Bunches (9 page)

 
“Morning,” Jessie says, bouncing
onto my bed. I do remember giving her a key to my apartment after a fight we
had about six months ago, when I’d had enough to drink so that I was buzzed.
Now, when she wakes me up early, I have reason to regret it. I mumble something
and roll away from her, but she follows me.

“Come on,” she says. “It’s nearly
ten o’clock and I haven’t seen you all weekend,” she grumbles. Sure she did.
She saw me when she came into the Remember.

I crack one eye open. We were out
late last night at the block party and I had a lot more fun than I expected. My
nerves still are fizzing a little in anticipation of talking to Nora again. She
took the knowledge of our mutual history better than I thought she would, given
the state I saw her in five years ago. I have a feeling that her equilibrium is
still fragile, though.

“What do you want to do today?”
Jessie asks, bouncing a bit on the bed. I curl my arm around her waist and pull
her down next to me. She giggles and snuggles into my shoulder. I hope her warm
body and bright smile will make me forget that I barely thought about her last
night.

“I’m sorry about the argument,”
she murmurs into my shoulder. “I just didn’t like that you were out without me.
It reminded me of the days before we were together.”

I grimace. “I was out with Ben.”

“Yeah, but you and Ben used to go
out and have a wild time,” she says, snuggling closer. I shift to make her more
comfortable.

It’s true. Ben and I had a good
time together. “He’s with Katie now.”

“Yeah,” says Jessie. Her voice
goes brittle, and I instantly regret bringing up Katie. “They’ve only been
together for a year and they’re moving in together already.”

I sigh. “Don’t start, Jess.”

She sits up, pushing her small
hand against my chest for leverage. I’m forced to release my arm. I let it flop
dejectedly back onto the bed.

I guess I can’t avoid this
argument.

“We’ve been together for two
years,” she starts, sitting back on her heels. “I just don’t feel like we’re
going anywhere.”

I look at her, raising my
eyebrows.

She sighs, her shoulders drooping.
I wish I didn’t disappoint her, but I don’t really care that much. “Fine,
whatever. I came to see if you wanted to have breakfast with my parents.”

I nod and grab my phone. She’s
sent me several texts that I haven’t gotten, because I’ve been sleeping.

“Sure,” I say. “Just let me
shower.”

She nods and I head into the
bathroom. There are about a million things I’d rather be doing than having
breakfast with Jessie’s parents, but I can’t tell her that. We’ve had enough
fights this weekend. I sigh. Maybe this whole “dating a girl because my friends
are worried about me” isn’t the best thing. I know it’s not great for Jessie,
because she’s right. We aren’t going anywhere. Until last weekend I was sure I
couldn’t go anywhere with anyone, but after seeing Nora, I’m not so sure.

“Are you ready?” Jessie calls. I
come out of the bathroom, already in jeans and a t-shirt. Her parents are
pretty relaxed, and they seem to like me, at least her mother does. Her dad
isn’t happy about the whole bar owner thing.

“Yup,” I say, running my fingers
through my still-wet hair. I smile reassuringly at her. She’s flipping through
a magazine on the couch.

Anabella is glaring at her from
the other side of the room. She’s black and white with bright yellow eyes,
which at the moment are staring me down. It took my mother’s cat a whole year
just to stay in the same room with Jessie, and she still won’t let Jessie touch
her. My girlfriend pretends it doesn’t hurt her feelings, but I know it does.

“She still hates me,” says
Jessie, staring hard at her magazine. We’ve had fights about Anabella, too.
Jessie isn’t a big fan of cats, and once Anabella made it crystal clear that
she wasn’t a big fan of Jessie, it was cold war between the two of them.

“She likes you more than she
likes me,” Jessie whines.

“Jess,” I say, “Anabella
tolerates me because I feed her. That’s about it.”

Whenever Jessie comes to snuggle
with me, Anabella comes and snuggles closer, or, just to make her point very
clear, the second Jessie enters a room, Anabella leaves it.

“At least she’s in the room,” I
say, nodding to my cat. “Did you feed her?”

