Bound by Honor Bound by Love (16 page)

“
Not at all. You’re always
welcome in our home.”

She nodded. “I’ll leave when you
do.”

“
Chogan, Gary, and our
father have discussed breeding horses and selling them. With the
land they acquired, they can do it. So the cabins Chogan and Gary
have been building will be close to each other. You won’t need to
be away from our father or Julia.” After a moment’s pause, Woape
reached out and touched Onawa’s arm. “Be sure it’s what you want to
do. You were so excited to be with Citlali.”

“
I can’t be excited about
being with him anymore.”

Before Woape could respond, Ukiah ran
into the lodge and shouted, “Quanah’s dead!”

Onawa’s father turned to look at him.
“Dead?”

As her father got to his feet, Ukiah
nodded. “That white man, Cole, shot him.”

“
Why?” Woape asked,
standing up.

Erin and Onawa also stood and joined
everyone else as they surrounded Ukiah. As much as Onawa tried not
to think of Citlali, it was hard to when his brother was around.
Even though they weren’t anything alike, it was easy to see they
were brothers by their physical features and she’d seen him all the
time when living in Citlali’s lodge. She blinked back her tears and
forced the image of Citlali from her mind. She’d left his lodge,
and she wasn’t going back.

“
Why did Cole shoot
Quanah?” Woape asked.

“
Cole and his wife were
trying to leave with Etu and Yepa,” Ukiah replied. “Manchu said no
because the chief has ordered Cole to bring Etu and Yepa to their
lodge.”

“
But it’s not their lodge
anymore,” Woape argued. “Cole and Penelope adopted them. They are
Etu and Yepa’s parents now.”

He shrugged. “That’s not what the
chief says.”

“
Who cares what the chief
says? He’s not God.”

“
He is as far as this tribe
is concerned,” her father interrupted. “The chief is to be
obeyed.”

“
Even if he’s wrong?” Woape
pressed.

Her father sighed. “You have always
been a strong-willed girl. But yes, the chief is revered by many in
this tribe. The white man has his leaders who are revered in much
the same way. Every society needs structure, and part of that
structure is to have someone who can lead the people.”

“
Even if that leader isn’t
doing what’s best for the people? Are you telling me I need to
revere the chief when he wants to tear a family apart?”

“
No, I’m not. Why do you
think I’m leaving the tribe?”

The answer calmed Woape down. She
nodded and turned her attention back to Ukiah. “Where are Cole and
Penelope?”

“
They’re in the Ceremonial
Lodge until the chief decides what to do with them,” he
replied.

“
And Etu and
Yepa?”

“
They’re in the lodge with
their aunts.”

“
I’m going to see Cole and
Penelope,” Woape said.

“
I don’t think the chief
will like that,” Ukiah warned.

“
What will he do about it?
Keep me prisoner as well? Tell me I can’t take my children out of
this lodge? Tear my family apart?”

Her father gently touched her
shoulder. “Woape, calm down. It’s too soon to know what will
happen.”

“
Is it?” she asked. “The
chief won’t let Cole and Penelope leave with their children, and
you know how he feels about white men killing Mandans. A lot of
good Citlali’s done in leaving at a time like this.”

“
What is that supposed to
mean?” Ukiah asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

“
It means Citlali is the
second chief. For all his faults, he can look beyond the color of
someone’s skin. Enough people respect him to let Cole and Penelope
leave with their children.”

“
Then why didn’t he say
something when the chief made his announcement?” Ukiah
asked.

It was a good question, Onawa thought,
and it was something that needed to be asked aloud, in front of
others.

Woape let out a frustrated sigh. “I
don’t know. No one knows but him. But Chogan says Citlali needs the
time alone to learn what’s important. He can’t do that as long as
he’s here.”

Ukiah crossed his arms. “I don’t
believe that.”

“
If Chogan said it, it’s
true. Chogan spent enough time with Citlali last year when they
were looking for Julia to understand him better than any of us.
Some men draw their strength from the counsel of others. Other men
require time alone to figure things out. Citlali is in the latter
group.”

“
You’d think the least he
could do was tell his wife that before he left,” Ukiah
said.

The lodge fell silent, and Onawa’s
face grew warm. Though no one looked at her, she felt as if they
were. She turned away from them and returned to the quilt.
Hopefully, no one would say anything else. She’d love for them to
let the matter drop. It was hard enough knowing what they were
thinking. They all knew how little Citlali thought of her.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she picked up the square cloth
to add to the quilt and began sewing it in.

“
I’m still going to see
Cole and Penelope,” Woape said. “If the chief has a problem with
it, he’s going to have to come to the lodge and force me out
himself.”

Onawa didn’t bother looking up as
Woape left the lodge. Fortunately, Ukiah also left and everyone
else returned to what they’d been doing before he
arrived.

Chapter Thirteen

“
I should go back,” Citlali
whispered, staring at the clear blue sky.

He’d been gone for three days already.
He couldn’t stay away from the tribe forever, even though it was
tempting. With a weary sigh, he turned his gaze back to the sky and
watched the birds as they flew above. He knew the longer he stayed
out here, the harder it was going to be to return. And yet, he
couldn’t bring himself to go back.

After all the training he’d had to be
a chief, he suddenly realized he wasn’t qualified to be one. He’d
lost control and struck Chogan. There was no way the others in the
tribe would follow him. They wanted someone they could look up to,
someone they could respect. Part of that respect required him to
have full control over his emotions at all times, and he failed.
He’d disappointed them. He’d also disappointed the chief. And
worse, he’d disappointed Onawa. He tried not to think of Onawa. He
doubted she was still living in his lodge. By now, she’d probably
returned to her family. What did he have to go back for?

