Breathless (Meadowlarks) (25 page)

I turned and regarded him, narrowing my eyes. “Why?”

He shrug
ged.

“Because you can,” I whisper
ed to myself.

Oh, shit.

“Exactly,” he said, his breath husky and carnal. “Do I need to ask why you said that?”

Please, don’t.

“No,” I said, clearing my throat, and swallowing down my urge to spill about my dream. I couldn’t be more thankful when I turn the corner to see the office building just down the street. It was as if it were temporary safe haven away from Weston. There’s an office in there that I can hide in, shut the door and keep his eyes off me.

“Riley!”
I wasn’t even in my office for two minutes before Elsa barged in with her hands thrown up in the air. “You did it! I knew you would, I just knew they’d love you!”

I shrug
ged. “It was a team effort.”

“Oh, hardly! The Reacher’s called me personally to do nothing but simply gush about you! You’ll be very pleased when you’re cut your first commission check!”

“Thank you, Mrs. Casey. It was a great way to kick off my first day. Let’s just hope it sells fast.”

“Everything okay, Riley?”

“Yes, everything is fine. I think I just need some coffee.”

“I’ve got a stash of energy drinks in my office, if you ever need a pick-me-up!” She smile
d and with a swish of her skirt, she was gone.

I plunk
ed down in my leather office chair, and pulled my phone from my jacket pocket. I forgot I had it turned off since I had no reception during the trip out of town.

While it was
powering up, Sara knocked on my office door.

“Riley? Can I come in?”

“Of course,” I said, melodically.

“You got a message while you were out. Sorry, I was in the bathroom when you came in, or I would have given it to you sooner.” She hand
ed me a pink sticky note.

“Thanks, Sara.”

She nod
ded and left, closing the door behind her.

I pull
ed out my phone and saw that I had missed calls and texts.

Oh, crap.

I called Addison without bothering to check anything else.

“Riley!” She answer
ed without a formal greeting.

“
What’s up? Sorry I missed you—”

“Riley, it’s your dad.”

I paled. “What about him?!”

“He’s in the hospital. Your mom called, she couldn’t get a hold of you. They don’t
think he’s going to make it, Ry,” Addison said, her voice scratchy, and I could tell she had been crying.

“I’ll be there in five minutes.”
I hung up, and stared around the empty office, unsure of what I was even going to do. Staggering down the hall, I knocked on Mrs. Casey’s office.

“Come in!”

“Mrs. Casey,” I said, peeking my head in the door.

“Oh, Riley? Are you okay?”

My eyes were watering and my bottom lip was trembling. “I’m so sorry, I’ve just received a call that my father is in the hospital. They—they don’t expect him to live much longer.”

“Oh, my
Lord! Well, take all the time you need! Family is first around here, and please let me know if I can do anything for you while you’re gone.”

“Thank you,” I sa
id, sniffling my nose, feeling very out of place.

“Do you need a ride to the airport?” Mrs. Casey ask
ed, sweetly.

“No, thank you. I have a ride.” I force
d a smile, and left her office.

Great first day.

Chapter Seventeen

The earliest flight I could book didn’t leave until after seven this evening. I had to wait an agonizing five more hours until I got to Maine, and then another aching distance until I reached my father in the hospital in Augusta.

I la
id my head on Addison’s lap, while we sat on her couch. She tenderly ran her hand along my hair, smoothing out the locks and calming me.

Alex pace
d the floor, impatiently waiting until we could leave for the airport. Every minute or two he looked over at me, frowned, then started his short back and forth trek.

Addison and Blaine
were coming too. They will stay at her parents’ house, with their two kids, as well as mine. So Alex can be with me…while I’m with my mom and dad.

The flight
took forever, and was crowded too. The attendants were
too
attentive, and I snapped a few times, asking them to kindly leave me be. For once, I didn’t even feel bad. I didn’t care about much of anything right then.

My mom
was sleeping when we quietly stepped into my dad’s hospital room. Her head was laying on her hands, which were holding onto one of his.

I cover
ed my mouth, to muffle my whimpers of seeing my dad in the bed. Tubes in his nose, an IV in his hand, and he looked even smaller than he did when I last saw him. The once tall and towering man, is now just a small and fragile shell of what my dad used to be.

Leaning into Alex’s chest, I cr
ied. He wrapped his arms around me and soothed me, whispering that it was okay and he was there with me. I sobbed, and turned into a complete mess.

“I need to sit down, Alex.”

Alex took me out of the room, and I felt like I could breathe again. I sat down in a chair across the hall from my dad’s room, and put my head between my legs. I don’t know who ever said that helps…it didn’t. I sat up, feeling overwhelmed and completely distraught.

