BREAKAWAY (The Dartmouth Cobras) (40 page)

"You haven't answered my question." Jami pushed up on one shaky arm and looked down at him. "Do you regret it?"

"You want the truth?" Luke pressed his eyes shut and covered his face with his hand. "I don't know."

Jami didn't know what to say. She stretched out on the bed, and found herself clinging to Sebastian when she woke, hours later. As she opened her eyes, she found him smiling down at her, and everything seemed all right.

But then the door creaked open. For a second she thought Luke was trying to sneak out.

Then he sat straight up beside her.

A man with dark hair and skin that looked like bleached leather stretched over sharp bones stood in the doorway. He laughed and shook his head. "You found another one, Sebastian?"

Sebastian pushed off the bed and stood, spine straight, naked, he stepped between the bed and the man. "Why are you here,
Agustín?"

"You told me I was welcome. The door wasn't locked."

"Wait for me downstairs."

"Sure, but I just have to ask one thing first." Agustín jutted his chin towards Luke. "Does he know this isn't the first time you've used a pretty girl to get a man in your bed?"

 
"That is not the truth." Sebastian fisted his hands by his sides and turned to face Luke. His accent thickened and he seemed to struggle to find the right words. "Do not hear him."

"I hear him, Seb." Luke scowled and pulled the blanket off the bed to cover himself as he stood, leaving Jami with only the sheet. "And I've got to say, I'd really like to know what he means by 'it's not the first time'."

Jami jerked the sheets up to her neck, but they couldn't shield her from the cold dread that hovered around her as the men left the room.
Agustín
must be Sebastian's cousin, the one who refused to stay here once he found out about Sebastian and Luke. She wanted to believe that nothing he could say would change things.

But she knew it would. She knew it already had.

* * * *

"I don't want any fucking coffee, Seb." Luke resisted the urge to smash the coffee cup Seb offered out of his hand. Seeing it break into pieces on the floor, seeing the black liquid spread, might give him a second of shallow satisfaction, but it wouldn't make things any better. And it would make him look even more pathetic. "If what he said isn't true, tell me what is."

Seb nodded and pulled out a chair at the head of the kitchen table. He gestured to the chair at his right. "Very well. Have a seat, Luke."

"Thanks, I'll stand."

"You will sit and give me the respect of hearing me out calmly."

Luke shook his head and laughed. "Give you respect? You're kidding me, right? You didn't say
Agustín was lying." He jutted his chin to where Seb's cousin sat at the other end of the table. He had no idea why the man was still here, but he was
kinda
glad he hadn't left. Seb wouldn't be able to sugarcoat anything. "You said 'That is not the truth'. You meant not the
whole
truth, didn't you?"

Flattening his hands on the table, Seb leaned forward and spoke in a measured tone, his dark eyes fixed on Luke. "You are in my home. You
will
show me respect or you will leave. And if you leave, you will not have your answers."

"Fine." Luke gritted his teeth and sat. "I'm listening."

The soft padding of bare feet came from the hall and Luke glanced over his shoulder as Jami crept into the room. She was wearing one of Seb's black dress shirts, long enough that the hem reached her knees and the sleeves covered her hands. Her gaze flitted from him to Seb as she chewed on her bottom lip.

"Please join us, mi cielo," Seb said.

Jami fidgeted with the buttons at the collar of the shirt and eyed Agustín. "I'd rather not, mi Rey. Tell me whatever you think I need to hear—"

"This isn't a goddamn scene! You knew about this, Jami. You can pretend he's your Lord and Master all you want, but you fucking knew. I suspected when all this started, but I was stupid enough to believe that you got into this because you were interested in me." Luke shook his head and let out a bitter laugh. "Be straight with me, boo. You knew I wouldn't get involved with him without you."

Pulling out a chair, wincing at the harsh scrapping sound it made against the tiles, then wincing again as she sat, Jami shook her head. "Not exactly. When this all started I was . . . ." She pressed her lips together and glared at Agustín. "Do you really need to be here? This is between the three of us. You've created enough problems."

