Breaking Free: A Living Again Novella (16 page)

Emotion overcame Alexis, and she struggled to keep her composure. “I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard,” she said through tears.

Hailey hugged her. “Because this was your dad, and because you feel like this could be your life, too. You’ve met an amazing man, and even though you’re only nineteen, you’re wondering if maybe this is it for you, too.”

Alexis hugged her back, knowing she was right. Maybe she should start keeping a diary like this for all of the things she and Greer did in their relationship so she could read them to her children later in life.

Wiping her eyes, she turned back to the page, Hailey reading over her shoulder.

IT’S GRADUATION DAY!

I can’t believe it. I’m done with college. But that also means, I’m done with Alex. Despite everything over the past few months, neither of us have had the guts to ask the hard questions. Like what happens now? Are we just friends? Do we visit, keep in touch, say goodbye? The thought of saying goodbye to him after today makes me physically ill.

My parents are here, and after graduation we’re going to his apartment for one last hurrah with friends and families. I’m not sure I’ll make it through that without losing my mind. How do you say goodbye to someone and keep yourself from falling at their feet and begging not to let you go?

Sigh. Time to get the cap and gown and get going. Today’s a happy day. Right?

“God, that rips my heart out,” Hailey said, sniffling. “There never would have been an Alexis Carson had one of them not gotten the nerve to finally say something.”

“I know,” Alexis sniffled also, thinking of her mom’s anguish that day. She guessed that her dad was also stressed, but he already knew what he was doing that night, so his nerves were probably of a different sort. She was sad to leave Greer for a month over summer break, and couldn’t imagine it being graduation and her facing the possibility of never seeing him again.

Hailey turned the page, and the girls settled back to read what they knew to be a happy ending to this part of the story. The next entry was the day after graduation. It was also the last page in the diary. Alexis smiled as she saw the huge letters at the top of the page.

OH MY GOD! MY HANDS ARE SHAKING WRITING THIS, AND I CAN’T STOP STARING AT MY LEFT HAND!

I’M ENGAGED TO ALEX CARSON! I’M GOING TO MARRY HIM! YESTERDAY WE WERE FRIENDS, AND TODAY WE’RE ENGAGED! SOMEONE PINCH ME, I’M DREAMING!

Alexis and Hailey giggled at her huge capital letters that took up the whole front page. She had also drawn a picture of her ring, which Alexis knew what it looked like because it was now hers. She kept it in her jewelry box at home so she didn’t lose it. Her name was scrawled in her bubbly cursive across the page. ‘Mrs. Kayley Carson’.

“She was so happy,” Alexis said, feeling the tears well up again.

Okay, okay, let’s see if I can even write this all out. My hands are STILL shaking! So after gradation last night, we went to Alex’s apartment. I was on the verge of tears the whole night, and he knew something was wrong. He kept asking me if I was okay, and of course, I kept saying yes. Why in the world we were so stupid and just didn’t tell each other before now, I’ll never understand.

Anyway, we had eaten dinner and our families were sitting around talking. They really got along well, and that was just one more thing that made me want to cry. I stood up to excuse myself to the bathroom before I lost it in front of everyone when Alex stood up with me.

‘Come outside with me,’ he said, holding out his hand. When his hand touched mine, I had to bite my lip hard to keep from breaking down. Today was supposed to be happy, but I couldn’t even be glad that I just graduated. What was
wrong
with me? I had my whole life ahead of me, and I was miserable.

I followed him, hoping that I could talk to him and say goodbye tonight without acting like a blubbering mess.

He shut the door behind us, and I looked out over the balcony, knowing it would be for the last time. All the memories here, all of them had to do with Alex. The lump in my throat thickened. Then I felt it. Alex wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. I held my breath as he rested his chin on my shoulder. I couldn’t do this. I was going to have to get out of here, and now.

So I turned around, putting us face to face. That’s when my traitor eyes started leaking, tears running down my face like a dam had opened up. Those beautiful eyes that I loved so much looked at me in concern.

‘What is it, Kayley? What’s wrong?’ I memorized every moment about last night, because it was just that amazing. I shook my head, not wanting to admit to him what I was feeling. Stubborn woman.

When I didn’t answer, he smoothed my hair back and cupped my face with his hands. I whimpered, not able to stop myself.

‘Kayley, I get it.’

I didn’t want to ask him what he got, because I was too afraid for him to say that he didn’t love me the way I loved him, and that it had been nice knowing me.

That’s when everything changed. Every single thing. He kissed me, his mouth moving softly on mine as he held my face in his hands. We had kissed a few times already, of course, but none like this one.

When he finally pulled back, my face was wet with tears again. ‘Don’t cry, honey. You don’t need to cry. You know why?’

I knew there was a million reasons to cry, starting with the fact that I loved him so desperately it hurt.

‘Ask me why, Kayley.’

I finally asked him, barely making the one syllable word come out of my mouth.

‘Because I refuse to live one more day not telling you how I feel. I refuse for us to leave here after today having given up the best thing that’s ever happened to both of us. I love you, Kayley. I’ve loved you since the day I first set eyes on you on that beach, and every day after that, I’ve fallen more and more in love with you. I’ve been a coward, afraid to go further because I didn’t want to ruin what we had. You’re my best friend, Kay. I can’t imagine my life without you. Now I want you to also be my wife.’

He dropped on one knee. Alex Carson. Dropped on one knee.

‘Kayley Lynn Johnson, make me the happiest man on earth and marry me.’

I stared at him for the longest time, thinking someone was going to shake me awake and I’d realize it was just a dream.

