Breaking Out (30 page)

Chapter 28

A New Leaf

Sunday was a mix of diversions. Scout woke up feeling, for the first time in weeks, refreshed. No longer would she be the wallowing sad case she'd allowed herself to become. No. She was starting a new chapter in her life. It was a new day and she had a new job and she decided it was time to break out of this funk and mold the new her.

She spent the morning filling out paperwork with Parker. Once everything was completed, she packed her bag and left to deliver her papers to Clemons.

Mr. Gerhard was in his cluttered office when she arrived and, again, he gave her the creeps. He seemed nice enough, but something was off. She was grateful she'd be working the registers on the other side of the store, far away from his office.

After Clemons, she visited a thrift store several blocks away and found a pair of gray slacks that fit. Locating the grapefruit pink Clemons dress shirt was another challenge, but she found one at a local uniform shop down town.

She was down to thirty-two dollars in cash. That was the last of her honestly earned money. It was going to be a tight few weeks. She refused to use the card Lucian placed in the envelope.

He broke up with her because she wouldn't marry him. She didn't play games and thought he didn't either. So why had he left her all that money and put some invisible timeline on their “break”?

Deep down, if what Parker suggested was correct, she knew Lucian would never come back for her, not if he was in Paris vacationing with someone else. The thought of being replaced so quickly was unfathomable, but gutted her all the same. Still, it gave her a little more control to imagine him coming for her and her being gone, his guilt money sitting in an account, untouched.

No, she would not take a single cent from that man. The thirty-two dollars would just have to last until her first paycheck, which would come at the end of the month. It would be tight, but she'd starve before she tapped into that account.

Parker offered to spot her. She didn't want to borrow from him either, but she would. He'd keep track and let her pay him back. Still, she planned on doing everything in her power to
not
have to resort to borrowing.

It shouldn't be difficult. She'd lived on much less in the past. They had a pantry full of food. Their rent was paid. She had her uniform for work. And she could walk everywhere she needed to go.

By the time she returned to the apartment on Sunday night, it was dinnertime. Parker was making grilled cheese and tomato soup again.

“Hey, how did it go?”

She plopped her bag on the counter. “Good. I got my uniform and dropped off the paperwork.”

“What time do you have to be in tomorrow?” He slid a crispy sandwich off the pan and onto a plate. She carried it to the table and returned as he served up the next one.

“I'm scheduled for seven to three.”

He paused in ladling out soup. “So early?”

She swapped out the bowls. “Only on Monday, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. Thursdays I'm off and Fridays and Saturdays I work from nine to five.”

He looked disappointed. “You'll be working every Saturday?”

She poured two glasses of milk and followed him to the table. “Yeah. Is that a problem?”

They walked to the table and settled into their seats. “No, I just figured you'd have off on the weekends. I was looking forward to doing stuff.”

“Oh, well . . . I don't think I really get a say in my schedule until I'm there for a while.”

She took a nibble of her sandwich and watched as he frowned over his soup. She understood working the weekend was not a favorable shift, but his disappointment surprised her. Why did it matter so much to him?

Lucian used to resent her time working, but they had an entirely different arrangement than she and Parker. Maybe she should say something to Parker about what was happening to them, but she still wasn't sure if bringing up the sense that they were changing was smart.

She intended to address the awkward turn their relationship had taken, but when she spoke, something totally different came out of her mouth. “What time do you leave for work?”

“I'm usually out of here by seven thirty, back by six.”

That would be almost three hours to herself each day and all of Thursday. She kept her gaze on her food so not to give away her relief. As much as she appreciated Parker letting her move in with him, she still valued time to herself.

As she swirled her crust in her soup, Parker said, “I was thinking tomorrow night we could watch a movie together. They have those Redbox rentals now.”

She smirked at him. “Parker, you don't have a television.”

He shrugged. “I could get one.”

Her mouth fell open. “Park, you don't even watch TV. Why would you get one? So you could watch
a
movie and then use it as a bookcase?” She laughed and he smiled.

“Yeah, I guess that's dumb. Well, what would you like to do? I know how you are about money so I'm trying to be accommodating, but I think it would do you good to get out, Scout.”

She stilled. “Oh.” Did he mean hang out or go out?

He looked at her. “Scout, if it's a problem . . . I mean . . . I just want a chance to show you a fun time.”

“I'm not so sure I have fun side, Parker.”

They smiled through an awkward silence. Finally, he said, “Let me take you out, Scout. For once, let me treat you when you aren't going to keep a mental tally of what I spend.”

