By Chance (Courtland Chronicles) (7 page)

He and Nick would invariably stumble back to their room long past midnight, falling into their beds so exhausted, Nick started snoring before the lights blinked out. Never failed to send Eric off to dreamland with a smile on his face.

As far as what’d happened between them the night Eric was mugged, it did indeed appear to be forgotten. Eric wasn’t sure how he felt about that. His attraction to Nick hadn’t gone away, but aside from discreet jerk-off sessions in the shower, he tried to ignore it.

He hadn’t indulged in any reckless encounters either, much as he’d been tempted otherwise. The hot dining hall guy had tried to entice him into another bathroom blowjob, but when it came time to drop to his knees, he couldn’t go through with it. Nick wouldn’t like it, and for some weird reason, Nick’s good opinion had come to mean the world to him. But there was another reason too—quite simply, the thrill was gone.

One Friday afternoon, Eric dashed back to the room after his last class to get ready to go out. But he screeched to a halt the second he opened the door, struck momentarily dumb by the sight of Nick and Ally on the couch with his mother between them, crisply regal in her sable coat and matching hat.

“Hello, dear!” she chirped, beaming at him as if they hadn’t had a horrible argument the last time they’d seen each other. Of course, in her mind, it was ancient history, tucked away and compartmentalized, if she remembered it at all. “Your friends and I have been having a lovely chat.”

He came in and set his backpack down on the desk, taking a few precious seconds to bring his conflicting emotions under control. It was just like her to show up out of the blue, expecting everything to be all hearts and roses. And what the hell had she been telling Nick and Ally? Something he’d no doubt be living down for the next three months.

“How long have you been in town?” He pulled out the desk chair, even though the armchair beside the couch was empty. “It would’ve been nice if you’d called first.”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Her mortified gaze darted from Eric to Nick to Ally and back again. “It’s Friday night. I should have realized you’d be getting ready to go out.”

“It’s no problem,” Nick said, giving Eric a confused yet pointed look. “Ally and I can go on ahead and let you two have a chance to talk. Eric knows where we’ll be if he wants to join us later.”

“Good idea.” Ally hopped up and grabbed her bag from the coffee table. “Lovely to meet you, Mrs. Courtland.” And with that, she caught Nick by the hand and whisked him out the door with her.

“Ally’s quite the vivacious young lady,” his mother continued after a long, excruciatingly silent moment, “and Nick’s smart as well as handsome. So which of them are you dating?” She winked. “Or is it both?”

“
Mom!
” Heat flooded his cheeks. “I am not discussing my sex life with you.”

“You’ve never had any problem with it before. Oh, well.” She heaved a mock sigh. “I suppose I should have asked them.”

He glared at her. “Is that why you came over, to interrogate my friends?”

“Of course not. Can’t a mother pay her son a visit, especially when she hasn’t seen him in over a month?”

“Like I said, you could have called first.”

All playfulness drained from her expression. “Eric, please. I’m sorry about last time. I wish you wouldn’t still be so angry about it.”

So she hadn’t forgotten. Was this a hopeful sign, or merely a fluke? “I’m not angry. I just…” Why was it so hard to breathe all of a sudden? “I can’t keep riding this merry-go-round with you, Mom. It’s too hard.”

“For what it’s worth, I regret all the pain I’ve put you through,” she said quietly. “I came here tonight to tell you I’ve taken your advice. I had my first appointment with my new therapist today.”

Everything went so perfectly still, Eric thought his heart had stopped. “You went? You really went?”

“Yes, and I plan to continue twice a week. I’ve moved into my usual suite at the Pierre for the summer.”

“Have you told Dad?”

“No. And as far as I’m concerned, there’s no reason to. I don’t need his permission.”

He flashed her a shaky smile. “That’s some self-confidence, after only one session.”

“I’ve had a lot to think about these past few weeks. It’s time I took control of my life.” She rose, holding her arms out to him. Eric hesitated, then walked into her embrace with a hopeful sigh. “Things are about to change, and it’s all because of you, darling.”

Her eyes shone clear and bright for the first time in Eric’s recent memory. “You haven’t taken any pills—”

“No pills or liquor since we last saw each other, I promise.”

