Burnt (19 page)

Rebecca watched with a sense of impending doom as Matthew straightened his shirt and dusted off the flakes of paint that had landed on his clothes when Seb had used him as a human duster. He glared at Seb and her with barely concealed hatred.

‘Call and let your parents know I'm coming over to pick up the girls – they'll be spending the weekend with me.'

‘You can't just waltz into town and expect everyone to rearrange their plans just to suit you. Mum and Dad were planning on taking the kids to the movies this weekend.'

‘I'm their father –
remember
?' he snarled. ‘You were the one who took them away from me, brought them back here to the boondocks where I don't get to see them on a regular basis – I'm pretty sure your parents will understand.'

‘Common courtesy would be to call ahead and arrange to see them before turning up.' Rebecca was trying very hard to keep her temper under control but she could see that familiar arrogant streak beginning to surface and a wave of anxiety washed over her.
Stop it! You're not the same person who gave in when he raised his voice just to avoid a confrontation.

‘I had an unexpected free weekend and decided to come and see my children,' he said.

Beside her, Rebecca could feel Seb becoming restless and she hoped he wouldn't get involved any more than he already had. He'd done more than enough to ensure Matthew was ready for a fight.

‘I'm heading over to your parents' house. You'd better go call and make sure the girls are ready to leave with me.'

‘Where are you going to stay and when will you have them back by?' Rebecca asked, a frown creasing her forehead as she took a step to follow her ex-husband.

‘I don't have to answer to you, Rebecca.
You
left
me
,
remember?' He turned abruptly and she almost collided with him.

‘This has nothing to do with me leaving you – I just want to know where you are taking them and when you'll have them back.'

His bitter smile reminded her of a snarling dog and, as he took a step closer, she lifted her head and refused to cower and take a step back.

‘They'll be back by Sunday night. As for where I'm taking them – that's none of your damn business. I'm their father and I don't have to answer to you – or anyone else for that matter,' he said, aiming his glare at Seb. ‘As long as they're back when I've said they'll be back, the rest is nothing to do with you … not any more.'

‘Take a step back. Right now.' Seb's low voice came from close behind her, and she fought the urge to crumple against him in relief. She wouldn't give them the satisfaction of thinking she was some pathetic, fainthearted character in a 1960s romance novel. She did
not
need Seb to come to her rescue.

‘Who the
hell
do you think you are?' Matthew demanded, not bothering to move away.

‘The guy who's going to do more than push you into the side of the house if you don't move away from the lady
right now
.'

The control in Seb's voice was more threatening than if he'd yelled the words. This was Sebastian Taylor, SAS soldier, not the eighteen-year-old she'd known. This was a man who was used to issuing orders and having them carried out.

The tone of his voice obviously had an effect on Matthew as well, because she caught the slight flicker of uncertainty in his gaze moments before he eased away and out of her face. But he was by no means happy about it, and the look he sent her promised he wouldn't be forgetting this any time soon.

‘Just make the call.'

Watching him disappear back around the corner of the house, Rebecca released a long, slow breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding.

‘Are you okay?'

She stared at him as though he'd lost his mind. ‘What on earth was all that about?'

‘What was all what about? In case you didn't notice, the guy was threatening you.'

‘You provoking him didn't exactly help,' she pointed out as calmly as she could manage as her head began to pound with the promise of the mother of all headaches to come.

‘Well excuse me for thinking I'd apprehended the idiot who'd been getting off on breathing into your damn phone for the last few weeks.'

Massaging her forehead with her fingertips, Rebecca could understand why he was so put out. She knew he'd only been trying to help, but he couldn't have picked a worse person to wrongly accuse of being a peeping Tom. ‘I know. I'm sorry. It just caught me off-guard. I didn't expect to come around the corner and find my ex-husband face-planted against the side of my house!'

‘Can he just turn up like that and take the kids away? I mean – don't you have custody of the kids?'

‘I have day-to-day care of them, but we didn't put down any conditions on when he could see them. He has access to them whenever he wants, but I'm pretty sure it says somewhere in all that legal jargon “within reasonable limits”.'

‘And turning up without notice and demanding his kids seems reasonable to you?'

Rebecca sighed irritably. ‘No. But he knows where my parents live and, short of tying him up and shoving him in the cupboard, there seemed little choice about agreeing. I could hardly stop him going to Mum and Dad's.'

‘Just say the word, Bec,' he said.

‘Despite being a jerk, he loves his kids and they miss him. I have to think of the kids first, and even though I feel like telling him to go jump, I know that it would break the girls' hearts to find out their dad was here and they didn't get to see him. I can't hurt
them
just to make a point to
him
.'

‘So every time he decides he wants to play dad, you're just going to let him do whatever the hell he likes?'

‘I'll double-check with my solicitor first thing Monday and find out my rights, and then I'll make sure they send him a letter to say he needs to call and let me know next time, but truthfully, if he turns up and wants to see the kids, then he'll probably get to see the kids.' She shrugged. ‘He's their father.'

Seb stared at her for a few minutes as though trying to figure her out, before shaking his head slowly. ‘You're letting him walk all over you again – but hey, it's your decision.'

Rebecca gaped at him as though he'd just turned and slapped her. ‘Walk all over me? Didn't you just hear what I said? The kids have to come before
my
ego –
or yours
.'

‘It's nothing to do with me,' he protested, raising his palms in surrender. ‘I was just making an observation.'

‘You're right – it isn't and you have no idea what it means to be a parent, so don't stand there and judge me.'

‘I'm not –'

‘You are!'