“Parker—”

“Please.”

“I don't want you to throw away your money on me.”

“I don't care about money. It's there to be spent. Truth be told, the only reason I have it is to prove to you that I can get it when I need it. It means nothing to me.”

She put down her spoon. “What?”

“Come on, Scout. You know I don't care about wealth. I could be content with any roof over my head and a good book in my hands.”

Yeah, she knew that. That was why Parker was dangerous. He just didn't have the natural hunger necessary to make it in this world. She couldn't figure out what had motivated him this far, but she didn't believe
she
was enough to provoke that sort of ambition. The fact that he somehow managed to get a job in the corporate word was still a shock to her.

For some reason his statement bothered her. It implied something she didn't want to face. Perhaps it was because she knew how much Parker disapproved of the world he was suddenly living in. It was like he was making a barb at her without really saying so. Parker could be passive-aggressive when he wanted to.

“Don't blame me for you having to work. I never told you to get a job,” she said, taking another bite. Her food was getting cold.

“I know. I wanted a job.”

“Well, then say you wanted a job. Be accountable for your own actions.”

He frowned. “I am accountable.”

Tension zapped up her spine. “Then what the hell did you mean by proving to
me
you could get it?”

“Nothing. It's stupid. I just meant that I have money, and you shouldn't concern yourself with how I spend it. You earn money for what you think you need, and I earn it for what I need. Who cares if they're different reasons?”

“I only care because you said it like I made you get a job or something.”

He tipped his chin down and gave her an exasperated look.

“What?”

He shook his head. “You. You're exhausting.”

She drew back. “
You're
annoying.”

His lip twitched like he wanted to laugh. His fingers idly dragged his spoon over the remaining soup in his bowl. “You need to learn how to laugh again, Scout. I feel like you're always so serious now.”

“I know how to laugh. I do it quite freely around funny people. I can't help it if you aren't funny.”

His mouth gaped. “Me, not funny? I am highly amusing, I'll have you know.”

She tightened her mouth, refusing to smile. “Sure, Parker, you're hilarious—” Her words choked off as cold tomato soup suddenly spattered across her face.

“You have a little something on your cheek,” he said, deadpan.

She dragged the heel of her palm along her jaw, mopping up the mess. “I can't believe you just did that,” she whispered, reaching for her spoon.

He eased back in his chair, his eyes following her every move as she scraped up a spoonful of soup. Carefully, she raised her spoon and held the tip in a makeshift catapult. “You're dead,” she warned, and flung it at him.

The moment it spattered across his face, chairs scraped along the floor. She squealed and giggled as he lunged at her. They fell to the floor in a clatter. Parker grabbed hold of her bowl and set it on her head like a drippy hat.

“Parker!”

He tickled her relentlessly. “Say it! Say I'm funny!”

She reached onto her plate and grabbed the other half of her sandwich and smashed it into his cheek, taking special care to shove the greasy parts up his nose. “Never! You're a dull, dull boy!”

He poked her side and they rolled over the floor. The bowl wobbled off her head and spun across the hardwood. He laughed as she giggled and threw an elbow in his side. Her right eye squeezed shut as tomato soup made its way past her lashes.

Parker tickled her until she was begging for him to stop. “Uncle! Uncle!”

“Say it!” He laughed. Breadcrumbs stuck to his eyebrow.

“Fine!” she cried, out of breath and developing a cramp from laughing so hard. He rose above her, breathing heavy and looked into her eyes expectantly. She relented.

“You're funny,” she admitted derisively.

He pursed his lips and pinched her hip and pinned her hands above her head with his other hand. Something came alive inside of her, something that reminded her of Lucian and scared the hell out of her.

“Fine! Fine!” In a more believable tone, she said,” You're funny. You're one of the funniest people I've ever met.”
Now let go.

His grin widened and then he slowly lowered his mouth to hers.

Oh no!

She quickly turned her face and he stilled, his lips landing on her cheek.
Don't do this.
She made a sound in the back of her throat.

He sighed and pressed his head into her shoulder. “Scout . . .” Her name was a barely audible plea. What did he want from her?

Her breath came fast. His grip slackened, but her arms remained suspended above her head, his body still covering hers.

Was he asking permission? She was suddenly embarrassed, for her or for him she didn't know. She turned into the floor and scooted out from under him, into a seated position.

His hair was a mess and there were bits of sandwich all over his shoulder. Then he was there, good old Parker. He laughed and the moment was over. She snorted and brushed some of the crumbs away.

