Breathe Again (27 page)

Max Connors in all his sweet innocence had burst through the middle of the engagement party and was now pretending to be a dog, totally oblivious to the implications of his stark arrival. Every single person’s attention was now firmly locked on us, and I immediately felt the world around us cave in. This wasn’t the way our return was meant to go down. We were meant to quietly walk in and see everyone one on one. We were meant to make sure we were welcome. We were meant to be a subtle inclusion to the party, not this party stopper.

A gasp rang out behind me and I swung around quickly. My eyes widened as they landed on Tate’s mum. The color from her usually suntanned face drained out as she looked between me and Max. Almost as if it were in slow motion, the plate she was carrying slipped from her hands, smashing into a thousand pieces as it hit the pavement below.

“Savannah?” she asked in barely a whisper.

Max’s laughter grabbed my attention away from the shocked expression on her face. I crouched down and picked Max up, placing him on my hip. I watched her closely as her eyes took him in. We had our weekly Skype dates and I emailed photos regularly, but it wasn’t the same as having him in the flesh. Max wiggled in my arms and was barking like a puppy, causing me to giggle and a smile to slowly come to her face.

“Max, do you know who this is?”

Max shifted in my arms and turned to look at her. Begging tears formed in her eyes as she looked over him. He fired a killer smile and she broke out in giggles.

His little brow furrowed in concentration as he looked between me and Mrs. Connors. The breath I was holding in escaped the moment recognition hit him. “Gramma,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Why is everyone so quiet? I thought this was a par—”

Mrs. Connors inhaled sharply and my eyes closed briefly as my head dropped. This wasn’t how it was meant to happen. Just hearing his deep, husky voice made my breath catch. Silence fell, crushing the excitement that had been around us just moments ago. I hadn’t expected our reunion to happen like this. I thought maybe it would be just us three away from the world, away from prying eyes and hushed voices, but definitely not like this. I thought I could have sneaked into the house and saw him, but now our reunion was on display to everyone.

I finally raised my face and my eyes connected with his. Tate looked at me like he was seeing a ghost, a mirage, and that this wasn’t reality. But then his eyes flashed to the wriggling little boy in my arms and a lethal combination of happiness, intrigue, and confusion swam in his deep blue eyes.

“Let me take Max. Go and talk to him.” I broke my stare from Tate and looked at Mr. Davenport, who had moved up beside me with an encouraging smile on his face. “Be strong, beautiful girl.”

“Hey little man, do you want to go and play with Gramps for a minute.” I smiled at Max who nodded excitedly and held his arms out to Mr. Davenport.

“Come on, Maxey. Let’s go and find Uncle Lucas.” Mr. Davenport took Max from my arms and strode towards the group of people staring at us.

My eyes flashed through the crowd and finally I found Tanzi and Jack. My eyes misted at the sight of my best friends. God, I had missed them. Tanzi’s hand was at her mouth and Jack shot me a wink from across the yard. I tore my gaze from them and turned back to face the man who had given me my life back. Tate Connors.

As if the world stood still, all noise around us evaporated. Right at this moment, it was just the two of us. I felt the pull towards him the closer he got. My breathing hitched as he stood before me. His eyes traveled over every inch of my face, drinking me in.

“Tate,” I breathed out into the space between us. His eyes darted from mine and moved to where Max was with Mr. Davenport. My heart broke as I watched his face crumble and a single tear roll over his cheek.

“I can’t do this, Savannah.” His voice was barely a whisper. He turned his back to me and stormed towards the stairs leading to the house. The screen door slamming behind him caused me to jump. I stood in front of the empty space he left and sighed deeply.

“Sav, I can’t believe you are here,” Tanzi’s soft voice said beside me. I spun around quickly and my arms swallowed her within seconds.

“I couldn’t miss my best friend’s engagement party.”

“Savannah Rae, you sexy momma.” Jack’s arm wrapped around my waist from behind and pulled my back into his chest, resting his head on my shoulder. I smiled at the feeling of love surrounding me as Tanzi, Jack, and I stood in a huddle of arms.

