Break (21 page)

“Who did this?” I said, shaking with quiet fury.

“You haven’t even seen the worst of it.”

She beckoned me to the back, which led to the small garden I helped build. I stared in dismay at the lumps of brown earth everywhere and pushed the door open in a rage. There was nothing left but tatters of green, scattered among the earth. All of our herbs—gone. The bok choy and the cabbage lay on the earth like headless corpses. Weeks of work, gone in an instant.

“It doesn’t matter,” I croaked. “We’ll just have to do it again. Re-plant everything.”

“I’m not sure Carol will want to. It’ll be hard enough replacing all the supplies we lost. There’s just no money in the budget for the garden.”

I felt the familiar sting of frustration at Carol’s rigid policies until I remembered:
I have money. I could pour thousands into this place.

Ok, it wasn’t like I had thousands upon thousands, but the money Luke gave me would help repair most of the damage.
Giving your money away is such a stupid idea.
But the money was making me feel sick. I didn’t want it anymore. The articles written about me made me feel ashamed, even though I had done nothing wrong. It reminded me that at its core, our relationship was represented by dollar signs. I knew that it meant much more than that, but to feel good about myself I had to get rid of it. All of it.

I cried when I got home and wrote the check, clutching an eight thousand, five hundred and sixty two dollar check. I couldn’t exactly empty my entire bank account—I still needed to eat and pay my bills—but at least most of it was gone.

You are so fucking stupid. Just shoot yourself now.
It would be the most generous, stupid thing I ever did.
Natalie’s going to freak.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Carol looked at me as if I was on the edge of sanity, which I probably was.

Just take it before I change my mind.
“Yes, on one condition, though.”

She folded her arms. “What?”

“I want more authority in the kitchen. I want to be able to make whatever I want. I also want to install a security system so that this never happens again. Cameras and padlocked gates enclosing the backyard.”

“Fine.”

Carol stuck out her hand and I grabbed it numbly.

Fine?
I was expecting a fight, but I guess once I started waving money in front of her face—nothing else mattered. I turned around and tried to ignore the screaming voice in my head, calling me an idiot for spending the majority of my money. What would happen when another disaster hit and the soup kitchen ran out of funds?

You’re only doing this for Luke. To prove to him that you don’t want his money.

As I got in my car, I turned the volume way up in the hopes it would drown out the voice in my head.

* * *

At the end of another workday, the BART ground to a halt at my stop and I wearily stood to my feet, following the rush of passengers into the frigid air. I walked down the steps and thought back to the time when I hurried up these steps in a borrowed dress to meet Luke in the city.

When I first met him, he was like a dream. I could remember all the times he held me. I remembered his hands, which had begun to learn where I liked to be touched the most, and I felt so damn lonely.

I had a job. Health insurance. I was in therapy for the first time in my life. All was well, except that at night, I still cried for the man who had ditched me.

“There are plenty of other guys out there,” Natalie repeated over and over. “Tons.”

Except there was only one man I was interested in. He saved me—he changed my life. I was almost sorry to see the paparazzi dwindle from my lawn. It was a testament to time. Gradually, the scandal of our brief relationship was ebbing away. No one cared anymore. I wondered, as I did often, if Luke thought of me as often as I did. Was his father still alive? Was he still catering to his every demand?

Once or twice, I thought about calling him, but I didn’t want to be that girl. I wasn’t going to be pathetic—I would not chase after a man who didn’t want me. I didn’t
need
him. That’s what I told myself, anyways.

I hope he’s happy, wherever he is.
The thought of him spending the rest of his days miserable made my heart sick, and yet it was I who told him that he would. I wished I could take those words back.

I was in a gloomy mood when I shoved through the front door. Christmas was next week and Natalie was going home to her parents. She and Ben were taking a break, so the holidays were going to be rough for her. I was staying behind.
Luke will probably be lonely, too. He has nothing but vipers in his family.

“Natalie,” I called out as I opened my apartment door and shut it behind me. “I hope to God we have booze, because I’m feeling the need to do some drinking.”

“In here.”

Her voice sounded strange. Did Ben call? I hung up my scarf and coat rather quickly. I walked into the kitchen and stopped abruptly.

He was there, sitting around our crappy kitchen table. His back was to me, but I recognized his dark brown head and his straight back. He wore a black cashmere sweater and dark jeans that looked like they had been ironed. His head turned around and those lips that I had fantasized about every day, spoke to me.

“Jessica.”

Behind him, Natalie stood up and retreated to her bedroom. I was still too stunned to really register that he was actually here, in my apartment.

“What are you doing here?”

I thought briefly of running into his arms while sobbing madly, which was what always happened in romantic comedies, but that wasn’t my instinct. I just felt numb.

He stood up but didn’t come any closer. I realized with a shock that Luke’s eyes were gleaming.
Was he crying?

