Burn For Him (12 page)

Harper came back within in a couple of minutes and he crouched down on his knees in front of me. “I’m going to stay here and sit with her for a bit. Why don’t you take the car home and I’ll catch a cab when I’m ready?”

“I don’t know. I don’t feel like I should leave her. What if she wakes up? I should be here for her.” My voice sounded pained.

“She has me.” He squeezed my knee gently. “You need to get a good night’s sleep, or you will be in no state for work tomorrow.”

“Work? Harper, I can’t leave her here and go to work.”

Harper smiled in a sympathetic manner. If anyone else had looked at me like that, they would have probably got a slap because I hated pity. But, with Harper? I knew that it was only because he cared for me.

“Carrie, you can’t just skip out on it. We don’t even know when she’s going to wake up. We need to prepare for the long haul, and taking time off work now is a mistake. We have to try and keep a portion of our lives somewhat normal.”

I would be forever grateful for him for saying ‘when’ and not ‘if’, but I still couldn’t see how any part of our lives would be normal while Destiny was still laid up in here.

“The hospital has both of our numbers. If anything happens, you know that they will call us straight away and that we can be here in minutes.”

The way he said it, there really didn’t seem much room for me to argue. If I had my way, I would have moved all of my stuff in her room and stayed at the hospital twenty four seven, but I knew that wasn’t practical or realistic. I didn’t want to leave her, but I couldn’t lose my job. It was that old rock and a hard place situation.

“Well, why don’t you give me a call when you’re ready to come home and I’ll come back and get you?”

Harper started to nod slowly. “If it’s not too late.”

I held up a hand, “If I need sleep, then so do you. Don’t be too late and I’ll come and get you. That way I can say goodnight to Destiny as well.” I got up and gave him one last hug before leaving him in the waiting room and walking out of the hospital.

Sucking in a breath of cold air, I knew I didn’t want to leave her, but it was the right thing to do. If I drove myself into the ground, I’d be no good to her. I had to look after myself so I could look after her.

Chapter Seven

I woke up the next morning not feeling very refreshed in the least.  I hadn’t slept very well at all.  There was just too much for me to think about.  When I got home last night, I couldn’t seem to slow my mind down enough to relax to be able to sleep restfully.  Reading didn’t work – I think I read the same paragraph over fifteen times. Watching a DVD didn’t work – the horrors didn’t scare me and the comedies didn’t amuse me.  In the end, I sat mindlessly watching some inane crap on the TV while I waited for Harper to call me.

There was still no news on Destiny. It was frustrating. I had been back to the hospital to pick him up and then when we got back, I had crawled into bed in an exhausted state.  I knew sleep wasn’t going to come easily for me, and it didn’t.  I spent what seemed like an eternity just staring blindly up at the ceiling in my dark bedroom.

Milligan had sent me several texts throughout the evening, but I didn’t reply to him.  I couldn’t deal with it right now.  I didn’t want to deal with him.  I couldn’t deal with the insane feelings that he brought out in me.  Everything was moving way too fast.  It was like we had skipped over the honeymoon getting-to-know-you period and slipped straight into a serious relationship, all within the space of a few hours.  I didn’t need this.  I had to concentrate on Destiny at the moment.  She still wasn’t coming around and she needed all of my strength and attention.

I rolled out of bed and headed straight for the shower.  I made quick work of washing my hair.  Every second that I spent in there reminded me of Milligan.  I could smell him, taste him.  I could feel him touching me wherever my hands roamed over my body.  It was almost like it was his hands that were touching me here and now.  I shut off the water and quickly wrapped the towel around myself. 

Taking a deep breath, I tried to get a hold of myself.  I had to shake him out of my mind.  I thought that these feelings would have diminished seeing as I had purposely been ignoring him since the last time I saw him at the hospital.  But, they hadn’t.  If anything, the need for him had seemed to grow immensely.  I didn’t know what was happening to me.  I had never been affected by anyone like this before. It wasn’t a feeling that I liked.

“Are you up?”  Harper called through my closed bedroom door.

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.”

I grabbed a long pin stripe pencil skirt and a crimson fitted shirt.  I always try to make an effort for work and no matter how tired I was feeling, we had a meeting today so I had to look presentable. I made quick work of my make-up, going for neutral shades but ringing my eyes with dramatic black kohl.  I hoped that it would help to hide how tired my eyes looked.  Roughly drying my hair, it hung down my back in soft waves.  I looked over myself once more.  Yep.  That would have to do for today.  I couldn’t do anything more.