Alex cradle
d my head in his arms, and I fell asleep on that uncomfortable hospital chair. I wasn’t sure exactly how long I slept for, but when I awoke, it was daylight.

I s
at up, stretched my neck from the aches due to my awkward position. Alex smiled down at me. “Morning.”

“Hi,” I sa
id, starting to smile at his handsome face. Then I remembered where I was and why I was there. “Has anything happened?”

“No, and your mom is still sleeping. A nurse just came out of the room and told me.”

I got up and walked over to the door, peering into the window I saw my Mom, leaning back in the chair now, sleeping. My dad looked exactly the same as he did when I first got there.

I open
ed the door and tip-toed in. My mom stirred, and sleepily opened her eyes. When she saw me, she let out a tiny shrill noise, but covered her mouth. “Baby!” she whispered.

I walk
ed over to her, and sat right on her lap, like I was a little girl again. “Mom,” I cried into her shoulder.

“I know, baby. I know.” She rock
ed me in her arms.

Alex convince
d us to try and eat something, so we took turns going down to the cafeteria, so that someone was always with my dad. When it was my turn to go, I was hesitant, I didn’t want to leave.

“I’ll be right back, daddy,” I sa
id, kissing the cool skin of his forehead tenderly. “I love you.”

I force
d myself to eat a vending machine sandwich—egg salad. And I called Addison, while I sipped on the black coffee I was willing myself to drink.

“I don’t know how you drink this shit, it’s awful,” I sa
id to her, joking about her favourite way to drink coffee. “How are the kids?”

Addison
told me they were all good, and that her parents were taking them out so she and Blaine could come to the hospital to see my parents too.

“I want to be able to…” Addison
said, sniffling. I could hear the lump in her throat growing. “Say goodbye.”

I cried
, and tossed the crust of the sandwich onto the tray. “I love you, I’ll see you soon.”

Back upstairs, there was
still no change. The doctor was in the room this time, and had explained that he thought today or tomorrow would be my dad’s last day.

I pull
ed my ear, like I hadn’t heard him correctly. I couldn’t fathom his words, as if were not meant for me. Have I walked into the wrong hospital room?

“Addy’s coming, mom,” I said
, holding her hand in mine.

“Your dad would love that,” she whisper
ed, blinking back tears.

When Alex
came back from his quick lunch trip, he pulled me into a hug, and I pushed my face hard into his chest. I breathed him in, his wonderful smell, and I melted in his arms.

The hours tick
ed by, and we talked about random things, like my new job (minus a few details, of course), Scarlett, Isaac, et cetera. My mom bragged about her newly acquired golf score, and how jealous the other ladies at the country club were.

A tiny knock at the door
drew us from our quiet moment, and we all looked up as Addison and Blaine walked in the room. Addison’s eyes already had tears in them, as she treaded over to my mother and embraced her tightly.

Blaine
stood near the door, and looked at Alex. “Addy, sorry…but I’m going to sit in the hall.” He turned and opened the door to leave. I didn’t blame him, after seeing Jeremiah in almost the same condition.

At dinnertime, we
took our turns again, eating in the cafeteria. This time I couldn’t eat anything except for my own sorrow. I hadn’t bothered trying the coffee again. I just sat in the plastic chair, with my hands on the table, fingers knotted. I stared out of the window, it faced the vast visitor’s parking lot.

“Can I sit?”

I looked up, and Blaine was standing at the table.

“Of course
.”

He pull
ed out a chair and sat down, opposite me. “So, I know it’s a stupid thing to ask, and I hated when people asked me but, how are you?” He combed his hand through his blonde hair.

“I’m…not ready to say goodbye yet.
Parents are supposed to be old when they die.”

Blaine frown
ed, and sighed. “Well, it doesn’t always work like that.”

“I’m sorry, I forgot…” I mutter
ed, feeling like eating my own foot, as I remembered his mother died far too young.

“Don’t be sorry.” Blaine pick
ed at his fingernail. “You know, I never thought I’d get over Jer. I didn’t want to. I just wanted to stand in the field, where we always were together, and scream to God…begging for him back.”

I
felt the tears well in my eyes, and I quickly wiped them as they start to fall.

“Addison used to always have these little sayings…for everything. Like
everything happens for a reason
…you know what I’m talking about.”

I smile
d. She did.

“Well, it brought absolutely no comfort at the time, because well, I didn’t want to hear about anything comforting. But, eventually, it did. I realized that as hard as life is, death
was harder. Because it’s so final…but only for the one who dies. For us, it widens our horizons. I need to live for Jeremiah now, I need to extend myself just a little farther, to fill the void that he left so that his son has a father.”

