Breathe Into Me (14 page)

The next morning when I woke, I laid in my bed and stared at my ceiling. My dreams of what might have happened had I actually made it up to Kane’s apartment, had made me restless. Was I even ready for something like that? I didn’t want to be those type of girls that fall so hard and fast for a guy they just met, but here I was falling for Kane.

His experience scared me though. I wasn’t ready to go and jump in his bed. Was he expecting that from me? Was he expecting that if he had actually got me in his apartment last night? I would like to think no. When I was with Kane, I was one hundred percent comfortable. But when I was away from him, the little thoughts of doubt crept into my mind and it was hard to get rid of them. Doubts about his true intentions with me. Doubts about if I would even be enough for him.

I laid there for a few more minutes, having an internal tug of war with myself over Kane before deciding a nice hot shower might help calm the struggle going on inside me. After stepping out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around me and walked over to the mirror. With my hand, I wiped the condensation from it and stared at the girl reflected back at me. I still looked like the scared twelve-year-old girl from six years ago.

If my mom were still here, she would know exactly what to do about the Kane situation. My mom always knew the right things to say … but she wasn’t here, and it was partially my fault.

Not being able to stomach looking at myself any longer, I grabbed my hairbrush from the countertop and headed back to the room to finish getting ready. I sat on my bed and began brushing the tangles from my hair when my phone chimed that I had a text. I looked at the screen and saw Kane’s name.

I couldn’t seem to make my fingers slide across the small screen fast enough. I had contemplated texting him before I went to sleep last night to make sure he was okay. I should have just let him bring me back to the dorms. We had shared a kiss after all—a hot one at that—but I’d let my insecurity talk me out of it.

Kane: Will you meet me tonight?

I took a deep breath before typing out my response.

Just tell me when and where.

I held my breath waiting for his response. He was taking his time messaging me back. What if the text had been meant for some other girl and now he’d realized his screw up?

Kane: Pick you up at 7.

Seven? That was more than twelve hours from now. I would drive myself crazy all day waiting for seven o’clock, but I texted him back with an
okay
and went about brushing my hair again.

When I was almost finished drying my hair sometime later, my phone chimed again taking me by surprise and making me jump. Grabbing my phone, I saw it was actually a text from Nate.

Nate: So study partner. You guys ready to get this project started?

Shit.
I forgot all about having to meet up and discuss our assignment. But now that I was thinking about it, I needed to do something to pass the time while I waited for seven. I texted him back letting him know I would wake Jessi and we would meet him in the library in a couple of hours. I had to say hours because Jessi was still sleeping there was no way she was going to be ready in less than two hours—not counting how long it was going to take me to finally coerce her from her bed.

Just as I had thought—it had taken me about forty minutes, and a lot of bouncing on the bed to actually stir her and get her ass in the shower. We ended up not getting to the library until around one o’clock. Nate was already there, waiting at the front desk tapping away at his cell phone.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized to him. “Have you been waiting long?”

He smiled and slid his phone into his pocket and shrugged. “Nah, just got here myself actually, and I didn’t expect you to get here on time anyway. Girls like to be fashionably late or whatever they call it.” He winked.

“Amen to that!” Jessi chimed in from behind me and I sent her a glare. She knew I hated being late. She had grown used to me always being on her ass about making it to places on time.

“Well, anyway, you ready to get started?” I asked them both and we found a quiet table and began to discuss ideas for what we were going to do.

Before I knew, it the hours had passed and it was already 6:45 P.M. We had been on a roll with brainstorming and setting up who would handle which parts of the project. Jessi had even been throwing ideas around. I think we had made the right decision to include Nate into our group. He was set on what he was going to do, so there would be no sitting back and letting the girls handle all the work. Which was different then what I was used to. In high school most boys—and well let’s face it… Jessi—would just throw their names on the finished project at the end.

With it being so late, there was no way I was going to have time to make it back to the dorm and freshen up before Kane came; so I texted him and told him to just pick me up at the library.

Jessi left a little before Nate and myself to meet Landon. They were going to go to some party that Nate’s frat was throwing tonight. He had invited me during our study time, but I declined, just saying I had plans for the night.

When we finally had everything organized, Nate offered to take it all with him to keep up with it until the next time we got together to go over the project. Worked out perfect for me considering I had Kane meeting me as soon as I left here.

We exited the doors to the library, and I found Kane climbing the short steps to the entrance. My heart did a small flutter when I saw him, and the memory of last night’s kiss came flooding back. He had been looking down at his feet as he came up the steps, but as if he felt my gaze on him he, looked up—locking eyes with me.

At first I was worried that things might have been a little awkward for a tiny moment, due to how we left things last night. But when he looked at me, he gave me one of his full smiles, the ones that always caused his dimples to sink deep into his cheeks. His smile wavered a bit though when he looked over my shoulder and saw Nate. I was really going to have to ask them both about this one day. Nate seemed to be fine with Kane. It was Kane who seemed to be holding some sort of grudge against, Nate.

“What’s up Kane?” Nate smiled at him, and again Kane didn’t return the smile.

“You ready or do you need to go back to the dorms for anything?” Kane asked me, fully ignoring Nate all together.

“Um, no I’m good.” I stuttered. This whole situation was becoming uncomfortable.

“Ah, so you’re the plans Kelsey has for the night that made her blow off my party.”

Kane’s head jerked so fast to glare at Nate, but he didn’t say anything back to him. He simply took my hand and began to lead me down the steps.

