Authors: Jaime Maddox
She hadn’t encountered much traffic at this hour on a Saturday morning, but her return trip would be more hazardous, as Route One swelled with thousands of cars filled with families heading south to Ocean City. She’d take her time on the way back, stopping at the state park to watch the fishermen and venturing across the road to the bay where she could observe the wind surfers practicing their craft.
She didn’t usually rise this early, but she was conditioned from six weeks in South America, and lately, opening her eyes in the morning was an easier task. Since coming back home she’d discovered a love of the peace she found when the world was still asleep. It was as if she’d awakened from a coma and all the stimulation was putting her brain into shock. Even before she’d had time to adjust to the climate and the noise and the new apartment she’d rented, she’d left with her family for their annual vacation, and a day at the beach house, crammed with kids, was like a normal day on LSD. As she imagined it, anyway. She’d never actually tried the drug.
Her family had been coming to Bethany Beach since before she was born, but since her sisters had married and had children, the small beach house had become quite crowded. She loved her family, she truly did. She wouldn’t have traded her sisters Sam and Jordan for the world. Their husbands, Mike and Mike, were tolerable. Her nephews were the lights of her life. She loved her parents. Even though they all expected her to give up her vacation for them, she didn’t mind. Sometimes, she liked the kids better than the adults. So, she’d babysit while they all went out and enjoyed a nice dinner, or had their nails painted.
It was what was expected, and it had always been this way, and so had Britain. She was the devoted daughter, the dependable sister, the spirited aunt who was fun to be around. It had never seemed to bother her before, but now, for some reason, it did.
Brit felt like she didn’t fit in with the family she loved so much, and this new reality troubled and saddened her. They’d always been her anchor, and now she felt like she was drifting away.
She knew it was her and not them, yet she could do nothing to quiet the restlessness that had overcome her. So much in her life was changing. Her priorities were certainly different after spending time with people who had so very little but gave so very much. Listening to Sam whine over her car’s entertainment system malfunctioning, and Jordan’s concerns about the highlights in her hair, made Brit feel like a stranger to them. Work was scary, too. Getting hired for a full-time job was exciting but, at the same time, a little unnerving. She had absolutely no experience, but in just a couple of weeks, she’d be responsible for the education of hundreds of impressionable teens.
Was this angst just fear that she wouldn’t be the teacher she hoped to be, unable to connect with her students? Would she handle the pressure of working every day and of being responsible for a bunch of unpredictable kids? Any one of those could have caused a nervous breakdown, she mused.
Or was it the responsibility of living on her own that was scaring her? She’d leased an apartment and already moved in, and she was enjoying decorating it and choosing furniture. But would she remember to pay the rent and could she afford the expenses and what would she do when she ran out of milk for her cereal?
It was all so overwhelming, and perhaps it wasn’t any one of the things she’d thought of, but the combination of all of them. All of them, and the little secret about her sexuality she was so carefully hiding. Spending time with Syl and Marianna in Brazil had thrilled her. Working so closely with two women who openly proclaimed their love was inspiring. Yet it saddened her a little, too, because she knew it would be difficult for her to enjoy that same freedom. Her family wasn’t like other people. They were the ultra-conservative, super-Catholic sect and generally viewed homosexuals in the same light as terrorists and murderers. Coming out to them wasn’t an option. One day, when—if—she met the right woman, she might tell them her truth. Until then, she saw no sense in causing a family crisis.
The property line at the edge of the state park was marked by the reemergence of development along the shore. With the homes and shops came more traffic—car and bicycle and foot—as vacationers and residents began their days. Brit weaved through the congestion, taking some back roads through Dewey and into Rehoboth Beach to avoid the chaos. On Delaware Avenue she turned right, and when she reached the beach block she parked her bike and secured it. Then she traded her helmet for a baseball cap and, after stretching her trembling legs, began walking toward her destination.
