Burying the Shadow (59 page)

‘Avirzah’e, I
have to speak to her,’ I said, in a low, persistent voice. ‘I won’t
leave Sacramante until I’ve seen her.’

He sighed
heavily and there was a moment’s strained silence. ‘Very well, I’ll
see what I can do, but there can be no promises,’ he said.

‘When?
Tomorrow?’

He shook his
head. ‘I don’t know. Maybe. Will you be here tomorrow?’

I thought
quickly. The word ‘library’ flashed through my mind. ‘In the
afternoon, yes. I have to visit a friend in the morning. It’s
unavoidable.’

‘Wait here,
then. I will try to send word to you.’

I stood up.
‘Thank you, Avirzah’e. I appreciate what you’re doing.’

‘Mistress
Rayojini, do not, for one minute, imagine you know what I’m doing.
If you knew half of what you think you do, you’d be out of here on
the first ship.’

‘You can’t
believe that!’ I said.

He took one of
my hands in his own and brushed it with his lips. ‘No,’ he said, ‘I
don’t.’

‘Avirzah’e, is
Beth Metatronim still in Sacramante too?’

He smiled
uneasily. ‘Are you going to demand I bring him to you as well?’

I shrugged. ‘I
am just curious.’

‘Yes, he is in
Sacramante. In my house, as it happens.’ I thought I read the
underlying message correctly.

‘I see. You
are indeed familiar with the Metatronims, then.’

‘Very. Thus,
their concerns are mine. I wouldn’t do this lightly - speak so
plainly to one such as yourself.’

‘And what is
“one such as myself”?’ I asked.

‘Untouched,’
he replied. ‘And a wise, handsome woman. I must go now. Do nothing
rash, Rayojini. Wait for my word.’

‘I will.’

He bowed
courteously and left the room.

For a few
moments, I slumped back on the bed, my mind whirling. I felt full
of a wild anticipation, which was half dread. Untouched am I? No.
Avirzah’e was wrong. I remembered the scrying-rite of my childhood.
They had touched me then. They had been with me since. Why? What
was I to them? Why had they led me to Sacramante? For what purpose?
And what had happened for them to change their minds? They would
not dismiss me without an explanation; I would not let them. They
had become part of me, part of my life. At times I had hated them
and yet, should I lose their presence forever - which I suspected
might be the case now that their connection with me had been
revealed - I felt that my existence would be impoverished. Life
without Gimel, especially, was unthinkable to me now.

Gimel

‘
Much pleasure we
have lost, while we abstained from this delightful fruit, nor known
till now true relish, tasting…’

Paradise Lost,
Book IX

The journey back from
the Strangeling had been one of tense silences. I was furious with
Sammael, and had been deeply humiliated by the Harkasite who had
accosted me with nothing but a common threat. Suddenly, it seemed
as if my contribution to eloim well-being was no longer needed.
Sammael had swept in, literally out of nowhere, after having
ignored his people for centuries, and had taken over responsibility
for their future. It was as if my voice was no longer heard. But
what else had I expected when I coaxed Sammael out of his tower?
Everything that had happened since had been a predestined
inevitability. If I had not brought Sammael back to the eloim,
someone else would have done; his re-emergence was simply part of
the pattern. I had no business feeling upset by the way he wanted
to handle the situation. In comparison to him, I was expendable.
One thing I could not swallow comfortably, however, was the fact he
wanted me to get rid of Rayojini. My reaction to this suggestion
made me realise I was more interested in the soulscaper as a person
than as an answer to our problems. We were like sisters, in a way.
I remembered how she had fought against my presence in the past,
and how, in secret moments she had opened her heart to me, telling
me she knew I wasn’t real, but that, in many ways, I was more real
to her than anything. How I had longed to reveal myself to her at
those times. Perhaps I should have done. Perhaps she should have
been aware from the very first moment just how involved we were.
Would she have fought against me still? I had tried to perceive her
several times on the way home from the Strangeling, but all my
attempts at projection had been met by a shadowy murk. I suspected
my concentration was at fault; I was too nervy. At least I could be
thankful Amelakiveh was with her. He knew how important Rayojini
was to me, and would therefore do everything in his power to
protect her. If only he would be a little more diligent about
communicating regularly with me.

