Breaking Perfect (25 page)

“Put
enough pressure on even the strongest structure and it will crack, Mase. You’re
taking an awfully big gamble here.”

Perhaps,
but his instinct said to keep at it. There was a reason he felt it so necessary
to open up these gates to their relationship and allow another man in. Not just
another man. Sean. No matter how bizarre and wrong the situation might appear,
something about it felt very right to Mason. “Anything involving love involves
risk.”

He
looked at Sean hard, demanding he meet his gaze. When Sean looked up he knew he
had made his point.
Yes
,
even you, you stubborn ass. I even love you.

Dinner
was peaceful. As always, Liberty’s cooking was outstanding. He took her hand
and ran his thumb over the top of her fingers and she smiled up at him so
trustingly. “So tell me what you did today,” he said. She flushed a pretty
shade of soft pink.

“Sean
gave me a massage.”

A
massage? Huh, not what he expected, but he could see how that could lead to
something else. Sean interrupted his thoughts. “Liberty hurt her back.”

Mason
looked over to his wife and frowned. She had a bad habit of ignoring her needs
and jeopardizing her health when she thought something else held a higher
priority. More times than not, the items she placed at the top of her priority
list were unnecessary and insignificant compared to her wellbeing. “You did?
How?”

“I
don’t know. I guess I slept wrong. The massage helped. I’m only a little sore
now.”

Mason
felt a scowl weigh down his face. His protective instincts kicked into gear.
Had Sean fooled around with her knowing she didn’t feel well? He took a deep
breath and forced himself to relax. Sean wasn’t an idiot. He would have
considered her needs and wouldn’t do anything at the expense of her wellbeing.
He was being a control freak and needed to relax. If they were going to do this
he was going to have to remind himself about trust as well. He wouldn’t be able
to micromanage every encounter the two of them shared.

“If
your back’s still bothering you I want you to go take a long bath and go to bed
early.”

Mason
held his smile back as Liberty gave him a mutinous glare. He enjoyed those
random moments when she fought back a little. It kept him from becoming
complacent by her agreeable ways.

“I
need to clean up from dinner.”

“That’s
fine, but after the kitchen is done I don’t want you doing anything else.”

She
pursed her lips, but he knew he earned her agreement. “What are you two going
to do?”

Mason
looked back at Sean who had been observing the byplay quietly and trying to
appear uninterested. “I think Sean and I’ll hang out in the study and do some
catching up.”

* * * *

Later
that evening Mason found himself sitting at the bar drinking an imported lager
across from Sean. “So how did he go?” he asked, not needing to clarify he was
asking about Sean’s old man. His passing was the event that had catapulted them
back into each other’s lives. His death was never too far from either of their
minds.

“Heart
attack. It was the middle of the night. Lisa was there with him. She called me.
I drove there. The funeral was Tuesday. Wednesday I left and headed here.”

“How’d
you know where to find me?”

“The
Internet is a wonderful tool.”

Mason
nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t
be. You, more than anyone, know what a dick my dad was. It was nothing like
losing my mom.”

“How’s
Lisa doing?” Last Mason knew Sean and his father’s girlfriend had a fairly
decent relationship.

“She’s
all right. She’s young. I hope she doesn’t mourn him too long. I’d like to see
her find a decent guy. She deserves some peace after putting up with my old man
for so long.”

They
each sipped their beer and Mason went to the tap and got a refill, looking at
Sean questioningly. Sean passed him his glass and they were silent for a moment
as the frothy, dark brew filled the pilsner. When Mason sat back down Sean
said, “Tell me about Liberty.”

“What
do you want to know?”

“I
want to know why she’s the way she is. I’m not going to even pretend I know the
tiniest bit about what she has.”

Mason
sighed. “Liberty didn’t have an easy childhood. Her mother was a cunt, plain
and simple. All of her life she told Liberty she wasn’t good enough. It didn’t
matter what she did, how well she behaved, how good she did in school, KarLyn
was never pleased with her daughter.

