Butterfly Swords (20 page)

‘G
nb
i,’
Ryam said dutifully.

That had Fifth Brother slapping his palm against the table top with glee. ‘Listen to him!’

There was a frantic knocking at the door of the salon. Huang shouted in its general direction and Ailey snapped back with something equally strident.

‘I told her it was going to be a while,’ Huang said. ‘I must thank you, barbarian, for that bit out there.’ He made a sword-brandishing motion. ‘No one knows what it’s like to be born with the heart of a poet in a family of warriors.’

‘Why do you call her Seven?’ Ryam asked. It was time for a break between shots.

‘It is an ordinal ranking in the household.’ Huang blinked, as if he was doing some ancient calculation in his head. ‘Father is one, you see. I’m six. Ai Li is a daughter, she doesn’t get a rank, but we call her seven. We used to say—’ His head swayed precariously.

The alcohol spoke through Huang in a jumble of languages. Ryam nodded and nodded. To his surprise, it was actually quite easy to follow.

‘Ai Li should have been born in my place. I never took to the sword like the rest of the Shen line. I was destined for other things.’

Huang picked up the ninth cup, tilted his head back, then stopped to stare at Ryam’s cup, which still rested on the table. Mumbling an apology, Ryam lifted the shot and tossed the contents down.

Huang coughed, and counted the number of overturned cups, pointing them out with his finger. Then he counted again. He eyed Ryam suspiciously. ‘Are you falling behind?’

Ryam threw open his hands. ‘I wouldn’t do anything so dishonourable.’

Huang reached out to slap him on the back, apparently pleased with his response. Then immediately he grew serious. ‘There is only one reason you’re still here. Ai Li was the only one who ever looked at me as if I was worth anything.’

‘I understand you completely.’ Ryam knew what that look could do. She trusted him more than he’d ever trusted himself.

‘No one else understands.’ Huang stood without warning, jarring the edge of the table. Liquor sloshed from the two remaining cups. ‘I have memorised all the classics,’ he boasted. ‘Shall we trade verses on duty?’

Ryam stared at him. ‘I don’t even know what you’re talking about, Fifth Brother.’

Huang burst out laughing, his finger wagging in Ryam’s direction. ‘I like you, foreigner. Shall we finish number ten and declare ourselves brothers?’

He took the last drink standing, most of the liquid ending on the floor. Ryam stood to help Huang back into his chair. He had been worse off than this many a time.

‘You are not a bad fellow,’ Huang said. ‘I apologise for insulting you.’

‘Don’t worry. I couldn’t understand what you were saying.’

‘I called you a no-name bastard. I apologise.’

Huang’s mention of the honour play they’d enacted sobered him up. Ailey was in enough trouble without him in the picture. No-name bastard was exactly right.

‘Do you know I studied for the civil exams?’ Huang said. ‘But when I asked permission to go to Changan, they all taunted me, First Elder Brother on down to Fourth Brother, for wanting to be something better than I was. They were all warrior heroes.’ He grew serious again. ‘Fourth Brother died the way a Shen should.’

‘Ailey was very affected by his death.’

‘In glorious battle,’ Huang said bitterly.

‘She learned his death was not an accident.’

Ryam felt inadequate trying to explain, but he needed to protect her. She’d already done the unthinkable by choosing to be with him. And he’d let it happen because he wanted her too much to turn away.

‘What will happen?’ Ryam asked.

Huang’s expression darkened, the corners of his mouth turning downwards. ‘Ai Li came to me for help. She must think I can talk to our father, that he’ll listen to a fifth son.’ He sighed, looking down at the table. ‘I care very much about my sister.’

‘I care very much about her, too.’

Huang’s head shot up. ‘Brother, brother…’ He slapped Ryam’s back again, choked with sudden emotion. Apparently Fifth Brother was a moody drunk. ‘She chose you. You can’t be so bad. Do you know there is a tradition of lucky devils in our family? Our grandfather won himself the most beautiful bride in the province. And he was nearly as ugly as you are. My sister paints a picture of someone right away. Right or wrong, she decides very quickly.’

