Broadway Babylon (18 page)

“Amazing, some of the things that get staged.… At first, people went to see the new Jule Styne musical, his first in a while. That’s how it was advertised, and people expected another
Gypsy
or
Funny Girl
.… But
One Night Stand
[1980] was about a composer who invites an audience to hear his songs before he commits suicide in front of them. Any surprise that it closed after eight previews? The real surprise is how it got on.”—L
EONARD
B
ERNSTEIN

“I hear
The Lion King
is better than the movie. That’s a switch, if true. But I’m not enticed, because that movie is one of the most anti-gay, as well as sexist—just analyze it, it’s pretty clear, with the gay villain and stereotypes.… Theatre still has homophobia, both in too many depictions and too many real-life closetings.”—Grammy-nominated conductor P
HILIP
B
RETT

“A rose by any other name.… A musical, if it’s crappy, is crappy by any other title. I remember when the Uris Theatre was to open [in 1974] and Mr. Jimmy Nederlander booked in an awful musical. The title was
Up
. How would that look on the marquee:
Up
Uris. So they renamed it
Via
Galactica
, and it was still awfully crappy.”—actor C
HRISTOPHER
H
EWETT
(
The Unsinkable Molly Brown
)

“When my partner Norman Lear told me there was a new hit musical in London called
Cats
, and we should bring it to Broadway, my first thought was, oh, no, not a show about Joel Grey’s father!”—producer S
TUART
O
STROW
(Joel’s father, Mickey Katz, was a successful comedian who sometimes worked with his son)

“I could write better lyrics than some of the Broadway pro’s. Music’s another matter, but lyrics … for
Bye, Bye, Birdie
, this fella [Lee Adams] did the words to a rather putrid song called ‘Spanish Rose.’ The words were embarrassing even then [in 1960]. If I said them now, I could probably be sued. I didn’t personally object to the discrimination so much as the rotten lyrics.”—P
AUL
L
YNDE
, who costarred in the Broadway and film version (which dropped the song)

“It’s better than Hollywood, but I think even in the theatre they could benefit from more imaginative casting. I was Conrad Birdie when I toured in
Bye, Bye, Birdie
, and there was this grumbling along the way; I overheard a lot of it: Who is this Latin guy playing an Elvis type? And Elvis wasn’t even yet sacred then. But I couldn’t have been Birdie on Broadway, let alone Hollywood. Back then, they probably wouldn’t have cast a Hispanic as Ritchie Valens—who was born Valenzuela.”—actor R
AUL
J
ULIA

“I applauded Bea Arthur’s first starring role in a musical.… But even with songs, it’s not easy to make a castrating mother that lovable, and the ladies in musicals, like the ladies on TV, have to be lovable.”—G
ARY
M
ORTON
, husband and business partner of Lucille Ball, who starred with Arthur in the film
Mame
, on Arthur’s post-
Mame
Broadway flop
A Mother’s Kisses

“Who kills a show? The fate of a musical can be affected by anything as arbitrary as the wrong choice of theatre, or an inexperienced producer, or the competition from across the street.”—authors D
ENNIS
M
C
G
OVERN
and D
EBORAH
G
RACE
W
INER
in
Sing Out, Louise!

“The trouble with lots of break-through musicals, before they get a chance, is the naysayers who reject all but the tried and true, no matter how tired and through. Happily, they don’t always have the last word. For instance William Paley, head of CBS, which used to invest heavily in musicals. He was a closet Jew who insisted
Fiddler on the Roof
was ‘too Jewish’ … [and] passed it up. No vision there, and not a lot of pride either.”—choreographer B
ILLY
W
ILSON

“What can happen is a musical becomes over-identified with one performer. This hurts in the long run. Have you seen
Funny Girl
revived since Miss Streisand, my favorite octopus, left the show and Broadway forever to do the movie of it?”—
Funny Girl
’s Broadway director G
ARSON
K
ANIN

“They don’t learn, do they? Does the greed blind them? Here we are, four years into the so-called New Millennium, and it happens again: they made a dud musical out of
Saturday Night Fever
, so what do they do? Another mediocre [John] Travolta movie gets the Broadway-melody treatment:
Urban Cowboy
. Get set for a cheesy musical of every movie that made money in the last 30 or 40 years.”—M
ICHAEL
J
ETER
(
Grand Hotel
, based on the 1932 classic that won the Best Picture Oscar)

