Broken Dreams (18 page)

“What are you hiding from me?”

He flinched. My words stung him a little. He was aggravated and shook his head. “In due time, I’ll share with you.” He was scaring me, but he wanted me to be strong so I needed to fight the tears. He was right. I needed to be strong. I didn’t like that crying girl that kept coming to the surface.

“Tell me about Liam.”

He sighed. “Why do you want to know?”

“I want to know more about you.”

He laughed…not out of joy, but out of nervousness. He scratched at the beard that was filling in on his face. “We don’t have that much time in our lives for all the stuff I could tell you.”

“Give me something, Henry. Anything. I think I deserve to know who you are.” He paused for a long period of time.

“Okay. You’re right. I’ll tell you a little bit.” I wanted to know all of Henry: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the brilliance of the man that I wanted to share the rest of my life with. I would be thankful for anything.

“When Roger initially pulled me into the program, I continued my life with my given name -- Luke Richards. Shortly after my two year probationary period, Roger assigned me a new identity. Liam Henry Daniels.” I was getting annoyed because he already told me that part. I wanted more.

“It was difficult for me to accept this change. I wasn’t always in an orphanage. I have some memories of my mum. I can still hear her in my dreams call me by my given name. I have carried one picture of her and me...forever, I suppose. Roger never knew I still had it. I hid it from him.”

Henry got up and went into his dresser drawer. He pulled out a picture from a box in the top drawer. He looked at it longingly for a moment, gently touching the picture, as if he could feel her. “Here.” He handed me the picture. It was creased and aged.

I was in awe of her beauty, but they looked nothing like one another. I gathered that he must look like his father. “Wow, Henry, she’s beautiful, and you were…are pretty cute yourself.”

He smiled at me. “She was. I only have vague memories of her.” He was silent for a moment, fighting with his emotions. He closed his eyes tight and took several deep breaths. No doubt he was reminiscing of the days with his mom. I could see the emotions being pushed back down. I was almost afraid to ask, but I had to know.

“How did you end up in an orphanage?” He refilled my glass, then took another long pull of the whiskey himself.

“She was murdered…in front of me.” I gasped. “My father wasn’t around so off I went.” He cleared his throat. “I’ve tried to bury it in my past, but I don’t want to let the few memories that I have go. Shit.” His voice cracked. “She was murdered on my fifth birthday.” I reached out to him, and he sat down next to me. “She was making me a cake. She saved every spare coin she could to buy me a toy truck.” He went silent.

“Go on.”

He cleared his throat again. “So Roger and his goons, our instructors, would beat me and make me repeat my new name. Sometimes, I would just be tied up; other times, blindfolded and tied up. It would get to be so brutal that there were times I would throw up or pass out from the pain.”

My heart ached for him, seeing that his pain was real and was so very deep. He took another swig from the bottle. He rested his elbows on his legs, dangling the bottle in one hand, and put his face in the other. It took me a minute to realize that he was trying to hide that he was crying.

“I’m so sorry you were put through all that.” He looked up at me and his tears flowed steadily from his fading eyes. All the abuse, all the lies, all the mental bullshit that was happening right outside the windows, plus the murder of his mother, was tearing him apart.

“So, you see, I can’t be Luke.” He choked out a sob. “That boy doesn’t exist anymore, but even if he did, he would be mentally torn up. And I can’t be Liam. If I were, I would be full of aggression and ridiculous amounts of hatred. All I have left is Henry. And you. I’m nothing without you. I needed to separate myself from all of that, and shut off all of those emotions.” I reached over and wiped tears from his cheeks. “I was so afraid to tell you any of this. I thought you would run, far and fast.”

“I’m here with you now, aren’t I?” He nodded.

“I’m just so fucked up. I tried to bury it. It runs so close to the surface, but yet so deep.” I grabbed him and held him while he cried. I couldn’t believe he hid all of his pain from me. I was so furious that he was a pawn used in some sick and twisted game of life, power, and greed.

Before the virus was released, he was so calm and happy-go-lucky when we were together. It was like a levee had broken. He cried in my arms. Seeing him so distraught, and me trying to keep him from shattering, was new for us. Henry was always the brave one but, from that point forward, I saw him differently. Sophie was right. He was fragile. Much more fragile than I could have ever imagined.

