Borrowed Vows (21 page)

Rosalind’s chin came up a little victoriously. “Just how superior would you be feeling right now if you knew you had to go back to Richard and tell him you were carrying Dane’s child? Well? Answer me that if you can.”

Now it was Kathryn’s turn to look away and blink back tears. Carry Dane’s child? If only it were possible.

Rosalind suddenly realized what she’d said, and put out an apologetic hand. “Forgive me, I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just want you to understand how it is for me. Put yourself in my place, reverse everything, and maybe you’ll view my conduct with a little more compassion.”

Remorse stirred through Kathryn then, but it was still tempered with a little justifiable anger. “Okay, maybe I haven’t any business casting stones, but neither should you try making my decisions for me.”

“I admit it.” Rosalind gave a hesitant smile.

Kathryn met her gaze honestly. “I do want to go back to Dane, but I’m afraid. Maybe if it was as clear-cut for me as it is for you...” She went to the window and looked out. Jack had just finished loading the luggage into the rental car, and glanced up to smile at her before going back to his own place.

Rosalind watched her. “I wish I could make happiness as certain for you as it is for me.”

“The whole thing is more complicated than you realize.” Kathryn glanced back at her. “You see, the hurt Dane feels right now goes very much deeper than it might appear. William Denham was Elizabeth’s lover,” she said quietly.

Rosalind was shocked. “But, I thought—”

“That the first Lady Marchwood was an angel without tarnish? Yes, so did I, Dane told me the truth this morning. That made it all the worse when he learned about Thomas and you.”

“I was convinced Dane wore her portrait because he still loved her.”

“So was I. But really, it was a reminder not to be fool enough to fall in love again. Right now he’s probably thinking he should have kept Elizabeth in mind a little longer.”

“Why didn’t he say something at the time of the duel? Why let everyone believe he’d forced an innocent man into a fatal duel?”

“Because of Philip. The boy is definitely his son, and he wished to protect him from knowing his mother had been unfaithful.”

“So instead, Philip will always wonder why his father fought what can only ever appear to be an ignoble duel,” Rosalind remarked a little dryly.

Kathryn smiled. “That’s men for you,” she murmured.

Rosalind turned away. “Poor Dane, he didn’t deserve my unfaithfulness as well.”

“No, he didn’t, but then neither did Richard deserve mine,” Kathryn admitted ruefully.

Rosalind met her eyes and smiled. “Neither of us are really so very bad, Kathryn. We’ve strayed maybe, but we aren’t out-and-out sinners.”

“Richard certainly wouldn’t agree, nor would Dane.” Tears suddenly sprang to Kathryn’s eyes. “And now Dane is going to be damned all over again for murdering a second Denham.”
Oh, Dane, I want to be with you, to try to make it all right again...

Rosalind drew a long breath. “I... I never really understood him, you know. He always frightened me a little—oh, I don’t mean that I feared he would harm me, it was just that I knew I could never be the woman he really needed. He’s so very sensual. Physical lovemaking isn’t merely an adjunct of his affection, it’s an expression of his whole being. When he loves, it is with every sense, and his wife should be a someone who shares his sensuality. You are just such a woman, Kathryn.”

“You don’t know anything about me.”

“I don’t need to, Kathryn. Don’t forget that we changes places, so I’ve been my real self after his lovemaking. He never loved me, the real Rosalind, as he loved you in my guise. There’s been a new happiness in his eyes and touch, and a softness in his voice that I’ve never known before. If
I
could have made him feel like that, maybe there’d have been a hope for our marriage. But Thomas has my heart, and Dane has always rightly suspected me of loving Thomas.

Kathryn had to smile, for hadn’t Rosalind just described the new Richard now he’d spoken to his
doppelgänger
wife?

“Why do you smile?”

“Oh, I was just thinking of the last conversation I had with Richard. He’s changed too, and it’s because of you.”

Rosalind’s eyes warmed. “He’s so very like Thomas.”

“I can’t argue with that.”

“None of us are able to change our nature. I could never be like you, Kathryn, and Richard Vansomeren can never be like Dane.”

“Yes, I know, but that doesn’t mean that a straightforward swap between you and me will produce the desired result. Not for me, anyway.” Kathryn thought for a long moment. “I wish I knew what
really
happens at the duel, or should I say happened? I really don’t know what tense to use anymore. From here the duel is long since over and done with, but back in 1815, it hasn’t yet taken place. It’s so confusing.”