Metatron had
tried to take me to the family stronghold with him, but I was firm
against his entreaties. ‘I have to go to my brother,’ I said. ‘Take
Sammael home with you. Give me a rest.’

‘Don’t attempt
any unwise alliances,’ Metatron had replied, stiffly. I would not
respond to that.

Avirzah’e
lived in an apartment in a distant wing of the Tartaruchi court,
which had its own yard and private entrance. I was absurdly calm as
I alighted from my carriage, even though I had no real idea how I
would be received, or what I might discover. I suppose a weight had
fallen from my shoulders when I’d rid myself of the oppressive
company of both Sammael and my father. I was going to tell Beth
everything. We would have to decide what to do about Rayojini.

The door to
Avirzah’e’s home was reached by a long flight of iron steps, which
led to a balcony. I had been riding in one of Metatron’s carriages
and, unsure whether this foray into Tartaruchi territory would be
short or protracted, instructed the driver to return home without
waiting for me, even though the length of my visit would depend
largely on how Beth reacted to my arrival.

Avirzah’e
himself responded to my tug on the bell-rope. He looked distinctly
ungroomed when he opened the door, which surprised me, but then I
had never called on him unexpected at home before.

‘Gimel,’ he
said, in a carefully neutral tone.

‘Did Beth
receive my message?’ I asked. ‘He
is
still here, isn’t
he?’

‘He is still
here.’

‘Well, I would
like to see him.’ I stalked past Avirzah’e into his apartment. It
comprised one huge room, with a sleeping gallery at one end and a
small observatory at the other, both reached by flights of
uncarpeted steps. There was very little furniture but many rugs and
cushions on the floor. The walls were of bare grey stone; their
starkness relieved only by a couple of hanging Deltan tapestries.
Books and piles of manuscripts lay everywhere. It was clearly not a
place designed for receiving guests. I did not think Avirzah’e even
had a servant.

‘Where is he?’
I asked.

‘In the
observatory,’ Avirzah’e replied. ‘You look tired, Gimel. May I
fetch you a drink?’

‘A fortified
aperitif would be most welcome.’

He grinned. ‘I
have nothing fortified, but could squeeze you a drop if you’re
desperate.’

I gazed at him
candidly. ‘Straight wine will suffice, Avirzah’e. Don’t put
yourself out. My sustenance habits haven’t changed.’ I pulled off
my gloves and threw them onto a cushion.

Avirzah’e
smiled in an irritatingly knowing manner, and indicated for me to
go to Beth. I picked my way through the room and went up into the
observatory. Beth was perched on a high stool beside the great
curved windows, making sketches of the trees outside. He was so
absorbed in his task, he did not notice me for a moment, during
which time I took the opportunity to observe him carefully. He
appeared healthy and content (hadn’t he missed me at all?) and was,
to me, the most beautiful creature alive. A fierce stab of jealousy
travelled painfully through my body.

‘Beth?’

He glanced
round, brushing his hair out of his eyes. ‘Gimel! You’re back!’ The
surprised welcome in his eyes seemed genuine enough.

‘Yes.’ I held
out my arms and he jumped down off his stool to embrace me. He
smelled delicious, but it was not his usual scent. ‘I have much to
tell you,’ I said.

He brushed my
cheek with his fingers. ‘Sandalphon has been here,’ he said, and
shook his head. ‘What
have
you been doing, beloved? I should
not have left you for a moment.’

Avirzah’e had
padded in silently behind us. ‘A touching reunion,’ he said,
handing me a glass.

Beth stepped
away from me and the power flowed back to Avirzah’e. I could sense
that, like myself, Beth and Avirzah’e were committed to caution at
this point. No doubt my message had puzzled them. It had been
rather melodramatic.

‘Give me your
coat, Gimel,’ Avirzah’e said. ‘Let’s go and sit down, shall
we?’

‘I am a mess,’
I said. ‘I have been travelling.’

‘Haven’t
you!’