Harper whistled when he saw me walk out.  “Looking good.”

I did a funny little curtsy, as much as the skirt would allow, and he laughed.

“Have you heard from Milligan?” He asked.

“Have you heard from Michelle?” I countered.

“As a matter of fact, I have.  She wanted to see if I wanted to go out for dinner tonight, but I told her that my social schedule was a little hectic at the moment, so she settled for meeting me for a coffee at the hospital.”

“Keeping it casual?”

“Yeah.  I don’t want anything more than that.  I’m not ready for it.  She seems to know that and accept it.  She’s happy to be just friends.”

I smiled at him.  “Well, that worked out well then.”

“Yep,” Harper nodded.  “So, what about you?”

I knew what he was asking, but I was being deliberately evasive.  “What about me?”

“It’s obvious that he’s crazy about you! He even text me to see if you were okay because he hasn’t been able to get hold of you.”

I looked up at him sharply.  “He what?”

“Give him a break.  He was worried about you.” Harper laughed. “Anyway, stop messing with me.  You know what I mean. The two of you seemed very…. Cosy.”

He grinned. I didn’t.  “Yeah.  I guess.”

“So, what happened? What went wrong? It’s not like you to ignore someone like that.”

I sighed. I didn’t know what to say to him. It wasn’t because he was a guy.  If Destiny had asked me the same question, I would have had trouble answering her as well.

“I don’t know.” I muttered as I took a swig of tea, burning my throat.

“What don’t you know? Talk to me, Carrie.”

“I really don’t know what to say.  It’s not like it’s anything that I can put my finger on.”

“You don’t like him?” He cocked his head at me as though he already had the answer to that question.

“No.  It’s not that. I do.  I do like him.”

“You like him too much?”

I laughed.  He had kind of hit the nail on the head. But, I still didn’t know what to say about it.

“What are you doing to do about it?” He asked.

I leant on the edge of the kitchen counter and took a bite out of an apple.  All I could do was shrug at him.

He walked over to me, looking for all the world like a protective big brother.  “You want my advice?”

“It wouldn’t hurt, I guess.”

“Take it slow.  Take it easy.  Don’t force anything.  But, don’t try to run from it either.  Just wait and see where it is going to take you.  If it is right, it will work.  If it isn’t, it will fizzle out.  Don’t run from it just because you are scared of what you are feeling.  I just want to see you happy.”

I couldn’t say anything to him for a moment.  The lump in my throat wouldn’t let me speak. I cleared my throat.  “It’s just shitty timing, you know?”

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.” He replied, ruffling my hair.  I swatted his hand away.

“I’ve gotta go now.  Do you want a lift into work?” He grabbed his wallet off of the counter and bent to pick up his sports bag, shoving the wallet into his pocket and slinging the bag over his shoulder.

“That would be great, thank you.”  That was perfect. I didn’t feel like fighting for a seat on the bus this morning and it was too far to think about walking. I didn’t have the energy to spare.

The day went pretty much as I had expected it to.  The meeting was long and boring and I had to stay late to finish up some work that had been pushed to one side.  Steve had been in a foul mood all day and I knew he would kick up a fuss if I left it to finish off tomorrow and I could do without that kind of headache.

I didn’t get to the hospital until late and there was no good news waiting for me.  There was no change in Destiny’s condition.  The doctors were still none the wiser and it seemed like we were stuck in limbo.

One of the hardest things I had to do that evening was to take a call from Dee’s father’s nurse.  I didn’t know what to say to her for the best so I stuck to the bare facts.  Now, don’t get me wrong, she was very concerned about Destiny’s condition, but they weren’t employed to take care of him full-time and they were staying with him out of the goodness of their hearts.  That was why Dee tried to work from home most of the time, because her father needed someone constantly with him. If there was no news soon, the authorities were going to have to take the decision out of our hands.  They couldn’t keep him at home without supervision.  How the hell was I going to explain that to Dee when she woke up? I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Again.

Harper walked back in just after I had hung up the phone and I gave him a quick run-down of what had been said.

“Perhaps it would be a blessing.” He pondered.

“How can you even say that? She’ll kill us if we let that happen. She’ll blame herself.  You know what she’s like.”

“She’ll be mad.  We both know that.  But, look at everything that she does for him.  It’s too much for one person to cope with.  I know it’s not what she wants to happen, but maybe it would be the best thing for her in the long run.  And, maybe the best thing for him as well.  He’s a fiery old bastard and he’d give the nurses in the home hell.” He smiled as if to soften the joke.  We had stepped out into the corridor to speak. I still wasn’t too sure if she could hear us, but I didn’t want to risk discussing this in front of her just in case.