Brit loved Rehoboth Beach. The quaint shops lining the main streets had always drawn her, with their array of unusual gifts and art, beach clothing, and souvenir trinkets. The restaurants offered everything from gourmet meals with vintage wine to pizza by the slice served with fountain soda. For the past few years, she’d watched the women here, so many of them coupled, walking hand in hand, or in groups strolling the boardwalk and Rehoboth Avenue. She could spend her entire day people watching, if only she had the time, but soon her family would miss her and one of her nephews would call her cell phone asking her to toss a ball or fly a kite.
Brit headed into Penny Lane and wasn’t surprised to see the long line gathered at Café Papillon, the tiny shop where fresh crepes were made to order. She’d been in this line every day since she’d been at the beach, and still, she never tired of the delicate French pastries. Every day she ordered a ham-and-cheese crepe, but she always chose a different type for dessert. Nutella and bananas. Nutella and bananas with nuts and whipped cream. Nutella with strawberries. Peaches and cream. The combinations were endless and each more delectable than the other, and as she stood there gazing at the handwritten menu, contemplating her options, she couldn’t help feeling like she was on a quiet Parisian street.
She was so distracted by her mental vision of the Eiffel Tower that she was startled when someone touched her arm. She turned to see a smiling face she hadn’t seen in months. “Now that you have a job, I expect
you
to buy
my
coffee.”
Brit smiled and spread her arms to embrace the woman who’d been her preceptor during her collegiate days of student teaching. When Brit graduated, Sally Conklin had jokingly told her it wouldn’t be the same at school without her and promptly retired. Brit knew there was more to the story, but she’d received no further explanation and hadn’t probed.
“Sal!” she said as she hugged the taller woman more closely.
“So, you got my message?” Brit had phoned with the good news as soon as she returned from Brazil but hadn’t heard a reply.
“I did. I just got back in the country myself, so I’m not quite caught up on my messages. But how are you? Excited?”
“I’m a nervous wreck. The closer it gets, the nervouser I get!”
Sal laughed and pulled back. “They didn’t hire you to teach English, did they?”
“Fortunately, I’ll be sticking to biology. But I think God himself arranged this meeting, because I really do want to talk to you.”
“Yeah, sorry about not getting back to you. I was on a cruise. I’ve spent most of my waking hours doing laundry and cleaning my house.”
“Do you have some time to talk now?” Brit asked.
“I do.”
“Then I’ll buy you that coffee, and a crepe, too.” At the coffee shop near campus, it was rumored that Sal spent all of her salary on coffee and pastries for her students. During her four years of college, Brit guessed they must have shared a thousand cups of coffee and an equal number of baked delights.
As they reached the counter and placed their orders, Sal chose the strawberries and cream, while Brit took bananas with caramel, nuts, and cream. Both took their coffees in large cups. As promised, Brit paid, and they squeezed into the two last seats at a wobbly table under the canopy.
“So, you were on a cruise? What was that like? Where’d you go?”
“It started in the British Isles and then went everywhere in the Mediterranean. It was fantastic but exhausting. It’s good to be home.”
“And is this home for you now? At the beach?”
“Yes. I bought a house here a long time ago but decided to finally make the move. This is home base now.”
Brit swallowed a bite of her ham-and-cheese. “I’m surprised. I didn’t realize you were considering retirement. You seemed so happy with your job.”
Brit realized that she knew very little about Sal’s personal life, which saddened her. From the first day they met, when Brit was a freshman majoring in Education, they had shared so many common interests and insights, and Brit felt a special connection to Sal that was rare in her life. Yet even though they shared so much, Sal kept her personal life private.
“I was,” Sal said after a moment. “But my partner, Susan, had a heart attack.”
Sal paused, and Brit sensed Sal was searching for some reaction from her, not to the awful news about Susan but to the confession about her sexuality.
Brit gave her only encouragement to continue. “I’m so sorry to hear that. Is she okay now?”
Sal smiled. “It was just a little heart attack, but we heeded the warning. We won’t live forever. So we assessed our finances and decided we could afford to quit working. Now we’re living the good life, having fun and spending all our money so our families can’t fight over it when we’re dead.”
Brit laughed. “So I’m at the beginning of my career, and you’re at the beginning of your adventure! How exciting.” Brit smiled at Sal, happy for her, and happy that she’d chosen to share such private information.