“Very few people would presume to think they could write a drama on the order of Tennessee Williams or Arthur Miller. Yet I’m frequently, and confidently too, advised by people like my mail man and a delivery boy I know that they’re working on a terrific new musical.”—stage and screen star G
EORGE
C. S
COTT

“With the obvious exceptions of
Hair
and
Tommy
, when Broadway tries to speak in the voice of genuine rock and roll, the show is almost always a flop. The reason is that in rock the most important element is the beat. The melody, the chords, and the lyrics are often very repetitive, and they all serve the beat—the emotion and energy matter, not the intellectual content. But in theater music, the lyrics are the most important element. The lyrics not only have to be heard and understood, they also have to tell the story, to advance plot and character … to convey a lot of information in very few words; repetition is a luxury modern theater composers and lyricists can’t afford.”—S
COTT
M
ILLER
, author, playwright, and artistic director of New Line Theatre in St. Louis

“The problem with musicals now is the same as the problem with plays: size. Economics now favor only the big. Fluff with a corporation behind it will thrive, but something small, that takes time to find an audience, to build word of mouth, that does not have millions to spend on TV advertising, scarcely has a chance … it takes business away from the smaller, more experimental, more daring, or simply better show.”—G
REGORY
H
INES
(
Jelly’s Last Jam
)

“On Broadway, the most significant development of the ’90s has been the emergence of Disney as legit producer with
Beauty and the Beast
. The audience goes into the Palace Theatre for no other reason than to see the movie reproduced as exactly as possible. It’s worked so well that Disney is
now planning to do the same all over the world with the rest of its catalogue: legitimate theater as merchandizing.”—M
ARK
S
TEYN

“It is such a pity when a musically, comedically, entirely talented star from another medium or country fails to land in a successful show. Patricia Routledge and I did a musical,
Darling of the Day
[1968], in which she was superlative. The critics all thought so too. Yet somehow it became the most expensive show ever to go down on Broadway. It broke my heart—for Patricia’s sake, my sake, the show’s sake, and the audiences’ sake.”—V
INCENT
P
RICE
(Englishwoman Patricia Routledge was very positively reviewed in four musical flops that ran a combined 38 performances on Broadway; she achieved international fame in the TV Britcom
Keeping Up Appearances
as Hyacinth Bucket—pronounced “bouquet”)

“Some people find musicals too long. Especially husbands.… Today, everyone remembers
Camelot
with fondness and even reverence. At the time, though, this was not so. The production’s expense and its running time were often and adversely remarked on in print and in person.”—R
ODDY
M
C
D
OWALL
, who costarred in
Camelot
(1960) on Broadway but not on screen

“Someone like Ray Bolger, very much of a star in musical comedy, would never think of missing a performance. A lot of today’s young people will miss a performance if they’re breaking in a new pair of shoes.”—K
AYE
B
ALLARD
, stage (
The Golden Apple
), screen (
The Ritz
) and TV (
The Mothers-in-Law
) actress

“It’s not easy to get shows on. There aren’t many of us doing them now. Michael Bennett is dead. Bob Fosse is dead. Joe Layton is dead. Gower Champion is dead. The director-choreographer is dead. And the writers are all in California making lots of money on sitcoms and movies.”—T
OMMY
T
UNE

“Three things you can say about [Susan] Stroman’s success. She’s earned it. As a woman, she’ll probably survive longer than a man counterpart.… And since’s she not a gay man, her career won’t be cut short by AIDS.”—I
RENE
W
ORTH
, who won three Tonys for her performances in plays by Tennessee Williams, Edward Albee, and Neil Simon

“The Broadway musical will never die. But it’s slowly bleeding to death.”—N
ANETTE
F
ABRAY
(
Let’s Face It
)

“I blame it all on the guitar. With pianos, you made music. What else could you do? With guitars, which became the ‘in’ thing with all the kids, they went
into telling stories—mostly ones that nobody else would want to hear. It was part of the new narcissism: kids in love with the sound of, not music, but their own voices. And if I were young, I might be too.”—G
EORGE
B
URNS

