Burn For Him (19 page)

My voice had clearly not sounded as menacing as I would have liked it as Milligan laughed at my empty threat.  He knew that there was nothing I could do to hurt him. 

“And, how exactly are you planning on doing that? Fuck me to death? That’s the only thing you want to do to me and we both know that.”

“Just get away from me and leave me alone.”

He laughed again. The sound of it shivered down my spine.  What did he keep finding so amusing? I didn’t think I wanted to know. 

“I’ve got to go now.  You know, work to do, people to see.  Or perhaps you wouldn’t? You’re unemployed now, aren’t you?”

“Pleased with yourself, are you?”

“Yes.  As a matter of fact I am.”  He looked pleased about it, too, like the cat that got the canary.  “You need me.  You know it and I know it.  It is only a matter of time before you give in and come to me.”  He reached forward to lightly tap on my cheek with a stinging slap before turning and walking out of the hospital room.

I sagged by the side of the bed, slipping down to the floor.  I reached up to entwine my fingers with Dee’s.  I needed her touch.  I needed, well, I didn’t know what it was that I needed really.  I hated how he made me feel.  It made me almost physically sick to realise how much I wanted him.  When he laid his hands on me, I would have done anything.  Anything at all.  But, it was like a reality set back in when his touch left me and all I was left with was raging fear.

              “What are you doing down there?” Harper asked with laughter in his voice when he walked back in the room.  As he rounded the bed, that laughter died. He was by my side in a second, wrapping his arms tightly around me.  “What happened Carrie? What’s wrong? Talk to me.”  He spoke softly in my ear, but all I could do was shake violently in his arms.  There was no lust left in me now that Milligan had left me.  There was only distress left in its place, taking over every single part of me.

“Carrie.” Harper’s voice was stronger this time, more insistent.  I didn’t want to speak.  I just wanted him to hold me.  I felt safe with Harper. With him here with me, I knew that he would never let anything happen to me.

“Milligan was here.”

That was all I had to say for him to jump up and flip out.  I didn’t want him to act like that in front of Destiny.  What if she really could hear everything that was being said? It wasn’t so much that it would upset her as it would be driving her completely crazy not to be able to join in.

“What did he say? What did he want?” That was the first coherent thing that I had heard him say.  I’d never seen him flip like this before.  I couldn’t understand what he was saying and he only lowered his voice when a nurse came over to remind him that this was a hospital and that there were the sick in here that didn’t appreciate his foul language.  Now, he was speaking somewhat rationally and in a way, I wished that he would go back to ranting and raving. That way, I didn’t have to speak or respond.

“I don’t know.” I replied lamely.

“The hell you don’t! What did he say to you?” When I didn’t reply straight away, he said my name again impatiently.

“Do you understand how hard this is for me? Do you understand how confusing this all is?”

“Just tell me what he said to you.”

“That he knew I wanted him.  All he spoke about was sex.  And that he knew that sooner or later I could come to him.”

Harper sucked in a breath.  I knew that this was hard for him because once again, he hadn’t been there to protect me.  “Anything else?”

“Oh, and he knew that I’d lost my job.  He seemed to find it quite amusing, almost like he’d planned it that way.”

“The son of a bitch.” He railed.

I collapsed back into the chair that Harper had set back on its feet again.  “What am I supposed to do, Harp? He’s not going to just drop this.  He’s not ever going to leave me alone.  There’s nothing that I can do to stop this.” I sounded pathetic and I knew that, but I couldn’t help it.

“We need to talk this through properly.  I think that we should probably head home now.” There was a tone in his voice that made me look up at him.

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know yet.” He replied.

He turned around and walked out of the room, not bothering to check and see if I was going to follow him out, and not even bothering to say goodbye to Destiny.  He was pissed. I hated to drag him into all of this.  I hated to see him looking quite so mad.  But, I was selfish and I needed his help.  I couldn’t do this on my own.

I paused to touch Dee’s hand on my way out of the room.  Harper was already off striding down the corridor.  Sylvie was nowhere in sight as I walked by the waiting room.  I guessed that her grandson had been moved to another ward.  It was great that he was now getting better, but I was going to miss the sweet old lady. She had been such a soothing presence for me ever since Dee had been brought in here after the fall.

