Bridge Over the Atlantic (24 page)

~~~~~

Saturday was bright and fresh. Greg picked her up at seven for their early start. They had a lot of distance to cover. Mallory had her map with little red stickers on the main places. Greg had brought a flask of coffee. He had also done a CD of music for the car with songs that were special to Mallory and Sam. When he told her of this she burst into tears at the thoughtful gesture. He had held her whilst she cried. Today was going to be emotionally fraught. There was no doubt about that.

After an hour and a half of chatting, listening to music and the odd lengthy pensive silence, they arrived at
Kentallen
, the first destination on the list. Mallory and Sam had spent a week in a log cabin here on the shores of
Loch Linnhe
. They had eaten at the beautiful Art Deco hotel on the shore. Then they had gone walking and been bitten by midges. They spent the next day lathering each other in lotions and potions to ease the itching.

Mallory opened the urn, grabbed a handful of the dust in the bottom and let it fly in the breeze. Greg stayed by the car and gave her some space to deal with the raw emotions that bubbled to the surface.

When she was ready to leave they got back in the car to head for the second stop,
Glencoe
. The journey was a shorter one and took them through the most stunning mountain scenery. The Peak of the Buckle, the base of which was where Greg met Mairi, was visible in the distance. Greg stayed silent as if he was making sure that this was about Mallory, not himself. She appreciated the unspoken act of kindness. The colours were so vivid. Hues of brown covered the rocky ground like a lumpy carpet. The azure blue sky stretched like a blanket overhead.

They eventually arrived at
Glencoe
and Greg stayed in the car again as Mallory wandered off for a while in solitude to scatter the next handful of dust. It almost sparkled as it dissipated in the warming air. It was at the gift shop here at
Glencoe Visitors Centre
where they had bought a tree for the garden at Railway cottage and a CD of music by the Peatbog Faeries which became the soundtrack of their holiday. She remembered the way that the Highland cows had all wandered toward them as they had stood looking up at the view. One of the cows had sounded asthmatic and it had made Sam laugh hysterically whilst Mallory had talked to the cow trying to reassure it. Thinking back to that time made her smile.

She returned to find Greg leaning, arms folded, eyes closed and head back, against the Landy.

She suddenly felt ravenous.

“C’mon, breakfast is on me. The café should be open by now,” she called to Greg.

He jogged over to where she stood and they tramped up the wooden walkway side by side.

Once their order of coffee and bacon sandwiches was placed they sat at a table which gave them a wonderful view outside.

Greg had been quiet for a few moments. With a frown on his face he announced, “You know, I’m kind of jealous of the relationship you had with Sam. And I don’t mean because I have feelings for you or anything. I mean because of how intensely you loved each other.”

She bit her lip before answering, “Your love for Mairi was intense.”

He exhaled loudly. “The thing with Mairi was…she was adventurous. She was always looking for that next natural high. I supported her, of course I did, but since I lost her I’ve often wondered how long it would have taken for her to move on anyway.”

Mallory felt concern for her friend’s unhelpful train of thought. She shook her head. “Greg, you can’t think that way. I’m sure she loved you just the same.”

“Na. The more I’ve looked back, since meeting you and witnessing how strong things were for you guys, I got to analysing my relationship. You see, Mairi was a good deal younger than me. If I’m honest I think maybe things were one sided.” Greg paused as their food arrived.

He thanked the waitress and looked back to Mallory. “I think that all along I feared that she’d leave. Her being killed like that almost suspends her in time. It makes me look at how wonderful things were. I was always happy in the Highlands. It’s where I belong; where I feel safe and at home. Mairi was always looking to the horizon. I reckon it wouldn’t have been too long before she found someone else on one of her trips. You know…someone who was a bit more adventurous, like her.” A sad expression came over his face and his soliloquy had shocked Mallory into a bewildered silence. “Sorry. This day isn’t about me. I’m waffling on.”

Mallory looked down feeling sorry for him, but sure that he didn’t want her sympathy. “No…no it’s fine. I-I’m just shocked at your disclosure. I’m surprised to find that you feel that way.” She wasn’t really sure what to say.