“When
she was about ten, her mother remarried a man named Eric. To hear Liberty tell
it, she loved the idea of finally having a father. However, Eric was more of a
monster than anything else. He showed his true colors around the time she hit puberty.
 
It started then.”

“It?”

Mason’s
stomach knotted as bile rose. “Yeah, late night visits to her room. Hugging her
a little too long. Accidentally walking in on her without knocking while she
was changing. When Libby started to get uncomfortable she told her mom, but
KarLyn just blew her off and told her she was being dramatic. She made Liberty
feel like there was something wrong with her for even thinking such a thing.
She told Liberty that only a disturbed child with an overactive sexual imagination
could concoct such nonsense. And then she did the worse thing she could have
ever done.”

“What?”

“KarLyn
told Eric.”

Sean
looked away and Mason saw his fists clenching. “How long did this go on?
Couldn’t she have told a teacher or something?”

Mason
shook his head. “When I say KarLyn was a cunt, it’s only because I don’t know a
more vile insult. She was by far the biggest bitch I’ve ever come across in my
life. I met Liberty when she was twenty-one, just before her twenty-second
birthday, and by that point the obsessive need to earn her mother’s nonexistent
approval had manifested itself so deep into her psyche she was already a
prisoner to her disorder.

“Obsessive
Compulsive Disorder can be triggered by lots of different things. For Liberty,
it was her mother’s intention not to have a child, but a doll. She expected her
daughter to be a certain way and her standards were more than absurd. Liberty
was punished for so many ridiculous shortcomings that any normal person would
see as regular, human limits. She would make herself sick trying to earn her
mother’s praise. But then KarLyn stopped acknowledging her. She’d found a new
plaything, Eric, and forgot all about her daughter. The problem was, Liberty
had been conditioned to require her mother’s approval above all else. It was an
impossible goal and nothing to do with Liberty.”

“Where’s
the bitch now?” Sean growled.

Mason
chuckled, appreciating his friend’s protective instincts concerning Libby. “She
lives in Florida and never contacts Liberty. I don’t want Liberty to contact
her either and she’s more than fine with that.
 
I think telling Liberty to cease contact with KarLyn, taking away her
choice, was something she prayed for.”

Sean
harrumphed and took a sip of his beer.

“OCD
stems from anxiety. Her mother planted those seeds. Eric added to the problem,
nurturing her need to be accepted in a way that suited him as well. Once Eric
earned Liberty’s trust and broke it by abusing her, Libby started to hurt
herself. She feels a need to burn herself when she struggles with guilt, to
equalize or replace the pain. In her mind I think it’s a way of washing away
the filth. A lot of times she uses scalding water. She’s never done it badly
enough to leave obvious scars, but she’s done some serious damage to her soft
tissue in the past. The twisted part is that Libby’s condition is considered
ego dystonic, which means she’s aware that what she’s doing isn’t normal and
that only adds to her stress and anxiety because it fucks up her need to be
perfect even further.”

“Did
you know all this when you met her? I mean about OCD and stuff. You seem to be
pretty knowledgeable about it.”

“I
studied it in passing during college a few times. I knew enough to recognize
it. The first time I met Liberty she was in the middle of a complete breakdown,
so I realized right away what was going on.”

“How
did you meet?” Sean’s fingers flipped a thin coaster back and forth on the
lacquered bar top.

“I’d
been working at St. Mary’s. I had a patient rushed in who fell off a train
platform. It was Eric.
 
When the train
came he didn’t die right away. He was mangled though, and I knew as soon as
they wheeled him in he wasn’t going to make it. KarLyn had been hysterical and
I think I actually felt bad for her. Of course, that was before I knew what a
fucking bitch she was. I remember seeing a small girl standing a few feet
behind her looking pale and lost. Her eyes were huge and I thought she was a
teenager. She looked so young.

“When
Eric died I went to the waiting room to inform the family. That’s when I
realized the girl was with KarLyn, but kind of hovering on the periphery. I
couldn’t take my eyes off her. She looked like she was about to break. As I
told them the bad news I was watching the girl so intently that I missed the
change in her mother’s demeanor. All of a sudden the woman turned and cracked
the girl across the cheek, knocking her clean off her feet. I was so shocked I
couldn’t move for a second.”
 
