Bringing the Summer (20 page)

I have another go. ‘And the thing is, well, I'm not trying to make an excuse or anything, but we've only ever been friends, haven't we?'

He frowns slightly. ‘Only? Isn't friendship important, Freya?'

I go hot again. ‘Yes! Of course it is. What I mean is, well, we weren't going out together or anything, were we? Like, girlfriend and boyfriend.' The words sound ridiculous now I say them. ‘I never really knew what you thought of me.'

Gabes looks surprised. ‘Isn't it obvious I like you? Why would I hang out with you, otherwise? And I don't know why it didn't become
more
than friends. I guess that extra spark just didn't happen, did it? You can't force it. And that was fine by me.'

It's hard, hearing him say that about the
extra spark.
But we didn't give it a chance, did we?
I
didn't, I suppose I mean. First his broken foot, and then Theo turning up . . .

Gabes is still talking. ‘What I didn't like was the way Theo behaved. Moving in on you like he did. Like, wanting you almost
because
you were my friend. And knowing what I do about him, I was worried for you, too. Especially when you started being so secretive.'

It's hard to keep looking at him.

Gabes pushes his chair back a bit. ‘So, it was Theo I was angry with, really; not you. But that's all over with. There's no point hanging on to that stuff. He's my brother. I should know him well enough by now!'

‘He's very different from you,' I say. ‘You're not like brothers at all.'

Gabes doesn't say anything for a while. We sip our coffees. I stare out of the window. It's beginning to rain.

‘I'm sorry I wasn't more open and honest,' I say. ‘I still feel bad about that.'

Gabes shrugs. ‘It's OK. Really. Anyway, you and I will stay friends longer than Theo and you do.'

That shocks me. ‘Why do you say that?'

‘He gets obsessed with things, ideas, people. Then it burns out. He finds someone – something – else. That's how he is.'

I think about that. Oddly, it doesn't really upset me. Deep down, I know what Gabes has said is probably true.

‘He seems so troubled,' I say. ‘He's still very upset about Bridie. I thought I might be able to help him. Because of what I went through, when Joe died.'

Gabes sighs. ‘Well, you can try. He needs to help himself, really. But maybe you can make a difference. It's nice, I guess, that you want to.'

We're both quiet. We finish our coffees.

I start talking again. The thoughts have been whirling round my head for so long that it's a relief to get them out. ‘I had this idea, that perhaps if I went with Theo to a special place that had meant something to Bridie, I could help him say goodbye to her,' I say. ‘To help him heal.'

He looks doubtful. ‘Maybe,' he says. ‘But you should be careful how much time you spend with him. Think about what you need, too. Don't get dragged under by Theo's problems. You have to do what's right for you, first.'

He glances at his watch.

‘Do you need to go?' I ask.

‘In a minute. I'm glad we met up and talked. And it will be good, you coming for Christmas Day.'

‘Are you sure? Even with Theo there too?'

‘Sure. We're still friends, remember?' He stands up, picks up his bag. I get up too. He puts his arms round me and hugs me. ‘Don't worry about things so much, Freya!'

I hug him back. For some reason, him being so kind makes me want to cry.

‘See you Christmas Day, then!' He hugs me one more time.

He picks up his bag and leaves. I watch him go. I don't feel like I expected to at all. I'm more sad than relieved. Still, Gabes is right. It's good that we met up. I did well to make it happen.

I've got to be more like Gabes. Put things behind me. Stop dwelling on everything. Look forward, instead.

Twenty-two

Dad slows down and stops the car at the top of the drive. ‘I'll just come in and wish them all Happy Christmas,' he says. ‘I won't hang around long, don't worry.'

‘No, Dad. Please? They'll be really busy. There are loads of people coming.' I lean over and kiss his cheek. ‘Thanks for the lift. Have a lovely time with Mum.' I open the car door before he can say anything else, climb out and wave, but don't look back.

