Authors: Jaime Maddox
P.J. was alarmed by The Man’s tone and stammered in reply. “I…I…I needed to keep track, so I’d know when the debt was repaid.”
The Man shook his head. “Do I look like an idiot to you, Little Man? I know exactly what’s going on with my business. I’ll tell you when your debt is paid. Now, where’d this spreadsheet come from?”
“I made it.”
“No fucking kidding! Desktop? Laptop? Please don’t say school computer or I’ll throw something.”
“No, no, no. Laptop,” he stammered.
“Good. Bring it to me. I’ll reimburse you for it. But I can’t have records of my business floating around, Little Man. And don’t ever, ever do something so stupid again.”
P.J.’s knees threatened to buckle. “Okay, fine. I’ll get you my laptop. But, um, now that, uh, my debt is paid, I think I’m just going to stop working and concentrate on school. I just wanted to tell you.”
A menacing smile spread across The Man’s face and he leaned back in his chair, throwing his head back and letting out a laugh that would have rattled windows in his office if there’d been any. But The Man’s office was in the center of the building, insulated from the world, and had no windows to rattle. P.J.’s eardrums were another story though, and his hands began to tremble to match their beat.
“Little Man, you’re such a comedian.”
P.J. swallowed hard. “Whatta ya mean?”
The Man smiled at him again. “You can’t quit. I need you. Where would I find a replacement for you in the middle of the year? No, no, no. No quitting. Now that your debt’s been paid, though,
you
get paid. You and your geeky big brother.”
Before he could reply, his words were frozen on his lips by the sight of the money The Man pulled from his desk drawer. The roll was bound by a yellow rubber band, and when the man pulled it free, the pile of hundred-dollar bills seemed to dance in his hand. He quickly counted ten and placed them on the front of the desk, near P.J. He counted ten more and placed that pile beside the first. He nodded toward one and then the other. “For you, and for your brother.”
P.J. had been paid minimum wage for all the hours he’d worked for the man. He hadn’t earned a penny in his two months of criminal work. Now the man was offering him two thousand dollars for nothing. He wasn’t even tempted, though. He’d had enough, and he shook his head to let The Man know. “No, thanks. I appreciate it, but now that my debt is paid, I just want to go back to my normal life.”
The Man shook his head. “P.J., you’re a criminal. You’ll never go back to a normal life. What would the police think of what you’ve been doing? And how about those colleges where you’re applying? Do you think they want juvenile delinquents roaming their campuses? I don’t think so. And how about your brother? How long would he last when the police find out what he did?”
P.J. noted how he’d addressed him. He called him P.J. instead of Little Man, because it was P.J. who was doing The Man’s bidding. Little Man didn’t exist in the halls of his school and the businesses of his hometown, only in this office. It was P.J. who’d go to jail if he was caught. Fuck. He needed to get out of this while he still could. “But you said I’d be clear when I repaid you.”
The Man let out a deep breath and shrugged. “A miscalculation on my part. You’re too valuable to let go. I don’t need your brother anymore, so there’s no need for you to tell him what’s going on. Give him the money or keep it. Whatever you want. But I can’t let you go. Not until you graduate. So get used to it, kid. You’re working for me.”
P.J. fought to swallow the bile that had risen in his throat, drowning his voice. He’d watched him operate for nearly three years, and he knew The Man let nothing stand in his way. He knew he’d be hurt, maybe killed, if he resisted. What could he say? He turned and was through the door before The Man called him back.
“Don’t forget your money, Little Man. You earned it.”
Confessions
Alex was troubled by the thought she wanted something she couldn’t have. Britain.
How could she ever have a relationship with someone, dreaming of a tomorrow that might never come? How could she ask that of someone she loved? How could she do that to someone she loved? She couldn’t, and so her relationships with her bed partners had always been superficial. She’d been content with that, until Anke had opened her eyes to something different, and then Brit came along, unleashing within her a hunger Alex had only read about in romance novels. Now she was forced to ask herself the hard questions “What if?” and “Could we?” The answers were as elusive as a cure for the illness that was a focal point of her life and caused all her worry.
Even so, they’d been growing steadily closer since the school year began. They’d become friends. At least they had been, until Alex blew it.
Brit had shared something so personal, and Alex had reacted with such utter and total insensitivity she didn’t see how Brit could ever forgive her. And it didn’t appear she would. Since she’d admitted her virginity, Brit had been avoiding Alex. She was always friendly, always upbeat and enthusiastic, but that night at her apartment had been the last dinner they’d shared. It was the last social time they’d spent together, and Alex couldn’t blame her.
She’d apologized for her rude reaction, but the more she tried to explain, the deeper a hole she dug. She wasn’t judging, or perhaps she was, but it was great to know someone with such principles. Alex hadn’t known any virgins since her first girlfriend. No one that admitted it, anyway.
Brit was special. She deserved someone extraordinary, not someone like Alex, who slept around and didn’t commit, who took no sides and rocked no boats. The impossibility of her fantasy had hit her at that moment as she sat across from Britain on her couch, and all she could do was silently watch her leave, because nothing she could say would equal Brit’s words. And her inadequacies did nothing to quench the thirst she still had for Brit. The fire still burned. She wanted something she didn’t deserve, but she wanted it nonetheless.
And she’d done something else, too, equaling the profound stupidity of her reaction to Britain, perhaps even surpassing it. She’d stopped her medication. Within a week, her back had started aching, and now every sudden turn she made resulted in shooting pain from the base of her spine to the back of her thigh. Even pain patches and pills gave her little relief. She could find no comfortable position for sleeping, and the sleeplessness made her miserable.
