Born of Silence (75 page)

Utter silence filled the hall.

“We wouldn’t have a faggot for a leader!”

“Enough!” Giran roared. “I will not stand by and see our emperor insulted!” He pinned several of them with a brutal glare. “If the League steps in,
all
of us are replaced. Do you understand me? The CDS will be disbanded. Immediately. Our titles will be confiscated and those of us here in this room will join those already imprisoned.”

That
finally got their attention. Yeah, the bastards didn’t like that thought at all.

A deafening roar broke out until Giran let loose a fierce whistle. “Let’s hear from the emperor what he intends to do for us.”

He and the rest of the room looked to Darling.

Darling clasped his hands behind his back and eyed them coldly. “My plan is simple. I intend to walk right into the heart of League territory and ram their dictate for our surrender down their throats.”

The royal guard cheered. But the gerents weren’t quite so enthusiastic.

“They’re not going to let you walk in and take our people out,” a woman sneered. “They’ll come for us.”

Darling shrugged with a nonchalance he didn’t feel. “They might. But it’s not likely. As far as the League will know, the attack
won’t be sanctioned by the Caronese,” he reiterated. “The Sentella will be leading it.”

“Why would the Sentella put their lives on the line for us?”

Because I’m one of its founding members, imbecle…

But he could never say that out loud. “It’s what they do. Everything is already in place. Nemesis and Kere are standing by to start the assault as soon as I give them the clear. Something I didn’t want to do without consulting all of you first.”

Giran gave him a fierce military salute. “I am with you, my lord. May the gods speed and keep you. Most of all, may they give you the strength to save our people and bring them home.”

The royal guard let out a resounding sound of approval.

But the gerents…

They remained quiet for so long that Darling began to wonder if he hadn’t bored them to sleep.

Finally, Lady Tehrshin rose to her feet to address him. “I remember my father telling me when I was a girl that the League would never act against any nation. That all they wanted was to keep us in peace and health. But over the years, I’ve watched as they lost sight of their mission. Now I am one of those who is directly affected by their actions. They hold my only son for no reason whatsoever. Today I am the one who suffers. But tomorrow, it could be anyone in this room. They need no reason these days to kill or suppress. I support you, Your Majesty, and I commend your courage. Would that all men possessed it. May the gods bless you always, Emperor.”

“Here, here,” Lord Sirisk said as he, too, came to his feet. “Long reign and health to Emperor Cruel.”

Suddenly, one by one, the gerents stood up and gave a formal nod of approval.

Astonished by their unexpected reversal, Darling stood before
them, trying to absorb the fact that for the first time in his life, they were with him.

Not against him.

Releasing his pent-up breath, he returned their salute with one of his own. “Thank you for your support in this. Now I’m off to finish preparations.”

With those words spoken, he quit the room.

Drake and Maris ran to catch up to him in the hallway.

“Wow,” Maris breathed in awe. “That was something I never thought I’d live to see.”

Drake nodded in agreement. “It was incredible.
Emperor
Darling. I can’t believe they’re with us.”

Darling wasn’t so sure about that. At any moment, he expected one of the gerents to betray him.
Dear gods, I’ve become as jaded as Maris…

But he was grateful that it’d gone better than he’d dared hope.

Looking forward to getting Zarya home, Darling led the way to the war room where they’d left the others. He’d only gone about halfway when they met up with Nykyrian.

“We’re ready to move forward,” Darling told him.

Nykyrian didn’t respond.

A shiver of dread washed over Darling. While the Andarion prince was usually somber, there was something about him different. Something more rigid than normal.

“What’s wrong?” Darling asked.

Nykyrian sighed heavily. “The media is going wild again.”

Darling let out a sound of utter disgust. Of course they were. “What did the League do now?”

“They…” Swallowing hard, Nykyrian hesitated, which was something he’d never done before.

That, in and of itself, scared the shit out of him. This was bad.

Real
bad.

His face emotionless, Nykyrian held his mobile out toward Darling. “The League has released a statement that while torturing one of their prisoners for information about the Resistance and you, the prisoner died during interrogation.”

Darling’s entire body seized up as he heard those words.
Please, please don’t let it be who I think it is.
He wanted to look at the mobile, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so.

Because in his heart, he already knew what he’d see and he couldn’t face it.

“Who did they kill?” Drake asked.

Nykyrian’s eyes turned dark. “I’m so sorry to be the one to tell you, Darling. But I didn’t want you to find out from someone else.”

“No,” he breathed as his vision darkened. “It’s not her.”

Nykyrian winced. “I’m afraid it is. Zarya’s dead.”

