Born of Silence (67 page)

Her loyalty touched him deeply, especially since he knew what she truly thought of the Cruel family and their elongated reign. Over the years, she’d ranted against all of them repeatedly.
“The best thing that could happen for this empire would be a gas leak in the palace that took all of them out at once.”

Yeah, those words had been hard to swallow. But he’d more than understood her malice, and he’d never held it against her.

Still unsure of what would be best, he turned on the wall monitor. Immediately, it showed Giran being interviewed. Through his shifting vision, he saw that Giran’s eyes were blackened and his nose taped. There was a white bandage wrapped around his entire head. He looked awful.

I should have hit him harder…

Giran licked his bruised lips. “We have to remember that Gov
ernor Cruel comes from a long line of unstable genes. Why do you think all of them have been assassinated? Our latest leader is the worst of them. I’ve released his medical file for public review. Right here”—he held up the mobile reader in his hand—“the psychologist says that Governor Cruel had to be restrained due to his violent outbursts, and this while he was sedated…”

He glanced down at his mobile so that he could read the report verbatim. “ ‘Patient Cruel is showing no improvement or remorse for his past behavior, whatsoever. He continues to be belligerent, lunging out against the staff and cursing all of us. He’s resistant to our best efforts to rehabilitate him. Yesterday, he broke the arms of two guards. When asked how he felt about putting them in the hospital, he responded that he not only enjoyed it, but that he’d gladly do it again. And that if he was able to, he’d harm me as well.’ ”

Zarya gaped at Darling.

His features darkened as he clutched the remote in his hand. Vicious memories of that event rushed through him and he wanted blood for it. He returned her shocked expression with a fierce growl. “They were violating me with a pole and the doctor stood there watching, telling them to be more sadistic with it. When they hit me in the arm with the pole, it knocked loose one of my restraints. As soon as I had my arm free, I beat the shit out of them. And yes, I enjoyed it. Every second of it, and every scream they let out while I did it. My only regret was that they sedated me before I could kill them.”

Zarya felt sick at what he described, and at the shame that tinged the anger in his jerking eyes. Damn that bastard for dredging up something so foul.

Still, when one didn’t know Darling’s side of the event…

“I understand, but it sounds so bad from the doctor’s point of view.”

“Of course it does. You don’t really think he’d put in a report that his treatment was to sanction the brutal rape of a patient, do you?” He cursed under his breath as the reporter continued to question Giran about his mental capacity and inability to lead them.

Zarya cringed with every word. The saddest part of it all was that Darling would never set the record straight. His shame and horror over it ran too deep.

And she couldn’t blame him for it. In his place, she wouldn’t breathe a word of it either.

He gestured toward the monitor with the remote. “They’re taking everything out of context and spinning it to annihilate me. It’s…” His voice trailed off as his eyes widened and his face went stark white.

Zarya turned to see a naked teenaged Darling with Nylan. Maris was right. Darling was crying and it was painfully obvious that he wanted no part of Nylan’s groping. Her stomach tightened to the point she thought she’d be sick as she grabbed the remote from his hand and turned it off.

Horrified agony was etched deep into his features.

She felt as if
she’d
been hit with a blow. “Darling?”

He didn’t move. His gaze on the floor, he sat there as if he were comatose.

“Sweetie?”

Still, he didn’t respond in any way. It was as if the pain was so great that all he could do to survive it was to withdraw from everything. Even her.

Wanting to soothe him, she reached to brush her hand through his hair.

He jerked away. “Don’t touch me!” Those snarled words brought tears to her eyes. Pain bled from every pore of his body. He was aching on a level she couldn’t imagine. No one should ever be so hurt.

Darling couldn’t think as memories surged and brought him to his knees.

But the worst was having Zarya see it…

Why would the gods do this to him? Why did they make her see his shame?

Needing to withdraw from her and the pain of his past, he slid off the bed and headed for the bathroom. He only took three steps before his jerking vision unbalanced him and sent him to the floor.

He ground his teeth as his fury mounted.
I can’t even walk myself to the fucking toilet…

Arturo had been right after all. He was a useless piece of shit, unfit to breathe, never mind run an empire.

Suddenly, Zarya was there, helping him to his feet.

With no choice, he allowed her to put him back in bed. Something that didn’t help his ego at all.
I’m so worthless…

She brushed the hair back from his face. “Bad things happen to decent people, Darling. It’s so wrong, but—”

“Don’t you dare patronize me!” he snarled.

“I’m not. Believe me, I’m not.” She gestured toward the bedroom door that led to the hall. “My mother and sister were killed in this palace. Brutally. Why? Because they dared to ask an old friend for mercy. A
friend
. Someone my mother had known most of her life. A man we’d all sat down to dinner with. She didn’t deserve that any more than you deserve what was done to you.”

“I know that, Zarya. I do. Just as I know the horror and shame of that video won’t kill me—even though I’ve wished a million times that it would. I’ve been forced to live with it being thrown in my face for years. I… I just need a minute to catch my breath and cope, okay?”

Zarya hesitated. Did he really need to be left alone? She wasn’t sure. But then he’d never asked that of her before. Surely he wouldn’t send her away if he needed her.

Deciding to give him some time to himself, she relented. “All right, sweetie. I’ll go see Maris. Call me if you need anything.”

He responded with a single nod.

Her heart breaking for him, she left his room. Fain and Hauk looked up from where the two of then were sitting on the floor, against the opposite wall.

In spite of Darling’s wishes and protests, the men had stayed to guard him should any of the gerents or people try to harm him after tonight’s events.