“These past few weeks have been the worst in my life. I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said—”

It swelled inside me. “Luke, I didn’t mean it. You’re a wonderful person; you’re my favorite person. You’re not like your dad.”

“I was.”

I could tell how much it hurt him to admit it. He pushed himself off the table and walked to me, and my heart sped as he came closer.

“I heard what you did with my money. I was thinking about you one night and I looked up your kitchen’s website. I saw your name on the front page, and I knew what you had done.”

He touched my face and a torrent of emotion suddenly boiled up, like the burst of liquid from a shaken soda can.

“You left me. You made me feel like I was nothing.”

“
I know—
”

“I had to deal with all this craziness on my own.” Tears slid down my face, but I stared at him boldly. I was trying to look for something inside him that would make up for his terrible behavior.

“I know and I’m so sorry.” He grasped my hand and squeezed it, willing me to be silent. “These past few weeks have been miserable. I missed you so much. I realized how much I love who you are. You’re the bravest girl I’ve ever met, and you’re beautiful and honest. You could have made money by selling stories to the press, but you didn’t.”

I choked into the hands that cradled my face.

“I don’t know where this is headed, but I can’t let you go. I know that I’ll never find someone like you.”

I don’t know which of us started forward, but we both launched ourselves and our faces joined, the salty tears dripping into my mouth as he held me so tightly against his chest that I couldn’t breathe. Then I felt like I was in one of those romantic comedies, those silly movies where the man picks up the girl in his arms and kisses her like it’s the last one he’ll ever have.

He came back for me.

I broke off the kiss and laughed in utter joy as Luke’s smile spread across his face.

Chapter 11

I stretched out on the beach towel, closing my eyes as the sun stroked my body with its warm gaze. The gentle roll of the ocean soothed my ears with its gentle lullaby. Eyes closed, I groped with my hand and found the tropical drink perched on a mound of hot sand.

I could get used to this.

There were perks to having a rich boyfriend with access to one of the most exclusive, private beaches in Bora Bora. I opened my eyes cautiously and a bright sky burned my eyeballs. I sat up and watched Luke swimming through the ocean waves, his arms rising and water droplets glittering from them like diamonds.

He needed to get away from it all. Luke managed to reconcile with his father. He told me that he went to the hospice after we broke up. After his father died, Luke only received a meager five hundred thousand with a note:

After all these years, I realized I loved the money more than my own family. It’s too much for one person. I do not want to change the man you’ve become. I love you, Luke. -Dad

Luke’s father had given a similar portion to his uncle, who did not waste time in uttering how disappointed he was. The remainder of his fortune was given to charities and other businesses. Luke had already raged and grieved over the money. “I’m glad that he and I made up before he died, but it still doesn’t change the fact that he was a bastard for most of my life,” he had told me. “This is the final insult.”

He may not have believed in the message his father wrote, but I did. My eyes teared under the blazing sun as I recalled the words on his father’s last farewell.

I hastily wiped the wetness from my eyes as Luke emerged from the water, his board trailing behind him. Dripping, he sat down next to me and immediately leaned over. Water from his hair dripped over my face, but I didn’t mind because it was so hot. He blocked out the sun and smiled as his dripping head hovered over mine.

“You want something?”

“Come in the water with me.”

My skin was baking with heat. I allowed him to pull me upright, not before I wrapped my hands around his head and kissed him.

“We should do this more often.”

“What? Kiss?”

He chuckled. “Well, yes, but I meant that we should take more vacations.”

“Well, we’ve only been together for six months. I don’t have as many vacation days as you.”

It had been six amazing months. After work, Luke would usually pick me up and we would have dinner. I spent a lot of nights at his place, but I hadn’t abandoned my apartment, yet. I wasn’t ready to move in with him. Besides, there was still Natalie.

I frowned as I thought of her. She split up with Ben, her long time college sweetheart and fiancé. Natalie spent a lot of her days with a box of tissues nearby. I felt bad because things were going so well for me.

“You’re thinking about her again, aren’t you?”

I shrugged, avoiding his eyes. “I can’t help it. She’s all alone.”

“You were all alone, too. Natalie will be fine. She has a very supportive family.”

I nodded. “Can’t you set her up with one of your friends?”

He sighed and shook his head. “I can try.”

I felt a rush of affection for my boyfriend and I held him tightly against my chest. “Thanks. I love you.”

His lips, soft against my cheek, raised a thrill inside me. I melted into his touch, bewildered by my love for him. I could never understand how he made me feel so complete. Luke helped me mend the hole in my heart. I didn’t think I would ever be afraid of anything again.

“I love you, too.”

# # #

About the Author

Vanessa Waltz loves to write dark, New Adult romances. She lives in the Bay Area with two crazy cats. To be the first to know about her new releases, please join her newsletter (no spam, ever).

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