Mason
absently noted how tense Sean had become, much like a mountain lion about to
spring on its prey.

“KarLyn
began to scream at the girl and that was when I realized Liberty was her
daughter. She accused her of causing the accident. Of bringing so much stress
to Eric’s life that he was distracted and therefore not paying attention to
where he was going. She called her a whore and a hundred other cruel things. I
eventually had to get an orderly in there to restrain the bitch before she beat
her daughter again. Liberty slipped away in the chaos.

“I
found her in a family bathroom on the third floor.
 
I don’t know what made me check in there but
thank God I did.
 
She was hysterical and
her flesh was burned up to her elbows. She’d been scrubbing herself raw for the
forty-five minutes it took me to find her. She was so beside herself she didn’t
even hear me enter the restroom. The moment I touched her shoulder she turned
around swinging and then broke when I wrapped my arms around her. She crumbled
and I held her. I realized then that she was no teenager but a young woman,
hiding under loose clothing that disguised her femininity and shape. I sat on
the floor holding her for a long time as she fell apart.”

“Jesus,”
Sean hissed. “Was she upset that fucking pervert died?”

“No.
She was upset because she wished it. Remember how I told you, no matter what,
you had to acknowledge what you and Liberty shared the next morning?”

Sean
nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well,
that’s because Eric never did. He would creep into her room like a ghost, harm
her, leaving scars on the inside that no one could see and only Liberty could
feel, and then he would act perfectly normal the next day. When even her own
mother didn’t believe her she began to doubt herself. She held a horrible
secret for years, causing her to feel guilt and shame. She doubted her reality
and questioned her sanity.”

“Has
she ever talked to someone professionally about this?”

“Yes,
she has an incredible therapist by the name of Dr. Young who helped her make
sense of her past. We still see her from time to time, but for the most part,
once Libby left that unhealthy environment, cut off her mother, and was
surrounded by people who loved and accepted her, she started making
breakthroughs. She has a nice relationship with my sister and my mom adores
her. Believe it or not, what Eric did was nothing compared to her mother’s refusal
to believe her. KarLyn sided with a man who preyed on her daughter. Eric’s dead
and can never hurt Libby again, but she’ll always know her mother is never
going to believe her and will probably blame her for the rest of her miserable
life.”

Sean
blew out a long breath. “Fuck. That’s a lot of shit for one girl to deal with
in a lifetime. And Liberty’s young, man. Christ, I don’t know how she can
handle all those demons.”

“She’s
amazing and a lot stronger than she gives herself credit for. She has setbacks,
but we work through them. I’ve only ever had to call Dr. Young once when she
went into crisis mode and that was eleven months ago because her mother called
here. I have since blocked KarLyn’s number and had my attorney contact her with
legal threats of what would happen if she tried contacting Liberty again.”

“What
about the other day?”

“What
about it?”

Sean
shook his head. “I saw Liberty scald her hands while making me lunch and then
the day before when she was all jumpy and shit.”

“That’s
nothing. We can deal with that. I talked to her about the water incident. She
knows it’s a choice. I told her if she chooses to harm herself again I’d adjust
the hot water heater so that all she can get is water temperature suitable for
children.
 
She doesn’t want to do these
things, so I believe she’ll try her best to make better choices. She also hates
feeling as though she’s disappointing me. I only care about her safety and
happiness though. I understand we all have our own crosses to bear and sometimes
we stumble. And more than anything else, Liberty is honest with me. She may use
avoidance at times, but if I ask the right question she’ll give me an honest
answer. I don’t accept lies between us.”

“But
don’t you think what we’re doing could end in a disaster for her?”

Mason
thought for several moments. “Here’s what I think. Because of Liberty’s past,
she’s taken longer than most to accept herself as a sexual being and not link
her urges with shame and guilt. I want to encourage her to explore this side of
herself. I would never allow a man other than you to touch my wife.
 
For some reason you’re different. And there’s
something else that I know you can help me with…”