She paused beside Hauk as she studied the three strange pyramids in his hand. “What are you doing?”

“Playing Squerin.”

He said it like she should know exactly what it was. “I’ve never heard of it.”

Fain laughed. “It’s an old Andarion game. From the way Dancer plays, I don’t think he’s ever heard of it either.”

“Stop calling me that,” Hauk growled at his brother.

Fain scoffed at his anger. “I’m not about to call you Hauk. Sorry. My name, too, and it gets confusing as hell whenever I’m around you. Every time someone yells out for you, I think they’re calling me. So your parents named you something stupid. Take a stone from Darling, and deal with it.”

“I’ll take a testicle, all right, but it won’t be from Darling.” He glared meaningfully at his brother.

Zarya wrinkled her nose at their sudden hostility. “I feel so bad. You two were playing nicely until I bothered you. I didn’t mean to cause a fight.”

Fain reached for the pyramids. “Don’t take it personally. We’re Andarion. Which means we’re perpetually pissed off.”

“Yeah,” Hauk agreed. “We’re always fighting about something, even if it means making up a fight over nothing.”

She laughed. “All right, then. I’ll leave you to it.”

Before she could move, Hauk jerked his head toward the bedroom door. “Is he okay?”

Zarya wasn’t sure how to answer that. Like them, she was worried about Darling and how he was coping with this unending barrage of insults and public ridicule. “Depends on the definition. I don’t think I’d use the word ‘fine’ per se. But he’s coping better than I would.”

“Then why are you leaving?” Fain asked.

“He wanted a few minutes alone. So I thought I’d go see what Maris was getting into.”

Hauk rolled the pyramids onto the floor. “Ah… take your time. Don’t worry about Darling, we’ll keep our ears open.”

Coming from Andarions, who had incredible auditory abilities, that made her feel better. Until another thought occurred to her… She outwardly cringed as she realized that they’d probably heard
everything
that had happened between her and Darling.

Fain looked up and froze. “I can tell by your expression what you’re thinking and no, we weren’t eavesdropping while you were in the room with him. We think more of the two of you than to do that, and we figured if you needed us, you’d holler.”

That made her feel a lot better. “Thank you.” She blew him a kiss before she continued on her way.

When she started down the ornate wing where Maris lived, it suddenly struck her that this was now her home, too. If she married Darling, this was where she’d live out her life, birth her children, and most likely die…

In a palace.

The mere thought froze her in place.

And it wasn’t just any palace. It was the palace of an enemy she’d spent her entire adulthood trying to ruin and overthrow.

A foreign sensation washed over her at that realization.
What am I doing?

For a moment, she couldn’t breathe as it all slammed into her with a clarity she’d lacked before.

She really was engaged to the Caronese governor…

To the most powerful person in their empire. One of the most powerful people in the entire universe. Darling ruled the second largest empire in history.

And
she
would be his crowned consort.

Now there was something you didn’t get to do every day.

Her heart pounded as she looked around at all the gilding on the crown molding over her head. At the portraits of Darling’s ancestors and their cold gazes that seemed to judge her as insufficient.

If she married him, her picture would hang here as well. Forever. Generations of Cruels, staff, and visitors would look up at her, just as she’d done at all of them.

Her stomach hit the floor as cold panic bit her viciously.

You don’t have to stay here, you know. You can always go home.
Return to her old life.

Granted, she’d have to find a new cause to fight for since she was probably the only Caronese alive who didn’t want to overthrow the new governor. But she didn’t have to stay here.

Darling had kept her apartment for her. He’d given her the keys, money…

I want you with me because you want to be here. You’re free to leave at any time. I won’t stop you.
Those words still choked her whenever she thought about them. She’d asked him why he’d kept her place after he’d been freed, but he’d refused to answer. Deep inside, she suspected it was more a matter that he had a hard time letting go of the things he loved. And while he’d been furious at her, that apartment had been a place where they’d been happy together.

That was where she’d assumed she would live with Kere once they married.

Zarya looked down at the huge ring on her finger. While simi
lar, it was very different from the first one he’d given her. The one that had been stolen by the slaver… Darling had never once asked her about the first ring.

She tried her best not to think about the fact that while he’d lost his finger trying to keep her ring with him, she hadn’t fought the slaver to keep Darling’s ring at all.

Please tell me that ring wasn’t sentimental to him
… That fear and guilt were what kept her from asking him about it.

“Mistress?”

She jumped at the deep voice behind her.

Jerking around, she saw the new captain of Darling’s guards there—Darling had killed the former one. “Yes?”

He bowed respectfully to her. “Forgive me, Mistress, if I scared you. I saw you standing here and just wanted to make sure you were all right.”

Smiling, she nodded. “I was just thinking about some things. Sorry. Apparently, I got so lost in thought that I stopped walking.”

He started away, then hesitated. After a few heartbeats, he turned back to face her. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

His question piqued her curiosity. “Not at all.”

“I, um, I don’t know if you remember me or not, but I was the guard who carried you up to the mistress’s room when you hurt your ankle.”

Her face heated up at the reminder. How could she
ever
forget something like that? “I remember.”

Regret and shame filled his eyes. “Given what’s being said about everything the governor’s done to you in the news, I wanted to apologize if I’ve hurt you or caused you to be hurt in any way. If there’s ever anything I can do to help you, please let me know.”

Her smile melted into a scowl. “I don’t understand.”

He stepped closer so that he could whisper to her in a low tone. “If you need help escaping, Mistress, I—”