“Jack, you sexy beast of a man.” I twisted in his arms, hugging him for dear life.

“Mummy, Lukey said we can go swimming at the beachhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Max squealed, filling the air and causing deep laughter to escape all of us.

The familiar feeling of being watched took over me and I froze at the intense sensation of being under the gaze of Tate Connors. It was a feeling I would never forget. I turned and looked towards the house and found him standing on the balcony, glaring down at us.

“This right here is his biggest dream coming true. He just needs to let it sink in. He has been waiting forever for this moment.” Tanzi admitted, truth dripping from her words.

I smiled at her before focusing back on Tate. His gaze didn’t falter. Wherever Max was, Tate’s eyes followed. I took nervous steps up the stairs towards him. Standing beside him, I looked out over the backyard, not having a clue what to say or do.

“He is perfect, Savannah.”

I looked at Max and couldn’t help but smile. He was chasing Tanzi around the backyard, squealing with happiness, and completely oblivious to the stir his arrival was causing.

“He is happy, healthy, and a little heartbreaker. You have nothing to worry about.”

“I never doubted that you’d look after him.”

A tense silence fell between us. I couldn’t drag my eyes away from his, and his eyes drove into mine. Still to this day, he could drag me in and make me forget about the rest of the world with one glance. I knew he would be happy to see Max, but as he stared at me with waves of anger and desire flooding his eyes, I had absolutely no clue if he wanted to kiss or strangle me.

“Tate, Savannah, get your asses down here.”

“Uncy J said arse. Uncy J said arse,” Max started chanting in sing-song.

“Fuck, he even says arse,” Tate muttered before walking down the stairs and leaving me with a million thoughts swimming through my head.

I straightened my skirt and ran my fingers through my hair. The smell of the nearby ocean filled my senses and made me feel at peace in the turbulence of the day. Moving down the steep steps, I rushed across the lawn to where Max was now the center of attention. Jack, Tanzi, Lucas, Ali, and Tate surrounded him, watching him playing with the dog.

“Did you just say a naughty word?” I asked with a stern voice.

Max walked over to me with his head down and wrapped his arms around my legs. “Uncy J said it.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to say it.”

“I’m sorry, Mummy.” He pulled away and gave me the biggest, bluest puppy-dog eyes he could muster. I shook my head and turned towards Tate. I pointed to Max and rolled my eyes at Tate. “Those eyes? That look is all you.”

Max suddenly became alerted to the fact Tate was standing with us. His face flashed with recognition as he looked at Tate and the biggest smile took over his face.

“Daddy!” With excited steps, he ran towards Tate, wrapped his arms around his legs, and held him tightly.

My heart ached and clapped triumphantly in my chest at the sight before me. Tate’s fears of Max not knowing him disappeared when Max spoke that one word. Tate stilled and stared at our little boy, losing all ability to speak. Suddenly, Max took a step away from Tate and grabbed his hand, pulling on it to force Tate to lean down to his level. Out of nowhere, Max’s tiny hand lifted the edge of Tate’s shirt until his toned stomach was on full display to the whole party.

A high-pitched squeal shattered the air before an eruption of giggles poured out of Max’s tiny body. Throwing himself on the grass, he laughed like he had just witnessed the funniest thing he’d ever seen. Max rolled towards me and pulled the edge of my skirt. I leaned over, coming to his eye level.

“Daddy has drawings on him,” he whispered innocently in my ear.

My laughter joined his while everyone around us stared like we were a couple of nutbags. Tate’s eyes drove into us as Max looked back at him. Max was completely in awe that he was with his daddy.

“Tell him, Max,” I encouraged.

Max moved towards Tate, standing before him and looking up at him through questioning eyes. My heart skipped a beat at the vision before me. Max was the spitting image of Tate, and seeing them together like this was painfully beautifully.

“You have drawings on you,” Max giggled and pointed at Tate’s chest. “Mummy has a picture of you with your drawings and she always had it in her bed like a teddy.”

