Born of Silence (4 page)

That was what her father had told her, over and over again. And where was he?

In his grave. Ruthlessly murdered by his own best friend.

Kere rolled over onto his back and pulled her on top of him. She savored the feel of his hard body under hers as he teased her lips with his. He was nothing but a solid wall of scarred muscle. Scars that reminded her that no matter how strong he seemed, he wasn’t invulnerable or invincible.

Terrified of losing him, Zarya breathed in his warm masculine scent. He always smelled delectable and that went a long way in soothing her fears and terror.

She dragged her fingers down his whiskered jaw. “You need a shave.”

“I thought you liked it when I let my whiskers grow.”

That was because he did things to her with those whiskers that always set her on fire.

Her smile died as she touched his back and found…

Was it a bandage?

“You’re wounded?” Pulling him to his side, she ran her hand over the coarse material and found where it was wet with fresh blood. The smell and feel of it was unmistakable and undeniable.

“It’s not bad. Just a flesh wound.”

Was he serious? It was an awfully large bandage for a mere flesh wound. “Shot?”

“Stabbed.”

“Oh my God!” She scrambled off his hips and forced him to roll over so that she could gently probe his wound with her fingers. “I wish I could see it.”

“Nothing but sutures to see.”

She gentled her probing so that she wouldn’t hurt him, but it bothered her that she had no real idea how big or deep it was. “Was it an assassin?”

“Yeah.”

“Where?”

“My back. Obviously.”

She rolled her eyes at his sarcasm. He could be so damned impossible at times. “No, goofball. Where were you when he struck?”

“Coming out of a restaurant. The crowd was thick and I know better than to get distracted. It was stupid and it won’t happen again.”

But it’d already happened. A few more inches and it would have punctured his lung and killed him. The mere thought of it made her light-headed and shaky. “Where’s the assassin now?”

“Hell’s gates most likely, though I guess there’s a slim chance he might be in paradise.”

She flicked her fingernail at his bandage. “You’re not funny.”

“Zarya, it’s all right.” He rolled back over and pulled her into his arms. “It’s why I wanted to see you. Why I’m here with you tonight when I’m supposed to be halfway across the universe. It made me start rethinking some things.”

But she wasn’t ready to listen to him yet. “Where was the rest of the Sentella when you were attacked?”

“No idea. We don’t live together. And they’re not exactly my keepers.”

“They should be… Are you laughing at me?” She had the distinct impression that he was.

“No, love. Never. I’m just amused by your outrage. No woman has ever given a single shit when I’ve been hurt.” This time, she heard the thick emotion in his voice as he brushed her hair back from her face, then laid a very tender kiss on her cheek.

She savored that touch so much. Her worst fear was having to live in a world where she felt it no more. “Don’t die on me, Kere. Please.”

“I don’t intend to. In fact…” His voice trailed off.

She had no idea what he intended until he slid something cold onto her finger.

Her heart stopped as she covered it with her hand and felt the contours of it.

No, it couldn’t be.

Could it?

No matter how she tried to rationalize it, there was no mistaking the huge stone that was set in the middle of two smaller ones. “Is this—”

“I want you to marry me, Zarya,” he said, interrupting her. “I need you in my life. Every day. By my side. I know it sounds strange, but when I’m with you, I’m the man I always wanted to be. The one I feel I was born to be. And when I’m not, it’s like I’m lost to someone else… and I don’t like him anymore—not that I ever really did. But since I’ve known you, I’ve learned to detest that part of me with a passion. And I can’t keep living the lie that was forced on me.”

“What lie?”

He was silent for several seconds before he answered. “My whole life is a lie. From beginning to end. I have to be so careful with everything I say and do. I can’t drop my guard for even a heartbeat, and I don’t dare let anyone see the real me. Ever… except for you. You are my only truth. The only one who knows who I really am and what I really think. And I have to have you with me before I really do go insane. I can’t stand being without you anymore. Please say yes.”

Her heart soared until she remembered one small fact.

He refused to let her see his face or body.

Ever.

“I’m going to look really strange blindfolded at my wedding.”

He laughed. “You won’t be blindfolded.”

“You’ll look strange, standing there in your full battle gear.”

Kere kissed her lips and this time, she felt his smile. “I won’t be in battle gear.”

Her breath caught at what he was implying… Could it be? “You’re going to let me finally see you?” She reached for her lamp switch.

He caught her hand before she could turn the light on. “Not yet. I have a few things I have to put in order first. But I promise you, the next time we meet, you will see me for who and what I am.
All
of me.”

“I know who and what you are.”

His grip on her hand tightened ever so slightly. “No, you’ve only seen my soul, never my face, and I need a promise from you before you do.”

“Anything.”

He hesitated again as if he was afraid, something that mystified her. She’d seen him stand toe-to-toe with the baddest asses the League and Caronese government could throw at him.

Never had he flinched or faltered.

But tonight, something was bothering him in a way his enemies never had.

“When you see me, I want you to remember not to judge me by my looks.”

How could he be afraid of something so incredibly trivial? “I told you that I only judge people by their hearts.” And he had the most beautiful one she’d ever known.

“But I’m not just anyone, Zarya.”

“I know. You’re the man I love.”

He cupped her face in the palms of his hands… hands that held roughened calluses—testament, along with the scars all over his body, to how hard a life he’d lived. Her Kere was anything but a spoiled rich aristo who lived off the backs of people like her and
her family and those she tried to protect from the aptly named Cruels who preyed on them all.

