Broken: A Billionaire Love Story (21 page)

“People sometimes tell me—and I hope it’s still true—but they tell me one thing they notice about me is my gratitude. They notice it after I speak, or say they do. So I’ve been wondering lately where that gratitude comes from—what it is about my gratitude that differs from other people’s so that it shines through like that. That it keeps me sober, when I talk to folks and they tell me they’re grateful for this and that—and it’s all the same gratitudes I have, for family, friends, health—but they go back out there and I don’t.

“This troubles me, you know? I think about why I don't go back out there and start drinking. For my own preservation, don’t get any ideas.” There was a rumbling of laughs. “I gotta understand what I can keep doing so that I can keep getting better, right? Right. So, I go deeper than the surface of things, all right? I go deeper than that. I go way back. Way, way back.

“You know, it’s a statistical improbability that any of us are here to begin with. And I don’t mean in the sense of being in rehab, trying to take care of a problem that’s plaguing so many other folks. I mean that Earth, the planet, the universe is arranged in the way that it is. It’s something like one to the tenth to the some incredibly high exponent that enough stars and enough universe matter were swirling around in just the right way that they collided and made our sun, our planet. Beyond that, there’s all the shit that’s happened to the Earth in its four billion years of existence—all the asteroids that have hit us, all that asteroids that have
missed
—to allow for life to occur. And then there’s all the weird happenstance that had to happen so that life
did
occur in a way that allowed for humans to take advantage, and then in human history, there’s the thousands of years of stupidity and genius battling it out that brought us our civilization in the way that it is today.

“And in that civilization were your parents. They had sex hundreds and thousands of times, I bet. And in all that sex, of all the millions of sperm and hundreds of eggs potentially interacting, the only pair that got matched up was the one that made you. And in your life, you have been subject to an immense amount of randomness and chance, insane happenings and events that molded you and shaped you, that clung to your memory like static laundry. Because none of us is anything but what we remember about ourselves, okay? That’s how we arrived at our very worst moment, our rock bottoms, and through all of that, we were also arrive here, today. Recovering. The events to get you here were set in motion long, long ago and you had very, very little to do with them, and it would have been just as easy for you to never arrive here and still be suffering out there, or just to have not existed at all.

“And maybe you feel like you don’t want to exist sometimes. That’s all right. I get that. I been there. But man—there’s a lot of nothing in you already. If you took out all the parts of you that was nothing—and I’m talking chemically here, biologically, we got lots of empty space between all our cells and all our water—we’d have not much more than a pencil eraser, last I heard. And the addict in you knows that. It knows it. Shit, it
wants
it. It wants to get back to that nothing. That’s my conception of my addict—the part of us that understands the absolute nothingness that we came from and that we will, without a doubt, return to. We got no say in the matter, except to say, 'All right. I accept that. Just let me try this, please. For a little while.' That’s my surrender. That I am here at all is the will of god, as I understand him. And that I am in recovery, that any of us have walked through this door when so many haven’t throughout our time, that is a miracle. And that is my gratitude.”

Now, in the car, across from Olivia—even with all her anger and disappointment in him, Shane himself could not help but be overwhelmed with gratitude that this was where he was, right now.

“Look...” he began, hand gripping a bit harder.

“I really would rather not hear about how right you are right now,” said Olivia.

“Would you just listen to me for a second?”

His voice had an edge that he hadn’t intended, and she seemed more annoyed than before, but somewhat cowed as well.

“Fine.”

He sighed. This was already starting poorly.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for snapping just now. You don’t deserve to be snapped at just because you’re justifiably angry at me. I was...I’m sort of stressed, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

This seemed to soften her somewhat.

“Thank you.”

“And I’m sorry for the rest of it. I am. I apologize. It was wrong of me to do this, especially without saying anything to you first. I thought...I thought you’d be excited. I thought I was doing you a favor. You've done so much for me, you know? You put my life on the right track. I wanted to do whatever I could to make sure you knew I wanted you to have your own life, too, with all this junk with the wedding and everything basically just happening to you.”

