Break Me Slowly (5 page)

Adam didn
’t skate around his point or walk gingerly around me. He was in my face, demanding, and treated me like I could handle not only myself, but him as well. He brought out the person I wanted to be. Confidence trickled out whenever I was near him. Just a moment in his presence and he drowned out the darkness of the past, allowing strength to rise. And damn it, I wanted that strength.

“
I know it’s hard for you to open up after what you lived through…” Megan’s face changed and she gave me
that
look. I hated that look. “Whatever you decide with Adam is your choice. But feeling wanted—it’s a good feeling. I want you to have that.”

It was a good feeling
. Despite the lack of anything else Adam had offered, I had never felt more desired in my life. He had kissed me like he couldn’t get enough. The passion was out of this world. Which was what I was afraid of. A man like Adam could get a girl addicted to him, then leave her jonesing for a fix he’d never again deliver.

“
Meg, I was with him only an hour and I already feel it coming on.”

“
Feel what coming on?”

“
Just…the unbalance.”

She gave me
that
look again. “I love you, Kate. But honey, you’ve been fighting something that doesn’t exist.”

“
Oh, it exists.”

“
Not in you. You are not your mother. Just because she’s a raging psycho, doesn’t mean you are, too.”

“
Well forgive me, but I’d rather not find out.”

“
So you just want to never feel anything? Too scared that you might—what? Do what she did?”

I
absently ran my fingers along my jaw where the scars were.

“
I’m sorry,” Megan said, more softly.

“
Don’t be. I’m the one with the issues.”

“
I know you’re not comfortable with all this, but Kate, you have to feel things out and see where they take you. I’m not saying a one-night stand is the key. But you’re starting to tackle things you have shut yourself off from. Letting people in is a good thing.”

That was the problem. I didn
’t want one more person talking to me like a child who didn’t understand the basic concepts of humanity. I didn’t want Adam thinking I was some damaged weakling with an anxiety disorder.

Even if that is exactly what I am…

“We just need to find you that thing that brings out the girl I saw today. The one who squared her shoulders and stared down a stranger. Maybe teaching is really helping you.”

“
Maybe.”

Yes, teaching was fun
and it definitely pushed the walls of my comfort zone, but the one thing that made my spirit flicker to life was Adam. There was nothing gentle about him. He was hard, domineering, and I responded to him in a way I never had with anyone else.

Maybe if I went into
this as an experimental project. Attack it from a clinical standpoint, its main purpose to see how far I could push my limits before I went over. I could keep my control and ease myself into the idea of dating. Or whatever the hell it was Adam was after. Sex was apparent. And I was a twenty-three-year-old virgin. At some point I’d need to lose it. Maybe now, on my terms, was the best way to go about it.

Adam had been
upfront. This was a simple transaction of bodily pleasure and nothing more. Obviously a guy like him didn’t do commitment. A one-time thing, then boom—done. Emotions and control intact when it was over.

“
So.” Megan’s voice went up an octave. “Are you going to give me details and tell me what happened?”

“
He mapped out what he wanted, I said thanks but no thanks, and we parted ways.”

Megan looked over my face
and she unleashed a dazzling smile. “That all?”

I nodded.

“Then why are your lips all swollen like someone has been kissing the hell out of you?”

My eyes went wide
.

“
You let him touch you! Kate, that’s awesome!”

I rushed to the mirror.
My lips were puffy and there was even a slight redness to my chin where his stubble had scraped me. There it was, staring back at me: proof that Adam Kinkade had kissed me. The sight made tingles spread beneath my skin.

“
I’d say he likes you.” Megan smiled.

My phone buzzed with a
text. I opened the message and all the blood left my head.

I can still smell you…

~

I was holding
morning office hours. Professor Martin was lecturing in one of his several classes. I hadn’t seen much of him and based on the schedule, probably wouldn’t. Technically, I should be working on my thesis. Instead, I was doing Google searches on Adam Kinkade.

About forty-seven
bazillion hits came up, many with photos of him looking hot in a tux at high-profile events and charity auctions. The one common denominator in almost all the pictures was a stunning woman standing by his side. Never the same woman twice, but a woman nonetheless. Out of all the images, he never fully smiled in any of them.

I scrolled through the most re
putable information available. Aside from finding out he had an actual fan club, his personal life was pretty vague.

His mother died when he was ten and his stepfather
, who had legally adopted him two years prior, raised Adam until he had been removed and put into foster care at age twelve. There was nothing else on why Adam had been put into the system.

My heart sank a little for him. I had done some
volunteer mentoring work with foster kids at the Children’s Home. Most kids struggled and had a hard time coping. I thought of Adam as a child, with blue eyes and dark hair, being bounced from one place to another. No siblings or information on his biological father. He had been a child prodigy. Apparently he was insanely smart, graduating from high school at sixteen with a full academic scholarship to Northwestern. He got into the stock market at twenty-two and boomed from there. Founded Kinkade Enterprises at twenty-five. To say Mr. Kinkade was impressive would be an understatement.

“
Holy crap.” CEO of Kinkade Enterprises. He held stock in several companies, as well as diversifying into real estate. Megan hadn’t been kidding when she said he owned half of Chicago. Amongst them was that restaurant he had taken me to the other night.

