Burning Wild (19 page)

He admired Drake’s strength. The leopard was every bit a part of them as breathing was, yet Drake couldn’t shift. He’d taken a bullet that had shattered his leg, and the metal plate holding him together prevented him from shifting. Something had to be done about that soon. Drake couldn’t live without his leopard forever.

Deep inside the leopard, Jake went on alert. He was on the verge of an important discovery.
Drake couldn’t live without his leopard forever.
Drake wasn’t a leopard. He wasn’t a man. He was both. Together. The man needed the leopard and the leopard needed the man. One couldn’t survive long without the other. Drake’s leopard lived inside him, but he couldn’t run free. Couldn’t run and breathe and feel the joy of the leopard as it raced in open territory or leapt leisurely from one branch to the next. What was the leopard doing? Thinking? Feeling? He couldn’t survive long in such a state, and neither would Drake.

So what of his own leopard? What had he given to it? What had he done for it? He had closed himself off from that part, careful to protect himself. He feared the leopard would make him into his parents and allow the animalistic qualities in his nature free rein. But running free night after night had calmed his rage, allowed him to escape the pain of his nightmarish childhood. All along, even as a toddler, way before the leopard had emerged, the leopard had given him the strength to endure.

Drake had traveled thousands of miles with him on faith alone, willing to give up part of his life, his own need and love of the rain forest, in order to instruct Jake in his heritage. Money meant little to Drake. It was merely a means to an end, a tool with which to do the things he felt necessary. He had come to Texas only to aid Jake. As always, Jake had distrusted every kindness. And he distrusted the leopard—his other half. The leopard had waited for him, for his acceptance, rising only when Jake needed his strength, when something—or someone—triggered his instincts or when Jake needed to disappear and run free. Not once had Jake shared himself as Drake had told him was necessary for full development.

He was afraid. The realization stunned him. He had thought himself long past fear. He had survived when others would never have made it, and he’d survived through sheer guts and determination, in the midst of a wild storm, his sides heaving, sweat darkening his fear, panting with horror when he’d known all along what lay within him. Jake didn’t want to give himself to anyone, not to the children, not to the leopard and certainly not to Emma. They were to be his. Controlled by him. Dictated to in his perfect world that he built and ruled.

All along, Drake had told him he had to let go. With his heart pounding, he tasted terror in his mouth. If he let go and the leopard swallowed him, he was lost. If he loved his children and something happened to them, his heart would be torn out. If he gave himself to Emma and she threw him away, he would not survive.

The leopard put his head down on his paws and wept, tears mingling with the raindrops as the storm begin to abate. He had always refused to think of himself as a victim. He had survived because he was strong and it had been
his
choice not to fight back. He hadn’t allowed the leopard to leap upon his enemies and rend and tear until they were no more, although more than once he had raged inside to do so. His control had always been his proof to himself that he was different. To let that go, to trust, to give, was truly terrifying.

For the first time in Jake’s life, he realized he might not be strong enough to overcome the trauma of his childhood. He had never acknowledged to himself that he had been abused. It had been a way of life and he had learned lessons, very hard lessons, but they shaped him into a successful man—and an even more successful businessman. He thought of himself as untouchable, and in most ways he was. He had the reputation of being too rich, too politically connected, too ruthless and too dangerous to mess with.

But he was afraid of himself. His biggest enemy was inside of him. Drake had said he couldn’t live separate from his leopard, and if he didn’t embrace the beast, welcome it and learn to use what he considered failings as strengths, he would never really be alive. And eventually the leopard would fight him every inch of the way. He didn’t want to chance it. Everything in him rebelled, but he was dangerously close to hurting Emma, to destroying his home—the only home he’d ever known.

The leopard stretched out his paws and raked deep into the earth. Night settled in, bringing the sounds of insects and owls hunting prey. He lay quiet, listening to the endless cycle of life, knowing he couldn’t give Emma up. She was supposed to need him. The children were supposed to need him. He could accept that and he’d be an incredible partner, seeing to everything for them, but he didn’t want to feel that attachment himself. He couldn’t have that.