Shifting uncomfortably, Ryam rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. There was no getting around it. When they met, Ailey had been alone and scared and he’d helped her. He was the luckiest bastard in all the empire, but he had no idea what he needed to do to make things right for her. The consequences, the thoughts he’d been blocking, came to him again. She could be pregnant with his child. She could be banished from her family.

‘I’d never hurt her,’ he told Huang.

‘I believe you, barbarian.’

‘I want her to be happy.’

Fifth Brother dropped his head down into his arms. ‘She came to me. I will think of something. I must think of something.’

Head buried, Huang stayed still for so long that Ryam thought he’d passed out. It wasn’t until he stood to go that Huang mumbled his parting wisdom.

‘Any man can be better than he is.’

S
he’d told her brother she loved Ryam.

The words had spilled out of her. It was a wonder Huang didn’t demand Ryam’s death then and there. They had been locked away for over an hour, leaving her to pace like a madwoman outside.

She loved him.

Every glimpse of Ryam filled all the empty spaces in her heart. She had fallen before Changan, but hadn’t allowed herself to believe it. Leaving him in the market square had cut out a piece of her and she had prayed that they would be able to meet again in another life.

Maybe this was her other life. She had changed during the journey. As youngest daughter, she’d always been sheltered. The first important decision she had ever made was to run away from her wedding. It was the right decision, no matter what her family insisted.

Ryam had given her a taste of what it meant to desire something for herself—happiness and peace and freedom. She couldn’t fill her soul on duty and sacrifice any longer.

What were they doing in there for so long? She banged on the door again and this time it swung open. Ryam stepped out and shut the door behind him.

‘Everything’s fine,’ he answered before she said anything.

‘What happened? What did Huang say?’

‘All sorts of stories.’ He was looking at her oddly and something in his expression frightened her.

‘You allowed Huang to save face. Thank you for that.’

‘He’d be horrified to find out you knew.’

‘Everyone knows. Huang never practised. Even when he went out to the training yard, he would pretend.’

Every word had to be coaxed out of him while she babbled on.

‘Have you been drinking?’

He made a face. ‘Hardly. Huang might be sleeping it off for a while, though.’

They were standing so close, but he held himself back. Ryam was always reaching out to tuck back a strand of her hair or run his hand along her back—little touches that always made her breath catch and brought her thoughts back to him. But not now.

‘What’s wrong?’

Ryam came away from the door to stand before her, a silent tower. ‘Your brother cares about you. Your entire family cares about you very much.’

She shook her head. ‘Not after what I’ve done.’

The sharp pang in her chest came without warning.

‘They won’t turn you away no matter what you’ve done. Even I can sense that.’

‘Why are you talking like this? Did Huang say something to you?’

He shook his head. ‘Your father will kill me the moment he sees me and I would deserve it.’

‘He would have to kill me first.’

‘Don’t say that.’ He turned away, one hand rubbing at the back of his neck in frustration. ‘You can’t be that blind, Ailey.’

‘I am not blind,’ she said, her voice rising.

He could accuse her of anything but ignorance. For the first time in her life, she could see clearly. Her parents had always been icons of authority and respect to be obeyed without question, but she knew them now to be human, with the same flaws and weaknesses as anyone else.

‘Are you going to leave?’

‘If you want me to stay, I will.’

Pride kept her from asking it of him. How had it come to this after all the things they had said to one another, skin to skin in the darkness? Her heart shattered into pieces with his next words.

‘I can tell your father I seduced you, that none of this is your fault.’

If his words were meant to be noble, they failed their purpose. She couldn’t look at him after that.

‘He’d kill you.’

‘Maybe I deserve it.’

‘You didn’t seduce me. I came to you willingly because—’ her eyes stung and she blinked furiously ‘—because I wanted to.’

He shut his eyes, raking a hand through his hair. ‘I need to clear my head.’

He walked past her, ignoring her when she called after him. It was the first time he had ever done that.

‘I’m going for a ride,’ he said, his back turned to her as he retreated.

She let him go.

If things could only have remained the way they’d been yesterday: no one but the two of them, hidden in the safety of Longyou with nothing to worry about beyond the next moment together. But she still needed to convince her family. She needed her father to understand the extent of Li Tao’s ruthlessness.