Rosalind nodded. “I know exactly what you mean—in fact, I’m probably the only other person in creation who understands so well.”

“That’s true.” Kathryn smiled at her, but then the smile faded as her thoughts returned to the duel. “Alice says she feels I’ll be able to reveal some hidden truth at the duel, which will bring Dane and me together again. But she only
feels
it, she doesn’t know for sure. And she can’t shed any light on what that truth might be. I’m in the proverbial dark, and right now feel I’m likely to remain there, because Alice loses her powers at midnight and after that it will be too late for anything. If I thought I could go back and begin to shine a little in Dane’s eyes by clearing his name somehow, then I’d take the risk like a shot.”

“You are the only one who can decide if Dane is important enough to you, and thus whether or not to take the chance.”

“Yes, I had cottoned on to that,” Kathryn replied a little caustically, and immediately she bit her lip. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like that. I just don’t know what to do. At least, I know what I
want
to do, but I’m frightened of being back in the past without Dane, and also without everything and everyone I know in the present. I’ll be alone, except for Alice.”

“But if you stay here, you’ll never see Dane again.”

“I know that too.” Kathryn stared down at the courtyard. The scent of roses drifted through the open window, and she could hear the seagulls as they wheeled in the warm air above the cathedral tower.

“I don’t believe you can do without Dane, any more than I can do without Thomas,” Rosalind said simply. “I know what I’m about to say will probably sound like another attempt to persuade you to do as I wish, but it isn’t, it’s a statement of fact. You’ll be wretched for the rest of your life if you’re parted from him, and that applies as much to staying in the present as returning to the past. Either way, without him you’ll be unutterably miserable.”

Kathryn knew she was right. “And if I stay here in the present, I’m guaranteed not to see him again, right?” she said, still gazing down into the courtyard.

“Yes, but if you return ...”

“I stand a chance.”

Rosalind fell silent.

Kathryn raised her gaze toward the cathedral, and smiled a little wryly. There wasn’t really a choice after all. Hope was only on offer if she returned to the past. “I have to go back,” she said quietly.

Rosalind’s breath caught. “Are you sure?”

“I’m not sure about anything, but I’m going back anyway. I want Dane—no, that’s not right, I
need
Dane. I don’t think I can live without him.” Kathryn turned, and with a start found herself looking at...Kathryn Vansomeren! Rosalind and she had changed places again. She, Kathryn, was now Rosalind forever more.

Chapter Twenty-three

The two women stared at each other, and then Rosalind hugged Kathryn tightly. “Thank you, thank you so much,” she whispered.

Kathryn returned the hug, but then felt a perverse desire to laugh. How could anyone explain what had just happened to her? It was an out-of-body, out-of-time experience that was going to last for the rest of her life! She’d just turned her back on everything she’d ever known, and was doing it for a man from another century who might not even want her anymore! It was crazy, but she knew it was the right decision.

Rosalind drew back, and then took her hands. “We’ll always remember this moment, no matter how different our centuries.”

“I hope so.” Then Kathryn remembered something. “Your wedding ring!”

Rosalind looked blank for a moment, and then gasped. “I quite forgot! I was in the drawing room thinking about Thomas, and I took it off, just as I do when I’m with him. Then a maid came in to ask me something, and the ring slipped my mind completely. It must still be on the table by the glass-fronted cabinet.”

“So you didn’t take it off as some sort of grand gesture that your marriage to Dane was over?” Kathryn asked.

“No, I wouldn’t do that, for I know it would only make it even more difficult for you to win Dane’s trust again. He’d interpret its absence like you just did. I was guilty of trying to make you stay in the past with him, but not of wanting to make things impossible for you as well! I’m not that selfish.”

Kathryn smiled. So Alice had been wrong this time. She glanced down at the waiting car. “You were about to leave, so I guess there’s nothing to keep you now.”

“I’m ashamed of how pushy I’ve been. I just figured if I forced the pace, I’d somehow evade all chance of being sent back to the past,” Rosalind admitted. “I’ve even booked a hotel room for tonight, ready for the nine o’clock flight in the morning.”

“Well, I’d say remember me to Richard, but I don’t really think that would be right,” Kathryn said with a smile.