Though he rarely spoke of his life outside of his role in her beloved Resistance and the Sentella, she felt the road map of tragedies all over him. His past had been one marred by untold brutality and battles. All she wanted was to soothe and comfort him the way he comforted her.

“I don’t ever want you to forget that, Z. Promise me?”

“Of course.” She laid her hand over his damaged cheek. She knew he was extremely self-conscious about the scar that bisected the left half of his face, and the ones on the rest of his body. When they’d first started sleeping together, he’d kept his hair over his face and had pulled back from her touch anytime she went near that particular scar.

Then one night, when he’d been so exhausted that he’d fallen asleep on her, she had brushed his hair back from his face and found what bothered him most. That scar was so deep, she could feel where the wound had left a deep groove in the bone underneath it. So deep that she wondered if he might not be blind in his left eye from whatever had caused that injury.

No, he couldn’t be. His aim was too perfect in battle. If he only had sight in one eye, his depth perception would be off and he’d be at a serious disadvantage. Still, there was no denying the savage ferocity of the injury that had caused a scar like that.

Her heart aching for the pain it must have caused him, she’d pressed her lips to the scar he’d always hidden from her. That kiss had awakened him instantly.

He’d turned his face and pulled away. “Don’t. I’m disgusting.”

“You’re not disgusting.” She’d felt his pain in the darkness and it had broken her heart. “We all have scars, Kere. Inside and out. Wounds that go so deep, they leave a permanent mark on us. But that doesn’t make them ugly or revolting. They were hard lessons
learned and for better or worse, they changed us. No matter how hard you try to hide them, they will always be there. And I think your scars are beautiful because they are what have made you the man I care about.”

After that, he’d allowed her complete access to his body. But only under the protection of full darkness.

He still wouldn’t let her see any part of him in the light.

Could he, who stood fearless before the scariest of enemies, be afraid of her rejecting him for his looks?

Was that even possible?

“Your features don’t matter to me, Kere. I’d love you even if you had three heads and a split nose.”

“You say that because you don’t know who and what I really am.”

“And again, it doesn’t matter. I will stand by you forever. How could you doubt me?”

He laughed bitterly. “Almost everyone you’ve ever loved has died on you. Almost everyone I’ve ever loved has put me in harm’s way. Not one of them ever failed to throw me to the wolves to protect their own ass. Whenever it was a choice between them and me,
I
was the one who paid for it. Once I show you my face, Z, I can’t go back. You will have the power to completely destroy me and everyone I hold dear. All of our lives will be in your hands.”

She stared at what she hoped was his eyes so that he could see her heart. “I would
never
hurt you.”

“You’re the only one I’ve ever trusted this much with my real thoughts and beliefs. You know me better than any creature alive.”

“And I am forever yours. You can trust me, Kere. I swear I will
never
betray you. Not ever.”

“I believe you,” he whispered in her ear before he captured her lips again. Then he slid himself deep inside her.

Zarya groaned at how good he felt there. She cradled him with
her body as he thrust himself slow and easy against her hips. “I love you, Kere,” she breathed.

“I love you, too. I always will.”

She smiled and tightened her hold on him. It was the first time he’d ever said that back to her. In the past, he’d always remained silent or said that he was glad that she did.

But tonight…

There was no longer any doubt whatsoever that she was more to him than an easy lay whenever he was horny. For the first time in their two-year relationship, he finally confirmed that he loved her and that he intended to stay.

Running her hands over his scarred back, she delighted in the way his muscles played against her palms as he pleasured her. If she could, she’d stay right here, like this, forever.

She lifted her hips, bringing him even deeper inside until her entire body was rife with ecstasy. “Tell me again that you love me,” she breathed.

“I love you, Zarya. And I have
never
said that to another woman.”

Most of all, he never said anything he didn’t mean.

Her heart singing, she threw her head back and screamed as she came again. Still he kept that steady, deep pace until she was completely sated and begging him for mercy. Only then did he join her in that one perfect moment of intense pleasure. She held him close against her entire body as he shook in her arms. Unlike her, he was always quiet whenever they made love. He would suck his breath in sharply from time to time whenever she did something unexpected, but overall, he seldom made any sound whatsoever.

Yet another strange quirk of his. One that made her wonder if he, like many assassins she knew, was keeping his guard up in expectation of an ambush. Did he, even now, fear she’d stab him in the dark?

I hope you know me better than that.

His breathing ragged, he lowered himself to cover her and to nibble her neck and ear. “What time do you have to be up in the morning?”

“Nine, why?”

He brushed his whiskers against her breast, tickling her in a way that should be illegal. “Good. I have plenty of time to play with you and still let you get a good night’s sleep.”

She smiled at those words and at the fact that by his hunger, she knew he didn’t cheat with other women. Whenever they were together, he was a powerhouse of testosterone—like he stored it all up just waiting for a chance to be alone with her.

And as the night went by, he made good on his promise.

Hours later, Zarya tried to stay awake, knowing that he’d be gone whenever she woke up. But all too soon her exhaustion overcame her and she drifted off while lying on top of an eight-pack of rock-hard abs.

Something loud buzzed, rudely pulling her out of her happy dreams. Groaning, Zarya rolled over and slapped at her alarm. Gah, she hated that thing.

“Ow!” she groused as something caught in her hair and pulled out several strands.

She opened her eyes to see the huge griata stone in her engagement ring.