I quickened my steps as I reached the car park.  I knew that I didn’t have to worry about Milligan with Harper around, but it still didn’t stop me from glancing around me nervously.  It wasn’t just the fear of Milligan, it was the fear of what Harper would do if he ever got his hands on him.  I had never seen him this crazed before.  It was like he was a whole other person, one that I didn’t even know.  It was disconcerting on top of everything else that was happening.

Harper stood by the car waiting for me, watching out for me as he always did.  We got into the car and drove off in utter silence. 

I didn’t want to talk.  I knew Harper well enough to know that he was planning on thrashing it out between us when we got home, hoping to come up with a solution.  I wasn’t relishing that, I must admit.  How was I supposed to tell him that everything Milligan had said was right? That, no matter how much I feared or hated him, I still wanted him.  His touch set me on fire.  I wanted him.  How sick was that?

We pulled up outside the apartment building still shrouded in silence.  Before we got out of the car, Harper turned to look at me.  I couldn’t read what was in his eyes in the darkness of the car.  In a way, I was glad of that.  I had a feeling that it was something that I didn’t want to see.

“Come on. Let’s get inside.” Was all he said as he got out of the car and walked over to the main doors.  I knew that he had wanted to say more, but he was waiting until we were inside.  I followed him. I felt like a lost little sheep, following him blindly.

We went up in the elevator without the usual banter.  It was unnerving. I’d never seen Harper so still and serious.  He was usually so full of energy and fun that seeing him this way was kind of scary.  He unlocked the front door and turned off the alarm, walking into the living room without saying a single word.  I followed him.

“Carrie.  We need to talk.”

Chapter Thirteen

“Carrie.  We need to talk.” He said, staring at me with such intensity that I wanted to fidget under his gaze.

“I know, Harp. I’m sorry. I..” He held up a hand to stop me from talking.

“No.  I need to talk.  There are things that you don’t know about.  Things that you don’t know about me.  Things that you don’t know about Milligan.”

I frowned at him.  What was he going on about now?

“You need to listen to me.  You need to listen to what I say.  This is really important.”

“Okay.” I said, kind of dubiously.

“What I am about to tell you, it’s not something that I can share freely. I shouldn’t be doing this.  But, I can’t let this go on any longer.”

“Harper, you’re starting to scare me.”

“You have to keep an open mind about this. This is something that you have never even dreamed of.” Harper fell quiet for a moment to make sure that I was paying full attention to him.

“Carrie.  I’m a Djinn.”

I didn’t laugh or say anything.  I couldn’t, I didn’t even know what that meant.  It could have been the name of a cult for all I knew.

“Carrie.  Did you hear what I said?” He asked.

I nodded.

“Do you know what that means?”

I smiled in a confused manner.  “Nope.  I haven’t got a clue what you’re going on about.”

“I’m a Djinn.”

I laughed.  It didn’t mean to.  I just kind of slipped out.  “You can keep on saying that, but I still don’t know what it means.  What is it?”

Harper started to pace around a little.  “Maybe you should sit down.  This is going to be a lot for you to have to take in.”

I raised my eyebrows at him.  It sounded ominous and I felt the laughter die in me.  I sat down, crossed my legs and waited to see if he was going to elaborate.

Harper paced some more.  The smile totally faded from my face.  I could tell what a hard time he was having and I knew that whatever this was about, it was deadly serious to him. I had never seen him acting this way before.  It was like the weight of the world was firmly on his shoulders and it was pushing him down.

“I don’t know where to start.” He put his hands to his face. 

“Try to start from the beginning.  That always helps.” I prompted quickly, glad that it didn’t come out sounding sarcastic.  I wanted to help him through whatever this difficult thing was.

“It’s not as easy as all that.  There are so many things that you need to know about. So many things that I shouldn’t be telling you, but the time has come. I need to.” He looked pained.  The silence in the room hung heavy between us.  I kept quiet.  This was his time to talk, not mine.

He sighed heavily.  “I’ll try my best to explain this to you as simply as I can.  It’s a difficult thing.  It’d difficult for me to talk about and it will be just as difficult for you to hear.”

“Whatever it is, Harper, just say it.  You’re starting to scare me.” And, he was.  This was clearly something huge.

“Just remember that you know me.  I’m still me.  Nothing is going to change.” The pause that followed that sentence spoke volumes to me.  It clearly meant that everything was going to change between us. 