“You look like someone hit you in the face with a frying pan,” he said, dragging his finger over her temple. He flashed a tomato-covered finger at her before popping it in his mouth.

Good. Keep it light. Normal.
“That's exactly what a girl wants to hear,” she teased, mopping her sticky hair off her face. “You're cleaning this up.”

He smiled shyly. “If that's my penance for getting you to laugh, I'll take it. I have no regrets.”

That's not all you tried to get.
There was no mistaking what had almost happened there.

She rolled her eyes at him and shook her head, pretending a great deal of lightness she didn't feel. “I'm going to take a shower and wash this crap out of my hair.”

He caught her hand, looking momentarily unsure. “Are you mad?”

She stilled. He shouldn't ask questions she didn't know how to answer. She was confused, but not mad. For a while there she was having fun. She hadn't even thought about Lucian until he restrained her, which was sort of her goal. She just didn't understand what she'd done to make him try to kiss her. She looked away, unable to meet his gaze. “Of course I'm not mad.”

He leaned forward and pecked a kiss on her cheek—a completely platonic peck. “Good, because I didn't want to have to do it again.” His expression said that was a lie.

What was happening? She stood. If she acted unaffected she could pretend it didn't happen. “Please try to abstain.”

“Will you let me take you out tomorrow night?” he asked, the sudden change of subject surprising her.

Laughing had felt good. It was tempting to see if he could make her forget again. She needed the distraction.

He was right. It was his money to do with what he wanted. Besides, from what she understood, he was making a hell of a lot more money than she was going to be making at Clemons. She just needed to keep herself at a safe distance. “Okay.”

“Great,” he said with a wide smile. “We can celebrate your first day of work.”

Chapter 29

Enough

Working at the grocery story was a cakewalk compared to keeping house at Patras. All Scout had to do was smile and scan items then place them into bags. There were even lulls when she was simply required to stand by her register until the next customer arrived.

The register was a little tricky at first, but she got the hang of it. When she didn't know how to do something, Nick, the guy working the next register, was more than eager to explain. Nick was nineteen and funny.

Mr. Gerhard made several appearances throughout the day. At one point he stood behind her, uncomfortably close, breathing his spearmint coffee breath over her shoulder as he explained how to refill her receipt roll. She only survived because Nick drew a mustache on his finger and mimicked their manager when he wasn't looking. It was almost impossible not to laugh.

All in all, she liked her new job. When she finished for the day, she felt a sense of promise. She could do this.

She returned to the apartment hours before Parker would get home. They were going out that night to celebrate and, shockingly, she actually felt like she had something to commemorate. She was moving on.

Scout showered and dressed in jeans and a loose gray sweater that hung to her lower thighs. The elevator chimed softly just as she finished with her hair. Frowning, she glanced at the clock. It was only five.

Her heart suddenly raced as her ears focused on the sound in the hall. Shadows of feet showed under the door and the knob slowly turned. Parker stepped in and she exhaled. She had no idea who she was expecting, but she was relieved it was only Parker. Something in the past hour had set her on edge. She was oddly anxious.

“Hey,” she greeted. He looked so different in his suit.

“Hey. You ready for tonight?”

She actually was. “Yup. Where are we going?”

He smiled and removed his jacket, draping it over the back of a kitchen chair. “I got tickets for a show.”

Her lungs filled with excitement. “What kind of show?” She'd never been to a show. Well, that wasn't true. Once Lucian took her to a burlesque show. She flushed and shook off the memory. No thinking about him tonight. She was determined to have fun.

“It's a surprise. It starts in an hour so I figured I'd make something quick to eat before we go.”

They ate sandwiches and guzzled down some juice. Parker locked the apartment, and then they were whisked off in a cab to the show!

The cab deposited them outside of Folsom's stadium. She'd never been this close to the enormous structure before. Vendors sold shirts as ticket holders bustled by. A man scalping tickets distracted her, but Parker kept his hand on her back and guided her to the doors.

It was loud once they made it inside. The floor was a wide, cement ramp. People shuffled slowly to the top and everything smelled of popcorn. Her excitement had become almost impossible to contain.

A man in a striped staff shirt searched her bag and took Parker's tickets. They were sitting in row fourteen, section D, seats nine and ten. The seating made absolutely no sense to her and even less sense once they entered the main area.

Thousands of chairs formed an enormous bowl. It was a modern day coliseum. In the center stood a dark stage. Long cords hung from poles and there was no ceiling to speak of. A blanket of stars glittered back at them as Parker found their seats.

