Brilliance of the Moon (20 page)

He was right
, she thought.
They must all be killed; they must be
rooted out, for they seek to destroy him. And if they destroy him, they destroy
me
.

The faces of Shizuka and Muto Kenji often rose before her mind’s
eye. She regretted the trust she had placed in Shizuka and wondered how much of
Kaede’s life her companion had revealed to others in the Tribe. She had thought
that both Shizuka and Kenji had been fond of her; had all that affection been
feigned? They had nearly died together in Inuyama Castle; did that count for
nothing? She felt betrayed by Shizuka, but at the same time she missed her
badly and wished she had someone like her to confide in.

Her monthly bleeding came, bringing her renewed disappointment
and placing her in seclusion for a week. Not even Hiroshi visited her. When it
was over the copying was finished, too, and she became even more restless. The
Festival of the Dead came and went, leaving her filled with sorrow and regrets
for the departed. The work on the residence that had gone on all summer was
completed, and the rooms looked beautiful, but they felt empty and unlived in.
Hiroshi asked one morning, “Why isn’t your sister here with you?” and on a
sudden impulse she said, “Shall we ride to my house and fetch her?”

There had been a week of leaden skies, as if a typhoon were
threatening, but then the weather had suddenly cleared and the heat had abated
a little. The nights were cooler and it seemed a perfect time to travel. Sugita
tried to dissuade her, and even the elusive elders appeared one by one to argue
against it, but she ignored them. Shira-kawa was only two or three days away.
If Takeo came home before she returned, he might ride and join her. And the
journey would stop her from fretting all day long.

“We can send for your sisters,” Sugita said. “It is an excellent
idea; I should have thought of it myself. I will go to escort them.”

“I need to see my household,” she replied. Now that the idea was
in her head, she could not relinquish it. “I have not spoken to my men since my
marriage. I should have gone weeks ago. I must check on my land and see that
the harvest will be brought in.”

She did not tell Sugita, but she had another reason for the
journey, one that had lain in her mind all summer. She would go to the sacred
caves of the Shirakawa, drink the rivers elemental water, and pray to the
goddess for a child.

“I will be away only a few days.”

“I am afraid your husband will not approve.”

“He trusts my judgment in all things,” she replied. “And, after
all, didn’t Lady Naomi often travel alone?”

Because he was accustomed to receiving orders from a woman, she
was able to overcome his misgivings. She chose Amano to go with her, as well as
a few of her own men who had accompanied her since she had left in the spring
for Terayama. After some consideration she took none of her women with her, not
even Manami. She wanted to go quickly, on horseback, without the formalities
and dignity that she would have to put up with if she traveled openly. Manami
pleaded and then sulked, but Kaede was adamant.

She rode Raku, refusing even to take a palanquin with her. Before
she left she had planned to hide the copies of the records below the floor of
the tea room, but the hints of disloyalty still worried her, and in the end she
could not bear to leave them where anyone might find them. She decided to take
both sets with her, already thinking she might hide the originals somewhere in
her house at Shirakawa. After much pleading, Hiroshi was allowed to accompany
her, and she took him to one side and made him promise not to let the chests
out of his sight on the journey. And at the last moment she took the swordTakeo
had given her. Amano managed to persuade Hiroshi to leave his father’s sword
behind, but the boy brought a dagger and his bow as well as a small, fiery roan
horse from his family’s stables that acted up all the first day, causing the
men endless amusement. Twice it wheeled round and bolted, heading for home,
until the boy brought it under control and caught up with them, blue-faced with
rage but otherwise undaunted. “He’s a nice-looking creature, but green,” Amano
said. ‘And you make him tense. Don’t grip so hard. Relax.“

He made Hiroshi ride alongside him; the horse settled down and
the next day gave no problems. Kaede was happy to be on the road. As she had
hoped, it kept her from brooding. The weather was fine, the country in the full
flush of harvest, the men cheerful at the prospect of seeing their homes and
families after months away. Hiroshi was a good companion, full of information
about the land they passed through. “I wish my father had taught me as much as
yours taught you,” she said, impressed by his knowledge. “When I was your age I
was a hostage in Noguchi Castle.”

“He made me learn all the time. He would not allow me to waste a
moment.“

“Life is so short and fragile,” Kaede said. “Perhaps he knew he would
not see you grow up.

Hiroshi nodded and rode in silence for a while.

He must miss his
father, but he will not show it
, she thought, and
found herself envying the way he had been taught.
I will have my
children brought
up that way; girls as well
as boys will be taught everything and will learn to be strong
.

On the morning of the third day they crossed the Shirakawa, or White River, and entered her family’s domain. It was shallow and easily fordable, the swift
white water swirling between rocks. There was no barrier at the border; they
were beyond the jurisdiction of the great clans and in the region of smaller
landholders, where neighbors either were involved in petty standoffs or had
formed amicable alliances among themselves. Nominally these warrior families
paid allegiance to Kumamoto or Maruyama, but they did not move to the castle
towns, preferring to live on and farm their own lands, on which they paid very
little tax to anyone.

“I’ve never crossed the Shirakawa before,” Hiroshi said as the
horses splashed through. “This is the farthest I’ve been from Maruyama.”

“So now it’s my turn to instruct you,” she said, taking pleasure
in pointing out the landmarks of her country. “I will take you to the source of
the river later, to the great caves, only you will have to wait outside.”

“Why?” he demanded.

“It’s a sacred place for women. No men are allowed to set foot in
there.”