Grandmother had believed there was a way to set things right, but that was before she’d given herself to Ryam. She refused to regret what they’d done. Ryam was her only bastion of happiness since she’d escaped from Li Tao. He believed in her. He’d always protected her.

Yet, in all of their conversations Ryam had never mentioned the possibility that she could go with him when he left. He never spoke of any future, for himself or for the two of them. It made her wonder if there were words in the barbarian language to speak of such a thing.

Ryam rode out through the wild grass, aiming a line for the distant ridge. The pounding of the hooves against the plains drummed out his thoughts and he revelled in solitude as the shadow of the mountain engulfed him. Once he found a pass through these mountains, Yumen Guan was less than a week’s journey away.

He stared up at the stone peaks as his horse paced in a restless circle. The animal was bred to run. He tugged on the reins to turn them back around and, before he knew it, the day was done.

By evening, he lay in a room that had belonged to one of Ailey’s brothers, warm and secure with a roof overhead. The cicadas buzzed their incessant trill outside in the trees. He was completely out of place. Anyone could see it. Anyone but Ailey.

He had wandered all his life. No particular place held any pull for him.

He expected the knock on the door and knew it was Ailey from her silhouette through the paper panes of the window, a willowy shadow cast by the evening lanterns.

She slipped inside and shut the door behind her with barely a sound. Her dress shimmered in the lamplight. It was always a breathtaking sight, the sinuous drape of silk on Ailey’s graceful form.

‘Where did you go?’ she asked quietly.

‘To the mountains.’

He pushed himself up to sit at the edge of the bed. She stayed just inside the door, her hands folded in front of her. For seconds, the only movement was the rise and fall of his chest and the play of the lanterns on the walls. He knew what she risked to come here. Every moment she had spent with him since they met had been a risk. And she had so much more to lose than he did.

‘I found a trail that leads high up into the rocks,’ he said.

‘Sometimes the men will go into the mountains to train.’

Yes. Talk of nothing. This he could manage.

‘It’s beautiful up there. Pure,’ he continued absently.

‘Even prettier in the spring.’

She spoke calmly, her voice soothing like cool water. His hands rounded over his knees, itching to hold her, but he tortured himself by holding back. Spring was nearly a year away. The mention of time nicked at his heart, a tiny flesh wound that stung more than it deserved to.

‘I thought of you.’

Even though it was the truth, the words felt clumsy on his lips. He had thought of her the entire time away, as much as he fought against it. She came closer. Her eyes wandered to his bare feet resting against the floor.

‘For a moment I thought you had left.’ Her words plunged through the space between them like a stone into a dark well.

‘I wouldn’t do that.’

But he had thought of it. He had considered what it would mean to leave. When he looked back, the mansion had grown small behind him and the mountains loomed above.

‘I wouldn’t betray you like that,’ he said, stronger this time.

‘I knew you wouldn’t.’

Did she? He saw the lingering doubt behind her eyes.

‘I will need to go some time,’ he began. ‘My people don’t know what has happened to me.’

She silenced him with her fingertips. Fear clouded her expression as it reared its black head full force. It was a look he could do without seeing ever again. He opened his legs and settled her into the enclosure between his knees.

Tentatively, she braced her hands on to his shoulders, at once beautiful and vulnerable. He searched hard for something to say, to be able to promise to her and felt like a beggar when there was nothing. Words had never escaped him before when it came to women, but they had been empty and sweet. Not real words at all.

Ailey saw how he struggled. Her eyes lowered as she reached up to pull the ivory pin from her hair. ‘Tell me more about Yumen Guan,’ she said as the dark strands fell about her shoulders.

‘Marshland and desert. Not nearly as beautiful as here.’

‘Your friends are there. You are loyal to them.’

He couldn’t think. Her hands reached behind her back while he continued to hold her. He watched in a trance as she pulled her sash free in one long motion.

‘Are there beautiful women there?’ she asked. Her hands paused at the edge of her robe as she waited for his answer.

‘No.’

She ran her hands over her shoulders and the silk followed the motion of her fingers down, baring honeyed skin and sculpted flesh. ‘You’re lying.’

The layers of her dress slipped down her hips, pooling on top of his knees.

‘No, I’m not,’ he said with conviction.