The chairs were theater style, the kind that flipped forward and snapped back the moment one stood. She took her seat and smiled. “This is so cool.”

Parker laughed. “It hasn't even started yet.”

“I know, but look at this place. It's incredible.”

He patted her knee and grinned. They sat, listening to the roar of voices surrounding them, and Scout watched the various faces of people going by.

“Do you want something to drink?” Parker half shouted.

“Sure.” She reached in her bag for a few dollars and he stilled her.

Shaking his head, he said, “Let me treat you.”

She reluctantly withdrew her hand and nodded. Parker left to find them drinks and she continued to stare in awe at the stadium. People slid into the seats in front of her and she saw they held a pamphlet. The words she saw made no sense no matter how she tried to sound them out. She was too excited to think.

“The lines are insane here,” Parker said as he returned to his seat. He held two cups of something golden and topped with foam. “I got you a beer. Is that okay?”

She'd never had beer. Lucian had always given her wine. “Sure. Thanks.”

The beer had a very heady scent. The taste was much stronger than wine, more robust and grainy. She wasn't sure if she liked it, but she continued to sip it anyway. The lights flickered and dimmed. Her heart pumped as she settled into her seat.

The dark stage reflected silver shades of blue and soft chirping came from every direction. Scout turned her head, trying to find the birds, but saw none. Then music filtered over the gentle twittering. It was coming from speakers.

Her gaze returned to the vacant stage just as a dark shadow of a man came into view. The audience seemed to hold their breath as the man took center stage. Would he sing? Dance?

Scout jumped when he suddenly shouted something, too excited to make out the words. Then the stage careened to life. Men and women in bodysuits flipped onto the stage from every direction. Flames flashed and a ring of fire formed. She couldn't peel her gaze away, so she leaned into Parker. “Is this the circus?”

“Cirque du Soleil,” he whispered. “The circus of the sun.”

The circus! He'd brought her to a circus. Would there be acrobats? Clowns? Animals? Her gaze darted to the sky, and suddenly all the dark ropes and cords made sense.
The tightrope.

She was breathless. Her body scooted to the edge of her seat as she stared unblinking at the performance in the distance. Drums rattled and the volume of the music below climbed to an intensity that vibrated in her bones. With a loud thump, the dancers fell to the stage, and everything went dark and silent.

The audience exploded with applause. Scout couldn't clap any more enthusiastically. Parker smiled at her as she applauded vigorously. She hadn't stopped smiling since they arrived.

A feminine voice echoed and the audience quelled. A woman dressed in a medieval red gown took the stage. She sang in a different language, and her voice was incredible.

A sultry sound kicked in and the woman sang to the music. The beat picked up, and Scout gasped when the wall behind the stage was illuminated and hundreds of young ballerinas joined her. They paraded from one end of the stage to the other, performing beautifully.

When the tiny dancers left the stage, a glass tub was left in their wake. Scout knew it was much larger than it appeared, but from their seats it showed a tiny fishbowl with two fish swimming inside. When a woman, not a fish, swam to the edge of the tank, Scout's mouth dropped open. People. They looked like fish.

Another woman climbed out of the glass tank. They didn't dance, yet they performed in long stretches. They were contortionists. Their bodies folded in ways that shouldn't be possible. It was amazing to watch, so much so that Scout was afraid to blink.

There was something almost sexual about the way they performed. The rhythmic music was as hypnotic as their motions. The entire audience had been cast under a spell.

She glanced at Parker. He was as entranced as the rest of them. Every act was followed by a more impressive one. There wasn't a dull moment.

When the acrobats began to climb, the stage broke apart and rose higher and higher as dancers twirled like fireflies from impossible heights under the starry night. Scarves became wings, and bodies transcended like kites with long flowing tails. But that was not what impressed her most.

What made the show for Scout was the second-to-last act. A trapeze artist, a woman, broke away from the group of dancers and raced up a rope ladder that disappeared somewhere just before heaven. She reached a platform and performed pirouettes, reminding Scout of a jewelry box she once saw in a storefront window as a child, with a tiny spinning dancer on a spring.

Every face in the audience angled upward as if waiting for the rain to fall. The woman pointed her toe and suddenly stepped off the platform onto a rope.

Scout's breath came fast. She licked her lips, her own anxiety nearly unbearable as the performer took her first step. A net sat somewhere, a hundred miles below. It didn't matter. She was crossing the rope without harnesses or ties. It was sheer balance and determination that kept her poised there on the thin rope strung from heaven.

