Break Your Heart (28 page)

             
“You’re going to be fine.” Ali gave her a stern and convincing look. “I know how strong you are. So do you Gina.”

             
“I know.”

             
“Seriously.”
“I know.  I am to the point where I can be logical

about it all. It is what it is, right?” Gina smiled and took a few deep breaths
in an attempt to pack up her emotions. “I just get down about it sometimes. I can’t help but feel stupid.”

“Did you make the right decision?”

“What?”
“To not marry Adam?”

             
“Yes.”

             
“Well, there you go. Life goes on.” She looked over at the twins who seemed to be in stimulation bliss as the sounds and lights on their many toys filled the room. Ali lent her ear to sounds about her catching a dull buzz in the air.

             
“What?”
“Do you hear that?”

             
“I hear a lot of things Al.”

             
Ali, popped up off the couch and ran over to her diaper bag on the floor. She pulled out her BlackBerry and silenced the alarm going off. “Shit”.

             
“What?”

             
“I forgot about this mommy and me tumble gym class I signed them up for.” She sighed as she bent down rounding the toys up and tossing them into her bag. “We’re going to be late. Come on girls, say goodbye to Aunt Gina.” Ali continued to collect all the toys on the floor, frantically tossing them into her duffle bag. She slung the bag over her shoulder and picked one of the girls off the floor.

             
Gina followed suit, grabbing the other twin and moved closely behind her out the front door. They ran down the stairs and to the drive swinging open the back seat doors. Simultaneously buckling each of them in, Gina and Ali slammed the back seat doors shut.

             
“Bye girls, I love you.” Gina waved.

             
“Thanks G. Sorry we had to cut this short. I will come by after I put the girls to bed tonight, we will open a bottle of wine and talk this all out. It will be okay. I promise.” She pulled Gina in close, gave her a tight squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.

             
“Sounds good.  Thanks Al.” Gina stepped back as Ali hoped in the drivers seat and pulled the door shut. She watched them quickly spin out the drive and down the street with mixed emotions for their departure.  Part of her felt a curious comfort by their presence and the platform to talk about it all for the first time. At the same time it saddened her to face the reality of it all. The madness of the confusing emotions left her content to escape back to mindless sun worshiping. 

             
Gina made her way inside the house and towards the deck. She took a slight tumble as her right foot ran over something soft. A light yellow bunny sat on the floor below her feet.  She bent down, picked it up and tossed it on the kitchen counter as she continued on back to the deck.

             
Gina resumed her position on the lounge chair, slowly settling her body and mind and closed her eyes, doing all she could to dismiss any thoughts of her chaotic life. After a few moments of reminding herself of all the reasons her life rocked and shouldn’t ever be sad, the sounds of tires pulling over her rock gravel driveway grabbed her attention. “The bunny,” she said out loud. Gina hoped up from her chair and made her way back into the kitchen retrieving the bunny from the counter.  A loud knock came from the door.

             
“I’m coming.”

             
Another knock sounded through the house. 

             
“Ali, I’m coming!” She walked faster towards the front door. Gina reached for the handle and swung the door open. “I know they can’t live with out their bun…”

             
She could feel her lips still moving but nothing was coming out. Her mouth ran dry as she searched for something, anything, to say. She gasped as she realized that somehow her breath escaped her.  Her heart began to pound hard inside her chest as butterflies rumbled up through her stomach and into her throat. She stared out the door thinking a million thoughts not able to verbalize a word of them.  The bunny that was previously clutched in her right hand had fallen lightly to the floor.
Anger filled her body, followed by a calm wave and then an excited shock. She didn’t know what to think or say or more importantly what to feel.  All she could do is stand, staring, not able to form a word. Giving herself a moment to catch her breath and think through the flying thoughts in her mind, Gina mustered up the only word that seemed to want to come out of her mouth. “Grant.”

Twenty-two

              “Hi,” he muttered. There he stood, on her front porch highlighted by the sun beaming on him from behind. For a moment she thought she might be dreaming, or worse, hallucinating.  He was dressed in jeans that were tattered and torn-stained with life.  His white t-shirt fell snug across his muscles holding shape to his body. He looked back to Gina with every emotion pouring out of his face. The sound of his voice was rough and low. He cleared his throat and took in a quick breath. “Hi,” he said again, this time with greater confidence and volume.

             
Gina stared back at him, peering at his green eyes beaming in the morning sun. She bit her bottom lip and held her breath, waiting for some kind of clarity to sweep through her cluttered thoughts.

             
They quietly peered at one another, falling hostage to the moment before them.

             
Gina listened in the distance as the hum of her cell phone ringing in the kitchen crossed her ears.  She didn’t think about walking in the kitchen to get it or even allow herself to be the slightest bit curious as to whom it was. She was in a daze right now. The same daze she found herself in the morning she saw Grant at his parents. The same daze she couldn’t escape the morning she showed up on his doorstep.  It was over then, it was still over now. The idea of them was no longer. So then why was Grant Foster standing at her door?

