Burn (9 page)

“And that boy you’re seeing?” His face ignites with color. “That ends tonight!”

Chapter Twelve

Sorrow

His name was Holden.

I carefully peel back another page of Chloe’s diary, trying to push away the idea that I was responsible for removing a soul from this planet—that a family was locked in grief over something I had done.

August 7
^th
,

Gage is SO mine. We talked for HOURS at a party, then walked down the road and sat under the stars. I love the fact we can talk about all this angel crap. It’s such a relief to talk to someone nice, who’s not going to go all psycho or octopus on me any second. I swear Ellis is like some hormonal grenade. Just being near him is enough to pull the pin. Anyway, I think Gage and me are about to have a breakthrough. Something about tonight tells me that we’ve turned a corner in our relationship. I’m going to give him something. I don’t know what, but something special that he’ll always have just from me.

Oh, and
Lexy
the liar reneged on her offer, looks like binding
Fems
is not in my future. No surprise there.

 
Lexy
is going to have to learn the hard way that paybacks a bitch.

August 11
^th
,

I had three late night conversations with Gage that lingered into the wee hours of the morning. I can tell he’s just about ready to take that next step. I told him I wanted to have a picnic down by the dunes this weekend and he said YES! I can’t wait. Come September when school starts, we’ll totally be together. I can feel it.

A light knock erupts at my door. My mother peers in and gives an uneasy smile.

“There’s someone down here to see you.”

***
 

 
 
I follow close behind as she leads me to the kitchen. Tad is there with his arms folded tight, staring down Gage like he’s some kind of fugitive.

“
Skyla
?” Tad’s eyes oval out like two giant eggs. “I’d like to talk to you alone a moment,” he says ushering me out to the back patio.

The sun is already starting to set, and it’s just barely after four. I rub my hands up over my bare arms as the chill grips me.

“I want to take this opportunity to make it clear that...” His words get strangled in his throat as he points hard back towards the house, “that hulk of a person…that the two of you are nothing more than friends. The last thing I need is you saddled with a kid before graduation.” He turns to head back in then stops abruptly. “Oh, and if I were you, I’d remove that necklace of horror as soon as humanly possible. I don’t care if you have to wear a scarf the rest of your natural life. Your mother and sisters are never to see that atrocity.” His finger comes just shy of digging into my chest. “Got it?” His eyes bug out, furious and wild.

“Got it,” I mouth the words and walk back in the house. “I’m going out with Gage,” I announce.
 

“That’s great, Hon. You need some air, you’ve been stuck in bed all day.” My mother lets the paper she’s holding slip through her fingers while looking suggestively over at Tad.

Come to think of it, Drake is probably out with
Bree
, and the girls were at a sleep over last night and still haven’t been picked up—OK the implications are pretty gross.

“Don’t worry.” I restrain myself from picking up the phonebook next to her and swatting her over the head for wanting to procreate with such a moron. “You can have the house to yourself. Gage and I have got things to discuss.” I look over at Tad to see if he’s buying this load. The only thing we’ll be discussing with great sorrow is the fact Tad is in my life—that, and the awful fact I killed someone.
 

***

Gage drives us to the base of Devil’s Peak. I’ve never been down at the bottom before. A few cars are parked along the rocky shore facing the ocean. The white caps swirl in a massive fit of destruction, and it reminds me of the night Marshall saved me, as I was getting ready to drown.

“
What’cha
thinking?” Gage wraps a blanket around my shoulders as we as head over to an embankment.

“About death.”
And selfishly, not Holden’s.
I still can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact I ended someone’s life yesterday all because I mistook him for a Fem. I’m a danger to society—welcome to my new reality.

“He attacked you.” Gage guides me high up on a dirt patch and tosses down a towel for us to sit on. We land softly, and I let him hold me while we stare out the angry, boiling sea. “What were you supposed to do? Let him overpower you just because he wasn’t a Fem? You did the right thing.”

“I ran my fingers through his esophagus like it was rotten fruit. I went overboard,” I say, closing my eyes in disbelief.

“Sorry. I don’t know what to say,” he whispers into my ear.

I turn to face him. Even in this dim light his eyes radiate a brilliant electric blue. His dimples tremble as though they might ignite full and deep at any moment. I don’t really know why I’m here with Gage. He should be my friend when we’re not around other people, but something in me wants more. Eventually I’ll have to stop blaming Logan for this, whatever it is, and start taking responsibility for my feelings.

“So,” I sigh, “Brielle texted me this morning and said it was a kid from East named Holden.” I shrug looking down at my fingers.