“Good. Do me a favor and don’t go see Dad, okay? Every time you do, it triggers all the awful stuff.”

“I have no intention of seeing or talking to your father. If he has business to discuss, he can contact my attorney.” She smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. “I should go now, and let you join your friends.”

Eric remained on the couch for a long time after she’d left, trying to absorb it all. When he finally got around to checking his watch, he realized he’d missed dinner and probably the beginning of the movie. If he hurried, he could make it to the theater before it was over, but he hated walking in on the middle of a movie, even one he’d already seen.

His mother usually brought nothing but chaos into his life, but now a strange sense of calm had come over him. Just like the way he felt whenever Nick was around.

The realization thrummed through him with such force, he began to tremble. But it was true. He’d never been more peaceful and centered than he’d been with Nick here these past few weeks. Nick
got
him in ways no one else ever had. Sometimes they didn’t even need to speak. A simple look between them spoke volumes.

This wasn’t mere physical attraction, not anymore. No wonder he’d stopped seeking out transient, meaningless encounters. They no longer fed his need.

God, was this what
love
felt like?

* * *

Nick squirmed in his seat all the way through the first movie, barely paying attention to the subtitles. He’d figured out that it was about an itinerant circus strongman and the naïve young woman traveling with him, but aside from that, he was lost.

He shot out of his seat the second the end credits started rolling. “I’m going back to the dorm.”

Ally glanced up, startled. “What about the next movie?”

“Eric should’ve shown up by now. I need to make sure he’s okay.” He grabbed his jacket, then marched up the aisle and into the lobby.

“Nick, wait!” She had to run to catch up to him, snagging him by the arm as she tugged on her own jacket. “Look, don’t freak out. He and his mom probably decided to go to dinner.”

“Did it look to you like he wanted to spend that much time with her?”

“I think he was just a little annoyed about her showing up unannounced. You’ve heard the way he talks about her. They’re obviously very close.” She smiled and tried to steer him back inside. “C’mon, let’s grab some more popcorn and go watch the second feature.”

He thought about it a moment before pulling away. “I’d rather go. I’m just not into it tonight.”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” She made a tiny exasperated sound. “Go on, then. Tell Eric I said hi.”

He shot her a puzzled look. “What’s the matter?

“Oh, I don’t know. I thought maybe you might actually be glad to spend some time alone with me for a change.”

“What’re you talking about?”

“We haven’t gone out by ourselves once since you moved in with Eric. You realize that, right?”

Actually, he hadn’t. But now that she’d brought it up… “Sure, Eric and I spend a lot of time together. He’s my roommate.”

She shook her head. “You don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?”

“Oh, Nick. You make that poor dumb girl in the movie look like a Rhodes scholar.” She patted him on the shoulder. “See you in class Monday.”

He watched her walk away, then zipped up his jacket, shoved his hands in his pockets and trudged five miserably icy blocks to the subway. He was halfway back to the dorm before it finally dawned on him what she meant. That’s when he started trembling.

* * *

A chill had settled over the room. Shivering, Eric went into the kitchen to put on the teakettle, then pulled a blanket off his bed and sat back down on the couch, wrapping himself in it.

The kettle started whistling just as the door opened. “You okay?” Nick asked, rubbing his hands together as he stepped inside, his tone a touch more urgent than the situation warranted.

“A little cold. But you look frozen straight through.” Eric cocked his head toward the kitchen. “There should be enough water in the kettle for two cups.”

A few minutes later, Nick emerged from the kitchen with two steaming mugs. Eric sat up to take his, blowing on it before taking a sip. It burned his tongue, but at least this time Nick hadn’t drowned the tea’s natural herbal flavor in too much sugar.

“You’re back early,” Eric observed, his gaze focused on the depths of his mug.

Nick shrugged. “I wasn’t in the mood for Fellini tonight.”

“Fellini’s always been one of my favorites. Which ones were they showing? I forgot to check the schedule.”

Nick pulled the schedule out of his pocket. “
La Strada
and
Juliet of the Spirits
.”

Eric couldn’t help smiling. Irony had certainly put on the gloves for him tonight. “What’d you think of the second film?”

“Didn’t see it. I left after the first one ended.”

“D’you know what
Juliet
is about?”