“
Miss Saigon
? I miss speaking, period. I have a decent singing voice, but after three Webber musicals, I’d like the chance to
talk
, to say lines.… I mean, suppose actors like Robert De Niro and Anthony Hopkins or Meryl Streep were hired only to sing. They’d never make it! Well, Streep could … women are more comfortable singing, and maybe do it better. They always had more women stars in musicals, you know. Now, with singing-only shows, dramatically speaking, it’s gotten out of hand.”—ANONYMOUS MID-TWENTIES ACTOR

“Now that you have musicals lasting longer than ever … longer than our pets live, to me it means I can wait that much longer to see a given show that doesn’t immediately attract me. I just keep postponing it indefinitely.”—M
ARY
T
YLER
M
OORE
(Broadway’s
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
)

“I have a practical proposal, in view of how Broadway has changed. To be honest, and more descriptive, let’s switch the word order and call it
business show
. We’ll get used to the sound of it; we’ve already gotten used to the reality of it.”—theatrical executive D
WIGHT
F
RYE
J
R
. (whose father played Renfield in the film
Dracula
)

“What happened to musicals is too many dancers are getting into it not for love of the dance, but to become choreographers, and from there choreographer-directors. It’s veered from an artistic choice to a career move.”—G
WEN
V
ERDON
(
Chicago
)

“The only things wrong with musicals today [the 1960s] is they cost too much to produce and therefore to see, and they need to reinstate the dance as the core of musical theatre. We need to encourage dancing on every level … (because) when you’re dancing, you can’t do drugs and you can’t make war.”—
Oklahoma!
choreographer A
GNES DE
M
ILLE

“I mistrust people who categorically hate musicals. Musicals aren’t supposed to be realistic. Is fiction always realistic?… There have always been good musicals and bad musicals—always will be. [There are] musicals for every taste. So just stay home and watch your evening news! Enjoy all the dismal reality, and leave the musicals to people who can still dream.”—K
ATHARINE
H
EPBURN
(
COCO
)

“Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.”—V
OLTAIRE

“Remember that song [from
Paint Your Wagon
] where it says, ‘Hell is in hello’? Well, for me, hell is in
Hello, Dolly!
revivals.”—M
ICHAEL
J
ETER
(
Grand Hotel
Tony winner)

“I heard this foul rumor that Ray Stark, who produced
The Way We Were
, asked Arthur Laurents, who wrote the movie, to turn it into a Broadway musical starring Kathie Lee Gifford. I couldn’t believe it, would not believe it. But years later I read it in Laurents’s own book. Talk about horror.”—E
ILEEN
H
ECKART
, who received a Tony for lifetime achievement in the theater

“I really oughtn’t to say so, but outside of a few superior ones, I’m not much for musicals. They can get very boring. I personally prefer a thumping good mystery or some old-fashioned English music hall.
That’s
entertainment!”—R
OBERT
C
OOTE
of
My Fair Lady
(Col. Pickering) and
Camelot
(King Pellinore)

“I hate doing anything musical in the States. They reserve the position that Englishmen have no right to sing on, off or anywhere near Broadway.”—British movie actor L
AURENCE
H
ARVEY
, who performed in
Camelot
in London in 1964

“Am I the only one who thinks music should be heard and not seen? I love all types of music, but most musicals … they’re so trying! As if designed for childish adults or romantically deprived housewives. Or even masochistic gay men so they can tell their friends about all the musicals they’ve sat through. Not me. When it comes to musicals, give my regrets to Broadway!”—S
AM
J
AFFE
, talent agent and producer of
Born Free
, whose title song won an Academy Award

“The last scene of
Carousel
is an impertinence. I refuse to be lectured by a musical comedy scriptwriter on the education of children, the nature of the good life, and the contribution of the American small town to the salvation of souls.”—E
RIC
B
ENTLEY
, drama critic of
The New Republic

“I have a wonderful singing voice, vastly underused.… One would think the perfect venue for me would be the musical stage. In fact, I loathe musicals.… Too many songs in far too many tedious musicals have absolutely nothing to do with the plot, such as it is.”—G
EORGE
S
ANDERS
, Oscar winner for
All
About Eve who starred in
Sherry!
, a 1967 flop musicalization of
The Man Who Came to Dinner