I exhaled and shut my laptop.
The man made no sense. He was powerful, calm, and obviously used to getting his own way while saying as few words as possible. But then he donated to charities and lost control in restaurant bathrooms. In fairness, it was the hall outside the bathroom, but still.

Maybe Megan was right. Sometimes things just need
ed a chance to get off the ground before you could truly know what you could handle. But even if that were true, did I want to risk the attempt? With a guy like Adam Kinkade? His whole life freaked me out. My uncle and aunt were wealthy, so I knew about money, but I’d never had any. My father left when I was a baby and the only time I talked to my mother was when she called asking for money or I dropped off groceries at her house.

Megan and
Brian were supportive, but in the end, the idea of giving in and possibly getting caught up—consumed—by another terrified me. Being left wanting more than I could have or handle wasn’t something I wanted to experience. I didn’t know much about the opposite sex, but it was clear that Adam was a lot to take on and not easily forgettable.

My phone buzzed.
The caller I.D. read:
Kink.

M
aybe it was juvenile, but that’s the label I’d given him when I programmed his number last night.

I took a deep breath and answered.

“Hello, Katelyn. How are you today?”

“
Fine, thank you. What can I do for you, Adam?” My goal was to sound professional and completely unaffected by his voice. Thank God he couldn’t see my hands tremble.

I
heard his smirk. “Now that you mention it, you can—”

“
Never mind,” I hissed.

“
I was going to ask you to join me for dinner, but I like where your dirty mind was going.”

“
I wasn’t thinking anything dirty.”

“
Don’t lie to me, Katelyn.”

His voice was rough and deep
. Even over the phone he could make me shudder. “You don’t give up easily.”

“
It is not in my interest to insult you. But I cannot amend my entire process and daily life to accommodate all your wishes. I am attempting to find a middle ground.”

“
Why?”

“
Because I want you.”

“
And what exactly do you want with me?”

“
I thought we’d been over this.”

“
So it is just about sex?”

“
I can’t say for certain. You intrigue me and I’d like to spend time with you and get to know you better. How much better would be up to you.”

I thought about all those women he had been photographed with. Som
e weird anger I had no right to feel flared. “I’m not what you want, Adam.”

“
I haven’t heard the word
no
come out of your mouth. Have dinner with me tonight.”

I flipped my planner open and checked my schedule. Since my office hours ended early today, I
’d promised my six-year-old cousin Simon that I’d take him to the zoo for the afternoon. I’d have enough time afterward to shower and change before going to work. Though I would have loved to play hooky and go out to dinner with Adam, I couldn’t cancel work on short notice. I needed all the hours I could get anyway.

“
I’m sorry, I can’t do dinner tonight.”

He was silent for
a long moment. “Good-bye, Katelyn.”

The l
ine went dead. Had I just turned down something I wouldn’t get a chance at again? The thought made me sick.

~

“You’re going to be here this weekend to help me set up for the party, right?”

I h
ad just walked through my aunt Grace’s front door. “Yes, I’ll be here to help.”

Simon
race down the stars and run toward me. He threw himself into my arms and I swept him up in a hug. “You ready to see the zoo, buddy?”

“
Yeah!” Both his little hands shot into the air.

“
Go get your coat.”

He took off for his room again.

“Zoo today? That’ll be fun for you two,” Grace said as she looked over the mail on the counter. Her light brown hair was pulled back into a bun and her khaki slacks were perfectly pressed. She was two years younger than my mother and looked similar. Grace didn’t have to work due to her husband’s success in real estate. She had been pregnant with Simon the summer I’d moved in with them. Going from my mother’s house to my aunt’s should have been a step up. But, like everything, it came with complications.

“
Your uncle is looking forward to seeing you at the party.”

Bile rose
in my throat. Tim St. Roy was married to my aunt, but I would never call him Uncle. There was something evil lurking in that man. In high school, right after I had moved in, he came home drunk one night and “accidentally” wandered into my room. I could still smell the whiskey on his breath and feel his sweaty hand run down my back.

I
stifled a disgusted tremor. Being snuck up on while sleeping was something I was used to and the moment I’d felt his hands on me, I awoke throwing fists. He ran out of my room and the next day, made it very clear that if I told Grace, he would deny it. “Who do you think she’ll believe? Her husband or her crazy sister’s fucked-up kid?”

He had been right. Grace wouldn
’t have believed me, but the punch I’d landed on Tim’s face seemed to keep him out of my room. It didn’t, however, stop the sideways looks or the prickle of unease every time he was near. Anxiety crept up my spine and hummed through my bones just thinking about it.

“
Have you talked to your mother recently?” Grace asked, pulling me out of my dark thoughts.

“
Not in the last few weeks. Something wrong?”

Grace sighed and shook her head.
“She was babbling something about getting kicked out of her apartment.”

“
What? Why?” She paid her rent, mostly because I helped her. I wasn’t about to tell Grace that, though. She looked at my mother like something she’d scrape off the bottom of her designer shoe.

“
I don’t know, Katelyn. I don’t even know if it’s the truth or another one of her scams.”

“
Ready!” Simon shouted, running into the room again, this time with his coat.