Her heart raced and suddenly Scout's eyes closed. She wasn't at the Circus of the Sun, but beneath the sun, her head resting on Lucian's lap as he told her of the impressive show he'd seen as a boy. She blinked and again watched the tightrope walker. He was right. It was the most impressive thing she'd ever seen.

He should be there with her, but he wasn't. She glanced to her right and studied Parker's profile. This was where her path had taken her. This was where she was. There were no safety nets in life or love, only spectators and the incredibly brave performers. She'd always longed to be a part of the show, never content with looking from the outside in.

Parker had found a way to break out of the mold and join the rest of them. It was time she did the same. He was her last ally.

Her hand slid to his thigh and he turned, first staring at her upturned palm and then setting his questioning gaze on her. She smiled and his expression slowly matched hers. This was where she was, and she wasn't going back. His hand slid into hers and he squeezed.

They held on to each other until the performers concluded the show, only letting go to applaud. The noise returned as the lights came on and he reclaimed her hand as they found their way back down the ramp and into the crowded parking lot.

The pavement was congested and noisy. Parker hailed a cab and told the driver the address to the apartment. A sort of calm settled over her as they drove. It occurred to her that she was okay with her decision to move on and let the past stay in the past. It was the healthiest choice she could make, being she wasn't given many choices regarding her circumstances.

There had been enough tears, enough dreamless nights, and sleep-ridden days. It was time to break away from the woman she'd become and figure out who she was meant to be.

“Did you enjoy it?” Parker asked softly as they neared the apartment.

Her face split with a genuine smile. “Very much. Thank you so much for taking me.”

He seemed content with her answer and nodded, turning back to face the front.

When they pulled up at the apartment, Parker paid the driver and held the door for her. His hand slipped into hers as they took the elevator in silence. Scout didn't know what was going to happen once they made it inside, but she was done fearing the future so she could hold on to a meaningless past.

The amount of days no longer mattered. Fourteen, twenty, thirty days, he was never coming back. The pain would likely always be there, but tonight, for those brief, magical moments, she'd forgotten her hurt. Parker had given her that gift.

Parker unlocked the door and switched on the light. She placed her bag on the couch. Would he sleep there tonight?

Hands gently turned her shoulders. Parker's expression was unreadable. He stepped close and lifted her hair, carefully placing it behind her shoulder. Her breath stilled in her lungs as his eyes met hers.

He blinked. There were no words, but the question was there. Lowering his head, he slowly pressed his lips to hers. She stopped drawing comparisons and took it for what it was. Nice.

Her mouth slowly opened and his arms pulled her closer. Her body rejoiced at the feel of another's touch, no matter how much her mind objected. It was only because it was different, she told herself.

They kissed for several long minutes. Scout's body engaged and disengaged on and off. She was never able to fully lose herself in the moment, and that frustrated her.

Taking his hand, she backed into the bedroom. He eyed her curiously. She didn't want to
sleep
with him—couldn't—but it was silly to make him stay on the couch. “We can share the bed,” she told him quietly. “But . . .”

He shook his head. “I'm not asking for more than you want to give, Scout.”

Thank God, because she was still trying to process the fact that she and Parker were kissing. She couldn't handle anything more. She only wanted the relief he'd given her from her recent misery to continue. She'd figure it out later.

They took turns using the bathroom. Parker changed into a pair of sweats while she carried a large T-shirt to the bathroom and changed there. It hung past her knees and covered all her important parts. It was the least inviting thing she owned that she could sleep in.

She crawled into bed and he did the same. He leaned up to shut the light, and the mattress dipped. Her breathing echoed in her ears as she waited. Would they sleep? Would he try to kiss her again? She wasn't sure what she wanted.

The mattress whined as he turned on his side. “Come here,” he said as he pulled her close. Her heart raced. The dark complicated things. This was Parker. Needing to remind herself of that, she went to him, her hand mapping out his shoulders, feeling the difference.

His mouth pressed into hers and there was suddenly a loud bang. She stilled. Frowning, she drew back. The pounding sounded again.

Parker's frown showed in a slice of moonlight pouring through the drapes. “What the—”

“Evelyn!”

Scout jerked back. Everything stopped, her lungs, her heart, the rotation of the earth. She held her breath, and then she heard it again. More pounding.

“Evelyn, open the door!”

Breath burst out of her as a million shards of her broken soul reacted to that voice. Parker cursed as she scrambled out of the bed. She ran to the hall and suddenly came up short. She glared at the hand holding her back. The pounding continued. He was going to break down the door. Parker turned her and pulled her back into the dark bedroom.