Jessie huffs and flips her hair
quickly into a messy ponytail.

“No, she doesn’t eat the food
when I do,” she says icily.

“I’m sure that was just that one
time,” I say.  My mom got Anabella as a kitten, but she didn’t have her very
long. That was a bad summer if ever there was one. I wonder if Nora remembers,
but given her reaction last night I don’t think she does. She had her own
problems.

“Why don’t you get another cat?”
Jessie says. “Maybe that one wouldn’t sneak out so much if you did.”

“She has a name,” I say.

Jessie just shrugs.

“I can get breakfast,” I say,
“but then I’m going to work.”

Jessie looks angry, but she hides
it quickly. Like me, she knows we’ve been arguing too much recently. Secretly I
hope Nora is going to come in and visit later today. I want to talk to her
more.

I don’t even know what I’m going
to say, but saying pretty much anything to her seems better than saying
anything specific to anyone else.

“Come on,” says Jessie, taking my
hand and smiling up into my eyes. Anabella hisses, but Jessie ignores my mom’s
cat. I couldn’t help mom, so I take care of Anabella. “We can have a nice
breakfast.”

I smile back at her and let her
lead me out of my apartment.

Her parents live on the other
side of town and Jessie drives us there. She chatters on in the car about her
friends and her weekend. Next weekend she’s going to be gone, because it’s her
friend’s bachelorette party.

“Do you have plans next weekend?”
she asks casually, but I know it’s not casual. She doesn’t trust me and she
likes to check up on me.

“Working.” I sigh. It’s going to
be a long morning.

I’m a total pit of nerves. I feel
like I’m in a shallow grave and waves are washing over me. Seeing JJ has
reminded me of that night, and now that I’m not with him the storm inside me is
raging again. I pace my apartment. I pick up Snick. I put him down. I pick him
up again.

There’s something about the way
he looked at me last night and the way he talked. Well, Lizzy thought he was
attracted to me, but I definitely don’t think so now. He probably knew who I
was when he gave me the drinks and that’s why he did it.

I sigh and pick up Snick again,
but the cat protests, tired of my confusion.

“I’m tired of it too,” I murmur.
There’s something else I remember about that summer, though.

Whatever games JJ normally plays,
it doesn’t feel like he’s playing them with me, even if he obviously enjoys
teasing me. Most people do.

Cheeks meet blush.

JJ Curtis. Hmm. I don’t know. I
decide to do the unthinkable. I decide to call my mom. It’s a Sunday morning,
so I’m not surprised when she doesn’t answer, because she’s usually busy on
Sundays. I try my brother next. This is important. I know I’m not supposed to
call him before noon on the weekend unless it’s an emergency, because it
doesn’t give whoever he had staying over the night before time to leave. But I
decide this is emergency enough.

To my surprise, he answers on the
first ring.

“Hey, Sis, everything okay?”
Unlike his usual weekend morning mode, he doesn’t sound groggy from sleep. My
brother is my fraternal twin, but somehow we ended up good friends with
Michael’s older sister. We all used to play together when we were little until
my brother went off to boarding school and Michael and I started dating.

My brother, Ellis, has always had
a sort of mystery, and mystic quality, for me. I worship the ground he walks on
even though I know he has his flaws. These days he’s living in New York,
working all the time and playing hard whenever he can.

“Everything’s fine,” I say.
“Sorry for calling so early.”

My brother chuckles. I know
there’s a lot he doesn’t tell me about his life, but he tells me enough.

“Don’t worry, the guys and I had
a quiet night in last night,” he says.

I sigh in relief. “Oh, okay,” I
say.

“How’s the summer internship?
How’s Portland? Mom wishes you’d call more.”

“I could call Mom five times a
day and she still wouldn’t think I was checking in enough,” I say. “They’re
good. I like my job and Portland is nice. Actually, that’s why I called.” I
pause, unsure how to continue.

My brother waits patiently,
knowing I’ll get there in the end.

“There’s a guy here,” I say. My
brother doesn’t say anything, but I can feel his attitude change.