He argued with himself for hours before he finally knew he had no choice. He couldn’t risk turning himself over to something as cruel and bad-tempered as his enemies. Their blood ran in his veins. Their leopards may not have emerged fully, as his had, but the traits were bred into them and they lacked the control he had learned over the years. He had managed to turn the leopard from Drake, even in the midst of its enraged madness, and he would not give it even a small amount of control. He wouldn’t risk losing Emma and the children—or himself.

Jake emerged from the woods barefoot, shirtless and still buttoning the jeans Drake and Joshua had thoughtfully left hanging in the branch of a tree for him. Drake sat out in the rain, in the bed of the pickup, and as Jake approached, his head went up, alert, and he immediately jumped down. In spite of his leg injury, he still moved with a fluid grace that often caught Jake off guard.

“Are you all right? I thought about sending Joshua to find you, but . . .” Drake trailed off.

Jake shrugged his shoulders. “You thought I might try to tear him to pieces.”

Drake’s answering smile was faint. “Something like that.”

Jake shook his head as he approached his friend. Drake’s shirt was slashed to ribbons and there were bloodstains on his chest. “Are you hurt?”

Shame burned through Jake. He prided himself on his control, but he’d barely managed to stop the beast as it attacked Drake. He was grateful he hadn’t attempted to turn himself over to the leopard. Drake and Joshua were from different bloodlines, they clearly didn’t have the madness that ran in his veins.

“Just a few scratches,” Drake answered casually. “I’ve had far worse playing around with friends in leopard form.”

Jake stretched his tired muscles. The rain had slowed to a fine drizzle. “I’m sorry, Drake. I could have hurt you.”

Drake sent him another small grin. “I knew you wouldn’t.”

“Then you knew more than I did. Where’s Joshua?”

The grin widened. “Sleeping like a baby. He wasn’t worried about you.”

“He does a good job of pretending,” Jake said. “He worries. Why do you suppose he left the rain forest? He isn’t all that happy here, but he doesn’t want to go back.”

“Joshua is Joshua. He doesn’t share much about his life. Whatever happened must have been bad or he never would have left. No one leaves because they want to.”

“You did,” Jake pointed out.

“I couldn’t stay in the forest without letting my leopard run, and I can’t shift. It became . . . difficult.”

“Did the doctors try grafting your own bone?”

Drake nodded. “It didn’t work. I didn’t understand the entire process, but some of us have the ability to regenerate bones and others don’t. I apparently don’t.”

“Did you try using someone else’s bone?”

“Like a cadaver?” Drake made a face. “We incinerate our dead immediately. It’s the only way for our species to survive, to keep our existence secret. And it doesn’t make much sense that if I can’t use a piece of my bone, then someone else’s would work, now does it?”

“They can do all sorts of things now, Drake. You just have to find the right man.” Jake opened the door to the pickup and paused to look around.

He owned everything for miles. He’d patiently acquired acre after acre, adding on to the land his great-grandfather had given him until he had a sanctuary. He’d turned miles of that into a shaded, wooded area for his leopard. He had built a cattle empire. Step by step, patiently. And he had slowly begun drilling for the oil he knew was on other tracts of land he’d inherited. Recently he had acquired several large pieces of property he was certain concealed natural gas just waiting to be developed. Looking at Drake—his friend—the one person who had stood for him, he realized that all of his accomplishments stacked up to very little. Billions of dollars maybe, but the money was a tool for him. And he knew what he had to do with it.

Drake needed a solution. In comparison to his friend’s problem, the years Jake had put into his plan to take down his enemies seemed a waste when a man as good as Drake was suffering.

Jake cleared his throat. He found it strange to think about another person, to worry about them. Emma’s influence. She was doing something to him with her presence that he couldn’t quite understand, but he knew she had changed him somehow in the brief two years she’d lived in his home. He didn’t know when the change had occurred, but he knew Drake was more important than any revenge possible.

Jake pulled open the door. “Do you want me to drive?”

Drake shook his head. “I’ve got it. Just shove Joshua over.”

Jake gave the other man a good-natured push and Joshua lifted his head and growled a warning. “Get in the back,” Jake said. “You can sleep there.”

