“Chuck’s not
that
bad.” Resigned, Jenny rolled her chair out of her cube and around the corner into Christian’s space.
“Not that bad?” Christian looked at her in horror. “Whenever I call him, the minute he walks in here—not smelling very sweetly, by the way—the computer stops doing whatever it was doing wrong. And then Chuck gives me this look, like there was never anything wrong in the first place and I just called him over to hit on him or something. As if! And then he leaves and the computer starts doing the wrong thing again!”
“Okay, okay!” Jenny raised her hands, laughing. “I’ll fix your e-mail—again. You’re going to watch and remember this time, right?” She gave him her best stern glare, which wasn’t all that great since she was having a hard time keeping a straight face.
Christian did that to her. She had quickly learned not to sit by or across from him at meetings, since he tended to start Skittle-hockey games or draw the big boss’s face on the side of his closed hand so he could move his thumb and make him “talk”. Jenny was always the one who would laugh and get into trouble, while Christian had mastered his innocent, I-can’t-believe-you’re-giggling-in-the-middle-of-this-important-meeting face, which almost always got him off without a reprimand.
“Yes, yes.” Christian’s happy expression was back and he put one hand over his heart in solemn promise. “I promise I’ll pay attention this time.”
“What is that, the Boy Scout swear?” Jenny rolled her chair over to Christian’s keyboard.
“No, I think the Boy Scouts just use a few fingers. Or maybe that’s the
Star Trek
salute.” Christian shrugged. “I don’t know. I was never in Boy Scouts. They don’t really like our kind.”
“What kind is that—the dopey kind?” Jenny nudged Christian’s mouse and reached over to free the cord from the Pez collection bunched around his oriental mouse rug.
Not at all offended, Christian leaned back and spun his chair in a lazy circle. “That would be the fabulous and flaming kind, of course.”
“Seriously, Chris, if you don’t start paying attention I’m going to sic Chuck on you.”
Christian stopped the chair mid-spin and scooted over next to Jenny. “I am watching your every move with complete and utter attention.” He touched one of his Pez dispensers lightly. “Isn’t that right, Mr. Incredible?”
“Christian. Focus.”
He heaved a long-suffering sigh and rested his chin on Jenny’s shoulder. “Proceed, e-mail Nazi.”
“Hey, Christian. Oh hi, Jenny.” Evan’s head popped into the cubicle entrance. “What’s going on?”
“And the day just keeps getting better,” Jenny muttered, keeping her back to Evan. Maybe if she just pretended he wasn’t there…
“Did you do that thing to your e-mail again, Christian? You really should call in Chuck when you have computer problems. I mean, it’s not Jenny’s job to fix everything for you.” Even without turning around, Jenny knew that Evan’s expression was just the right mix of helpful condescension and reprimand guaranteed to send a shot of annoyance under her skin.
She felt Christian’s chin leave her shoulder as he glanced at Evan. Jenny wasn’t the only one who found Evan irritating. Nothing made Chris as pissy as Evan being…well, Evan.
“But Jenny just
loves
helping me, don’t you, Jen?” Christian, still watching Evan, wrapped his arms around her shoulders in a backward hug. “She thinks I’m special.”
“Yeah—special in a short-bus kind of way,” Jenny muttered. Keeping her eyes on the screen and her hands moving, she grimly focused on the computer screen in front of her. When Christian and Evan started in on each other, it was never pretty.
“Living to help others, that’s my Jenny,” Christian continued, undeterred. He gave her a smacking kiss on the side of her head and offered Evan an innocent smile. “Isn’t she just the sweetest? If I swung that way, I would ask her out in a minute.” He turned his sugary smile back to Jenny. “You’d do me, wouldn’t you, sweet pea?”
“Chris…” Jenny muttered in warning. Even without looking, she knew that Evan’s face was turning red with embarrassment and temper. Christian was well aware that Evan liked her—
liked
liked her, as Chris enjoyed pronouncing when he was having a junior high moment and wanted to bug her.
Actually, everyone in the office knew that Evan liked Jenny and the entire staff was gleefully waiting for Evan to finally dredge up the nerve to ask her out. The Accounting Department had started a betting pool.