Oh, Max Davenport Connors, you are a walking secret teller.
My eyes dropped to the ground, searching desperately for a hole to fall down. Everyone now knew about my ritual I had while I was in Australia. I had the ritual of falling asleep while hugging a photo frame containing my favorite photo of Tate. It was the one thing that had allowed me to fall asleep in my loneliest days in Sydney. Now, as I watched the stormy look roll in over Tate’s face, it seemed it would be a ritual I would also have in Los Angeles.

Tate

T
ALK ABOUT
a complete and utter storm of emotions. No wonder she’d never replied to my text. She had been above the fucking Pacific. I needed the ocean and fast. Escaping from the engagement party, I slipped out the back gate, crossing the road until the feeling of warm sand hit my bare feet. I couldn’t get my head around Savannah and Max being back.

As I took a seat on the sand, the sun beamed down on my skin and I closed my eyes, tilting my head towards the sky. My mind bounced all over the place, trying desperately to believe what was happening. Max and Savannah were here. I could touch them, I could hold them, I could see them in the flesh. This morning I’d woken up thinking I was simply going to celebrate my sister and best friend’s engagement. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought I’d be seeing my son and Savannah.

I couldn’t even begin to comprehend the thoughts running through my head. Was I happy? Of course I was. Was I scared? Fuck yes. Was I confused? More confused than I’d ever been. Was I dreaming? I hoped to Christ I wasn’t.

Through my closed eyes, a shadow lingered over me. My solitude was shattered.

“How are you doing, man?” Jack questioned, collapsing beside me and looking out at the ocean. “Honestly? I have no fucking clue.”

“You have your family back, man. Sav is back for you, Tate. Your son is looking at you like you are a fucking god or something. It’s kinda sickening.”

My eyes widened at his words as my irritation rose in my chest. “It’s such a mindfuck. Do you know how hard it was not to drag her inside like some fucking caveman and show her just how much I missed her? Fuck, I would have taken her right then and there if I could but I can’t and I won’t. What’s to say she won’t run off again in a week or a month?”

“You need to get this thought out of your head that she ran. If it were Tanzi on the other side of the world, completely banged up, what would you have done?” He stared at me knowingly and I knew the answer. “You would go straight to her! Your relationship with Tanzi is the same as Sav’s and Mr. Davenport’s. Tanzi is your other half and Mr. Davenport is Sav’s. She did what she had to do, and to be honest, I think it’s the most selfless thing I’ve ever witnessed someone doing.” Jack stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I probably sound like a pussy for saying this, but a love like yours and Sav’s doesn’t come around often, so don’t lose it.”

I watched with narrowed eyes as Jack strode away from me, leaving the beach and leaving me to deal with my increasingly frantic thoughts. Jack was right. If anything happened to Tanzi, my world as I knew it would stop and I would drop anything and everything to be by her side. Everyone knew that.

The difference though was that I knew Savannah was my number one priority and my world was hers. Everything, and I mean everything, is second to her, and that’s where my issue was. What I couldn’t understand and was finding impossible to comprehend was that she hadn’t seemed to consider me in her decision to leave. Not once. To me, it felt like I was always going to be second choice. I was always the one who was going to be left behind and I’d be damned if I would let that happened again.

Standing, I took off back towards the party, knowing full well that being a pussy about this whole thing wasn’t going to make it any easier. This was my sister and best friend’s engagement party and I wasn’t going to let the dramas of my life ruin that. Plus, I had a son in there I just needed to see.

The moment I opened the back gate and appeared, Max ran across the yard and was pulling on my hand for attention. “What’s up, little man?” I asked, finally finding my voice amongst the emotions I was fighting.

“Mummy said we can stay!” Max’s excited voice said with a promise. My eyes darted around the backyard until they landed on Sav’s, who stood watching us closely, her face not showing any sign of reaction. A little hand grabbed mine and Max began pulling me towards the group, talking quickly about staying over.