“You know, Sis,” he says, “most
brothers are supposed to be protective of their sisters and I am, but I’m all
for you starting to date.”

It’s probably hard for him to say
it and hard for him to sound hopeful. He and Michael were very good friends.

I feel a hot rush come up my
chest and neck, flushing my cheeks.

“No, Ellis,” I groan. “I mean,
this guy has a girlfriend.”

“Oh, I mean, we’ve all been
there,” Ellis starts. When I cut him off again he just laughs. My brother
definitely doesn’t tell me everything about his life.

“So, you don’t want to date him
or you do?” he asks. Always to the point. That’s Ellis.

“I do, I, never mind,” I say,
barely able to get the words out. My brother knows me well enough to know he
can’t push me on this. He’s seen my parents try with disastrous results.

“So, what do you want to know?”
he prompts when I go silent again.

“His name is JJ Curtis,” I say.
“He’s from Boston. We met once . . . before.” I couldn’t bring myself to say
where, but Ellis knows. “His name sounded familiar, but I don’t know why I’ve
heard it.”

My brother is silent for a
breath, then he says, “I think there was something about his family in the
paper. He’s a couple of years older than we are, right?”

“Yeah,” I say. “He wasn’t around
much.”

“Hmm,” Ellis hums over the phone.
Then I hear his fingers snap.

“There was something about his
parents,” he says. “It wasn’t good. Maybe his father beat his mother and went
to prison for it. I’m not sure. I don’t really remember.” My brother’s voice is
soft and cultured, confident in a way mine never is.

I suck air through my teeth and
feel it pull over my tongue. Now that Ellis is saying it, that does sound
familiar.

“Right,” I say. “JJ was the one
who found them or found her. Something like that. The story was awful.”

I vaguely remember my mom reading
it to me, trying to get me to care about anything besides my own drowning. I
didn’t really listen.

“Poor guy,” says Ellis. “You said
you know him there?”

I tell Ellis all about the
Remember. Once he finishes congratulating me on getting out of my shell, he
warns me against the dangers of guys who try to pick up girls in bars. He runs
through a series of pickup lines they might use, none of which I care remotely
about.

“No guy is going to try and pick
me up,” I protest. “No guy looks twice at me.”

That makes Ellis snort. “Every
guy looks twice at you. I’ve almost been in a fight so many times,” he says,
his voice wavering between amusement and concern.

“Not over me,” I say, astonished.

“Yes, sister darling,” he says.
“Lizzy might be a gorgeous flirt, but she is a flirt, because she’s aware of
what she does to men. You apparently have no idea. Anyway, I have to shower. If
this is the same JJ he’s probably hurting, but it’s nice that he keeps it
together and owns a bar.”

Once Ellis and I hang up I think
about what he said. JJ has an awful history too, and it was there in his eyes
last night. He wondered if I remembered the story, but I didn’t.

I’ll need to call Ellis again to
talk about Amelia’s wedding, but I’m not ready for that yet, and I’m relieved
that he knew not to bring it up. Just the thought of it stings my heart.

I took a deep breath, then
another. Talking to Ellis helped the worry, but now it’s coming back. There’s
only one thing to do, I decide, and that’s to see if JJ works at the Remember
on Sundays. And I’ll go by myself, with no friends to sit at the bar with me.
It’s the only way we’re going to be able to talk. I wish desperately that I
were more familiar with bar etiquette.

Lizzy wants to hang out later,
but until then I have time to go over to the Remember for a late lunch . . .
and sit at the bar. I’m told I can do that.

After I shower I put on tight
dark skinny jeans and a snug t-shirt. I let my hair fall in wet waves over my
shoulders. If I walk to the Remember instead of taking the bus (sketchy thing
that it is), my hair should be pretty dry by the time I get there. I just have
to put product in it before I leave so it dries cute instead of scary.

Once I’m ready to go I give Snick
one last pet. He’s watched my preparations curiously, as if wondering why I’m
not climbing into bed, reading, and snuggling with him like I usually do on
Sundays.