“Recently I caught a Susan Hayward movie on TV:
I’ll Cry Tomorrow
. I wish someone would do a musical titled
I’ll Sing Tomorrow
, and keep their word.”—W
ILLIAM
H
ICKEY
, stage (
Small Craft Warnings
) and screen (
Prizzi’s Honor
) actor

“Dumb lyrics, you always had—some. They were more than compensated for by great music … a melody that you left the theater humming. What’s unforgivable in a musical is music without melody or that’s altogether unmemorable. Or is closer to noise than music!”—S
USAN
S
TRASBERG
(
The Diary of Anne Frank
)

“We unrealistically romanticize musicals, whether Broadway or Hollywood. We remember the special song or two, or the terrific film clip. Thing is, those are just minutes from a movie or show—most of which, when you sit through the whole thing, is dull or silly. The plots are better now. They are. But the music’s worse.”—film critic G
ENE
S
ISKEL

“I find that those musicals which have entertained me and held my interest were the ones that would also have been interesting without songs. Like
Cabaret
. There’s a story there. A setting, an era, a moral, and a central relationship. Without music, it would be fine. With music, great. But strip most musicals of their music, and you have … startlingly little.”—J
ACK
G
ILFORD
of Broadway’s
Cabaret

“Broadway doesn’t grow stars for musicals any more. They just bring in some movie star for the box office who doesn’t sing too good. ‘Cause the ones who do sing good are either dead, retired, lost their voices [Julie Andrews?] or they’re talented kids without names or individual personalities.”—B
UDDY
H
ACKETT
, who did one Broadway musical (
I Had a Ball
, 1964)

“… now, you go to the theatre, and forgive me, but what you see is a great makeup job; you have to listen to lip-synching and prerecorded music. I resent that. The Phantom is onstage for 20 minutes, and a lot of that is prerecorded. That’s not Broadway.”—actor P
ATRICK
J
UDE
(
Marlowe, Jesus Christ Superstar
)

“They booted Milli Vanilli out of the music business for lip-synching after they won a Grammy. But now Broadway does the same thing! You all pay so much money and, like, it’s supposed to be theatre and live and all, but … it’s more like a fraud.”—J
ANET
J
ACKSON
(Milli Vanilli had not themselves recorded what they lip-synched)

“I don’t mind avant-garde material, like in
Urinetown
. A musical doesn’t have to be fantasy … or
Brigadoon
. But I sorely miss the sheer beauty you typically found in musicals, either in the impossibly romantic love story, or the leading lady, or the incredible music—Lerner and Loewe, Rodgers and Hammerstein, etc.
Something
in a musical should be wondrous and beautiful, should transport you.… Musicals aren’t supposed to be completely down to earth.”—K
IM
H
UNTER
(
A Streetcar Named Desire
)

“You didn’t just go to see musicals. Sometimes you went despite that. You went to see great musical stars—performers that were larger and more exciting than everyday life or your neighbors.”—stage director J
OSE
Q
UINTERO
(
Long Day’s Journey into Night
)

“I hate musicals that think dance is expendable,… that it’s unquestionably better to have two actors sing at each other. Dance is what musicals were originally about, and why musicals came into being.”—legendary choreographer J
ACK
C
OLE

“These two enormous, too-big hits,
The Phantom of the Opera
and
Les Misérables
, they actually have no dancing in them! How could it be, someone forgot? They have much music, yes, but are they really musicals?”—ballet dancer N
ATALIA
M
AKAROVA

“The increasing corporate influence detracts in small ways from the experience of theatergoing. Shows are much larger, more difficult to manage, especially in the old facilities. Amenities are lost; the public is not treated as well.”—J
OSEPH
T
RAINA
, house manager of the Belasco Theatre

“What’s moving in today’s bloated musicals isn’t the music or performances, but the rotating sets.”—R
OBIN
W
ILLIAMS

“What I hate about employment in these mega-musicals is they make unheard-of profits for a few billionaires and corporations, but not being personality driven, they can recast with no effect on the box office. The show’s the thing—good, lousy, or indifferent. And most of us in it are more interchangeable than ever, just cogs in a wheel. The producers and owners have more power and control than ever. Performers have less than ever; we’re units now, not members of a theatrical ensemble or family. The atmosphere gets colder and colder.”—A
NONYMOUS “THIRTYISH” ACTOR