Rosalind smiled too. “Probably not.”

Kathryn searched her eyes then. “You know, it’s not just Richard you’re going to, there’s my career as well. You’ll have dear Diane Weinburger to deal with.”

“No, I won’t.”

“You won’t?”

Rosalind smiled. “I’m going to give it up. I just want to be a wife and mother.”

“Well, Richard will be delighted,” Kathryn said, “but will you be satisfied?”

Rosalind laughed then. “Why should I not be? Kathryn, you’ve chosen to go back in time to become Lady Marchwood. What career satisfaction is there in that? It’s hardly the role of an emancipated woman, but it’s what you want. We’ve both made our choices because we know in our hearts what’s best for us, and that’s all that matters.”

“I guess you’re right, I’m still having trouble getting to grips with all this.” Kathryn looked a little wickedly at her then. “Are you really going to give up my career?”

“My career. Yes, I am,” Rosalind corrected with a grin, but her curiosity was aroused. “What’s on your mind? I know there’s something, I can tell by your voice.”

“Oh, just a small matter of telling Diane Weinburger what she can go do. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve wanted to say exactly what I think of her, but I’ve chickened out. But if you’re going to leave anyway ... ?” Kathryn raised a hopeful eyebrow.

Rosalind grinned. “Nothing would give me greater pleasure. I’ll wipe the floor with her.”

“In front of everyone! Please say you’ll do it in front of the entire office!” Kathryn begged mercilessly.

“You have my word on it.”

“God, I almost wish I could be there.” Kathryn smiled. “Almost, but not quite.”

They looked at each other then, and after a moment Rosalind glanced out of the window at the waiting car. “Well, I guess it’s good-bye, then.”

Kathryn hesitated, and then hugged her a last time. “Take care.”

“And you,” Rosalind replied, returning the hug.

They held each other for a long moment, both conscious of the uniqueness of their situation. Everything that had happened to them was so wildly improbable that even now it seemed almost like a dream, except they both knew this parting was definitely for real. They’d swapped places, swapped lives, swapped times, and, above all, swapped husbands, but only they knew about it. And Alice, of course.

Then Rosalind had gone. Kathryn heard her light steps on the staircase, and a moment later the car door slammed. She went to the window to watch as it reversed down the alley, and caught a last glimpse of Rosalind’s face before she drove off. No, of Kathryn Vansomeren’s face before she drove off.

A chill finger suddenly passed down her spine as she realized she’d never see her own face again. Because it wasn’t her face any longer, it belonged to Rosalind. She turned from the window. It was done. She’d made the irrevocable decision, but as yet she was neither one thing nor the other. She was in no-man’s-land, a helpless limbo of total dependence upon the fading skills of an old woman whose powers would end completely at the first stroke of Lammas Day, 1815!

So, at least she knew the final transition would have to take place before midnight, but that was
all
she knew. Maybe it would happen within the next few minutes, maybe not until the witching hour itself. So she glanced around the apartment, committing everything modern to memory because she’d never see it again. Never see a TV, a phone, or a refrigerator. Never enjoy the New York skyline, never drive on a freeway, or go to the movies. And now it would be Rosalind who told Diane Weinburger where to go, because the real Kathryn Vansomeren had opted for the past— for silk and muslin gowns, carriages, servants, and Sir Dane Marchwood. Her pulse had quickened expectantly. Hurry up, Alice. I’m frightened here on my own, and want to go back now!

But the minutes dragged on, and nothing happened. She remained in the future in her Regency guise. She began to pace restlessly up and down, glancing frequently at the time and gradually becoming anxious. What if for some reason Alice couldn’t take her back? What if she was stuck here like this instead? Oh, God, that didn’t bear thinking about.

Another hour passed, and still there was nothing. She couldn’t pace any longer, and so lay on the bed. The day was warm, and the sounds of Gloucester drowsy with summer heat. She closed her eyes, not expecting to drift into sleep, but she did, and when she awoke, it was dark.

Her eyes flew open with a start, and for a moment she hoped she was back in 1815, but then she heard a truck in the street. She was still in the future! She glanced at the clock radio. It was a quarter to midnight! What was Alice playing at? Soon it would be too late! As she lay wondering what to
do, she heard footsteps on the stairs, and then Jack’s voice.