"I asked him to stay, Jami." Sebastian took a sip of coffee from his big, white mug, then sighed. "It is obvious Luke has no faith in me. Perhaps Agustín can confirm some of what I say."

"I guess." Jami sat and hugged herself, staring at the table. "I was worried you'd take my place, Luke. I figured if I showed Sebastian I was okay with him fooling around with you—"

"You do know that's pretty fucking sad, right, Jami?" Luke almost felt sorry for her. She might be just a few years younger than him, but in a lot of ways, she was still a kid. "If he cares about you, you shouldn't have to worry about competition."

Jami frowned at him and shook her head. "It's not like that and you know it."

"Bullshit," Luke said. "You let Ford use you. Now you're letting Seb do the exact same thing. Maybe you need therapy or something. All those drugs messed with your head and—"

"Enough!" Seb stood and slammed his fist on the table. Coffee sloshed over the edge of his mug. "Take your anger out on me, not her. The whole truth is yes, I have been attracted to straight men and I have used women to seduce them. There is more to it, but that is irrelevant. I did not use Jami to seduce you."

Liar.
Luke stood and sucked his teeth. "The first time you fucked me, you used her. That's why you had her on webcam."

"I did that to include her. And to make things easier for you."

"Fuck that. You did it to make things easier for
you
." His guts twisted in acidic sludge, everything he'd let happen making him just as disgusted with himself as he was with Seb. "I'm a fucking idiot. I was falling in love with her, and you played on that. You made it clear every time we were together that I couldn't have her without you."

Seb blinked and pushed away from the table. Big and tough as he was, he looked almost vulnerable standing there in nothing but a pair of snug, grey boxer-briefs, color draining from his swarthy skin. "You did not want me."

"I thought I did. You're good, I'll give you that." Luke tipped his head back and pressed his eyes shut. "Damn it, I should have listened when Silver said you could convince anyone to do anything. She was right."

"Silver warned you away from me?" Seb seemed confused, as if he couldn't picture Silver doing that. "Why would she—"

"No, she didn't, but I heard her joking about it with Bower once." Luke remembered how Bower had rolled his eyes. "It sounded funny then, but not anymore."

"Luke, listen to yourself!" Jami reached for him, then let her hand fall to her side as he jerked away. "Sebastian didn't make you do anything. And neither did I. There's nothing wrong with being—"

"Being what? Gay?" Luke pressed his lips together and nodded. "You're right. There's nothing wrong with it. But I'm not gay."

"Neither am I." Sebastian dropped into his chair and bowed his head to his hand as he braced his elbow on the table. "Though I do not expect you to believe me. You clearly do not trust me."

"Why should he?" Agustín spoke up for the first time, shaking his head as he gave his cousin a look full of sympathy. At first it had seemed like he wanted to make trouble, as Jami had implied, but his next words told Luke otherwise. "You've lied to him, and you're lying to yourself. If there's nothing wrong with being gay, why won't you admit you are? You've never been happy with a woman."

Seb lifted his head. His lips were drawn into a stiff smile. The hurt in his eyes hit Luke hard enough that he almost wished he could take it all back. His words came out lifeless. Empty. "I was happy with them."

"If you thought that would last, you are a fool," Agustín said.

"I am a fool. I believed you accepted me, cousin." Seb rolled his neck and took a deep breath. "Please go. All of you. I am done with this conversation. It is getting us nowhere."

Luke swallowed and glanced over at Agustín as he passed on his way out, nodding when the man patted his shoulder. He retreated a few steps, but couldn't make himself go any further when he saw Jami kneel at Seb's feet and whisper something to him.

The truth had pissed Luke off. He couldn't forgive Seb for playing him, but part of him still felt broken, as if his core had been cut open with a blunt, rusty knife. Only pride kept him from kneeling next to Jami and telling Seb none of it mattered.