Henry was a broken man.

I pulled back from him some, then grabbed his face, like he always did mine when I needed comfort. I wanted to bring comfort to him. I wanted to get him through his pain and make him feel worthy.

“Henry,” I whispered. I didn’t know what to say to him so I just kissed his salty tears. “I love you so much, Henry Daniels. I love you whole, and I love you broken.”

“I love you more.” He softly smiled at me through his despair, and I couldn’t do anything but return it back to him.

“Well, I don’t know about that. It’s not a contest.” My attitude was making a comeback. He sighed, with a chuckle mixed in. I didn’t want to make him go back out to talk to everyone until he was ready. It would humiliate him for them to see him so upset. We sat in silence, and had a few more drinks while he did his best to collect himself.

“Well, we should probably go back out there and figure this out.”

“Yeah, probably.” I kissed him but, this time, more passionately. I wanted him right then, but I knew we would get interrupted.

“Mmm…” A soft groan radiated from his chest, and then he pulled away. “Hold that thought, love. Later, I’m taking you and fucking you senseless. Deal?” He winked at me and stood up.

“Sounds like a good deal to me.” He took my hand and the bottle of whiskey, and led me out to the living room.

***

I felt so close to him after he shared his true emotions with me. Claire looked at us, and I could see she was happy for us. I immediately felt guilty about Marc so I let go of Henry’s hand.

Claire asked, “How are you feeling?”

“Much better. I promise I won’t do that to you again.” She hugged me and kissed my cheek. She looked happy for me. For us. But I still felt guilty.

“Have a seat, love.” Henry directed me toward the couch, turned around, and set the whiskey down on the table. He pulled up a chair from the dining room table. He set it down backward, straddling it and crossing his arms on the back.

“We’re going to break into two groups.” Everyone started their protesting again. Henry raised his voice. “This is non-negotiable.” The newfound silence was heavy. “I will lead one group, Sophie will lead the other. My group will consist of Nick and Claire. Sophie’s will be Elaina and Nate.”

My jaw slammed to the floor. My anger was about to erupt like a volcano. After what we had just shared, he was forcing me to be with her? That was one of those moments I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. “Are you shitting me, Henry? Really? You’re fucking joking, right? You want me to be separated from you?”

“I said this is non-negotiable.” His voice was calm, but he was glaring at me. It was like he was a different person than when we spoke in the bedroom.

“But I want to go with you! I want to fight with you!”

He stood up and slammed his fist on the table. “Damn it! I said this was not up for discussion!” He grabbed the whiskey bottle and took another swig.

I stood up and got in his face. “Why? I want to know why right now!” Everyone was silent and looked a little nervous, but I blocked them out. I didn’t give two shits what they thought. It was like Henry and I were the only two in the room.

“Why do you have to be so defiant all the bloody time?! Why can’t you just do what you are asked for once, without a fucking argument?!” I couldn’t believe what I had just heard.

“Let me just back up for one moment. Ah, yes, I don’t recall you asking me what I wanted! And if you remember, just a few minutes ago, you wanted me to be the true Elaina, not some sappy, crying, whiny girl! So, here I am, doing exactly what you fucking asked me to do!” My fists were clenched at my sides. I was considering decking him.

“It’s not always about what you want!” He barked at me. I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder. I whipped around, arm cocked and ready to throw a punch. It was Sophie.

“What the fuck do you want?” I growled at her.

“He wants you separated from him in case something happens to him. He knows you wouldn’t be able to handle having to give him a true death. That’s why he’s not pairing you up with anyone you love,” she whispered. It made sense when she explained it, but I hated that she was right.

I felt like a fool and sagged a little. Why couldn’t he have just said that in the first place? Why did he have to be all combative, and not the Henry that I knew? I grabbed her hand off my shoulder and stormed past him. I ran down the hall and slammed the bedroom door, locking it before anyone could see me cry…again.

***

Henry sighed and drank more whiskey. He looked at Nick, “Women. Can’t always make them happy, can we?” He chuckled a bit, and Nick half smiled at him.