I wipe
d my eyes with my sleeve. Listening intently.

“There is no rewind, no pause,
and no mute. It sounds cheesy, I know, but it’s true. We’re dealt what we’re dealt, only given as much as we can handle. Even though sometimes, it feels like we’re going to break our backs trying to carry it all.”

“How did you get to be so wise?” I ask
ed, sniffling and smiling slightly.

“Guys can have deep conversations, too. Jer was more than just my buddy, he was the best man I ever knew. I wish more people could have seen that. Alex is starting
to remind me of him, you know. But a younger, more annoying version, of course.”

I laugh
ed, and the burst of sound echoed through the empty lunch room.

“Go upstairs, and see your dad. Knowing that you were given almost thirty years with him, and during each and every day in all those years, he loved you. That’s all that matters, in the end.”

I got up, and Blaine stood too. I hugged him, hard. And he enfolded me back. I sniffled into his chest.

“
Sorry,” I said, standing back to see that I had gotten mascara on his shirt.

“I’m here if you need another tissue,” he
said with a shrug and a tiny whisper of a grin.

***

Clive Harrison, my father, and the best man that
I’ve
ever known, died that morning. My mother and I sat on either side of him, holding his hands and praying out loud for God to open His arms as my father made his way into heaven.

“I love you, daddy,” I whisper
ed, kissing his hand softly.

My mom’s soft whimpers eventually fade
d as we sat and just stared at him. “He’s so handsome,” she said.

After a while of sitting in the quiet, I look
ed over at my mother. “Are you ready, mom?”

She actually smile
d, even though it was just a small one. She nodded and we got up, each kissing him on the forehead once more before leaving.

Addison, Alex and Blaine all
got up when we walked out. I hugged Alex and Blaine simultaneously, and Addison embraced my mother.

My parents had all the arrangements made ahead of time, so all my mother had to do was call the funeral home and let them know that my dad had passed away.
Who knew that was the easy part. Breaking the news to Isaac shattered my heart.

“I’m sorry, buddy,” I said, kneeling in front of him, holding his hands in mine. “Papa’s gone. He’s up in heaven now.”

Isaac’s lip trembled as he came to terms with what I had said to him, and he threw his arms around me. Crying into my hair. “So…he’s an angel now?”

I laugh
ed a little. “Yes, baby. He always was one.”

It was
bittersweet that Scarlett would never remember my father during his last few months. She has been attached to my mom’s hip since we returned to the house, and I was sure my mom loved it, since Scarlett was in a very loving phase. Constantly hugging and kissing my mom.

The house
felt the same, but so different all at the same time. I sat down at my dad’s piano, and let my fingers graze across the black and white keys. I pushed down, sending a note into the air. The last time I heard that sound, my dad was playing. I straightened my body, shoulders back, and started to play.

A Beethoven piece that was taught to m
e at a very young age, one that I hadn’t played in decades, but somehow, today, it flowed out of my fingertips and onto the keys. I got lost in that piece, lost in the sadness of the notes, and the calming feeling that washed over me while I played. It was almost like he was sitting there beside me, playing the exact same notes on the lower half of the piano.

When I open
ed my eyes, everyone was standing around me, and my father wasn’t sitting beside me. I blinked. “What?”

“Why didn’t I know that you could play the piano?” Alex ask
ed, his eyes wide.

I shrug
ged. “I don’t. Not anymore.”

“That was beautiful, darling.” Mom kisse
d the top of my head. “For a moment there, I thought it was your dad playing.”

“I felt like he was, too.” I smile
d and got up from the bench.

***

Dinner
was quiet. Simple. Burgers that Blaine had barbequed, and a salad with rolls that one of the neighbours dropped off. Addison offered to take the kids back to her parents, but my mom objected.

“I’d love you to stay, all of you.”
She looked away, her eyes glistened.

“Of course we will, whatever you need, Mrs. Harrison,” Blaine
sat down beside her and smiled.

“Oh, call me Ann, will you? After all this time, you’re still such a nice country boy.”

We all laughed, and it brightened the room.

Just a tad.

After dinner, I bathed Scarlett and put her to bed in her little fairy forest. I stood to look at the room, knowing my father’s hand had painted each tiny detail. Isaac had fallen asleep hours ago, exhausted from the emotional day. He wanted to sleep in “Papa’s spot” in my parents’ bed.

My mom’s eyes grew heavy, while we all sat in the great room and drank tea. She laid on the chaise and when she fell asleep, I covered her with a blanket and kissed her hair.

“I’m going to lay down, too. I hope you guys don’t mind.” I stretched and yawned.