He stared at the smooth hollows and rounded shapes of her body. Strength held itself so differently in a woman. Ailey was stunning to behold, not a line, not a curve wasted. There were no other women in the world.

His hands itched to help her with the ties of the embroidered bodice, but he waited with forced patience despite the way his erection strained against his trousers. The entire day had been like that, one test of will after another.

‘You’ve seduced many women, haven’t you?’

He shook his head in denial. It was a lie. With a deep breath, she pulled her bodice away and let it drop to the floor. His mouth went completely dry, his mind churning.

She leaned even closer to run a hand through his hair, the gesture possessive. ‘But you didn’t seduce me,’ she whispered. ‘Seduction implies deception.’

Her breasts rose and fell before his eyes, ivory skin tipped with dusky coral. No, this wasn’t seduction. Ailey was going to bring him to his knees with an open assault, right down his centre. Unable to hold back any longer, he pressed his lips to the hollow beneath her breasts and then his arms closed around her as he lifted his head to draw her nipple into his mouth.

With a shuddering sigh, Ailey leaned into the caress, her hand digging into the back of his head. He ran his tongue over her hard peak and licked at the surrounding softness, feeling her melt and mould into his embrace.

She grasped his tunic, the linen bunching in her hands as she pulled it away. He raised his arms to help her and then they returned to each other, skin to skin. He captured her other breast, the nipple swelled against the wet caress of his tongue. Using his arm across her back to arch her into him, he feasted, scraping his teeth against the tender underside of her breast. He drew the swell of it into his mouth until she gasped and clutched at him and crushed him to her.

No other women. They had never existed. He could spend the rest of his life exploring her alone.

With one hand he parted her thighs and found the glistening well at her centre. Bending his head low, he put his mouth there, his tongue caressing a deep, savouring path. With a strangled, startled cry Ailey tensed her legs. He was holding on to her and she was holding on to him as his mouth circled and tasted. She moaned wonderfully for him. He couldn’t help but delve deeper, thrusting his tongue into her smooth heat.

Suddenly Ailey’s grip tightened on him and he was being pushed onto his back. She tugged at his trousers and he moved to help her, lifting his hips as she freed him of the last of his clothing. He ran his hands over the swell of her thighs, appreciating the graceful strength in them as she straddled him. His beautiful warrior girl.

The sight of her over him with her skin flushed with arousal banished all thought from his head. He strained against her, unable to push inside, growing hard and heavy against her flesh.

‘Ailey,’ he groaned, amazed by her boldness.

‘I’ve seen this in books.’ Her voice was a soft purr in her throat that made him throb.

‘Must be better books on this side of the world,’ he laughed.

He reached between them, guiding himself to her. With a shift of her hips he was sliding into her depths, hot and wet and incredible. His head pushed back into the mattress, neck corded.

She held on to his shoulders, her nails cutting into hard muscle as she sank lower onto him with excruciating slowness. He opened his eyes, needing to see her. Digging down with his heels, he thrust into her, embedding himself deep with an upward motion of his hips. Her face tilted in a grip of shock and pleasure. Shadows danced over the slope of her breasts and her stomach.

‘God’s breath, Ailey,’ he said through his teeth.

His hold tightened on her, his fingers gripping her thighs as he urged her to move on him. And she did, rising and falling, slow and then faster with her eyes held shut to focus on the pull of him inside her. Watching her stripped him bare, leaving him raw and open. Defenceless.

She took hold of his wrists, her fingers slender and cool, circling him and trapping his arms to the bed. Her breasts pressed against his chest as she laid herself over him. All the while she rode his hips, tugging the pleasure from him in wave after wave.

Hands captured against the bed, he craned his neck to search for her mouth in a haze of hunger. He grasped for her tongue while he kissed her, all finesse gone. Ailey writhed into him, searching for the rhythm that would take them both into oblivion.

‘I never knew it could feel like this,’ she panted, her breath feathering against his throat.

His head dropped back onto the mattress as he felt her inner muscles clenching around him, pulsing, drawing him deeper. He gripped her in his arms, fingers splayed against her back, and tried to absorb every last silken ripple of her body into him before letting go. His release poured into her while he continued to drive his shaft deep as if there could even be more, more than this.