Jenny just hoped that Evan’s nerve continued to fail him for a long time. Years would be fine. It wasn’t that Evan wasn’t attractive—he was handsome in an even-featured, guy-in-a-razor-commercial kind of way—but he was just so annoying and had a creepy edge to him. He always brought out the worst in Christian, so she was usually stuck in the role of mediator.
Not today though. Today she was too cranky to mediate anything.
Chris sighed deeply and rested his cheek on Jenny’s hair. She swatted at him with the back of her non-mouse hand. He ignored her. “The men should be lined up at your desk with flowers, begging for a date. I don’t know what’s wrong with the straight guys in this office.” Another melodramatic sigh. “I guess they’re just a bunch of pussies, too scared to ask you out.”
“Why don’t you ever ask anyone else for help, Christian?” Evan said in the viciously smug tone he always got when he thought he had a good comeback. “Why, I’m sure that Tom would be especially glad to give you a…hand.”
Jenny winced. Ouch—a low blow.
Christian dropped his arms from around Jenny and rotated his chair in a slow half circle. Although she felt a little guilty about it, Jenny couldn’t resist turning around as well so she could watch the upcoming carnage.
Evan smiled a little, oblivious to the danger. “I guess he really wouldn’t want to spend too much time with you though. That might upset that cute little wife of his. What’s her name—Cindy? Susan?”
“Carla.”
“Right. Carla. Tiny little thing, isn’t she? Funny how she was able to knock you out cold with one punch of her itty-bitty fist.”
“She managed a bar for three years. I think she learned a few things about how to handle drunken idiots,” Jenny offered. Actually, she wouldn’t have minded having Carla and her lethal fists right at that minute, so she could knock some thick male skulls together for her and let Jenny get some work done.
Evan ignored Jenny’s interjection. “I guess it was understandable, given that you threw cocktail sauce all over her dress.”
“Beanee Weenees.”
“What?” Evan looked distracted for a moment and Jenny had a moment of hope that he would give up needling Christian and just go away.
“I threw Beanee Weenees all over her dress.” Christian leaned back casually, his eyes steady on Evan’s face.
“Whatever. Took it hard, did you?” Evan, distraction forgotten, squashed Jenny’s hope for a peaceful resolution. “I guess I can see why. One day, you and Tom are all lovey-dovey and the next, he’s introducing everyone to his fiancée at the Christmas party. Sad…and I could have sworn I heard you telling Jenny here just a few days before the party that you were in love. That you’d never felt that way before.” Evan sighed dramatically and rested his hand on his heart.
Christian came out of his chair in one smooth movement. Evan flinched, caught himself and tried to regain his cocky expression. He was only partially successful—his face showed a peculiar combination of superiority and terror. Chris sauntered over to stand too close to Evan.
“Hey, Ev, I’ve been thinking…”
“What?” Evan shifted his weight back slightly, trying to move away from Christian but obviously not willing to look like he was backing down.
“Instead of sniping at each other, we should address the real issue here.”
“Real issue?” Evan appeared to be thrown off-guard by Chris’ gentle tone.
“Yeah.” Christian ran a light finger down Evan’s forearm, barely touching the skin revealed by his rolled-up sleeve. Evan took a half step backward and his elbow bumped the partition, throwing him slightly off balance but still clinging to his smirk.
“This attraction between us,” Chris continued. He closed the space Evan had created, smiling a little, the same smile that Jenny had seen him use countless times to entice some new hottie into his bed. That boy was just too gorgeous for his own good, especially when, like now, he used his powers for evil.
“Attraction?” Evan yelped. “But I’m not—”
“You’re not what?” Christian drawled, moving fractionally closer.
“I’m not, well,” Evan fumbled, “interested—in you, I mean. Or anyone.” His panicked gaze flew from Chris to Jenny, who was watching the scene play out with resignation mixed with guilty amusement. “Anyone who’s a guy, I mean.”