             
“What are you doing here?” She had surprised herself with the firmness of her tone. And by the look on Grant’s face, she surprised him as well.  She could feel her body beginning to tremble.  She felt mad, or angry, or sad, or hurt.  She couldn’t decide what was going on inside her mind, all she knew was she was bursting with emotion. Her eyes were taking in every detail of the presence before her. 

             
Her thoughts escaped her as she walked out the front door and moved smoothly past him, almost floating, to the end of the porch. Gina peered out into the distance feeling the summer air filter through her body.  She remained still, listening to the sounds of nature, focusing on the light wind rusting the leaves of the trees.  It was a tranquil place for her to be, away from the thoughts of confusion that were before her.  She turned around to look at Grant.

             
He hadn’t moved.  His head was lowered as he stared down at the wooden deck below him. His hands clasped together-thumbs circling one another.

             
She froze, recognizing that this moment had played over in her mind a million times with a different ending each time. 
This doesn’t happen,
she thought to herself. Maybe Grant was here to apologize, maybe he was here to take her away with him, or maybe he was simply here for closure. They didn’t have closure the first time they ended things.  Maybe he needed to close this book.
I need to close it too.

             
“Why are you here?” She whispered. She tightened her fists as she felt a rush of heat fly through her body “Why are you here?” She screamed. 

             
Grant slowly opened his mouth to speak.

             
“Do you have any idea what you put me through?”

She snapped
. “Grant, why did you...why? I...ugh!” She stammered her feet up and down like a young child throwing a tantrum as she struggled to find the words that pained her heart. “That day, at your parents. I thought that was it. I thought we both got it. We connected again.” She paused, “no, we never disconnected Grant, and we were us again. And that, I mean that felt so great. And then you just leave it there?”

             
“Gina, I,” he looked up at her, straightening his posture.  His broad chest now stuck out. The confident Grant she knew had emerged.

             
“No,” she snapped. “I shared everything with you that day. My thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, my heart and you just left it there.” A tickle crossed her cheek. Then another. Her face was warm and now wet. She wiped away the tears that were streaming down her face with the back of her hand.  “And then to make matters worse, I show up at your house like an idiot thinking I am going to make it all better.” She threw her hands up in the air. “And once again, Gina loses.”

             
“Babe,” his words were soft and spoken with caution.  He took a few steps towards her.

             
“I mean, what was that? Did you not feel what I felt?” She began to laugh at herself. “What are you doing here? I mean, are you here to tell me that you and Sarah eloped, that she’s having your baby, that you are going to live happily ever after.”

             
She was silly and manic, acting like the Gina he knew and loved. A smile came across his face. “Are you done?” He asked calmly, continuing towards her.

             
“No, no I’m not done.  I hate you Grant Foster!” She peered back at him with a soft stare.

             
He looked back at her with a slight smile as his eyes burned into her.

             
His stare made her heart race and something about the moment snap. She was filled with anticipation and excitement now. The anger was gone. The sadness was gone.  Grant Foster was standing on her porch. She looked at the world around her.  She stood on the same porch, at the same house on the same street she had been on many times before. But now, now it felt different.  She took in a breath of fresh air. The air tasted different, the sun felt warmer, the winds blew softer.  She was back in that feeling. That feeling of belonging, of security and serenity that often encompassed her existence when she was with Grant.
No Gina. No. You are not going to let him back in your world.
She looked back to him.

             
“You’re funny,” he whispered.

             
“This is mad, not funny.” She was biting her lip as she held back the giggle that unexpectedly wanted to come through.

             
Grant continued his walk over to her, stopping almost close enough to hold her. “I am on my way to Chicago,” he paused. “Alone.”

             
“Alone?” She hesitated, “oh, alone, as in without Sarah?” She looked back to the rustling leaves on the tree in her front yard. He was so close to her she could feel his breaths coming in and out of his body, tickling her cheek as he exhaled.
Can I forgive him? Is there anything to forgive?
“Let me guess, she is already at your new home planting flowers along your white picket fence.”

             
Grant laughed lightly.  He looked down at his watch.  It reminded her of the night she met him in Kipshaw. “Not exactly.  Right now she is on a flight back home to her parents. Apparently it really upsets a woman when her fiancé’s ex-girlfriend shows up.”

             
“Oh, so you two are umm, over?” Gina asked. She relaxed her body. His head was lowered to the ground again, staring at the porch below him. “She left you?” She spun herself around on the porch funneling out her energy. “Oh, I see! She left you, so you came by for me.”

             
“You never change do you Gina?” He teased.

             
She took a deep breath and shot him a half smile allowing herself to settle back into that calm place she loved with Grant.

             
“When you left that day, I told her.” He was going on, talking like it was no big deal now. He turned away from her and walked to the steps of the porch. He hopped down to the ground, skipping the two steps he had slowly walked up a few minutes before. “I told her I couldn’t go through with the wedding.”

             
“Really?” She stood straight up, her body alarmed by the news.  Despite the pleading in her mind, she couldn’t help but smile. She leaned over the porch staring at him as he took a seat on the top of the two steps.