Bridal Favors - Engaged in Wickedness (13 page)

"Gwen," he finally said, exasperation in his tone. "I cannot see what you don't show me."

She lifted her hands in a futile gesture. "I am right here."

"Why were you crying?"

Oh. Of course. How to put it into words? "I suppose I have just discovered that I want to get married."

He frowned, clearly confused. "Isn't that what all women want?"

She snorted. "Not me. Not ever. You know that. I told you that when I was eight."

"But you were
eight
. I assumed you'd changed your mind."

She shook her head. "Do you know of a happy marriage? Certainly our parents' is a disaster. Do you know of others who are truly happy with one another?"

He nodded. "Of course there are. Many are quite content with their spouses."

"Maybe content, but certainly not happy. My friends who are married are looking to their children for happiness. They barely mention their husbands except to be grateful when they are away."

Robert pressed his lips together. She knew he wanted to argue with her, but he was too logical to deny what they both knew. For all that so much time was spent pursuing matrimony, marriage was not something that their set enjoyed. At best, it was tolerated.

And yet now she discovered that she wanted it. She wanted a husband to love her and children at her feet even knowing that it was a pipe dream.

"I have spent so long not wanting the life our parents are doomed to. Mama's mood swings are the least of it. Papa's whoring is part of the problem. And neither of them have the strength to change it."

"Not every marriage will be like that."

"That is just what I have discovered, Robert. I have spent so long avoiding marriage, I didn't realize that I locked myself into something that is even worse."

He reared back. "What has been worse?"

"My life! Party after party for no point. I suppose I became like father, seeking out kisses the way he seeks out whores."

"The devil you say!" he cried.

She reached out and patted his arm before he exploded. "Don't worry," she lied. "I have been most discreet and besides, there were all those damnable chaperones."

He grimaced, obviously not believing her. "So, in addition to the ivy, I shall have to resume chaperone duties."

She huffed. This was not at all where she wanted the conversation to go. "Actually, Robert, that won't be necessary at all as I have decided that I want to be married. Which means I shall have to protect my virtue." She almost rolled her eyes at that. Really, virtue was a rather tedious thing to guard. "I will have to look at men and actually wonder what it would be like to live with them for the rest of my life."

"I thought you
were
doing that!"

She laughed. "No, brother dear. I was looking at them and wondering if they were considered excellent kissers."

"Gwendolyn!"

"Oh, don't be scandalized! Especially now that I have decided to approach the Season in earnest."

"And find a husband?"

She shrugged. "I suppose. I cannot stay here, watching Mama and going to parties until I am old and gray. There needs to be more than that."

"You could find a hobby of some sort. A passion."

She nodded. She knew he had a secret interest all his own. He thought he kept it hidden. But she was his sister, and so she knew how closely he measured and adjusted their mother's medicines. That he watched and recorded the symptoms of her disease. If he were not papa's heir, he would have become a fine doctor.

"So, do you have a gentleman in mind?" he asked, interrupting her musing. "Sir Edward perhaps?"

"I already turned him down this morning," she said morosely. "You were right there."

"Yes, but it didn't seem like a proper proposal to me. And besides, he doesn't strike me as a man to be so easily pushed aside."

Oh, she hoped that was true. "He cancelled our drive this afternoon and wasn't at the ball tonight."

Robert snorted. "It hasn't even been one day, Gwen. Give the man a minute to salvage his pride."

She nodded. She knew he was right, and yet part of her was desperately afraid. How awful to realize she wanted someone at the very moment they gave up and went away.

"Do you think it's possible to love someone, really love them for your entire life? And not get bored or distracted or..." She gestured at their mother. "Or lost?"

Robert didn't answer for a long time, and then he simply shrugged. "I want it to be true, Gwen. I want it so desperately for you."

She turned to search his face. The candlelight cast his features into a softer, golden hue. In truth, it made him look quite handsome. "For me? Don't you want a wife?"

He snorted. "I have enough females in my life, thank you very much. Forget Mama. You are going to turn my hair gray if I don't pull it out completely. Do you know what it cost to have all that ivy ripped down?"

She giggled, not at all apologetic. "I think I shall go to bed now," she said. "Mama should be fine until morning."

"I shall see to her medicine," he said. Then he touched his sister on the chin, holding her in place as he searched her eyes. "You are right that our parents' marriage is a disaster. But that doesn't mean that love doesn't exist. That you can't find happiness in a marriage bed. Sometimes the best parts of life are right around the corner, but you have to look." He touched her on the nose. "And you have to see."

"Are you 'seeing' me, brother dear?"

"I'm trying to. And what I see is a beautiful woman who I am proud to call my sister."

That was no small thing for him. For either of them. After all, family pride had been long absent from their lineage. So she engulfed him in a hug which he returned tenfold.

"You are a horrible tyrant of a brother, you know, but I love you to pieces," she said into his shirt front.

"And you are a terrible hoyden who gives me nightmares, but I would do anything for you. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do. And I you."

It was a pact of sorts, between brother and sister, and one that was long overdue. She resolved then and there to try and be nicer to the man. She knew it wouldn't last, but for the moment, she vowed not call him terrible names for a week at least.

"Go on to bed," he said, breaking the spell. "I'll sit with Mama for a while and see if I can get her to take her medicine. I spoke with her doctor yesterday and we think there is a new mixture that would help."

She nodded, uninterested in the details of medicine. It was enough to know that Robert had the situation in hand. Or as in hand as it could be.