25

Darling forced himself to look at Nykyrian’s mobile. For a full minute, he couldn’t breathe as he saw Zarya’s battered, lifeless face and the cold, static writing around it that chronicled her last few hours of utter hell.

She’d told them nothing…

Even with their torture, which was plainly evident in the picture of her, she hadn’t betrayed him or his friends. She could have destroyed them all and saved herself.

Or at least quickened her death.

She hadn’t. To the very end, she’d been loyal to him…

Pain racked him in a way it never had before. His senses reeled as dizziness blurred his vision. It hurt so much and so deeply that he wasn’t sure how he remained on his feet.

I failed her.

The one person in this world he should have protected above all others, had been brutalized and murdered by his enemies while he’d been powerless to find her and stop them.

In that one moment of soul-splintering agony, he had total clarity over what Zarya had gone through while she’d searched for Kere. No wonder she hadn’t checked on him as a political prisoner
under the care of her men. She’d been right. The fear and desperation were all consuming. That horrific need to find the one you loved while you imagined what was being done to them…

This awful, sickening sensation of knowing they were out there and you couldn’t get to them while life went on. You still had to pay bills and attend to daily matters that seemed so trivial and inconsequential.

But they had to be done. The world didn’t give a shit when you were aching and lost. When the one person you needed and loved most was no longer with you, it didn’t affect them at all.

Only
your
world was shattered beyond repair.

And then the absolute, impotent anguish that came when you saw the confirmation of your worst fears…

He couldn’t take his eyes off her battered face.

Damn you all!

This was so much worse than what they’d done to him. He would much rather be back in that room, having Pip feed him shit than to be here right now, knowing he’d never see Zarya again.

She’s gone.

Forever…

Having lived solely for her, how could he go back to living without her? She had been the only light in his darkness. When he had been lost to a place so dismal not even Maris could pull him out, she alone had returned him to sanity and given him sunshine again.

And he’d wasted so much precious time with her letting his hurt stand between them.

If I could just have one more hour back…

He wouldn’t squander it by holding past mistakes against her. Rather he would revel in the miracle that he’d had her at all. That somehow, against all odds, two lost and battered souls had found each other, and there for one moment in time, had managed to be happy together.

Why did I waste it?

Why?

Maris moved forward to hold him tight. “Breathe, baby. Just breathe.”

Darling couldn’t. Not while his soul screamed out in the bitterest agony he’d ever tasted. A thousand memories tore through him at once. He saw Zarya’s eyes light and happy as she teased him late at night. Her face as she looked up at him with an adoration no one else had ever given him.

Not even Maris.

Anytime she glanced at him, there had been the most beautiful twitching of her lips as if she was trying not to smile. A joy in her gaze that had never failed to set him on fire.

And now the last image of her, the one that would haunt him forever, was of her bruised and bloodied. Of her amber eyes lifeless and empty…

Reality crashed over him and ripped him straight out of his body. He saw himself as if he were looking down on the small group. Drake’s pale face was drawn, but vengeance glowed in his eyes. Ryn and Hauk stood behind Nykyrian wearing the same stoic expression Nykyrian held as they braced themselves for his reaction.

Maris stood behind him with one arm around his waist and the other wrapped around his shoulders. He had his forehead pressed against the back of Darling’s head and he felt Maris’s hot tears on his neck as his best friend trembled and wept from his own grief. It was a protective hug, the kind Darling had used with Drake and Lise when they were children and he’d wanted them to feel secure and safe in the midst of all hell busting loose.

But he didn’t feel secure. And he had no right to feel safe. Not after he’d allowed the only woman he’d ever loved to leave his protection and be tortured to death.

The grief and misery inside was so great that it left him suddenly numb. It was as if his mind knew he couldn’t handle the full magnitude of her loss. So it shielded him with a cloak of apathy.

He hadn’t felt like this since the day his father had been buried and he’d realized nothing would ever be the same—that
he
would never be the same. The first time his life had shattered into a trillion jagged pieces that had lacerated every part of him, body and soul.

And he knew it wouldn’t last. Sooner or later, his mind would drop the shield and all that pain would flood over him. Even sharper and deeper, until there was nothing left except a rage so foul it would challenge his sanity.

Zarya was dead.

It didn’t seem possible. Yet there was no denying that photo. She was gone from him.

I’ll never hear her voice again.
Never wake up with her hand tangled in his hair.

Never again have her stick her cold feet on his back whenever she got in bed with him…

He would even miss the way she always stole food off his plate before he had a chance to taste it. Those things had made him snap at her. They’d made him crazy.