Born of Silence (21 page)

Zarya held his mobile like a lifeline as she saw her sister’s record.
Guernelle Academy had been both their dreams as far back as she could remember. It was the same school where their parents had met, and then graduated.

For Zarya, the dream had ended on her eighteenth birthday when her father had been murdered. She’d been forced to leave school before graduation to take over her father’s position in the Resistance. But she’d refused to allow Sorche to join her cause. Unlike her, her sister had stayed in school and kept her grades up.

Two years ago, Sorche had graduated with honors and scored so high on her entrance exams that the academy had actually courted her for admission.

However, the exorbitant cost was prohibitive. Since their father had been branded a traitor and Zarya was currently a wanted outlaw, Sorche wasn’t able to apply for scholarships or grants. Something that had torn Zarya up since she blamed herself for impeding her sister’s dream.

Relentlessly over the last two years, they’d been trying to save up enough for Sorche to attend, but they hadn’t been able to even scrape together the down payment.

Kere…

No, Darling had known that. He’d offered to pay Sorche’s board and tuition on several occasions.

“I don’t mind, Z. I swear it won’t take anything away from me to do this. Please, let me help you.”

Afraid he’d think she was using him for his money, Zarya had refused to accept his offer.

Now…

It didn’t make sense that he would still help out her sister. Especially if he blamed Zarya for what had been done to him.

She handed Maris the mobile. “I was so afraid he’d killed her or sold her off like he did me.”

Maris turned his device off. “Was she part of the Resistance?”

“No. Never. I wouldn’t allow it.”

“Then there’s your answer. She was innocent.”

Like Darling had been. Only her people hadn’t cared about that. They’d hurt him regardless.

Damn them.

“Darling lives his entire life by the Code of Twenty his father taught him. Number nineteen…
Love all, regardless of what they do. Trust only those you have to. And harm none until they harm you
. He would never punish someone without reason. No matter what, unlike his uncle and even in this insanity that currently has possession of him, he’s always been fair and just.”

And for that, she’d never been more grateful.

Maris tilted his head down and pinned her with a probing stare. “So I’m asking you one last time, Zarya. Will you please,
please
help me save a good man who is in a really bad place?”

8

Maris spent hours prepping her on what to expect from Darling as they’d traveled to the Winter Palace.

Once they were there, he smuggled her through the servant entrance and into his private suite so that he could meticulously dress her in a long white, sleeveless gown that was trimmed in silver and lace, and apply her makeup. It was sad when a man knew more about being a woman than she did. But she’d never had the money to waste on something as frivolous as vanity, clothes, and cosmetics.

Maris stepped back so that she could see herself in the mirror.

Zarya’s jaw went slack at a face she barely recognized. Her eyelids felt heavy from the eye shadow and mascara, but the color made her amber eyes glow, especially the way he’d ringed her eyes with a thick band of black and swept it out at the sides. Her skin appeared smoother and more radiant than it ever had before. He’d pulled her mahogany hair back from her face to show off her deep widow’s peak, and laced white and silver ribbons through it.

She felt like a mythical princess.

One about to be fed to a dragon…

“You are beautiful,” Maris said as he fussed with the back of her hair, fluffing out the fat curls he’d made.

“I’ve never felt beautiful.” And she definitely wasn’t the kind of woman who turned men’s heads when she entered a room. Their stomachs, she’d been told, was another matter.

Other than Darling, she could count her number of boyfriends on two fingers. And neither of them had stayed around for very long. One had left as soon as she refused to pay his rent. The other after he realized she had a much prettier younger sister. Sorche had sent him packing immediately, but the damage to Zarya’s ego had already been done.

Maris smiled at her in the mirror. “Don’t listen to the haters. Trust me. I’m not the kind of guy who notices women, but I can see why Darling loves you. Aside from being a sweetheart, you have hair to die for. Your eyes are unusual, but stunning, and your skin… perfection. I envy you so much.”

The last part surprised her. “Why?”

“You’ve done things with Darling that I’ve only dreamed about. I would give absolutely anything to have one night in his arms.”

The painful regret in his voice touched her. “You really do love him, don’t you?”

His dark gaze was so sad as he closed the lid on her blush and set it back on the table. “Yes, I do. You’ve no idea how many times I’ve wished that I’d been born a woman… or that he really was gay.”

“He never experimented?” From what she’d heard about the men of the ruling class, they were indiscriminate about their lovers’ genders.

A shadow of inner turmoil darkened his eyes.

Even though she hadn’t known Maris long, she’d learned to fear that expression and what it usually signified. “What?”

Maris moved away from her.

Zarya got up and went to him. She knew from his reaction that it had to be bad. Still, if it was about Darling, she needed to know before she went in there to face him. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Tears glistened in his eyes. His lips quivered.