“I’m just being realistic. What you and Sam had…I want that. It was real and genuine…It was true love.” He looked at his food but didn’t eat. “All that said, I still loved Mairi with all my heart. Don’t get me wrong, I would have married her after the first date. And all the emotions I felt…feel…are still real. Nothing can change that.” He smiled.

They finished their breakfast and headed back for the car. They set off on the next leg of their journey and a little while later they arrived at the
Corran Ferry Terminal
and boarded the ferry once it arrived. Their journey across the water on the two car vessel was a smooth one and they were quickly delivered to the other side of the water.

The next part of their journey was a little longer. They headed for
Glen Finnan
via the
Ardnamurchan Peninsula
. The virtually unspoilt scenery was timeless and vast. The rocky landscape made up of dormant volcanoes was the stuff of Sci-Fi movies. They passed through the lush green village of
Acharacle
with its little school and holiday makers. The remains of
Castle Tioram
were just visible from the road.

Two hours later they arrived at
Glen Finnan
. From the car park they could see the statuesque monument, which commemorated the
Jacobite rising
, standing proudly looking over
Loch Shiel
. The majestic loch behind glistened in the early afternoon sunshine. They walked toward the monument and Mallory thought back to when she was here with Sam. It had been virtually deserted. Sam had climbed the internal staircase right to the top of the monument and Mallory had taken a zoomed photo looking up at him from ground level. She smiled at the memory.

Mallory asked if she could have few moments alone at the water’s edge. The huge piece of twisted tree trunk, where an old man had taken a photo of Sam and Mallory, was still there. The photo was one of her favourites. They looked so happy and windswept with the sparkling loch and the mountains creating a v shaped valley for their backdrop. Mallory let another handful of dust fly freely toward the heavens.

She allowed herself a few tears at this point. It had been such a special place for them. They had visited here a few times and never got bored of just sitting cuddled up on the twisted tree trunk looking out over the water.

As they strolled back to the car, Greg put his arm around Mallory’s shoulder and squeezed her to him.

He kissed her head “How are you holding up, Matey?” he asked quietly.

“I’m good. It’s just hard. But it has to be done.” After a pause she continued, “Greg, I’m glad you’re with me.”

“Me too, hen, me too.”

They decided to stop for an impromptu lunch at a pretty little pub they saw on the way to Fort Augustus.

“I don’t know about you but I’m starving!” Greg announced as they walked through the doors.

Mallory nudged him. “No wonder, you hardly ate any of your breakfast.”

Mallory excused herself to go wash up and check her red eyes and puffy face in the mirror. She splashed cold water on her cheeks and applied a little lip balm. She was glad she had decided against wearing her contacts today. Her eyes would have been too sore.

Greg was hungrily perusing the menu when she arrived back at their table. He had ordered her a large glass of wine.

“What are you having then?” she asked.

“I think I may have to go with the steak pie and chips” He rubbed his hands together looking greedy and excited. “Although, I doubt it will be as good as Stella’s eh?”

Mallory wasn’t that hungry. She still felt full from her bacon sandwich so she chose a salad and Greg went to order.

When he returned he sat and leaned across the table toward her “Where are we off to next then?” he enquired as they waited for their food and Mallory looked at her itinerary.

“
Fort Augustus
,” she replied. “Sam and I visited there a couple of times. I remember standing on the little bridge over the locks watching the water pouring in to lift a boat up. It was fascinating. We had ice cream sundaes in a little café just by the
Caledonian Canal
. Sam thought they were the best sundaes he had ever eaten. I say ‘they’ as he ended up eating most of mine too, greedy sod.” She chuckled at the memory.

Their food arrived and Greg wolfed down his meal like a vacuum cleaner. Mallory was aghast at the sheer lightning speed of it. She munched through her salad but didn’t finish it all.

They set off again for
Fort August
and arrived around an hour later. They parked in a little car park next to an old fuel station and convenience store. They walked around to the little bridge over the lock, the breeze had dropped slightly and so Mallory was able to release a hand full of dust on to the water where it was free to float out toward the loch.