The air smells of wood smoke. It's frosty again today, and the ground is still frozen solid at midday. A pale sun shines weakly through the copse of trees above the house. I walk slowly down the slippery drive into the courtyard, take a deep breath, and walk round to the real front door, rather than the usual back way into the kitchen. I ring the old bell; wait, heart beating fast. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. Someone's tied a big bunch of larch and holly and ivy to the door knocker with a strip of gold ribbon: I imagine Maddie picking the green sprigs from her wild garden. I know everything will be like this: home-made, and perfect.

The door opens. ‘Freya! Welcome! Happy Christmas.' Nick steps forward to hug me. He feels warm and solid, more substantial than my own father. ‘Freya's here!' he calls.

Theo's hovering at the bottom of the stairs behind his dad, but it's Gabes who steps forward and hugs me. ‘Hi, come on in.' Gabes hangs my coat up for me. The three of us go into the sitting room. I glance at Theo. He seems OK.

‘Oh wow! It looks amazing!'

It's exactly how I imagined it. On every shelf there are vases and jugs filled with branches of yew and holly and fronds of some other evergreen tree with tiny sweet-smelling white flowers. Christmas cards hang on strips of red ribbon along the walls; white lights drape artistically along the mantelpiece above the big fireplace in the sitting room; candles in star-shaped holders glint and flicker from the dark corners. Next to the window a real Christmas tree as tall as the ceiling shines with gold fairy lights and glass baubles. The dark green branches are hung with wooden angels and soft fabric birds and all kinds of weird and wonderful decorations.

‘See this?' I made it at primary school!' Theo points to a miniature stained-glass window dangling on a low branch. ‘And Gabes painted these when he was about seven.' He touches a string of funny technicoloured kings on camels and laughs. ‘You can see what a brilliant
artist
he was already.'

‘Freya!' Maddie comes hurrying downstairs and into the sitting room. She's wearing a dark red velvet dress, her hair tied up with gold ribbon. She smiles at me. ‘Lovely to see you. Happy Christmas, darling!' She hugs me tight. ‘You look gorgeous. Did your dad bring you? Is he still here?'

‘He dropped me at the top of the drive,' I say quickly. ‘He and Mum are going out for the afternoon.' I don't want to think about them now, just the two of them doing their own thing: a long country walk and a candlelit supper together.

‘Oh well,' Maddie says. ‘We're very grateful to your parents, lending you to us for the day!'

Theo makes a face behind her and Gabes laughs. Apart from that, they seem to be on their best behaviour. They are both delightful: funny, attentive.

‘Time to lay the table,' Theo says, and I follow him into the kitchen.

Beth's face is red from checking the roast potatoes in the hot oven. ‘Welcome, Freya! Happy Christmas!'

‘It smells fantastic!' I say. ‘Shall I do something?'

‘No need,' Beth says. ‘All under control, more or less. Theo, get Freya something to drink. Have you met the cousins yet?'

I shake my head.

‘Gabes, why don't you take Freya and introduce her to everyone before we sit down for dinner?'

Theo grins at me as I follow Gabes back out of the kitchen. I smile back. I start to relax about the three of us: Gabes, Theo and me.

I meet his aunties, Kate and Hannah, and their husbands, Tim and Simon, and the cousins – eleven-year-old Ellie, and Charlie, who is just a bit older than Beth's twins.

We find Kit upstairs in his room, listening to music with his friend Liu, a girl from his school with beautiful straight black hair and brown eyes. She shakes hands with me as if I am a grown-up.

Gabes stops halfway along the landing, when we're alone again. ‘Theo's already had too much to drink,' he says.

‘He seemed fine downstairs just now.'

‘Just don't take him too seriously, OK? If he starts talking too much. He sometimes says stuff.'

‘What sort of stuff?'

‘You know; he gets gloomy. But don't let it get to you. Better to stay with everyone, you know, together? To help jolly him along.'

I shrug. ‘OK.'