Besides, she had things to do. Sometime in the last half hour, Gwen had made a decision. She was going to seduce Edward. That would force him to propose to her again because his honor would demand no less. And this time, she would accept.

Chapter 11

Edward bellowed and planted his fist through the wall. It was a ridiculously stupid thing to do. He would have to pay his landlord for the damage to the room. Given the pain radiating up his arm, he could easily have fractured his fingers. And worse, it had only temporarily alleviated his frustration. As he stared morosely at the gaping hole in the paneling, his thoughts hopped right back to Gwen and once again the frustration began to build. All because of one stupid thing.

His plan was working. And it was driving him to madness.

Weeks ago he had set his sights on Lady Gwen. When she had steadfastly ignored him, he had finally done the desperate step of spilling lemonade all over her and Debra. In truth, that was the riskiest part of the plan but it had worked out. Gwen had become fast friends with Debra, who would be married tomorrow! Meanwhile, Debra had managed to pique Gwen's interest in him.

Success on both counts. All that remained was a normal courtship where he kept his lady intrigued and then he'd propose, they'd get married and live happily ever after. That had been the plan. Then she'd stepped into his arms and he had lost his head. The next thing he knew, he was climbing her walls to do wicked things to her in her bedroom.

Fortunately, her brother had sense and put a stop to that. It was only right and proper that the ivy had been stripped and that Gwen's chaperones were now gimlet eyed harridans who barely allowed the girl to breathe on her own. That was right and proper and how it should have been in the beginning. It was part of the plan: an honest, honorable courtship.

And it was driving him crazy.

At least he'd been able to speak with her. They'd danced, walked around ballrooms, and even once managed to stroll through Hyde Park during the fashionable hour. He didn't have a carriage or horses in town, so he couldn't take her riding which meant their chaperone walked a bare two steps behind them the whole way. Everything had remained proper; but my God, he'd never realized how very hideous
proper
could be!

He was insane with want, which was bad enough. But he saw a growing desperation in Gwen's eyes. He tried to temper it. They had spoken about many things including her need for a hobby. Husband hunting for Debra had helped. And there had been much discussion regarding the wedding itself, especially a new dressmaker named Mrs. Mortimer. The woman ran a shop called
A Lady's Favor
that Gwen thought was delightful for some reason.

But the distraction was not enough for either of them. All too soon, Edward would have to return home. He was neglecting his responsibilities at the baronetcy, and that was something that could not continue.

Which meant it was time for something drastic, something that he would never do in the usual course of things. He wanted to marry Gwen, and he would not be denied his chance just because her brother had erected a wall around her. He completely discounted the fact that Gwen had already refused him. He believed she'd done that because of the unusual way he'd proposed. It had been too soon. He'd known that, but she had forced his hand and he hadn't been thinking straight.

In any event, he prayed that she had changed her mind. So he set about making plans. He'd already seen her at tonight's ball. They'd danced a waltz, which had set his head spinning. She was the most amazing woman, and not just because she was beautiful. It was something about her. She made everything more interesting, more exciting, more full of joy. When she smiled at him, it felt as if the whole world brightened.

So he had danced with her and she had smiled at him, and there was almost no conversation at all. Then rather than try and fight through her crowd of admirers, he decided to leave. Which brought him to his silent room on the second floor of a boarding house where he punched out his frustration on the wall.

But now it was done. It was time to make definite plans. So he sat down at his desk, brought the light over, and began to scratch out options and problems. He wrote out every possible action from an afternoon's visit through an out and out abduction. He was deep in the technical problems of riding to Scotland when someone knocked on his window.

His head came up sharply because, obviously, that couldn't be possible. How could someone knock on his window? But one look had him flying across the room to pull open the panes. Because there, flattened precariously across his window, was Gwen herself. At least she was dressed in a dark cloak. That was good for her reputation but did nothing for his heart.

"What are you doing?" he gasped. He didn't even wait for an answer but grabbed her around the waist and tried to pull her in head first. Sadly, she was larger than the window and at a bad angle, so he was completely ineffective.

"Edward! Edward, wait!"

He eased up his grip, though it terrified him to do it. Then she adjusted her body for her feet to slip in first. He guided her inside, supporting her back as she arched through the window. Then she was fully inside and he was holding her against him while his heart hammered in his throat.

"Gwen, don't ever do that again!" he said against her hair.

She wrapped her arms around him and snuggled close. "What? Hug you? Visit you?" She was teasing him, but he was still too terrified to laugh.

"Risk your life on my window. What if you'd fallen?"

"I would have caught my legs on the very strong, very sturdy low branch of that very conveniently placed tree." She pulled back far enough to look into his face. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkled. She looked happy, and if he didn't kiss her soon, he would go mad. Meanwhile, she raised her eyebrows in mock anger. "So it's acceptable for you to risk your neck climbing my ivy, but I can't hop up a very nicely placed tree?"

"No." He kissed her forehead. "Never." Her nose. "You can't." Her cheek. Then he groaned and surrendered. He kissed her mouth, sinking into her as he had dreamed of nightly since he'd first seen her.

It was some time later before he forced himself to stop. She released a moue of regret that went straight to his groin, but he was a man, damn it. He would control himself!

"You know," she said as she rested her head against his chest, "that's hardly the way to discourage me from doing this again."

Which brought his mind back to the situation at hand and not the glory of having her in his arms. "What are you doing here, Gwen?"