Nick shook his head.

“It’s about a rich, pampered woman who has a nervous breakdown when she finds out her husband’s been cheating on her. Also known as the story of my mother’s life.”

“I’m sorry,” Nick said softly. “She’s a nice lady. I really like her.”

“She can be very sweet and charming when she’s herself. Which she hasn’t been lately.”

“I remember you mentioning her having health problems. Is she getting better?”

“‘Better’ is a relative term. Her illness is as much emotional as it is physical.” He studied Nick’s empathetic expression, weighing whether to continue. Well, why not? It felt good, finally sharing this with someone. He’d already told Nick some pretty personal stuff, and Nick hadn’t judged him. “My parents have never been particularly happy together. I suspect her money was the main attraction for him—she bankrolled Courtland Industries back when it was a startup. I’m not even sure he ever really loved her. Her tragedy is that she can’t stop loving him.” He sighed. “Sorry. You don’t want to hear this.”

“Sure I do. It explains a lot, actually.”

“All my neuroses revealed?” Eric let out a short bark of laughter. “I’ll end up scaring you away.”

“Not a chance. Go on, tell me the rest.”

The tea had warmed Eric up so much, his palms had started sweating. He pulled off the blanket and set it aside.

“Five years ago, my mother and I went ice skating on this tiny pond behind our house,” he began slowly. “We should’ve known better. It was nearly spring. The snow had already started melting. She fell on a weak patch of ice and went crashing right through.”

“Jesus,” Nick breathed. “That must’ve been horrible.”

Eric drained his mug and set it on the coffee table. “She was in a coma for three days, and woke up in a body brace with two crushed vertebrae. For a while they weren’t sure she’d ever walk again. It took five surgeries and a year of physical therapy to get her back on her feet, but by then she was hooked on painkillers and tranquilizers.”

“That is pretty horrible.”

“Oh, I’ve barely gotten started.” He sucked in a breath. “She already knew my father hadn’t been faithful to her for a long time, but after the accident, he didn’t even try to hide it anymore. Except for Christmas holidays, when he’d show up on our doorstep with a bunch of his cronies, expecting us to play the perfect happy family for their benefit. And every Christmas holiday for the last five fucked-up years, my mother’s downed a fistful of pills with a Stoli chaser.”

He steeled himself, waiting for Nick to flinch and scoot away, but Nick merely gazed down into his cup.

“I don’t know what to say,” Nick murmured at last. “I can’t begin to imagine what growing up like that must’ve been like for you.”

“If you’re still wondering why I was in such a foul mood the day we met, now you know.”

“But your mom seemed okay tonight. I mean, she didn’t look drunk or stoned to me.”

“It runs in cycles. She’ll be fine for a few months, then something will happen to trigger another episode. It’s usually something to do with my father. She acts out, and he comes running. But tonight she insisted that’s all over. She’s seeing a therapist, trying to get her life back on track. We’ll see, I guess.”

“You don’t believe her?”

“I believe she’s sincere about it now, but in two or three months, who knows? I want her to get well, I really do, but I just can’t take being disappointed by her again.” He tugged a hand though his hair, forcing a smile. “So there it is. Feel free to run screaming.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Nick said as he slid his hand over Eric’s, his pulse a soft, warm throb against Eric’s skin.

Eric’s pulse skipped wildly in response. “What’re you doing?”

“Something I’ve been wanting to do since the night I kissed you.” Nick inhaled deeply before continuing. “Even if it scares the hell out of me.”

At least now they were on the same page. But when Nick tried to pull his hand away, Eric’s fingers tightened around it. His heart thumped, vision blurring momentarily, but he didn’t let go. He wasn’t about to let them retreat to their neutral corners again, not when they’d finally made it this far. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “But what made you decide to…?” His gaze flicked to their clasped hands.

 “I, um, did some thinking on the subway home tonight, and it occurred to me that maybe there’s a good reason why none of my relationships with girls ever panned out.”

“This came to you right out of the blue?”

“It’s been staring me in the face for a while—since high school, actually. I just didn’t want to look, for…well, a lot of reasons.” Another deep breath. “All I know is, I’ve got feelings for you that go way beyond friendship. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think you feel the same way.”