They didn’t stay long at
Fort Augustus
. The ice cream parlour was now a normal café which saddened Mallory a little. She stood gazing into the window for a few moments until she realised a little girl sitting at the window table was pulling faces at her. She giggled and walked back over to the bridge where Greg waited.

The final leg of their journey would take them to
Eilean Donan Castle.
Mallory had taken some stunning photos of Sam on the footbridge. The imposing castle on its little island was another favourite of theirs. Sam loved the history of the island fort and had researched it before they went for the first time. He had impressed Mallory with knowledge of the meaning behind its name and the Celtic saint it was named after. He went on to explain to her that the castle she could see standing there was not the original as that had been almost totally destroyed after Spanish soldiers moved in and the British forces opened fire on them in the seventeen hundreds. How he loved his history.

When they arrived Greg began taking photos of the imposing structure whilst Mallory went up onto the footbridge to release another handful of dust. She looked out over
Loch Duich
and remembered Sam also taking photos. He took what felt like hundreds all from different angles. Her particular favourite was a shot that showed the most glorious cornflower blue sky with the castle standing proud in the forefront. It had been framed by Mallory as a gift to Sam. The sky looked photo-shopped but it was actually that colour.

She had two more places to go, but she would do those alone in her own time. This part of her ordeal was over. She headed back toward Greg.

“Hey, are you alright?” Greg asked with concern. He could probably tell that she had been crying again. She felt her swollen eyes were probably a give-away.

“I’m okay. I found that bit so hard.” She stifled a sob.

Greg rushed to her enfolding her in his arms. “Hey, shhhh, it’s okay. You’ve done so well. You’ve been so brave. I’m proud of you.” Greg soothed, speaking softly as he kissed her head and stroked her hair.

The journey home was going to take around three and a half hours and it was nearing five o’clock, so they climbed back into the car and set off. They both sat in contemplative silence for a while looking at the stunning views through the dirty car windows. Mallory leaned her head against the door post as she gazed off into the distance.

Greg broke the silence first. “So, it’s been a nice day, weather-wise, eh?” He kept his eyes on the road. Here he was again with his terrible attempts at small talk. Mallory smiled to herself.

“I really appreciate you bringing me, Greg. I think I would have hated to make the journey alone,” she said without changing the direction of her stare.

“Aye, well, Josie would’ve come surely?” He glanced over to Mallory, but she wasn’t in a mood for eye contact.

“She offered. I just thought that…well you know how I feel about it all. You’ve lost someone you were in love with.” She wiped away a tear that had sneaked out.

“Well, that’s true. I loved her more than anything.” He sighed.

She turned to face him. “And, Greg, all that stuff you said before about being unsure of her feelings for you…there’s no point torturing yourself over that. You loved her. You maybe will never know the true depth of her feelings. So you just go with how you feel about her. What’s the point in dwelling on whether she did or didn’t love you the same?” Mallory hoped that her tone was neither condescending nor harsh. But she turned away, not wanting to see his reaction.

They sat in silence and eventually Mallory dozed off and slept for the remainder of the journey. A while later Greg pulled up outside Mallory’s. The moon was bright and the sky was crystal clear, dotted with millions of tiny dots of light. Mallory inhaled deeply as she climbed out of the car.

“I won’t invite you in, if you don’t mind. I hope that’s not unfair of me. I have a job to do before I go in. Then I just want to go to bed and cry myself to sleep.” She smiled as she spoke, not feeling the expression go any deeper than her face.

“Hey, no bother. You take care and give me a call if you need me okay?” He spoke through the open door of the car.

She nodded. “Thanks again Greg. I can’t express how much today has meant to me.” She wanted to hug him, but didn’t.

“You’re very welcome. I’m glad I was able to help.” He smiled, “goodnight sweet, Mallory. Sleep well, eh?”

She slammed the door and waited for him to pull away. Once he was out of sight she took the urn and walked slowly over to the mid-point of the Bridge Over the Altantic. There she stood, with tears falling freely once again.