I sullenly stomped to the family room and turned on the television, blatantly disregarding the no-TV rule during family dinner. Mom was having none of it.
“Colby,” she said in a warning tone.
“Oh all right, fine! I’ll go in the other room.” I snapped off the TV. Jeez, you’d think dying would buy you some small privileges, but noooooo.
I went to the formal living room with the stiff, ceremonial furniture and plopped down. Instead of watching the boob tube, I started thumbing through a fashion magazine. I was a quarter of the way through “How to get that special someone to ask you out” when someone knocked on the door.
I jumped up to answer it, ready to invite one of the well-wishing looky-lous in to convince them I was really fine when I stopped at the door and sniffed the air. Something didn’t seem right. Sure, the delicious aroma of pot roast still hung in our house but I detected something else. Something sweeter, like chocolate chip cookies.
Great, someone has brought over more food I can’t eat.
I wrenched the door open with a little more force than intended and it almost flew off the hinges. I was shocked, and it must have shown on my face because the visitors at the door gave each other a very strange look.
“Can I help you?” I asked them, not recognizing either gentleman or spotting a single plate of yummies.
“We’re looking for Colby Blanchard,” the guy closest to me said. He was around five-eleven with a wiry body, like a soccer player. Not like Aidan’s imposing muscles, but he still looked strong and cute. Green eyes and brown hair, cut short in the back and sides, but longer in the bangs. Very retro.
He was maybe eighteen or nineteen, dressed in a button-down shirt, dress slacks and name badge, identifying himself as Thomas from The Tribunal Group. His partner was dressed in a similar fashion and was also handsome, with dark hair and eyes. He was a bit larger and older. His badge said his name was Carl.
“I’m Colby,” I said without inviting them in or opening the door wider. They looked just like Evangelics looking to convert and I really didn’t have the heart to kindly say I wasn’t interested. They must have heard I was back safe and thought I would be an easy target to scare into their religion because of my recent brush with death. Ha! They were a little late. Maybe I should just tell them I was a vampire and see how fast they ran away from the crazy girl in the sunglasses.
They exchanged another glance and Thomas took out a business card, handing it to me. I took it without looking and stared at him, somewhat rudely, which wasn’t very nice. But hey, my family was eating
pot roast
and I couldn’t have any. That wasn’t nice either.
“May we come in?” he asked politely.
“I don’t think so,” I said, equally politely, causing Carl to scowl at me. Thomas, on the other hand, seemed somewhat amused.
“Something funny?” I asked nastily. Boy, I was just a witch when I was denied food.
“Not at all. You’re just not what I expected,” he surprised me by saying.
“Who are you guys?” My eyes narrowed behind the dark frames.
“We represent the Tribunal and are here to evaluate your new status.” Carl spoke up for the first time. He had a slight Spanish accent and I wondered if Carl was short for Carlos. Either way, it was pretty sexy.
“And what status would that be?” I asked, feigning disinterest. It was the lamest line to check out a local religion I ever heard.
“Your Undead status, of course,” Thomas said, gently pushing the door aside and brushing past me.
It took a moment to get my wits together and by then it was too late. Both Carl and Thomas were seated on our uncomfortable green brocade couch, looking at me expectantly.
I decided to gracefully collapse in the chair opposite them and blurt out, “How did you know
that
?”
Yes, I am so cool under pressure.
“Miss Blanchard? May I call you Colby? Yes? Colby then, we are here to ascertain the circumstances surrounding your new status and deal with the situation accordingly.” Carl was very smooth but I didn’t like the way he said “deal with it.”
“What do you want to know?” I asked suspiciously.
“Everything,” Carl replied.
“Hmmm, that’s a pretty tall order. I’ll make you a deal: I’ll tell you my story if you answer my questions. Sound fair?”
“I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, Colby. We ask the questions and you answer them.” Carl was perhaps the most arrogant hottie I’d ever met, but he had no idea who he was dealing with.
I leaned forward, keeping eye contact with Carl. “Carl? May I call you Carl? You are in my house, uninvited I might add, so turn down the testosterone and turn up the charm because getting high-handed is the fastest road to getting nowhere with me there is.”
I smiled pleasantly, sliding my sunglasses down my nose so he could see my eyes for good measure.
“Where are your fangs?” Thomas said, surprising all of us.
“Not showing, Thomas. Now, my turn. What is the Tribunal and are you two vampires?”
They looked at each other. Then Carl opened his mouth to get all uppity again, but Thomas stopped him.
“Colby, both Carl and I are vampires. The Tribunal is a clan of vampires who live in this area.”
Now we were getting somewhere.
“Great, how do I meet other vampires? What is the deal about sunlight, wooden stakes, holy water—”
Thomas’s laughter interrupted me. “Colby, it’s my turn to ask you a question, remember?”
I looked at both Thomas and Carl, who was now stewing in his juices.
“Of course, Thomas, how rude of me. Please, ask your question.” I stuck my tongue out at Carl for good measure.
Thomas coughed and I thought for sure he did it to cover more laughter. Carl was pretty sexy but it was Thomas who completely captured my attention.
“What happened the night you became Undead?” I noticed he never used the word “vampire,” but maybe that was one of those rules I didn’t know about yet. Like being politically correct.
No dear, you never call them vampires. They prefer the term “Undead.”