“Holden
Kragger
,” Gage nods. “He’s got a twin brother, Pierce. They weren’t identical though. I think Pierce goes out with Nat off and on, not sure.”

“Oh.” I didn’t even know Nat had a boyfriend. “So they’re twins—
were
.” A horrible feeling comes over me to know that someone has to bury
their
brother, a son because of me.

“I don’t think you should dwell on this.” He studies my face intently. “It’s not like it was intentional. Even if you confessed, you’d be found innocent.”

“What are the police saying?”

“They ruled it a homicide. They think someone hopped up on drugs did it. My dad said it looks like he was mauled by a wild animal.”

My fingers come up over my neck. He was struggling to get away. I could have let him go.

“He was forcing himself on me.” I can still feel his tongue slithering down my throat like a barbed, rabid snake.

“Don’t upset yourself. And don’t worry about the cops. My dad said the last person in the world they’re going to suspect is a sixteen-year old girl.” He rubs his hands gently up and down my back.
 
“Um…I talked to Logan.” His voice drops down into his chest.

It seems so trivial now. Me with Logan, me with Gage—none of it matters because we’re all still alive and breathing.

“He’s pissed.” One of his dimples
ignite
as he gives a slight grin.

“What exactly did you say?” A part of me doesn’t want to know, doesn’t want to get sucked down further by the undertow of our blossoming relationship.

“I told him I thought you were beautiful.” His eyes round out. “That I can’t stop thinking about you.” He stares me down with those cobalt spheres. “That I don’t think I can pretend to be
your
anything, and that I want to start seeing you.” His Adam’s
Apple
rises and falls dramatically as though he were unsure of what my reaction might be. “I know you have feelings for Logan. I’m not asking you to deny them or tell me you’re leaving him. All I want is a chance.” It comes out as a fact, but beneath the surface there’s a layer of desperation. “
Skyla
,” My name comes out broken, just shy of a whisper. “I’d do anything to be with you. And if that means giving you all the time in the world to make up your mind, I’ll do that.”
 
     
 

I lean in and press my lips soft against his. We start in with slow, deep kisses—then it erupts into an entire desolate exchange of passion.

Choosing between Logan and Gage would require more time than the world could possibly afford. I’d need two lifetimes, and two of me—both of which reality could ever hope to give me.

Chapter Thirteen

One Count Down

Monday, on the way to second period, I pass Logan in the hall. He not only smiles in my direction—he holds out his hand to high five me.

Butterfly room at ten?
He asks.

It’s on
, I give a sly smile as I head into Marshall’s class.

Gage pretends not to notice the whole skin slapping exchange. I spent all day yesterday trying to figure out how to see one Oliver, without cheating on the other
—turns out there’s
no possible way. I’m going to have to do something, rather drastic and painful, like choose, but I think I’d rather pluck off my fingernails.
 
 

I contemplate the finer skills I’ve picked up since moving to the island—liar, cheat, thief, oh yeah—murderer. At least Paragon is molding me into a well-rounded asshole.

I plop down in my seat. It takes all of my effort not to put my head down, I’m so tired and it’s only nine in the morning. Marshall whistles happily while passing out the tests from last week. I find this extremely annoying so I don’t bother acknowledging him.

He glides a paper onto my desk with a giant red F scrawled across the top.

That’s impossible.

“What did you get?” I lean over to
Gage
whose paper is sporting a neat little A in the corner. I scan the sheets side by side and none of the numbers match.

“Maybe I confused you when I was repeating the problems,” he whispers.

Marshall swoops over to the two of us. “Maybe what confused you, Ms. Messenger, is that you didn’t know the answers.” His brows sharpen. “I took the liberty of discussing your disposition with your mother this morning.”

“What? You said you were going to let me slide.” Did I just say that out loud?
 

“She has agreed to procure my tutoring services.”
I charge four hundred dollars a month, and with that I can practically guarantee an A. Oh the fun we’re going to have.
He bites down on his lower lip suggestively.

Mom and Tad don’t have a spare four hundred lying around. It might just be cheaper for Tad to ship me off to boarding school. And, of course, he’ll use me as an excuse to deny Mia and Melissa their self-entitled weekly shopping sprees. Soon, I’ll be to blame for all things debt related.

“When do we start?” I spear him with my anger.

“Soon as possible.” His cheek pulls into a half smile as he walks away.
And
Skyla
? Feisty
becomes
you
.

***

 
“I don’t like the thought of you hanging around him,” Gage whispers, while holding me under the awning at lunch.