Henry was starting to feel the effects of the whiskey and he stumbled over the chair as he tried to turn toward the hallway. “I suppose I should go speak with her.”

“No. I don’t think that’s your greatest idea, Henry. I’ve got this one.” Nick headed down the hall.

Chapter 7

buried my face in Henry’s pillow and sobbed. Someone jiggled the doorknob, then knocked on the door. “Elaina, can I come in?” It was Nick. I didn’t want to see anyone at that moment, no matter who it was. The fucking president could come knocking on that door and I would still have cranked the bird at him and told him to go the fuck away.

“Go away,” I choked out.

“Elaina, please stop acting like a hormonal thirteen-year-old.” He knocked again. “Elaina!” I got up and opened the door because I knew he wouldn’t stop. “Thank you.”

“I only opened it because you wouldn’t have stopped.” I went back to lie down on the bed. He stood there, rocking back and forth on his heels with one hand in his hair and one hand in his pocket.

“Listen. What Sophie said was right. You could never give us true death if you had to.”

I sat straight up. “I shot our father!”

“I know!”

“I did what I had to do for him. I don’t want to be separated from any of you anymore.”

“I understand.” We were both quiet for a moment. He sat down on the bed next to me. “Elaina, I don’t think I could give you a true death.”

“You could if you had to.”

He shook his head. “No. I don’t think so. Look how I was with Jenna.” I sighed. I hated to admit it, but he was right. I picked at the fabric of the coverlet.

“Henry and I shared a huge moment while we were in here a few minutes ago. I grew to understand him more. I learned so much about who he truly is. We connected so well. And then he treats me like I’m garbage. I felt like I was an inch tall. It’s like he is two different people.”

“He’s under a lot of stress. This whole thing, whatever the hell it is, is resting on his shoulders. He feels he’s responsible. Don’t you see that?”

“Yes!” I yelled as Henry stumbled into the room. He had his hands in his pockets. It was hard to look at him. He was looking at his feet, and from what I could see of his face, it was flush. Probably from all the whiskey that he was drinking.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “My intention was exactly as Sophie said. I don’t think you could take me out, and I
know
I couldn’t take you out.”

“You would if you had to. I can’t believe we are arguing about whether or not we could shoot one another.” We were all silent for a while, until we heard Sophie booking down the hall.

“Henry!” she hollered. “Undeads in the hallway.”

“Shit.” Henry nodded at Nick, and they ran out to the living room. I got up and went out there, as well. Henry grabbed the walkie talkie off of the table. I heard him instruct Claire. He had been drinking heavily, and I was worried.

“Henry, you can’t go out there! You’ve been drinking! You’ll get killed.”

“I’m fine,” he snapped.

“No, you’re not! You were stumbling.” I looked around at everyone else. “No one is going to say anything?” Henry ignored me, and continued to shout instructions. I glared at everyone. No one was backing me up.

Un-
fucking
-real!

“Claire, I want you to open the door slowly like you did before.”

“Got it.” She was all business.

“Nick, cover me.”

“On it.” They grabbed their Sigs and Claire waited for the signal to open the door. He held his hand up and listened. He lowered his hand and Claire pulled open the door.

Sophie stood between me and the door, blocking my view on purpose. Two shots rang out, and I jumped. I couldn’t see who shot, or what they were shooting.

Then Henry shouted, “Claire! Come with us. We are going to clear this floor.”

Claire and I stared at one another for a moment, then she headed out the door. I was afraid that would be my last time seeing them alive.

Sophie closed the door and locked it. Nate stood in silence, not knowing what to do or where to go. As for me, I was lost, emotionally and mentally.

“So we just stand here and wait? I don’t understand why I’m the only one concerned that he was drinking!”

“Yes. He’ll be fine.” She was a woman of few words for a change. I could sense she was worried about Henry, too.

Then we heard Claire scream, and two more shots rang out. I ran to the door.

“No! Do not open that door, Elaina.” I looked back at Sophie, and I started to tremble with fear. Three more gunshots rang out, then silence.

I listened at the door, waiting for any sign that Henry, Claire, and Nick were okay. All that I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. I looked back at Sophie again. She came to the door.