“I was walking home after a game Friday night and some guy called my name and stopped me. He tried to kiss me but I told him no, then we struggled and he threw me down.” I was getting emotional again and took a steadying breath. “He bit my neck and I fought him, then he threw me in the ravine. I woke up two days later and here I am.”
“That’s all that happened?” Carl asked.
As hot as Carl was, he was ticking me off.
“Not enough detail for you, Carl? Were you hoping for a little more”—I wiggled my eyebrows upward—“action?”
Carl actually growled at me and rose so I jumped up as well. Thomas put a restraining hand on Carl’s forearm and we both slowly returned to our chairs.
I had no idea what was getting into me. Carl was huge. I was the top of the cheer pyramid, for crying out loud. Did I really think I could take on Carl? This whole Undead thing was really distorting my perceptions of my own abilities.
“Colby, what we are trying to figure out is how you were changed. What you describe would not change a human into an Undead.” My eyes narrowed at him. “Which clearly you are,” Thomas added quickly upon seeing my look.
I glanced toward the hallway to make sure my parents weren’t listening.
“Okay, he did one other thing. He—he may have made me drink his blood.” I said it quickly and winced at the reaction I figured would be coming.
“Ahh, now that makes sense,” Carl said, nodding in satisfaction.
I was surprised that they seemed satisfied with my tale now and decided I’d earned the right to ask another question.
“Okay, my turn. Can you only drink blood and can you be killed by a silver bullet?”
Thomas answered, “Yes, we drink blood, but we can also drink water or tea.”
I waited for more and when I realized they weren’t going to say any more, I prompted, “And?”
“And I have matched you question for question. It’s my turn again.”
“Oh man, you totally cheated!” I cried out.
“Hello? Evil nightstalker, remember?” Thomas said, pointing to himself and I laughed. I could appreciate a good trick.
“Fine, next question.”
“Can you show me your fangs?”
I stood up and turned to leave. He interrupted, “Where are you going? If you can’t do it, just tell me.”
“I can do it, just wait a second. Sheesh.” I ran upstairs and grabbed the box with my headgear. I quickly returned and was met with looks of surprise. “What?”
“You are remarkably fast for an Undead,” Thomas commented.
“Oh, am I? I guess I hadn’t noticed. Here you go.” I tossed him the box.
“What is this?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes. “My fangs. You asked to see them, remember?”
Thomas opened the box doubtfully and pulled the headgear out by the hot pink straps that were stamped with the word “Princess” over and over.
They both looked at the retainer and then at me.
“I’ll show you.” I grabbed them and slipped my fangs in. Then I strapped the headgear tethers in place.
“Ta-da.”
I struck a pose with both of my hands in the air as though I just finished a difficult stunt.
Carl turned a kind of molten red and jumped to his feet, exclaiming, “You dare mock us?!” He reached across the coffee table with amazing speed but I saw him coming. I slapped his hand aside and pushed him back with all my might. He went flying into the couch and the whole thing slammed into the wall.
My family came running into the living room when they heard the crash. I quickly removed my fangs.
“Colby? What happened?” Dad demanded as he entered the room, Mom and Aunt Chloe hot on his heels.
“Oh, we have guests,” Mom said awkwardly, as they took in the scene in front of them. It must have looked pretty odd to see two strange guys sitting on a couch that was now partly embedded into the wall.
“I’ll make some tea,” Aunt Chloe offered.
“Don’t bother, they were just leaving,” I said, moving to stand in front of my family as I gestured to the door.
Thomas was astute enough to take it as their cue to leave. He stood up and pulled a packet of papers from behind his back. They must have been tucked into his waistband.
“These are for you. Read them and if you have any questions, my number is on the card.”
He walked Carl to the door and I made sure I was always between them and my family. When they exited, I walked to the still open door and called out in a falsetto, “So nice of you to stop by. Give my best to the wife and kids.”
I carefully shut the door and locked it.
“Who was that, Colby?” my dad asked in shock.
“That was the Vampire Welcome Wagon.”
Five
“
T
hey didn’t act so welcoming,” my aunt murmured.
“Yeah, not so much,” I agreed and patted her shoulder reassuringly.
“What did he give you, honey?” Mom wanted to know. For that matter, so did I.
“I hope it’s a vampire user manual or something, but I’m not sure.” I opened it up and pulled out a bunch of official-looking documents that were notarized. Vampires had notaries?
I started to skim the letter, then slowed down to read it more carefully.
“What is it?” my mother insisted.
“It’s a summons. I am being called to some sort of vampire court.”
“Whatever for?” Aunt Chloe asked.
“Apparently, I am Undead without a license.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard—”
“What?! That’s insane—”
“Is that like traffic court for vampires?”
They all spoke at once.
I handed the paperwork to my mother, who was used to legal jargon and such. I sat down in the chair I’d occupied earlier, my head swirling with the information I’d just read.
“Colby, you know what this means, don’t you?” my mother asked seriously.
“Yeah, Mom. In three days I have to go before the Tribunal board and defend my existence. If I can’t, I will be ‘relieved of my Undead status.’ ”
“My, that doesn’t sound good,” Aunt Chloe said to no one in particular.
Nope, it didn’t sound good at all.
After the Tribunal dropped its little bombshell on us, I wasn’t in the mood for any other visitors. Our family needed to have an emergency meeting. But alas, the well-wishers just started rolling in.
Marci and Rachel gushed over me when they stopped by, which did a lot to boost my spirits.
“Ohmigod! You poor thing. Are you okay?”