‘What I see is a bully. That's all he is. He's a loud-mouthed bully, who gets his own way by raising his voice and talking louder than anyone else in the room. If he had to deal with someone who didn't take his shit then he'd probably back down like the coward he really is deep inside.'

‘And that person would be you?'

Seb shrugged. ‘I'm just sayin'.'

‘And then what? After you sweep in and play the hero and teach my ex a lesson, you're going to what? Walk away and remember what a good deed you did once for an old girlfriend and leave me to handle the fallout when he comes back next time?'

‘I'm not trying to be a hero.'

‘Yes, you are. It's one thing to want to fix a problem and take care of someone – it's a completely different thing to do it, then wash your hands of them and walk away.'

‘We've talked about this, Bec – you knew I was going to have to leave once I passed my physical.'

She hated the almost condescending tone she heard creeping into his voice. ‘Don't make me out to be some clingy military groupie you've met on leave somewhere. Don't you
dare
treat me like I'm just some bimbo passing through in your life.'

‘That's not what I –'

‘It's exactly what you're doing.'

‘Bec – come on, don't do this now, I don't want to argue with you and ruin what time we have left.'

‘Would you listen to yourself!'

‘My life is with the army. You knew that. What do you want me to do? Just give it up and become some househusband? I can't
do
anything else.'

‘I'm not asking you to give up anything. I'm asking you to let yourself have a future. You're so caught up in punishing yourself for things that you have no control over that you've made yourself into this untouchable martyr who thinks he doesn't deserve to have a happy ever after.'

Seb scoffed and turned away from her slightly. ‘You really should have gone with psychology – your talents are wasted on being a mere mortal.'

‘Deny it all you like, but that's why you can't even think about us having a real relationship – you're scared.'

‘Scared?'

‘Yep. You're scared of allowing yourself to be happy. Well, here's a news flash for you, pal – Marty would be the first to kick you up the butt and tell you to snap out of it. And you damn well know it. He couldn't stand anyone feeling sorry for themselves, and he'd be so pissed off to see you like this after eighteen
years!'

‘You don't know anything about Marty!' he said, raising his voice and staring at her angrily.

‘Get over yourself, Taylor!
He was my friend too
. You've refused to talk about him with anyone for so long that you've lost sight of the fact that anyone else even knew him.'

‘That's a load of bull –'

‘Really? So if you're so together about it, then you won't mind if we go out to the cemetery and visit them?'

She saw the surprise in his eyes at her request and felt a fleeting stab of compassion, but this was a conversation that was long overdue and too important to back down from.

‘I don't need to prove anything to anyone – and that includes you.'

‘You're right – you don't need to prove it to anyone else … just yourself.'

‘I'm not having this conversation with you, Bec.'

‘Then who are you going to have it with?'

‘No one! There's nothing to talk about. I won't deny it: seeing you again made me forget for a minute who I was, and I convinced myself I'd be able to walk away when the time came. I thought making sure you understood that upfront would be enough to guarantee we wouldn't be having this damn conversation. Obviously, I was wrong.
Obviously
, like all women, you just can't accept that a man could choose his career over a relationship. Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Bec, but, as desirable as I find you, my first priority is the army, just like your first priority is your kids.'

What could she say to that? Her kids
would
always be her first priority. Why shouldn't he have a priority as well?
Because
, a little voice piped up determinedly,
he's only using the army as a crutch.

‘Well, you keep on telling yourself that then, Seb. But one day your precious army won't want you any more and then what excuse are you going to use to keep everyone else in your life at arm's length?'

‘I don't think we have anything else to say to each other at the moment, Bec. I made a promise that this time I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye, so I guess I'll drop by on my way out of town.'

‘You've been looking for an excuse to break this off ever since it started! I thought you'd finally managed to grow up and face all this – but you haven't. You're still the same emotionally crippled wimp you were when you first came back.'

Seb held her angry gaze, but she saw the steel trap slam shut – hiding his emotions from her as though she were some stranger.

‘Goodbye, Bec,' he finally said, turning away from her and disappearing around the corner of her house.

He didn't look back – not even once.

Working at the shelter took Rebecca's mind off her own problems – there was nothing quite like seeing human suffering up close and personal to remind you of just how lucky you had it. The residents came from all over the region; partly because it was safer to be relocated away from their abusive partners, and partly because there were so few shelters operating in rural areas that Hope Cottage really was their only hope.

Rebecca swiped her key and punched in the pin number to gain access to the building. Security was paramount at the cottage; the only way in was to be buzzed through from the front office or to have a security key and code. On top of this, alarms with direct lines to the police were situated throughout the entire complex.

Rebecca made her rounds of the residents, briefly stopping by each room to say hello and touch base with the five families who were currently staying in the cottage.

The evening went relatively smoothly. She spent some time gathering information on rental properties online for two of the women nearing the end of their thirteen-week stay, put together care packs of donations which had been delivered that day from local sponsors, and helped another resident fill out forms she was having trouble understanding.

Some of the women who came in were young – still basically children, with children of their own. Others were older but had endured years of dependency on controlling partners, with little to no control over any finances, and had no idea how to even go about opening a bank account. Many had no work experience or qualifications behind them at all – their lives having been completely dependent upon their spouses. When a woman had no job prospects – and many also had no family to turn to – the abuser didn't have to worry about his partner trying to run away, because she had nowhere to go. The strength of character it took for these women to take the steps to start a new life was humbling. With so many odds stacked against them, Rebecca could understand why it was so difficult to break the cycle of abuse.