.

"No, Cade, I'm not OK."

He wanted to put his arm around me. I could feel it. But he didn't. He was holding back, keeping a distance he mistakenly thought I wanted.

"Why, Ellie? Are you with someone? Are you...married? It's alright if you are, I'm not going to get angry or act like an asshole like I did last time. I understand you have a life of your own and that it's none of my business."

I could feel Cade trying to keep his voice level and normal-sounding. The word 'married' had almost caught in his throat.

"No, I'm not married. I'm not with anyone either. It's weird. I was mad at you for so long, but I never met anyone else like you. It wouldn't be fair to get into a relationship with someone else. It would be a lie."

He was quiet for a minute, absorbing the news that I wasn't married or coupled up, which had clearly been what he'd been worried about.

"You're not with anyone else?"

I could hear the surprise and relief in his voice as I shook my head. Suddenly, he reached out and grabbed my arm, hard.

"You're not - Ellie, you're not sick are you? Is one of the boys sick? I can help if-"

"No, Cade, I'm not sick. No one is sick."

"Then what? Ever since you got here there's been this weird dark cloud over you, like there's some horrible thing you need to tell me."

"It's not horrible. Well, you might think part of it is horrible, but no..." I trailed off. There wasn't going to be a convenient time to give him this news. It had to come out. I had to tell him. I took a deep breath and steeled myself.

"Ellie, you're freaking me out! What's going on?"

"Oh, Cade," I whispered, starting to cry again, pressing my face into my hands. "I have - I have to tell you something. I kept something from you. Something big."

Cade looked at me closely.

"Ellie-"

"You have a son, Cade. We have a son."

He stayed exactly where he was, staring at me for a long time before speaking.

"I - what? Ellie,
what
?"

I repeated myself slowly and quietly, not quite believing that it was happening, that I was finally telling him. "You have a son. I got pregnant that last time, when you came to North Falls. His name is-"

Cade suddenly pushed both his hands into his hair and leaned back as the news sunk in. I just sat beside him, watching, my body tight with stress and anticipation.

"Oh my God, Ellie.
Oh my God.
I have a son? I - I can't believe this."

He turned to me suddenly and I actually flinched, anticipating a negative reaction.

"Is this a joke? Are you joking?"

I shook my head, even though it was already obvious I wasn't joking.

"I'm so sorry, Cade. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. It never - it never seemed like the right time. I didn't want to make things worse for you, I kept reading about you online and I didn't want to be a burden or, or, to make you think I wanted something from you so I just thought, well, and I was so scared your parents would find out and try to do something, I don't know what but your mom, she didn't want me to be with you and..."

I sat there babbling until Cade took one of my hands and squeezed it hard enough to snap me out of it.

"Ellie!"

When I looked up at him, he had a huge grin on his face.

"What?"

"I have a son!"

I was confused.

"Yes, Cade, you have a son. He's five years old. He's-"

"I have a five year old son!" He shouted, slamming his hands down on the log hard enough to make me jump.

"Cade? I - you're scaring me, I can't tell if you're angry or happy."

He visibly relaxed his body when I said that and we sat in silence for a little while. Then he turned to me and put one finger under my chin, turning my face towards his.

"I love you, Ellie. I can't - I can't explain everything I'm feeling right now, but I love you. I'm in shock. Are you afraid of me? Were you afraid I was going to be angry?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and felt two fat tears roll down my cheeks as I nodded. "Yes."

"Well I'm not. I don't feel angry. I feel...I don't know. I feel like I just won the lottery. Or the Stanley Cup. No. This is better than the Stanley Cup. I feel fucking amazing! You - Ellie, you had a baby?
My baby
? I can't believe this. I seriously can't."

I slipped my phone out of my bag and pulled a photo of Christopher up before handing the phone to Cade. As soon as he looked down and saw Christopher's face, he started crying, too.

"Oh, Ellie. Oh, he looks like me. He looks just like me."

There was something on Cade's face as he looked down at the photo of Christopher. It was pride. Glowing, bursting pride. As soon as I saw that look I felt suddenly consumed with love. For my son, for Cade.

"I want to see him."

"You can."

"Is he here?"

"No, he's in North Falls with Jacob and the boys - Jacob is seventeen now and Christopher is in school so-"

"Christopher? Is that his name?"

Cade was staring alternately at me and at the image of Christopher on my phone.

"Yes. Christopher Caden Hesketh."

Cade managed to hand me back my phone before hunching over, shaking with emotion.

"I'm so sorry, Ellie. I'm so sorry. For everything I did. For the way I treated you. For leaving you when you needed me. I'm so fucking sorry."

Overcome, I leaned over and put my arms around Cade, holding him tightly while he wept and apologized over and over. When he calmed down a little, he looked up at me.

"I know you think I'm just in shock right now, Ellie. But I mean everything. I meant everything I said to you today. I'm never going to let you down again."

He did mean it. I don't know how I knew it, but I did. Completely. We sat there, eyes locked, as all of the tension and worry of the past few weeks melded with the ache of what Cade and I had lost, the years we were never going to get back and transformed inside me into a sudden desperate heat.