I threw a quick goodbye over my shoulder to Nate. I hated how rude Kane was being, but when he wrapped his hand around mine and the butterflies in my stomach started to flutter, it made it pretty easy to overlook the rudeness and just go with it.

“Where are we going?” I asked as we walked around the corner to the side of the library—straight to a black motorcycle with neon green flames.

“It’s a surprise,” he said as he swung his leg over the bike and looked at me, obviously waiting for me to hop on.

“What?” he asked with a puzzled look on his face.

“I’ve never been on one before.” I nodded toward the motorcycle.

“It’s just a bike, Kelsey.”

“Yeah, just a bike, and a bike has no air bags or seat belts,” I added.

“I would never let anything happen to you. I promise.” He held up two fingers like a boy scout.

“I seriously doubt you were ever a boy scout,” I huffed as I placed one hand on his shoulder and threw my leg over the bike. Man what a smart move it had been to wear jeans tonight.

When I was finally on the seat and had my feet on the pegs, I grabbed the sides of his shirt but he took my hands and pulled them around to rest on his chest.

“That’s not tight enough,” he laughed as he kicked the kickstand up and took off.

The evening air while riding the motorcycle was a lot cooler than I had thought it would have been. I shivered and buried my face into Kane’s back to warm my nose and cheeks up. He must have felt me shiver, because he took one hand from the handlebars and placed it on my arms that were clinging to his chest.

While the warmth felt pretty amazing, my eyes grew wide when I finally realized if he was holding one of my hands—then that meant he was driving the motorcycle with only one hand!

“KANE!” I screeched. “You’re going to kill us! Put your hand back up there!”

I could feel the rumble in his chest from him laughing at me.

“I’m serious!” I tried to pull my hand out from under his.

“Kels, believe me. I’ve got this.” He turned his head to look at me behind him.

That didn’t help the unease I felt. If he insisted on driving us with one hand, then by God he would at least keep both eyes on the road.

“Kane, seriously I’m kind of freaking out a little back here. It is my first time being on a motorcycle and all, so if at all possible, could you please at least keep BOTH eyes facing forward?”

Again I felt the reverberation in his chest.

“Stop laughing! I’m glad you find my moments of sheer terror humorous.”

“Chill. We will be there in a minute anyway.”

“And where exactly is
there
?”

“It’s a surprise, I told you.”

“I don’t really
do
surprises though,” I retorted.

“I had a feeling you were the type who didn’t,” he responded. “But I’m also the type of person who loves to give surprises, so you will learn to love them … or deal. Either one.”

Great.

We cruised through a neighborhood—which I would have assumed to be one of the richest in town due to the sizes of the huge houses that lined the streets. Kane’s motorcycle roared down the quiet street before coming to a stop in the parking lot of a small park. He pulled the bike into a spot and turned the key. The rumbling beneath me automatically stopped and I sat there for minute trying to let the vibrations in my backside subside before I made any attempt to stand. It was then I noticed I was still clinging to Kane’s chest.

Clearing my throat, I unclenched my fists from his shirt and tried to smooth the wild mess that I knew my hair had to have been. I really should have pulled it back before agreeing to this ride. I had no clue what I looked like at the moment, but what was coming to mind with the small light we were getting from the lamp posts in the park, was that my wild tangles sticking out like snakes were coming off a bit Medusa-esque.

When I finally tamed what I could of my hair, I slid from the bike and waited for Kane to do that same. But he didn’t immediately follow suit. He sat there for a minute just staring off into the tree line.

“I’ve never brought anyone here before,” he almost whispered, and I stood there in silence not really knowing what to say. He finally turned his head to look at me. “I used to come here with my dad from the time I was six. We would always tell my mom we were going to do ‘man stuff’. Then we would usually end up here talking about things like fishing and cars. It always made me feel more grown up, more like a man to be out here just talking with my dad.” He softly laughed before continuing, “As time went on, our talks got to be more serious. We would talk about my future plans and how when I was finally interested in girls, I should respect them and treat them right.”

He dropped his gaze to his feet and pushed a small rock around with the toe of his boot. “I let him down on that last part. I didn’t follow through with how I was supposed to treat women for so long; but I was so caught up in my own self-pity I didn’t care about anyone else but myself. Those girls,” he paused and looked at me. “I’m sure you have heard the stories about me.”

He wasn’t really asking a question, but I nodded anyway. I hated to let him know that I had been clued into the gossip that was Kane Riley; but if he was willing to come clean about his past, then I would be truthful to him. One hundred percent truthful.

“That’s what I figured. I deserve it really. But I promise you, Kelsey, I’m not that way anymore. A few years back when I still belonged to the frat, I hit my lowest point. I was constantly drinking, and if I wasn’t drinking, I was trying my hand at a few drugs. I was sleeping with all these random girls, not even bothering to find out the names before or after the fact. I loathed myself and knew that if I couldn’t even love me, then there was no way I could love anyone else. So I shut myself off from everyone.

When I was fourteen. My parents had decided to go away for a weekend for their anniversary. I had a football game that weekend and I had it in my head that my dad
had
to be there like all the other dads. So I gave them this huge guilt trip about going away until they decided to leave their trip early and come home. I had stayed that weekend with my grandparents and half way through the game—when I was completely pissed because they still hadn’t made it—I saw a police officer walk over to my Paw. Then I watched as my grandmother’s knees buckled and my paw caught her before she hit the ground. I just stopped playing and stood there and watched what was happening. In that moment I knew my parents were gone… and I knew it was all my fault.”