Later, I watch Theo as he arranges the crackers and napkins and lays out the cutlery. He looks perfectly fine and normal. A bit flushed, perhaps. When I look more closely, I see his eyes are extra bright, sort of glittery. Maybe Gabes is right after all. But then it's time for everyone to gather for the big dinner, and I stop thinking about it.

We've got place names to show us where to sit. Beth has put me between Phoebe, in her high chair, and Gabes, so I can help Phoebe with her food. It's nice to feel useful. Theo is opposite. There are so many of us that it's impossible to have one big conversation. We pull the crackers, put on the paper crowns and read out the jokes, everyone taking turns.

Nick stands up. ‘Here's to health and happiness, to family and friendship!'

We clink glasses for the toast. It goes quiet for a minute when we all begin eating, and then the talking starts up again. Tom, Laura's boyfriend, tops up the glasses with champagne. I take a tiny sip.

I'm so happy: being surrounded by people, by a proper family, who don't even once make me feel left out or as if I don't really belong. I notice the way Maddie and Nick make such efforts to talk to Liu, even though she's so shy and quiet. Laura helps Beth feed Erin, and Kit entertains little Charlie when he's had enough of sitting still. Gabes makes a whole family of paper frogs for the little ones. It's noisy and messy and fun, even when Theo starts arguing with Nick and Tom.

‘Stop it, all of you!' Maddie says. ‘Not at the table, not at Christmas.' She turns back to say something to Liu.

 

It's dark outside, now. We've done the clearing up, and had coffee, played silly family games (charades;
Articulate
, in teams; a slightly drunken version of hunt the thimble, with a champagne cork instead of a thimble).

‘We play the same games each year.' Theo rolls his eyes.

‘I don't mind. I think it's lovely, having family traditions.'

‘Who's up for Murder in the Dark, next?' Kit says.

Maddie groans. ‘No way am I crawling around in the dark at this stage of the evening!'

Nick laughs. ‘Why don't all you kids play, while we watch a film?'

Kit and Gabes hunt for paper and pens and then make a big performance of drawing the letters on scraps of paper that are all exactly the same size, so no one can guess who the Murderer is. Kit tries to explain the rules to Liu, but she still doesn't understand.

I've played this game before, but not for a while. My heart starts thumping as soon as I start unfolding my bit of paper. It's like being little again. But I haven't picked one of the special ones: there's just an O written in Kit's spidery writing in the middle.

We troop upstairs on the landing to the carpeted area between the two halves of the old house, where there are two sofas and a chair. Theo turns off the lights.

Gabes runs back to turn off the downstairs ones too.

‘It's too dark now! I can't see anything!' Liu says.

‘That's the point!'

‘I'm scared!' Ellie whispers.

And so am I, even though it is too ridiculous to say aloud. It is so completely dark that I cannot tell who is who. I'm waiting for the heavy-handed cross shape on my back, but even an arm brushing against mine feels frightening. Gabes mutters something, and Beth shushes him. The room is full of dark shadowy movement as we circle round, waiting for the Murderer to strike.

We move round the room, giggling, trying to avoid bumping into each other. Beth – at least, I think it's her – sits on one of the chairs and stays there.

Someone's breathing heavily, right by my ear. My body tenses. Prickles run down my spine. A hand strokes my cheek, and for a moment I can't tell who it is. I turn towards the dark shadow: Theo's mouth brushes mine. ‘Not now,' I whisper. ‘Not here!'

He moves away again.

The suspense is horrible. It lasts too long, and then at last there's a melodramatic, blood-curdling cry: Theo crashes to the floor.

Kit turns on the lights. ‘No one move!' He begins his questions, in best detective style.

We play five times, and three out of those, Theo is the victim, murdered by first Gabes, then Kit, and finally by Beth. Is it random, a coincidence? Or are they all using the game, somehow, to express some deep-running emotion? Theo seems to think so. ‘You don't have to hit so hard,' he complains. Liu and Kit are the other two victims. I'm slightly miffed that no one chooses me.