“Carrie, I’ve got something to tell you.”

Uh oh.  That sounded ominous.  “What have you done?” I knew that guilty look too well.

He held up his hands as if in surrender.  “I know that you didn’t know what to do and I was kind of caught off guard when he rang me.”

“When who rang you?” I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing what he was going to say.

“Milligan.”

I shook my head at him.  “What had you done, Harper?”

“He asked me if you would be in here tonight.  He was just worried about you.

“And what did you tell him?”

“That you would be here.” Harper said, sheepishly.

“Shit.”  I turned and stormed back into Dee’s room.

Harper followed me in.  “I’m sorry, Carrie.  I thought that you would want to see him. I thought that you liked him.”

“I do.” I snapped at him.  I didn’t mean to.  Especially not in front of Dee.

“So, what’s the problem then?”

I threw him a dirty look.  He could be such a guy sometimes.  He would never understand.

“I’m going to get a drink.” I said before storming out of the room.

“I’d love a coffee!” He called after me.

“Get it yourself.” I snapped, not bothering to look around at him.

I walked down to the vending machine and put in the correct change to get myself a can of Pepsi.  How could Harper do that to me? How could he interfere like that? If I had wanted to see Milligan, then I would have arranged it myself.  I didn’t need him butting in and confusing matters even more than they already were.  I was confused enough as it was.  I didn’t need that kind of added complication in my life.

I did like him.  That was the problem.  It was all too much too soon and it frightened the living hell out of me.  He was so intense and self-assured. I needed to be able to focus on what was happening with Dee and there was something about Milligan that made me forget everything else that was happening in my life.  He made my world revolve around just the two of us and I couldn’t do that. 

Walking back towards Dee’s room, I had no choice in the matter.  Milligan was sat in the waiting room, talking to the little old lady.  I had half thought about running and hiding, but it was too late now. She smiled brightly as soon as she saw me and Milligan stood up as I approached.

“Hey.  How are you doing?”  His voice was full of concern.  I felt instantly guilty for ignoring his texts.  All he wanted to do was make sure that I was okay and I had been blanking him.  The concern was like a blanket over his face.

“I’ve been better.”  I smiled at him, putting on a brave face.

“She’s being so strong.”  The woman who was still sat down next to him piped up.

“Well, I don’t know about that.” I smiled at her.

“You’re much stronger than you think.” Milligan said, not taking his eyes off of me for a second.  I didn’t know what to say to that.  I didn’t think that I was being strong.  There was nothing that I could do to help Destiny except be there for her.  I’d struggled my way through the working day.  I had run from Milligan because it was something too intense for me to face.  I didn’t think all of that screamed strength.

“I would have asked if you would like to join me for a coffee, but I know that you don’t drink it.” He gave me a lop-sided smile.  I was surprised that he remembered such a small detail about me.

“I could go for a drink, maybe not a coffee, though.” I couldn’t help but grin at him.  There was nothing else that I could do here at the hospital but drink gallons of Pepsi and wait around, and there was something that pulled me to Milligan.  When I saw him, I wanted to be with him. 

“Really?”  Bless him. He sounded like a hopeful but doubtful little boy.  It was cute coming from such a huge mountain of a man.

“Yeah, really.  Let me just go and tell Harper where I’m going and check on Destiny.” I turned and walked back over to the room, poking my head in the door.

“Hey! Have you forgiven me yet? I didn’t mean to poke my nose into your business.” Harper said as soon as he saw me.

I grinned at him to show him all was forgiven. “Milligan’s here.”

“Ah, that explains the huge smile on your face.”

“Don’t push your luck!” I wagged a finger at him.  Harper pretended to duck and hide under Dee’s bed, making me laugh again.

“I surrender, I surrender!” He called out playfully.

“Stop being such a doofus.” My cheeks were starting to hurt from laughing.

“So, are you two taking off?”

“Yeah.  We’re just going to go for a quick drink.”

“Remember, don’t stay out too late.  It’s a school night.” He joked.

“Yes, dad.” I winked at him. He didn’t bother to reply.  The look that I threw his way had him diving for the bed again and I got out of there before I cracked up again.

I stood in the corridor for a moment and took in a deep breath.  It was so strange.  When I was with him, it wasn’t like I felt smothered, but when I wasn’t with Milligan, it was like I could breathe again.