“Why don’t you go sit down for a moment?”

“Nope. I’m staying here until I know they are okay.” She pulled the walkie talkie off her belt, and turned it on.

“I hope he turned his on. HD! I need a location on you.” Static. “HD, do you read me? I need a location.” Static. “Damn it, Henry! Gimme a motherfucking location! Do you need assistance?”

“SJ, no assistance needed.” He sounded like he had been running. I was so relieved to hear his voice. “Less than thirty seconds until arrival.”

“Gotcha, HD. Be safe.” Sophie looked just as relieved as I was. I was certain she still cared for him.

That thirty seconds seemed like an eternity. Then I heard them running up to the door. Sophie pulled it open and jumped into Henry’s arms. I stood there looking at my brother and Claire.

“Four more adults and...” Henry paused and looked at me. “Three children,” he said with a deep sadness. Claire looked like she was in shock.

“Claire...” I said when I reached for her. She walked around me, walked past the table, and headed down to the bathroom. When she was out of earshot, Henry told us what happened.

“The first two shots were one child and an adult. The rest of the children were roaming the hall. One lunged at Claire and she screamed. Nick shot one, and Claire the other. I saw that the door was open down the hall. I took off running toward it, and three undeads came out. I unloaded on them.

“When I came back down the hall, Claire was still standing, pointing her gun at the true deads, completely white. Nick was trying to get her to come back here. I stepped in between her and them. I grabbed her gun and we headed back. Elaina, you might want to go check on her. I think she’s having a breakdown or something.” I nodded and headed down the hall.

***

“Do you think she’ll be okay?” Nate was genuinely concerned about Claire’s welfare.

“I don’t know.” Nick answered.

Sophie pulled Henry to the side. “I was so worried about you. It was silent for way too long. Next time, give me a heads up. Alright?”

“Okay,” Henry acknowledged.

***

I knocked on the bathroom door. I could hear her in there, rummaging around. “Claire?”

“Come in.” She was scrubbing her face, hands, and arms at a feverish pace. Her pale peach skin was bright red.

“Claire.” I tried to stop her from scrubbing. “Claire, please stop. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

She pounded furiously on the countertop with her fist. “Does it matter?! Does it?!”

“Claire, please.” She screamed and punched the mirror. “Oh, my god! Claire!” It shattered all over us. She grabbed a large piece of it and held it up to her wrist. “Claire. No. Put it down!” Henry must have heard her scream, or the smashing glass, because he showed up in the doorway seconds later.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t! One fucking reason!” Her hand was bleeding all over.

“Claire…you’re bleeding,” he said. It was not the time for obvious observations. I turned toward him.

“Get some gauze and antibiotic solution.” He went to the closet, and I could hear him digging through it.

“Claire, please put it down.”

“Why, Elaina?! Why?! So I can continue to kill children?!”

“They were already dead. You didn’t kill them. You allowed their little souls to move on.”

“I put a bullet in the head of a pigtailed girl who couldn’t have been more than five-years-old!”

“She wasn’t a little girl anymore. The virus was controlling her.”

“Ha! You sound like your boyfriend.”

“Claire. Please hand it to me.” I held my hand out.

“I want a reason! One good reason for me to stay in this fucked up world!” I stood in silence. I didn’t
have
a good reason. “Goddamn it! Give me a fucking reason!”

I was panicking. Then I gave her the only thing I could think of. “Me! Me! You have me!” I couldn’t hold back my tears. I loved Claire like a sister. We had been friends for so long and shared so much together.

“Why? So I can watch you with Henry, and I have no one? I want to choose my own destiny!” I heard footsteps behind me.

“Please. Put it down.” It was Nick. She looked at him, and she swallowed hard. He stepped toward her. “You have me, Claire. I’m here for you.” Tears ran down her cheeks. He reached toward her. “Just hand me the glass.”

He was slow and calm. He put his hand on the piece of glass, and gently pulled it out of her hand. She collapsed into him. He held her tight, and kissed the top of her head, whispering to her. I couldn’t make out what he was saying. I was too busy trying to clean up the bits and pieces of glass.