She nodded, holding his hand tighter. Good. That was good.

This little gesture gave Shane the go-ahead to keep going. “I messed up—I didn’t know you well enough to know that I was messing up. It was...it was a miscommunication. I realize it had big effects, but honestly, I didn’t think it through the way you did, and I should have.”

“Okay,” she said finally. “Thank you. I'm glad you understand.”

“Next time, I’ll do better.”

“Next time?”

“Well...” he slipped his hand down onto her leg. “I want to be around you for a while, babe. I’m sure I’m going to have lots of opportunities to mess up. You’re going to have to guide me as I go, I think.”

They both laughed for a moment.

“I’m sorry too,” she said.

“Really?”

“Yes. Definitely. I really snapped at you. I said some awful things. I didn’t mean them. I was just...I was really agitated, and this whole thing has me really stressed out. I shouldn’t have accused you of all of that. It wasn’t fair of me. You’re about to do something really, really difficult. You deserve to know that I’m behind you one hundred percent. I was, even when I was angry with you.”

That was all the power in the world to Shane.

Chapter 31:

Parsons was there at the mansion already—trying to insist to Cassandra at the front door that he had Shane’s permission to come inside.

“Now, you look here, lady,” he said, voice urgent, “I am going to have an
interview
with this young man of yours, and—”

Cassandra’s voice was shrill. “You won’t have the first thing with him!”

“Mom,” said Shane, hopping up the steps. “It’s okay. Really.”

And, very quickly, he took Parsons by the arm and ducked into a nearby sitting room. That left Olivia in the entry with Cassandra, who looked as angry as Olivia had ever seen her in the past couple of weeks.

A servant came in with a tray of tea, and Cassandra jerked it from her hands. Olivia saw a woman grasping for anything at all that she could hold on to and control.

“Why,” said Cassandra, setting down her tea tray, “ is that strange, awful man here, and why is Shane sitting down with him? Isn’t that the reporter who hasn’t left us alone for the last five years? I thought Arthur had taken care of him...what was all that fuss about Shane’s statement? What sort of statement is he making?”

“We were hoping to beat him here,” explained Olivia. “I guess he was eager to sit down with Shane. We wanted to have their meeting on Shane’s territory, so to speak.”

“What meeting? What is this all about?” Cassandra only looked more and more horrified. “You only left two hours ago for a walk in the park. Light, yes? Fun, yes? Getting people excited for the wedding, yes? Probably plenty of paparazzi lurking about, yes? And yet...no. You both look positively swallowed in shame, and now Shane is having some...some interview with that troll of a man.”

“I’m not ashamed, Cassandra.”

“You ought to be, whoring it up with my son!”

Olivia, cannily, tried to avoid that particular bit of insult.

“Cassandra, please, would you sit down with me?”

She gestured to the small cushioned bench next to the light fixtures.

“Certainly, yes,” said Cassandra, voice acidic as she sat down. “Thank you for the invitation to sit down on my own furniture.”

“I can stand, if you’d like.”

“No. Please. Sit.”

Olivia resisted the almost-overpowering urge to roll her eyes, and sat down next to Cassandra.

“Okay,” said Olivia. “So, a reporter is on to us. The whole story. He’s going to report it no matter what, so Shane and I decided the best thing for it was if he came clean, about everything. We can’t stop the story, so all we can really do is try and shape it so that it’s reported the way we would like it to be.”

“This includes the rehab?”

“Yes.”

“And how he met you?”

“Yes.”

“And the marriage? Is it still on?”

Olivia fiddled with the ring on her finger. “I would very much like for it to be, Cassandra.”

“I imagine you would. Financial security for the rest of your days, and all you have to do is pretend to love my son.”