I gave him my
coat with a hard glance and swept back into the main room. I knew
that it would be easy to slip into an extended game of manners with
Avirzah’e, but there was no good reason to waste any more time. If
I ordered Beth to come home with me, where I could talk to him in
private, it would make my brother sulky and distant. I could not
deal with one of his moods now and knew that, whatever my personal
feelings, Avirzah’e would have to hear my news as well. I would be
frank with them both, and trust that the Tartaruch would curb his
impertinence and realise the importance of what I had to say. Beth
and Avirzah’e lay down on the rugs, while I chose a position of
advantage and arranged myself on a higher pile of black and red
cushions. Then, sipping the wine Avirzah’e had brought me, I told
them, without pausing, all that had occurred since we had parted
company at the Castile. Well, I told them
nearly
all. Even
though it was one of the most important issues, I found I was
reluctant to mention my conjunction with Sammael. I was actually
embarrassed about it, sure that once I had told them, Avirzah’e
would humiliate me in some way. I had had to eat my words, even my
principles. I shrank from admitting I might have been wrong about
conjunction. Still, there was so much astounding information to
impart, I doubted whether Beth or Avirzah’e noticed when I
hesitated in my narrative. Passing swiftly to the subject of
Rayojini, I intimated how concerned I was about Sammael’s
pronouncement.

‘Amelakiveh
must have brought her to the city by now,’ I said. ‘Has he
contacted you, Beth?’

My brother
frowned. ‘No. I haven’t had contact with him for weeks. I assumed
you had, though.’

‘He is
sometimes difficult to locate,’ I said. ‘There may be interference,
of course.’ I sighed. ‘I am going to have to face Rayojini now.
It’s very strange: I want to, but I am nervous about it. I suppose
I have enjoyed our rather peculiar attachment over the years.
Seeing each other in the flesh will end it all, won’t it?
Inevitable, of course.’

Avirzah’e
scowled at me. ‘Gimel, you have met this soulscaper before, haven’t
you?’

I was still
resentful of him having to be involved in this discussion and
answered sharply. ‘Well, yes, in a way. I
saw
her once. We
saw each other. It was a long time ago.’

‘Precisely,’
Avirzah’e said. ‘And if you meet her again now, it is hardly going
to help matters, is it?’

‘Whyever not?’
I demanded sharply. I didn’t think it was any of his business.

‘Think, Gimel.
You met her when she was hardly more than a child. Now, she is a
woman. She has aged. You have not. Isn’t she going to wonder why?
It will only make her want to know more about you, surely?’

‘Oh,’ I said,
crestfallen. ‘I see what you mean.’ Avirzah’e’s words could not be
disputed. Concealing our virtual immortality was one of the most
crucial aspects of our camouflage. Because I felt so intimate with
Rayojini, it simply hadn’t occurred to me that she, like any other
human, would wonder why I hadn’t changed. I wanted it not to
matter.

‘You have to
agree with Sammael, to a degree,’ Avirzah’e said. ‘We must get
Rayojini out of Sacramante.’

‘We?’ I
said.

He shrugged.
‘Well, as you’ve told me this much, I supposed you were including
me in your plans, at last. In a way, we are relatives now,
Gimel.’

I glanced at
Beth, who returned my gaze steadily. He did not contest that, damn
him; he did not appear even faintly ashamed. ‘So, how do you
propose
we
persuade Rayojini to leave?’ I said.

‘I will go and
find her,’ Avirzah’e replied smoothly. ‘I will speak to her.’

‘Why should
you do that?’ I asked. ‘Surely, we should simply give Amelakiveh
further instructions.’

‘That would
seem to be difficult, since you haven’t heard from him in some
time.’

I narrowed my
eyes at Avirzah’e. ‘You are curious about her, aren’t you? That’s
the real reason you want to talk to her yourself.’

He nodded. ‘Of
course I’m curious. You are very fond of this Rayojini creature.
Therefore, she must be an extremely intriguing individual.’ He
spiced his flattery with an ingratiating smile. Uneasily, I felt
myself responding warmly to him. His attempts to influence me
favourably were endearing, if not rather pitiful.

‘So, we have
established your reason,’ I said, ‘and I have to admit it is
unlikely Rayojini will remember you from the time she was last in
Sacramante. After all, you meant nothing to her then.’

‘And I mean
nothing to her now,’ he agreed. ‘It seems to me that, for her own
safety, we should persuade her to return to Taparak for a while.
Hopefully, our situation will soon be resolved one way or another.
After that, perhaps it will be feasible to contact Rayojini again.
That is what you want, isn’t it?’

‘It might
never be practicable,’ I said.