He didn’t know where he could go. He
didn’t belong anywhere. Maybe he would stay here for the rest of
his life. Closing his eyes, he pushed everything aside.

***

Two days later Onawa gathered her wash
into a basket and left her family’s lodge. It was still hard to go
outside and not look in the direction of Citlali’s lodge. She had
to drag her attention away from it and head toward the river. She
thought a swim would also clear her mind. She missed
Citlali.

There was no denying it, and expecting
his child didn’t make the ache in her heart any easier to bear. She
didn’t even know what to do about the child. She couldn’t bear the
thought of the child ending up so devoted to the chief that he
would give up members of his family to follow whatever stupid
mandate the chief thought up. She wanted the child to embrace his
entire family, and that included Gary and her soon-to-be
stepmother.

But she couldn’t refuse to let the
child know Citlali. Citlali was his father. She slowed her steps
and glanced over her shoulder so she could see his lodge. Her grip
tightened on the basket. She turned her attention to the land, in
the direction where Chogan said Citlali went. Didn’t he even think
of her? Even now with all that happened, didn’t she once cross his
mind? Didn’t he think about his child?

Blinking back her tears, she stepped
forward. She gasped and stopped when she saw that Ukiah was right
in front of her.

“
I didn’t mean to scare
you,” he told her. “Can I carry that for you?”

She glanced at her basket. “It’s not
heavy and the river isn’t that far.”

“
Alright.” She started to
walk forward, but he added, “Onawa, I just want you to know that
even though things didn’t work out with my brother, you shouldn’t
think that all of us agree with the chief. Some of us—even those
who are in Citlali’s family-don’t approve of what’s happening.
We’re planning to go with some others to talk to the chief
tomorrow.”

“
I appreciate that,” she
replied. “But do you think it’ll do any good?”

He shrugged. “No one can know until we
try. The first time we were in the lodge and the chief made the
announcement, everything was chaotic. People were yelling and
emotions were running high. Tomorrow, we’ll be calmer, and maybe
the chief will listen to us.”

Maybe. But somehow, she doubted
it.

“
Since you left my
brother’s lodge, it means you divorced him, right?”

She knew this question was coming.
Sooner or later someone from Citlali’s lodge would ask her if she
intended to sever her marriage. Had Citlali been in her lodge, she
would have thrown his things out of the lodge, which was the way
women divorced their husbands. She knew leaving with her things was
a similar act, but since he was gone first, the situation could be
interpreted as her waiting for him to return.

“
I’m thinking of leaving
with my sister and her family in a month when their cabin is
built,” she slowly admitted.

“
If you do, no one will
blame you, and even if you stay in the tribe, no one will blame you
for divorcing him. I’ve seen the way he treats you. Always putting
the chief first. Running off at all hours of the night to do his
bidding. Leaving you alone on more than one occasion. And even on
your wedding night of all nights.”

Her face warmed. The lodge didn’t lend
itself to privacy, but it was still embarrassing to think of how
many of Citlali’s relatives noticed everything that had been going
on between her and Citlali.

“
You gave my brother
everything, and all he can do is spurn you. Even now when your
family is about to be forced out of the tribe, he does nothing to
help you. He doesn’t deserve you, Onawa. You can do better. I know
if you were my wife, I’d never do the things he does. I’d put you
first every time.”

Unsure of how to answer him, she
looked away from him. She didn’t know why it didn’t occur to her
that he possessed such feelings for her, and the fact that he
looked similar to Citlali because he was his brother was
disheartening. It was the way Citlali would have looked if he said
those words to her. But Citlali wasn’t the one saying the words she
longed to hear.

“
You don’t need to
respond,” Ukiah said. “I know you love him. You always loved him,
and all I could do was stand by and watch. I just thought if you
decide to divorce him, I’d like a chance to prove myself worthy of
you. I’ll leave the tribe with you if you want, so you don’t have
to worry about seeing my brother.”

She was spared answering him since he
turned and left her alone. For a long moment, she stood there,
probably making others who saw her in the tribe wonder what she was
doing, but she didn’t care what they thought. She was tired of
worrying what other people thought. It was something Citlali was
always mindful of, especially when it concerned the chief, and look
at where that got him. He had to run off to get away from
everyone—even her, and she did everything she could to support him.
He didn’t love her. That was the bottom line. He just didn’t love
her, and nothing she did or didn’t do would have changed his
feelings for her.

She should divorce him. There were
other men she could remarry. Men who would appreciate her like
Chogan and Gary appreciated Julia and Woape. With a sigh, she
continued going to the river. She didn’t know why she assumed her
marriage would be like theirs. She’d seen her parents while growing
up. While they were amiable, they hadn’t loved each other with the
same passionate love she witnessed between Chogan and Julia or Gary
and Woape. Nor was it the same love she saw developing between her
father and Erin. Her parents stayed together because they believed
it was best for their children and for the tribe. They realized
that they were stronger together than apart. Other people married
out of convenience.

It wasn’t strange to be married for
reasons other than love. What was strange was the notion of being
so in love and married. Did the white people value love so highly
that they didn’t think of what was best for their community when
they married? She’d married Citlali because she loved him, but he
married her because of the sacred bundle she would bring to his
clan. She had to agree that no matter what happened, she would
leave the bundle with his clan because it was a requirement posed
by the chief. It hadn’t always been that way, but she was so happy
to marry Citlali, she would’ve given up anything to be with him.
And that was the kind of love she’d wanted to share with him; a
love that would sacrifice everything for the other person. It was
not to be something he’d offer her in return.