Brit suspected that deep inside she might have known that Sal was a lesbian, but they’d never discussed the subject. When she was in college and just beginning to understand the meaning of all the little clues she’d been ignoring over the years, she didn’t feel comfortable talking about it with anyone. She didn’t date. She didn’t join any gay clubs (not that there were any on her Catholic campus). She didn’t seek out women. If not for the first woman she dated, a woman who, much like Sylvia, immediately tuned in to Brit’s sexuality, she’d probably still be waiting for her first kiss. That first date had led to a few more, but even as Brit grew more comfortable with her identity, she still wasn’t comfortable sharing it. Even though Sal had opened the door, Brit was still too scared to walk through.
“So tell me about this career you’re starting!” Sal’s eyes twinkled with pride.
“I start the day after Labor Day. Students report on Wednesday.”
“Did they give you any guidelines about what they expected? Have you reviewed the textbook you’ll be using?”
“Yes, and yes. I met with the principal and another teacher. I’ll be teaching all of the sophomore classes and some senior ones. They pretty much have the curriculum set up, and they’re using the same textbooks from the past few years. They’re fine. I’ve gone through the books and made an outline of what I want to emphasize and the order I’d like to present things.”
“So what are you nervous about? It sounds like you’ve already got it ready to go.”
Brit shrugged and stared into her coffee, allowing a small sigh before answering. “I’m not sure.”
“You. Will. Be. Great! All your reviews were fabulous, and the students and faculty will love you…just wait and see. It’ll be a piece of cake.”
Brit gave a reluctant smile, not sure she believed Sal but grateful for the encouragement. “You’re always so supportive. Thank you.”
“Now where are you going to be teaching? Which school?”
“That’s what’s so cool. I’ll be at your old school, Endless Mountains.”
Sal sat back in her chair and began laughing. Her salt-and-pepper hair fell casually across her forehead, and wrinkles gathered at the corners of her half-closed eyes, yet Brit marveled at how lovely she looked.
“Small world.” She laughed again.
“Yes, it is.”
“Even smaller these days. Remember the girl I told you about when you were in school? The one who played basketball at EM?”
Britain nodded. Since basketball was one of their many common interests, she and Sal had talked frequently about the game. Sal often spoke of her greatest former player, one who’d gone on to a stellar college career at a big Division I college. She’d often said she’d like to introduce them, but it’d just never happened. “Alex?”
Sal nodded. “Yes, she’s been teaching English at EM for the past few years. She’s been the assistant girls’ basketball coach, too, and this year she’ll be taking over as head coach.”
“No way!” Brit was shocked and thrilled at the same time. If she could make a friend at school it would make this transition so much easier.
“Yes. How about that?”
“Oh, wow! I’d love to meet her. If you give me her number I’ll call her as soon as I get home. Maybe we can meet and talk.”
“I can do even better than that. Why don’t you come over to my place tonight for dinner? I’ll invite her, and the two of you can get to know each other.”
“She’s here?”
“Yeah. She spends the summers here, hanging out.”
Brit pursed her lips. This was the last night of her sister Jordan’s family time at the beach, and it was expected that she would watch Jordan’s sons so she could enjoy some time with her husband. Normally, Brit wouldn’t have given it a second thought. She’d have just stayed home to babysit. But not this time. This was too important.
“That would be fantastic. What time should I come over?”
“How about six?”
“Perfect. What can I bring? Wine? Cheese? Dessert?”
“Sue and I love to cook, and we have too much wine already, so no more. But you can pick up dessert.”
“Anything special?”
“You decide.”
Brit pulled a pen out of her fanny pack and wrote the address on her napkin. “And you really think Alex can come?”
Sal pulled out her phone. “Let’s call her and find out.”
Brit waited anxiously for the other woman to answer, hoping this meeting would work out. But the phone rang until it went to voice mail, and both she and Sal were a little disappointed. Brit listened as Sal left Alex a message instructing her to be at her house by six for dinner. Noting Brit’s look of disappointment, she smiled reassuringly. “Don’t worry. She’ll be there. She’s still afraid of me.”