Finally, I told him I loved him and always had, and that YES I would be his wife. I think I shouted it. I know I shouted it, because before we knew it, our parents were out on the porch hugging and congratulating us. And just like that, I never have to live without Alex ever again.

“Except you would have to live without him again,” Alexis whispered, tracing the words with her fingers. She looked over at Hailey, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.

“Do you think she ever regretted it? After what happened, do you think she wishes she never met him?”

Alexis shook her head. “No. We’ve had that conversation many times. The time she got with Alex was amazing, and of course she had me from it. She’s finally come to terms with the fact that he was only meant to be part of her life for a short time, and that Ben was meant to be with her for the rest of her life.”

“It’s so sad, but so happy,” Hailey sniffled. “It’s like the best love story, both of her love stories.”

Alexis shut the diary, her emotions swirling all over the place. “Yes. And I don’t doubt that her love for my dad Ben is just as strong, if not stronger. But there’s always something about your first love.”

Hailey smiled. “Thinking of you and Greer?”

Alexis nodded. “I have no idea what our future holds, of course. What I do know is that I feel something for him I’ve never felt before. I’m young, I know. Who knows whether we will decide down the road that we’re different people, but for some reason, I don’t think that will happen. I know a lot of young couples say that, but I think our relationship is different.”

“You’ve both done something for each other that no one was able to do before,” Hailey surmised. “You were able to help Greer break free of the stereotypes and ridicule that has ruled his life and help him see that he’s worth so much more. Because of you, he has realized that he knows how to love someone, that he’s worthy of anything and everything he wants, and that people believe in him. In turn, Greer has taught you that love has no boundaries and no age limit, and can persevere through just about anything if the two people are willing to do it. Greer has helped you be even better than you were before. He’s opened up a new side of you, Alexis. One that is protective, assertive, and takes no prisoners. You broke out of your cocoon this year. You really became a woman who knew what she wanted. You and Greer were both like caterpillars; you used all of your energy together to break free and turn into beautiful butterflies.”

Alexis stared at Hailey, letting those words sink deep into her soul. She stood up, tucking the diary in her box.

No matter what happened in the future, Alexis had learned a lot about herself this year, and in the interim had fallen in love with a complicated, amazing man that worked hard every day to show her how much he loved her, despite the challenges that everyday life posed for him. He was different, but not less. She would never tire of proving that to everyone. Alexis knew exactly what her specialty was going to be once she got to medical school. It was time to give a bigger voice to those that had a hard time giving a voice to themselves.

She and Greer had both learned that breaking free, whether from childhood, bullying, self-doubt, or the difficulties that plague you every day, is the only true way to live the life you are meant to live. They were breaking free into their new lives, together.

“Put your arms up,” Kayley instructed her daughter. She slipped the dress over Alexis’ extended arms and smiled as it settled into place. Kayley zipped it up, and Alexis turned. A collective gasp sounded in the room as they caught a first look at her. Her blonde hair was piled on top of her head with loose tendrils framing her face. Alexis’ blue eyes shone with the contrast of her makeup and the white dress. She was radiant.

“Lex,” Cate fanned her eyes. “You make the most beautiful bride.”

“That she does,” Kayley agreed, fighting and losing the battle with her tears. “Wait until your dad sees you.”

“Mom,” Alexis pressed her lips together, willing the tears away. “Don’t do that. I’m already a mess. I know I’m going to lose it when I see Dad.”

“You’ve always been his princess,” Kayley continued. “I’ll never forget the first day you called him ‘Daddy Ben’, when you told him you loved him, or the time you hit your head and ran to him instead of me. There’s so many moments like that between the two of you over the years. You’ve been his from the moment you laid eyes on him, Lex. As much as you were—and are—my whole life, I think you made that man really, truly know what it was like to love a child.”

“Not. Helping,” Alexis choked out, tears dripping down her cheeks.

“No making her cry, Mom!” Cierra interrupted, lightening the moment. Alexis hugged her sister. She was so excited for today. She was marrying Greer and beginning the rest of her life. And what a crazy life it would be. She and Greer were doctors now, having graduated just last week. It was just them and under fifty guests here today at Greer’s parent’s house. Alexis was glad that it was an intimate gathering. That would be easier for Greer, and less stress for her.

Her dress was a simple satin strapless gown trimmed in simple beads with a small train, just enough for their backyard wedding. Greer was going to wear a suit. They were planning to go to Panama City for a few days to get away on their honeymoon before returning to start their residency.

A knock on the door interrupted them, and Alexis was glad to get a moment to take a breath. Until she saw who it was. Her dad stood in the doorway, his eyes trained on hers. She felt the pressure in her chest as she fought to keep her composure.

Ben stepped into the room and kissed Kayley, his eyes never leaving Alexis. When he stopped in front of her, tears shone in his eyes.

“Princess,” he breathed. “My God. It’s your wedding day.”

“Daddy,” she cried, throwing herself into his arms. She knew she’d have to retouch her makeup, but there was nothing she could do about it. Being in his arms reminded her of everything she was afraid to lose—the many times he held her as she cried, soothed her when she was hurt, and encouraged her when she was sad.

“My beautiful girl,” he murmured into her hair. “All grown up. I’m
so
proud of you, Alexis Carson-Nichols. All the dreams I had for you as a kid, you’ve surpassed them all. You’re one in a million, Princess. Never forget that.”

“I love you, Daddy,” she said into his chest. He smelled so familiar, like her childhood. “Thank you for everything.”

“Oh, Alexis,” he said, pulling back so his eyes could meet hers. “I should be thanking you. For picking me. For letting me be your daddy, and always being okay with me borrowing you.”