I wave to him and dash out the
door. I’m desperate to get there. The ache in my chest is coming back, but this
time it’s not just for me. It’s also for JJ and JJ’s mom.

It’s a little over a mile to the
Remember.

I know they have a busy brunch,
being a restaurant and bar, but I’ve never been there for food before. When I
get in, mid-afternoon on a Sunday, it’s half empty. I don’t see anyone sitting
at the bar, and I don’t see JJ.

Sighing, I realize I can’t leave.
I’ve already come in and the hostess is looking at me expectantly.

I head over to the bar, wondering
if there’s even a bartender at this time of day, but there must be, right? If
there weren’t, who made mimosas for all the hung-over college kids having
brunch? With that not very comforting thought I sit at one of the familiar bar
chairs, waiting.

I try not to fidget, but my
nerves are pulsing in my ears. No matter how many times I tell myself this is
not a big deal, it
is
a big deal. I ought to listen to myself.

I’m so used to seeing him come
around the corner at top speed that I still half expect him to show up, but
there’s no sign of him.

Instead, one of the other bartenders,
a pretty girl with straight red hair, comes around the corner. A fist of
disappointment punches into my gut.

I sigh and grab my phone. If he’s
not here, my friends might as well join me, and if we’re not drinking, Noah can
come.

Lizzy texts back that she and
Aimee just went for a run and will be along shortly. Noah texts me an
enthusiastic yes with more exclamation points than I’ve ever seen before. I
move to a table and wait for my friends to show up, which they do in less than
half an hour.

“You tricky girl,” Lizzy
admonishes as she sits down. Several of the tables are occupied, but none of
the ones near us.

“What?” I ask, playing with my
fork.

“You came here without us,” she
accuses, grinning. “Why is that?”

“I was hungry,” I mumble.

“Yeah,” says Noah dryly. “I was
born blond.” He grabs fists of his brown roots.

“I see a little light-colored
hair under there somewhere,” I tease.

Noah smiles at me.

“So, what are we eating?”

We each order a couple of things.
I’m starving after not really eating much breakfast, and Aimee and Lizzy both
went running. Noah seems to think it’s his job in life to eat.

“Don’t you have to work today?” I
ask him, my mouth full of sandwich.

He shakes his head. “Sunday is
one of my days off. My brother works instead of me, and my grandmother hangs
out in the front with all her friends and supervises. It’s a pretty quiet day.”

“Next Sunday we should do
something outside,” says Lizzy.

“Like a hike or a picnic?” Aimee
asks.

Lizzy nods. “I mean, I was
thinking shopping, but I could get behind a hike or a picnic.”

“There are some great outdoor
concerts too,” says Noah, waving his fork in the air.

I take a sip of water as Lizzy
tells him how badly we want to attend an outdoor concert.

“You have a bucket list?” Noah
gasps, thrilled. “I want in. That’s an awesome idea.”

“You can definitely be in,” says
Aimee. “The more the merrier.”

Noah suggests that we compete to
see who can finish all the items on it first.

“No way,” I say. I shake my head
as Noah looks at me questioningly. “That’s not fair at all. Lizzy already has a
boyfriend, so she doesn’t have to go looking for a date.”

“You don’t have to look very hard
for a date either,” says Noah dryly. “If only you’d realize it.”

I preferred to ignore this topic,
so I didn’t say a word.

“Well, look who it is,” says
Lizzy, grinning at the bar. JJ has just come out from the back. He looks a
little flustered, but he greets some of the regulars happily.

Since we’re sitting in the
corner, it takes him a good ten minutes to notice us. While I wait, staring
down at my plate, simultaneously wanting him to see me and wanting to
disappear, my friends chatter on about concerts and bucket lists.

I told him I’d come by, but I’m
sure this isn’t what he meant. This is also way sooner than he probably expected.
Now he’s busy and my friends are here. He probably doesn’t want to have
anything to do with me.

“Oh, don’t look now, but Loverboy
is coming over,” says Noah, grinning at my mortified expression. “We’ve been
spotted.”