But it did matter, and he refused to pretend otherwise. His only regret was how right he'd been. He couldn't have Jami without Seb.

And forcing himself to walk away from her was one of the hardest things he'd ever done.

* * * *

The light pressure of Jami's fingers digging into Sebastian's thigh was the only thing that grounded him. He wasn't the kind of man to turn to drink, but he could see the appeal. Even this early—it couldn't be past 9am—the bottles of hard liquor in his library beckoned. He’d never thought his family would have the power to hurt him again, not after all his grandfather had done to his mother. But he’d been so very wrong. His cousin had managed to drive a stake right into the heart of his relationship, and Sebastian could still feel the piercing agony, deep in his chest, leaving splinters behind as he struggled to pull himself together.

He rubbed his lips with his knuckles and brushed his hand over Jami’s loose, rumpled hair. "You should go, mi cielo." He managed to keep his tone light. Devoid of emotion. "I am not fit company."

"Yeah, because your freaking out is scaring me." Jami grinned up at him, but she was blinking fast. "Actually, I take that back. I'd be less freaked out if you let yourself lose it a bit. Throw something. It will make you feel better."

Ay
dios
mio
.
Sebastian shook his head and let out a rough laugh.
Mi cielo, you are too precious for words.
"Do you break things when you are angry,
niñita
?"

"Damn right I do." She stood and picked up his empty mug. Then she smashed it on the floor. "Fuck! Ah! See?" Her giggle was cut off by a sob. "It's therapeutic. And I swear, I will so buy you a new cup."

 
Sebastian shook his head and rose from his seat. He stepped carefully around the porcelain shards scattered across the floor, then picked Jami up and held her against him. "Do you feel better?"

"No." She hid her face against his neck, clinging to him as he carried her to the kitchen counter, not letting go until he sat her on the ledge. She hissed in a breath, readjusted to take some pressure off the left side of her bottom, then pressed her fingers to his lips as he moved to take her down. "Don't fuss over me. It's only a little sore." Shaking her head, she sighed. "I just didn't know Luke could be such an asshole. How could he listen to your cousin?"

How could he not?
He studied her face, touched by her faith in him. She hadn’t even considered that there may be some truth in
Agustín’s
words.

"He is very confused, Jami." Sebastian inhaled and pressed his lips to her forehead. "I should have spoken to him more about my past, but I never considered it would be an issue. What concerns me now is what you said. Did you believe that I would choose him over you?"

"I was scared that you would. And then . . . ." Jami's brow furrowed. "I didn't think you should have to. You weren't making me choose."

"I never would have."

"I know that." Her bottom lip trembled. "But it's over, isn't it? I just proved all that your jerk of a cousin accused you of."

"No." Sebastian refused to let her take this on herself. His own misjudgment had left plenty of room for doubt. He should have seen this coming. Luke would have reacted badly no matter how Sebastian's torrid past was revealed, but he may have been willing to listen if it hadn't come from another. He wouldn't make the same mistake with Jami. "Agustín was not being cruel. I think seeing you between Luke and myself prompted him to speak up."

"Why?"

"Because you are young. When one looks at you, all they see is innocence.” Sebastian looked away from her, disgusted with himself because he hadn’t considered any of that when he’d taken her. Lust and love didn’t excuse ignorance. “I believe Agustín was trying to protect you."

Jami snorted and hooked her fingers to the front of his boxers. "He doesn't know me."

"And you do not know me, mi cielo." He gathered her face in his hands and laced his fingers through her hair. Aware that he could lose her any moment. Needing to hold her before he did. He tensed as he felt himself trembling, desperate to hide his weakness from her. "My first time with a man was after I met his wife.
Sarita
.” Saying her name brought the image of her to his mind, painted with surreal perfection. Long, black hair, luscious curves, big brown eyes simmering with heat every time she looked at him. “I was sixteen and even though I was obsessed with him, I couldn't deny her allure. She told me both she and her husband were looking for ways to 'spice up their sex life'. She was a friend of my mother's."