“Come on, let’s get out of here so Elaina can clean up. We have to check your hand.” He was able to get her moving out the door while holding her tight against his body. He and Henry took her to the dining room to start fixing her hand.

I heard the distinct sound of spiked heels on tile behind me. With a soft voice, Sophie asked, “Is there anything that I can do to help?”

I paused, but didn’t look up. “Uh. Yeah. Yeah. Can you grab the trash bin and broom from the kitchen?”

“Be right back.” She left the bathroom and came back in a flash.

She brought the bin in and knelt down in front of me. I didn’t know what to say. “Thanks” was all I could manage. We cleaned in silence for a minute and then it happened.

“Umm...Elaina?”

“Yeah?”

“Listen, I know we started off on the wrong foot, and I understand this whole thing isn’t easy for you. It’s not easy for me, either.” She sighed. I listened to her while she spoke, but I still didn’t look at her. “I don’t know if I should tell you this, but…” She cleared her throat. It seemed like she was searching for the right words. “I love Henry. I’ve loved him for years, since we were teens. He helped me through so much. I gave myself to him. He was my first. He saved me and protected me for years, and then Roger pushed him out into the field. I lost my protector. After he left, I was violated, time and time again.” Her words were laced with sorrow and hatred.

“So what are you trying to say?” My voice was a little cold, but it was all that I could offer at the moment.

She cleared her throat again, trying to push back her sadness and pain. “I don’t know…I don’t know what I’m trying to say. All I know is that Henry loves you now. He loves you so much, and I want to see him happy. I never made him as happy as you do. We have chatted several times about you during your relationship. You make him so happy.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, skeptical. “How can he be happy in this life?”

“There’s so much you don’t know.”

“I’m gathering that. I know he’s still hiding stuff from me. I can feel it.”

“He’s just trying to protect you. He’s trying to protect all of us. He has a lot on his mind, and the weight of the earth on his shoulders.”

I sighed. “I know. I have heard that one before.” I felt ashamed for how I reacted to splitting up into teams. “I just wish he would open up to me more.” I looked at her and she nodded.

“He will. I know he will. He just needs time to process who he is, and what he needs to do. He was treated the worst out of all of us recruits, and I never understood why. He was the only one who questioned things. He questioned everything, including the program. He was beaten so severely on many occasions that there were a few times I didn’t think he was going to pull through. He had suffered many broken bones, including a fractured skull, several concussions, deep gashes, tasing, and whippings. Then there was the verbal and emotional abuse, and the murder of his mother. I spent so many nights nursing him back to health, only for him to be beaten down again. I feared for his life, and I still do. He was the only person that I connected with.”

My heart ached for him and, believe it or not, my heart ached for her, too. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was just so surreal.

“So you were really beaten, as well?”

“Yes. And repeatedly raped into submission.” I looked into her eyes, her sparkling emerald green eyes, and I was taken aback. I could see the same pain in her eyes that I saw in Henry’s.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered and looked down, ashamed of my immature, selfish behavior. After all she endured, she didn’t need my crassness.

“Thanks. Can we start over?”

“Sure.” My smile was weak, but real. She reached up and touched my cheek, like Henry always did. Her cool caress sent shivers down my spine.

“Henry picked a good one.”

Her words moved me. I had a newfound respect for her. Sophie stood up and grabbed the broom. We finished cleaning up the glass and blood in silence.

***

When we finished, I had new warmth in my heart. I could feel love for my group and for Sophie, which was a miracle in itself. I stood back as Sophie walked toward the table where everyone was gathered, tending to Claire. I leaned against the doorway, watching the scene play out in front of me.

Claire was sitting on Nick’s lap. He held her tight against him and was trying to comfort her while she cried as Henry was picking chunks of glass out of her hand. Nate was readying a needle and thread. Sophie grabbed a cloth from the kitchen and started to wipe Claire’s tears away.

It was a brilliant sight. We all had our differences, but we had come together in a time of need. I came to the realization that they were my family. We had only been together for a short period of time, but I now felt connected to everyone in one way or another.

Henry looked back and saw me just standing there. His loving gaze broke me out of my thoughts. I walked up to the table. “Is there any way I can help?” I said, feeling a little overwhelmed.