I felt a shiver run through me.  I didn’t say anything else.  I couldn’t.  “I have never lied to you.  I may have kept things from you, but I will never lie to you.  You have to believe that I never meant for any of this to happen to you.  Your happiness means everything to me.  But, your happiness also means more than that for me. It is what keeps me going.  It is what gives me strength.  It feeds me.”

I looked at him puzzled.  “What does that mean?”

Harper walked over to crouch down on his heels in front of me. “Carrie, I’m a Djinn.  I don’t need human food to sustain me.  I feed off of the emotions of others around me.”

I felt my hands stiffen in his grasp.  Did he say ‘human’ food? What did that mean? I couldn’t comprehend what he was saying to me.

“Do you understand me, Carrie?”

“I don’t, Harp.” I shook my head at him.  “I really don’t.  What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I told you that this would be a lot for you to be able to take in.  Carrie, we’ve know each other for most of your life.  You know me.  You know that I would never do anything to cause you any harm.  But, I don’t just make you happy for you.  I do it to survive.”

My head was starting to spin.  Was he high? I had to try to think straight.  Which was kind of hard seeing the direction that this conversation was taking.  I took in a deep, shuddering breath.  I knew that I had to try and make some sense of this madness that he was saying, but it was difficult.  I already had several questions floating around in my head.  I knew Harper.  I knew that he wouldn’t lie to me.  I had to ask to get this right in my head.

“So, you’re a Djinn?”

“Yes.”

“And, you feed off of the emotions of other people around you?”

“Yes.”

“You feed off my emotions?”

“Yes.”

Well, that answered that then.  Next for the biggest question.  I really couldn’t believe that I was asking him this, but it really was the most important one. I felt like I was caught up in my own personal horror film.

“Are you human?”

“No.”

I sucked in a sharp breath.  The room started to swirl in front of my eyes.  White lights sapped in zigzags, making me want to blink. I couldn’t breathe. I was gasping for air, but there was none.

“Carrie? Carrie! Calm down.  Put your head down between your knees.  You need to try and breathe.  You need to calm down.”  Harper said, gently rubbing my shoulders in a soothing manner.

How was I supposed to calm down? This was pure madness.  Harper was trying to tell me that he wasn’t human.  I wasn’t some little kid who believed in the make-believe world of vampires and werewolves.  I believed in what I could see.  The real world.  Real people.  He wasn’t human? Who was he trying to kid? I couldn’t believe any of it. 

I didn’t want to believe any of it.  I took in another shuddering breath and started to raise my head.  The room was static again.  I still felt a little light-headed, but it was much better compared to a few moments ago. I looked over at him and I still couldn’t believe what he was saying. It was crazy talk.  But, I straightened my spine and got ready for him to tell me the rest of the madness.  I knew that there had to be much more to come.  He couldn’t just leave it at that.

“I can hear the rest now.” I whispered in a barely there voice.

“I’m sorry, Carrie.  I wish I could make this easier for you, but you do need to listen to everything I have to say.  It’s important.”  Harper sounded determined to get this all out in the open.  I knew that he was right.  He’d started all this and I had to give him the chance to finish it.  He had started a conversation and it wasn’t something that we could just forget about and brush under the carpet. There was no way that I was going to be able to forget what had been said.  I knew Harper and I trusted him. I just couldn’t comprehend what he was saying to me.  Not human? I knew that the rest of it wasn’t going to be easy to hear, but I couldn’t walk away from it now.  Not human? It was crazy.  I had the feeling that this was only the beginning of the crazy, though.

“Carrie, I’m a Djinn.  We are what you would probably call supernatural beings.  But, that wouldn’t be quite so accurate.  We are more spiritual beings than supernatural.”

He paused for a moment as if he wanted or expected me to say something or make some kind of profound comment, but what could I say to that? Nothing sane, that’s for sure.

“I am what we refer to as a Si’lat.”

“What’s that?” Amazingly, I had managed to find my voice.

“It is one of the forms of Djinn. There are several different kinds, kind of like the different human races. We all do and need different things.  I am one of the Si’lat. In all honesty, we are a little lower down on the ladder than most of the others out there, but we do have a higher intellect. That’s why I always tell you that I’m not just a pretty face.” He smiled ruefully.  I wasn’t entirely sure what that smile meant, but I didn’t say anything.  I wanted him to keep on talking and then I could process it all later and get it straight in my own mind in my own time.