“Oh.” Christian let out a disappointed sigh. “I just thought…” He moved back to his chair and flopped down, a picture of abject rejection. He eyed Evan skeptically up and down. “Are you sure you’re not…”
“Yes! Positive! What made— I mean, you didn’t really think that…” Evan glared at Christian suspiciously. “You’re just trying to rattle me, that’s all.”
“It’s just…” Christian shrugged. “Well, you’re always over here talking to me, looking at me, engaging me in clever repartee…you could cut the tension with a knife, if you know what I mean.”
“Tension?” Evan squeaked. More blood rushed to his face, until he was almost purple. He cleared his throat before trying again. “The only tension I feel is the Christian’s-an-asshole tension!”
“You know what I mean.” Christian glanced up at him through his shaggy bangs. “
Sexual
tension.”
Jenny rolled her eyes. If he started batting his eyelashes, she was going to lose it.
“No!” Evan denied, shaking his head emphatically, “I just wanted to see…” He glanced at Jenny and backpedaled quickly. “I mean, I just had things to discuss with you—work-related things. In fact, you’re keeping me from those things that I—” With that last garbled sentence, Evan bolted.
Christian smiled innocently at Jenny. “Love rejected. Isn’t it sad?”
“Hah. You’re an evil, evil man, Christian.” Jenny couldn’t work up too much pity for poor, panicked Evan though. “You know what you’ve done, don’t you?”
“I got rid of the passive-aggressive little prick, I believe, for at least a few days. You should be thanking me.” Christian’s happy grin was back. Jenny couldn’t help but laugh. He might look like an innocent choirboy but there was nothing Chris liked better than some good old-fashioned shit stirring.
“Actually, you’ve created a
masculinity-challenged
, passive-aggressive little prick. He’s going to strut around for a week, grunting about sports scores and his visit to Hooters just to prove his non-gayness. We’ll all be lucky if he doesn’t start slapping Janice on the ass and calling her ‘Miss Thang’.” Jenny’s face scrunched up at the thought.
Christian shuddered in revulsion. “Thank you for that visual. Speaking of Miss Mutton-dressed-as-lamb, did you see her fabulous new look today?”
“Nope. Should I be ready to be horrified?” Janice, the receptionist, was a blink away from her fiftieth birthday but tended to dress more in the
Tiger Beat
age bracket.
“Definitely. Ready? Low-rise stretch jeans…”
“Seen ’em—old news.”
“Wait, wait, wait—I’m not finished. Low-rise stretch jeans with,” Christian paused for dramatic effect, “a peek-a-boo thong.”
“No!” Jenny was suitably aghast. “Don’t lie.”
“True, true. Go check it out.”
Jenny jumped out of the chair. The plumbing job was sitting on her desk but it could wait one more minute for her to cruise past Janice’s desk and check out her outfit. Sure, it was train-wreck gawking—Jenny didn’t want to look but she couldn’t
not
look—but hey, anything to brighten a day that had been pretty crappy so far.
As she moved between and around cubicle walls in the direction of Janice’s desk, Jenny heard the dreaded voice behind her.
“Hey, Jenny, wait for a sec.”
Christian, that liar, had promised at least a few Evan-free days
, Jenny thought, but she stopped and turned, letting Evan catch up. His face was red—Jenny wasn’t sure if it was still red from the Christian encounter or if there was a new reason.
“Need something, Evan?” Her tone was more pleasant than usual, since Jenny did have some guilt about not doing anything to stop the whole “aren’t you gay” fiasco. Not that there was ever much she could do to stop Christian on a roll but she supposed she could have kicked him or something. Really though, Evan did deserve everything he got after baiting Chris about Tom.
“Actually, I was wondering…”
His neck was blotchy with red and white patches, Jenny noticed idly.
The guy couldn’t get any redder
, she thought.
I wonder what the deal is…
Oh shit.
He was doing it. After months of stalling, he was actually asking her out.
“I thought maybe, if you’re interested, we could do something sometime. Together, I mean.”
“Sure, we could do something—as friends.” Jenny tried a last-ditch effort to head him off.
“No, I meant as a date.” Evan looked at her intently—too intently. He was quickly crossing the line from annoying to pretty damn creepy. “Not as friends. I mean, friends of course but…more than friends.”