“There’s nothing
pretend
about it, Cassandra. I
do
love him. I want the best for him, only. And we are good for each other. If there was some way I could have you keep all your money, something I could sign that meant I never got anything from you? I’d do it in a heartbeat. I don’t
care
about any of that. I knew Shane before I knew about any...any of this!” She threw her hands up the ceiling, indicating the vast architecture. “I’m not going to pretend I know your son better than you. You’re his mother and you always will be. But I met him in his lowest moments. I didn’t fall in love with him because he bought me nice things or promised me an easy life, or gave me some beautiful place to live. I fell in love with him because he has a beautiful, beautiful heart and I don’t want to be apart from that. I won’t be scared of how bad it can get, the whole time. I know exactly what depths he can fall to.”

Cassandra stood up and walked back over to where she had set down the serving tray. She poured herself a cup of tea, sipping it slowly.

“You don’t know this, I imagine, but there’s a great deal of fear to being a mother.”

“I would like to say I can imagine, but I imagine you’ll take some offense to that.”

Cassandra let out a little laugh. “You are a quick study, girl. I will give you that much.” She set her tea down. “Your whole life, they prepare us. Men, society. ‘You will be a mother, you will take care of your young!’ And each day, it’s so precious. You only get one shot at each day, and somewhere along the line, I damaged him more than I helped too many times. I... I am very jealous of you.”

“I don’t know that I understand.”

“You know him very well. Better than I ever will, perhaps. He and I...there’s such a barrier to cross.”

“Do you know what I’ve told him to do, when it comes to you?”

Cassandra laughed, setting her tea down. “Run away, I expect.”

“No. I’ve asked him to apologize to you.”

“Apologize?”

“I think any time there’s a misunderstanding between people...anytime there’s resentment, both sides are owed an apology.”

It occurred then to Olivia that Cassandra certainly had a lot of resentment toward her—and that Olivia hadn’t addressed it at all. Olivia had only been trying to say how it was wrong for Cassandra to have that resentment. That wasn’t healthy—not for the woman she wanted to call her mother-in-law.

“In the interest of that,” Olivia stood and walked over to her. “I would like to apologize to you. It wasn’t intentional, but I get the sense I’ve threatened you, somehow. I’ve made you feel scared. My presence stirred up a lot of ill-feelings. I don’t know why that is, exactly, though I have some thoughts on the matter. But I don’t want you to think ill of me, and I want to be with Shane for a very long time. I’d rather we didn’t hate each other the whole time. So, I do apologize, because you do deserve it.”

This seemed to shock Cassandra into silence for several seconds. Her eyes searched Olivia—looking for whatever manipulation she could ferret out. But, there was nothing to find, of course, except honesty.

“I am sorry as well, I suppose.” Cassandra shook her head. “That wasn’t very sincere, was it? I’m not accustomed to this. I’m sorry. I don’t quite know why I’ve taken such a dislike to you...but I will try to talk with you more of it in the future. We can work it out, yes?”

“Yes.”

And then, very unexpectedly, Cassandra hugged Olivia.

Chapter 32:

Several hours after the interview, Shane, Hunter, Cassandra, and Olivia had been happily trading stories at a small table in the east end of the mansion. Olivia heard about Shane’s failed fishing forays, Hunter’s string of failures with hamsters and rats and how they had escaped all over the grounds, and other such tales. It was the first time since being with them that they had all felt—to Olivia—like a proper family.

After the interview, Shane had sat down with Cassandra for a few minutes—not very long—to apologize. Olivia hadn’t meant to overhear anything, but she didn’t—mostly Cassandra’s refusal to hear much of anything outside of “I’m sorry.”

Shane walked out then and found Olivia, trying to act inconspicuous through her examinations of a vase next to the doorway.

“I want to say more,” said Shane, “but she won’t let me.”

Olivia shrugged. “Then you’re done. Don’t bring up anything if she doesn’t want you to. If she does want to...well, now she knows you’re open to it.”

That seemed to satisfy Shane, and it definitely satisfied Cassandra, who looked completely refreshed as she and her boys laughed and shared.

Olivia stepped outside the room, needing a little breathing room and a little space to process the events of the day. Very soon, that interview with Parsons would start making its rounds...and very soon, almost all of America would know her name. That was a weird feeling.

Parsons seemed in incredibly high spirits as he left. Finally getting the shot back at the top he deserved, he kept saying, like a mantra.