She was eager to get home now and they did not linger on the way,
but she was studying everything: the look of the land, the progress of the
harvest, the condition of oxen and children. Compared to a year ago when she
had returned with Shizuka, things had improved, but there were still many signs
of poverty and neglect.

I abandoned
them
, she thought guiltily. /
should have
come home before
. She
thought
of her tempestuous flight to Terayama in the spring: She seemed to have been
another person, bewitched.

Amano had sent two of the men ahead, and Shoji Kiyoshi, the
domain’s senior retainer, was waiting for her at the gate of her house. He
greeted her with surprise and, she thought, coolness. The household women were
lined up in the garden, but there was no sign of her sisters or Ayame.

Raku whinnied, turning his head toward the stables and the water
meadows where he had run in the winter. Amano came forward to help her
dismount. Hiroshi slid from the roan’s back and it tried to kick the horse next
to it.

“Where are my sisters?” Kaede demanded, brushing aside the women’s
murmured greetings.

No one answered. A shrike was calling insistently from the
camphor tree by the gate, grating on her nerves.

“Lady Shirakawa…” Shoji began.

She spun to face him. “Where are they?”

“We were told… you sent instructions for them to go to Lord Fujiwara.“

“I did no such thing! How long have they been there?”

“Two months at least.” He glanced at the horsemen and the servants.
“We should speak in private.”

“Yes, at once,” she agreed.

One of the women ran forward with a bowl of water.

“Welcome home, Lady Shirakawa.”

Kaede washed her feet and stepped onto the veranda. Unease was
beginning to creep through her. The house was eerily quiet. She wanted to hear
Hana’s and Ai’s voices; she realized how much she had missed them.

It was a little after noon. She gave instructions for the men to
be fed, the horses watered, and both to be kept ready in case she needed them.
She took Hiroshi to her own room and told him to stay there with the records
while she spoke to Shoji. She was not hungry at all, but she arranged for the
women to bring food to the boy. Then she went to her father’s old room and sent
for Shoji.

The room looked as if someone had just walked out of it. There
was a brush lying on the writing table. Hana must have gone on with her studies
even after Kaede’s departure. She picked up the brush and was staring at it
dully when Shoji tapped on the door.

He entered and knelt before her, apologizing. “We had no idea it
was not your wish. It seemed so likely. Lord Fujiwara himself came and spoke to
Ai.”

She thought she detected insincerity in his voice. “Why did he
invite them? What did he want with them?” Her voice was trembling. “You
yourself often went there,” Shoji replied. “Everything has changed since then!”
she exclaimed. “Lord Otori Takeo and I were married at Terayama. We have
established ourselves at Maruyama. You must have heard of this.”

“I found it hard to believe,” he replied, “since everyone thought
you were betrothed to Lord Fujiwara and were to marry him.”

“There was no betrothal!” she said in fury. “How dare you
question my marriage!”

She saw the muscles round his jaw tense and realized he was as
angry as she was. He leaned forward. “What are we to think?” he hissed. “We
hear of a marriage that is undertaken with no betrothal, no permission asked or
given, none of your family present. I am glad your father is already dead. You
killed him by the shame you brought on him, but at least he is spared this
fresh shame—”

He broke off. They stared at each other, both shocked by his
outburst.

I’ll have to
take his life
, Kaede thought in horror.
He
cannot speak to me like that and live. But I need him: Who else can look after
things here for
me? Then
the
fear came to her that he might try and take the domain from her, using his
anger to mask ambition and greed. She wondered if he had taken control of the
men she and Kondo had gathered together in the winter—and if they would obey
him now. She wished Kondo were there, then realized that she could trust the
Tribe man even less than her father’s senior retainer. No one could help her.
Struggling to hide her apprehension, she continued to stare at Shoji until he
lowered his eyes.

He regained control of himself, wiping the spittle from his
mouth. “Forgive me. I have known you since you were born. It is my duty to
speak to you, even though it pains me.”

“I will forgive you this time,” she said. “But it is you who
shame my father, through disrespect to his heir. If you ever speak to me in
that fashion again, I will order you to slit your belly.”

“You are only a woman,” he said, trying to placate her but
enraging her further. “You have no one to guide you.”

“I have my husband,” she said shortly. “There is nothing you or
Lord Fujiwara can do to alter that. Go to him now and say my sisters are to
come home at once. They will return with me to Maruyama.”

He left immediately. Shocked and restless, she could not sit
quietly and wait for his return. She called to Hiroshi and showed him the house
and garden while she checked all the repairs that she had had done in the
autumn. The crested ibis in their summer plumage were feeding on the banks of
the rice fields, and the shrike continued to scold them as they trespassed into
its territory. Then she told him to fetch the chests of records and, carrying
one each, they made their way upstream along the Shirakawa to where it emerged
from under the mountain. She would not hide them where Shoji might find them;
she would entrust them to no human. She had decided to give them to the
goddess.

The holy place calmed her, as always, but its ageless, sacred
atmosphere awed her rather than lifted her spirits. Below the huge arch of the
cave’s entrance the river flowed slowly and steadily in deep pools of green
water, belying its name, and the twisted shapes of the calcified rocks gleamed
like mother-of-pearl in the half-light.

The old couple who maintained the shrine came out to greet her.
Leaving Hiroshi in the company of the man, Kaede went forward with his wife,
each of them carrying one of the chests.

Lamps and candles had been lit inside the cavern, and the damp
rock glistened. The roar of the river drowned out all other noise. They stepped
carefully from stone to stone, past the giant mushroom, past the frozen
waterfall, past Heaven’s Stairway—all shapes made by the limy water—until they
came to the rock shaped like the goddess, from which drops fell like tears of
mother’s milk.