Joshua snarled but complied, curling up to go back to sleep even before Jake slid into the passenger side. “Who did your surgery? Are there doctors in your village?”

“We have one doctor for our people, but no specialist like I needed, and my bones won’t graft and shift.”

Drake sounded matter-of-fact on the surface, but Jake listened with heightened senses. Drake didn’t show by his expression that he was depressed, but Jake caught the heavy note in his voice and looked at him sharply. “I need you here, Drake.” He kept his voice low, the admission churning his gut. He hated that feeling, the sudden clawing fear at the idea of losing his friend. He wasn’t supposed to need anyone. It made him feel vulnerable and small.

He took a breath. No. It wasn’t really fear of losing Drake. He had asked Drake to come to him, to leave the rain forest and help him. Drake was his responsibility. That was all. The way Emma and the children and even Joshua were his responsibility. He needed to find a way to help the man, to save him, because there were few good men left in the world.

Drake didn’t pretend to misunderstand what they were talking about. “You’re going to find out soon enough that a leopard can’t be suppressed forever. I don’t have a lot of time left, Jake. And frankly, what the hell is there left for me?”

“Surgery. Don’t be an idiot. You don’t give up until you’ve tried everything, and you haven’t even begun to scratch the surface. Your bone won’t work. We don’t have a cadaver, but you have me. Or Joshua. One of us might have the ability to regenerate and if we don’t, we’ll find someone who does have it.”

Drake shot him a look out of the corner of his eye. “I doubt it’s that easy.”

“Nothing worthwhile ever is.” Jake’s mind was already working at a fast pace. He could easily set several of his staff searching for the best team of orthopedic surgeons. With enough money, anyone could be bought. And the one thing he had was money. “I’ll set it in motion tomorrow. If neither Joshua or I can be used, we’ll keep looking for a donor until we find one.”

Drake moistened his suddenly dry lips. “You think someone could really fix me? That I could go without the plate? I thought about having them amputate the leg.”

“Why shouldn’t they be able to fix it? We just need the right surgeon and the right donor.” He glanced out the window. “You forgot to turn on the headlights. You’re using your leopard’s night vision.”

He’d noticed both Joshua and Drake did that a lot, interchanged the leopard’s senses with their own. Maybe their leopards weren’t as destructive as his and were more easily controlled. He’d studied the animal quite a bit. They had bad tempers. Jealous rages. They were highly intelligent and cunning, and were secretive creatures. He was all of those, amplified a million times.

Drake didn’t bother with the headlights. Instead, he changed the subject. They were driving over the trail back toward the ranch house. “You need to tell me everything you know about Emma’s background. I know you must have had her investigated before you ever hired her.”

“I’ve got her file, but there’s not much in it. Where she went to school. Her parents.” Jake gave another casual shrug.

“Have you read about or spoken about the Han Vol Don with anyone?” Drake asked.

“I’ve heard you use the term. What is it?”

“Females are very different from males in our species. No one knows what triggers the Han Vol Don. It isn’t puberty or sexual activity. We have no idea, and believe me, we’ve tried to figure it out. For males the leopards shift when the leopard is strong enough or the boy is undergoing extreme stress. Maybe a combination of the two. It is very different for our women.”

“And the Han Vol Don is . . .” Jake looked at Drake expectantly, a hint of impatience in his eyes. He knew about being male.

“Dangerous. To everyone. A female will suddenly go into a combined heat, both woman and leopard merging together. She throws off an alluring scent, and when in close proximity, her presence can trigger a thrall—the madness you experienced—in a mate. Mates find and recognize one another lifetime after lifetime. I think Emma may be leopard.”

The moment he heard the word
mate
, the leopard in him leapt and the man in him recoiled. He wasn’t anyone’s mate, least of all Emma’s. She was
his
. She belonged to him, but he belonged with no one. His life was a carefully built sham.

“That’s impossible. There’s nothing whatsoever in her past to make me think that. And she was married to someone else.” The last came out too much like an accusation, and Jake kept his eyes fixed on the fences as they raced by them.