But it was time for her six-month checkup with the rheumatologist in Philly, and she hoped to talk to him about an alternative therapy. Perhaps one that wouldn’t kill her but would give her some hope for a future, if not with Britain, then with someone. This was the most important doctor’s visit she’d had in years, and, now, again, Brit was right at the heart of Alex’s thoughts. She’d never had to answer to anyone, but now, she knew she’d have to explain her absence in a way that would appease Brit’s curiosity. She couldn’t just skip school without Brit asking why.
Someone cleared his throat, and Alex looked up at the group of students focused on the exams before them and wished for a moment she was back in school with them, without these worries. In high school all she’d had to worry about was bouncing a ball and finding ways to sneak her girlfriend past Andrew and into her bedroom.
Her gaze traveled to the window and she was shocked to see snow flurries. It was freakin’ October. And then Alex sucked in a breath as she realized she hadn’t bothered to check the forecast. Snow in the mountains would make her morning trip to Philly a nightmare. Pulling out her smartphone, she tapped the WeatherBug icon and checked the news. Fuck! It might snow.
Alex rubbed her hands over her temples. She couldn’t cancel her appointment. It would take months for another one, and her back was in no shape to wait. She’d have to leave tonight. After practice she’d pack a bag and make the drive. The spare room at Kim’s was always available, and she’d make good use of it. What would she tell Kim, though?
They’d been friends for seven years, and Kim knew about the backaches and the freaky rash on her left foot, about the headaches and the occasional pain in her ankles, and the pinkeye that plagued Alex from time to time. She’d never put it all together, though, and since Alex tried to minimize her symptoms and didn’t complain much, her friends hadn’t pressed for details. Kim would wonder about this trip, though, and wouldn’t be put off with a simple answer either. Would she lie? Or was it time to finally come clean?
Discreetly, so her students couldn’t see, she sent Kim a text telling her she’d be in Philly later in the evening and asked if she could spend the night at her place. Within seconds, Kim replied.
Of course. What’s up?
Alex answered her.
I’ll explain later. Wanna meet for cheesesteaks?
Kim’s response came a few minutes later. Apparently she was paying more attention to her class than Alex was
.
Call me from Allentown.
Alex sighed as she put away the phone and glanced at the clock. It was already after two o’clock. She’d be in Philadelphia at seven.
She had five hours to decide.
The students began standing and stretching and handing in their tests. Alex stood and reminded them of the ticking clock, and just a few minutes later she was heading to the gym for practice.
The idea of changing her clothing for practice seemed impractical. Brit always did, emerging from the locker room in coordinating sweat suits and sneakers, and Alex always looked forward to seeing Brit’s variety of practice gear. Sometimes, she even changed her earrings if the colors contrasted. Alex merely changed from loafers into sneakers and coached in the same pants and shirts and sweaters she wore during the day at school.
“Nice pants,” Alex said when she saw Brit.
They looked like they were covered in confetti, and Brit wore a lime-green fleece that magically made her blue eyes look green. The shirt pulled the green from both the pants and her eyes, and although Alex couldn’t have imagined it if she hadn’t seen it on Brit, the effect was stunning.
Brit nodded, acknowledging the color coordination of the blue shirt and blue pinstripes in the pants she’d chosen. “You, too.”
Alex looked down at her black pants and nodded. “I’m a wild one, all right. But, hey, at least we don’t clash too badly.” In fact, the blue and green went together nicely.
“I don’t think we clash at all, Alex.”
Before she could catch her tongue, the words slipped out. “Then why are you avoiding me?”
Brit just stared at Alex, literally speechless, and Alex felt like the fool she was. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Forget it. But I want to tell you something.”
Brit’s eyes opened in surprise and she turned to Alex, studying her. “What’s up?”
“I just wanted to let you know I won’t be in school tomorrow. I’ll still be at practice—don’t worry. I wouldn’t abandon you. I just didn’t want you to be concerned.”
Brit touched Alex’s arm. “That’s so sweet of you, because I would have been. What’s going on?”
“Ehhh. Doctor’s appointment. Nothing exciting.”
“Is everything okay?” The look on Brit’s face nearly melted Alex’s heart, made her want to pull Brit back into the locker room and tell her everything, and kiss her senseless, too.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. Just a checkup.” Which was technically true. This was her regular appointment.
“Oh, wow. You go for checkups? Maybe I should do that, now that I have insurance. I never thought of it before.”
Alex swallowed a laugh. “Maybe you should.”
“Who do you go to?”
Just then an errant ball came flying their way, and only Alex’s quick reflexes protected Brit from a concussion, so the issue was forgotten. Relief washed over her when practice ended and she was finally in her car, heading home. It took only a few minutes to pack her bag, and a yogurt appeased her growling stomach before she was on the road. As instructed, she called Kim from Allentown, and by seven thirty they were at Dalessandro’s enjoying cheesesteaks.
“So why are you here? What’s her name?” Kim’s tone was light but her gaze piercing.
“Diona.” Diona was the name of Dr. Prejean’s nurse.
“Is she hot?”
Diona was wider than she was tall, but with a beautiful face and a heart to match. She’d been guiding and counseling Alex for nearly five years.
“She’s lovely,” Alex said truthfully.
“So how did you meet her?”
“She’s a nurse. She works with my doctor.”
Kim chewed, and then the words seemed to register. Her forehead wrinkled as the question formed in her eyes. “What doctor?”
Alex sighed and put on a brave smile. “Kim, I have to tell you something.”
Kim cleared her throat and put her sandwich back into the little plastic serving basket, then took a sip of her drink. She wiped her mouth and waited, not looking at Alex.
“Kim?” Alex asked.
“So, tell,” she said at last, finally turning to face her.
Alex made it short and simple. Kim already knew the symptoms. Alex just needed to fill in the diagnosis to give her a glimpse of the big picture.