“Are you sure you’re ready to hear more?” He asked.  He must have seen something in my face that told him that I was getting a banging headache.  I had to forget about it, though.  This wasn’t a conversation that I could put on hold.

“Just tell me, please.  Tell me everything I need to know.”

A looked crossed his face briefly and something must have told him that I was ready to hear it all.  No matter how scary or far-fetched it was, I was ready to hear it.  I needed to know it all and then I would be able to judge who was the crazy one – Harper for spinning me this tale, or me for believing in it.

“As I said, I am Si’lat.  We are the smartest of our race.  Which is why we are usually the ones who are assigned as Qareen.  The Qareen are the constant companions of a specific human.  You are mine.  I was sent to be with you.”

“Sent?”

“I’ll get to that a little later on.  Basically, you would probably find it easier to think of me as your guardian.  I am the one that is meant to look out for you.  To look after your well-being.  To make you feel safe and loved.”

“Like a guardian angel?” I asked, tentatively.  It was the only thing that I could think that sounded anything close to this.

“I guess that would be one way for you to think of it.  But, we are not angels.  The Djinn were created before man.  You have heard of the Fall from Grace? Lucifer’s fall?”

I frowned at him for a moment.  He was now going to talk about religion? What? This was getting more and more confusing as time went on.  He was really going to talk to me about the Devil? Where the hell was this conversation going?  “Yeah, of course I’ve heard all about that.  We got told about it during Religious Studies back in school, remember?”

Harper laughed, but it wasn’t his usual laugh.  It was completely humourless.  “Sure, I can remember that like it was yesterday.  I remember thinking at the time that it was rather amusing hearing Mrs. Jankins lecturing us about that.  She actually got most of it right, but it was always hard to hear someone else talking about something that is so personal to you.”

I couldn’t blame him for chuckling.  I remembered that class for all the wrong reasons.  Mrs Jankins made the whole subject of religion tediously boring.  I still wasn’t sure what he was getting at, so I prompted, “Come on, Harp.  Where is this going?”

“Well, I’ll tell you our version of what happened.  Back in those days, Lucifer refused to bow to mankind.  He refused to see that humans were creatures that were to be worshipped by the angels.  Man was flawed and he thought that they didn’t deserve the angels love.  For his refusal, he was cast out of Heaven.  All of the angels that agreed with him were also cast out.” He paused for a moment before looking back up at me.  “The Djinn followed him out of Heaven.”

I could feel my eyebrows knitting together in confusion.  What did that mean? Was he saying that the Djinn were in league with the Devil? Was he saying that they were evil? That he was evil? I couldn’t and wouldn’t believe that. I knew Harper.  Sure, this was all coming as a bit of a shock to me, but I knew him.  There wasn’t a bad bone in his body.  He was about as far from evil as you could get. This was the man who had been my best friend for most of my life.  I couldn’t think that way about him.

As if he could read my mind, he continued.  “You have to remember, religion seems to like everything to be very black or white, but in truth, there are always a lot of grey areas, all varying in shades.  Lucifer is now often referred to as the Devil or Satan.  He is seen as the root of all evil.  But, it is not as simple as all that.  You have to remember that He created angels out of light.  He made the Djinn out of fire.  And, then he made man out of clay.  You have to kind of understand where Lucifer was coming from.  Why would a being made of pure light worship a being with feet made of clay?  Now, I’m not saying that he was totally right in his actions, but when you know the truth of how things really were back in those times, it’s kind of hard to think of him as the evil being that he is seen as nowadays.  Human lives are so short compared to those of the Djinn. You have only the knowledge that is passed down to you.  We have beings that were there at the time of creation.”

Was I hearing this right? Was Harper really defending the Devil? Could this day get any crazier?  And, what was actually worse, was that this was all making some kind of sense to me.

“So, are you creatures of Hell?” I had to ask him.  I had to know.  I had to know what was going on with everything he was saying.

He smiled.  “No.  We are beings of a higher realm.  You think that I’m on the same side as someone who think of as the Devil? You should know me better than that.  I know that none of this is easy for you to understand, but I’m trying to explain it all as simply as I can. And to do that, you need to know it all.  You need to know my background.  And, if that means telling you the whole truth right from the beginning when the Djinn chose what side to take during the Fall, then it’s only because you need to hear it.  But, please don’t judge me just because my ancestors chose which direction to take.  I can’t be held accountable for their actions.  You should know me better than that.”