A knot formed in her stomach. How awful could it be, given what her people had done to Darling?

Maris touched a trembling hand to his lips. “I promised Darling I would never tell anyone. Sorry.”

“Did you and he…”

“No!” he said emphatically, slinging his hand downward. “Never.”

“Then please tell me, Maris. I swear I’ll never speak a word of it to another living soul. I’ll take it to my grave.”

A muscle worked in his jaw as he debated with himself. After a few heartbeats, he pinned her with a warning glower. “If you do, I swear I
will
kill you. I mean it. And don’t think that I can’t. I assure you, for Darling’s sake, I can and
will
be brutal.”

She nodded. “You have my word, and in spite of what you might think of me, I don’t break it.”

Even so, it took him several more minutes before he spoke again. “Darling was fifteen when he confessed to being gay.”

Which was all she’d ever heard about the eldest prince and his gender preferences. To her knowledge, he’d always been very open about it. “So he’s bisexual?”

Maris let out a bitter laugh. “No. Not even a little.”

“Then why would he say he was homosexual?”

By the expression on his face, she could tell he was having to force himself to continue. That rare loyalty caused her to respect him even more than she already did. Most people didn’t hesitate to betray a secret.

The majority of people she’d known in her life ran fast to be the first to reveal it. It was as if they took perverse pleasure in betraying someone’s confidence.

Maris was a rare man, and one of the best friends anyone could have. “He did it to protect his mother. You have to remember,
Natale was only a baby when Darling was born. Widowed in her mid-twenties, she was extremely lonely. Because of her beauty, she was used to men paying a lot of attention to her, and she loved it. Lived on it, point of fact.”

Zarya sucked her breath in sharply as she saw where this was going. “She took lovers.”

Talk about a no-no in their society.

What had his mother been thinking? It was an automatic death sentence for the governor’s widow. But then that was something Zarya complained about all the time with most women her age. Way too many of them lacked good sense, especially where men were concerned.

Maris nodded. “Foolishly, she got caught… or rather her lover was found on his way out of the palace. To save her life and to keep Natale from being arrested, Darling said her boyfriend was his, and that her lover had been leaving
his
room.”

“But he wasn’t.”

“No, and thankfully there weren’t any surveillance cameras on the inside of the private wing at that time to refute Darling’s confession. And once Darling started the ruse, his mother seized on it. She used him to cover all her lovers from that point on, and he had no choice except to claim them or watch her die.”

Zarya winced at the cruelty of forcing someone to live a lie over something so ridiculous. The woman should have never put him in that position. How could
any
mother do such a thing?

She couldn’t imagine the horror of being trapped in his situation. But it went a long way in explaining many idiosyncrasies about Darling that she’d noted while they dated. His knowledge of fashion. His excessive cleaniness, especially compared to her brother who’d lived his life like he’d learned hygiene from bears. “No one ever suspected the truth?”

He shook his head glumly. “They didn’t care. People love
dirt and rather than judge for themselves, they prefer to believe the trash spewed by others. From the moment word got out that he was homosexual, and it flew fast, Darling was ostracized over it. Whenever we had state functions and events we had to attend, the other boys refused to dress in the same room with him. They treated him like he was diseased and contagious. Threw things at him as he passed by, and insulted him constantly. No one wanted to talk to him or be near him for fear of being accused of homosexuality, too. I remember the first time he sat down in a prince’s dining hall after word had spread. Everyone at the table, including those he’d considered his friends, got up and moved away. I’ll never forget the look on his face as he sat there, alone, his head held high and his jaw locked to keep from showing any emotion while he ate as they mocked him.”

“What did you do?”

Tears glistened in his eyes as he looked away from her. “To my eternal shame, nothing whatsoever.” He flinched and squeezed his eyes shut as if trying to banish an even worse memory.

When he met her gaze again, the bitterness there stung her. “Because I
am
gay, and others had long suspected it, I was even more terrified of having that allegation thrown at me. I saw how they treated Darling and I didn’t want any part of that abuse. So like everyone else, I avoided him in public. He told me that he understood, and that he didn’t want me to talk to him anywhere others might see us. He said it was safer that way for me. But even so, I could tell it hurt him that I avoided him like they did. That I’d be standing or sitting with those who mocked him while he stood alone in the crowd.” A single tear slid down his cheek. “You have no idea how much I hate myself for that cowardice. I abandoned him to their hatred when I should have stood by his side, regardless. What kind of friend am I to ignore him while others cursed and mocked him?”

“He understood, Maris.”

“But that doesn’t make it right, does it?”

No, it didn’t. Zarya patted his arm in sympathy. She couldn’t imagine how awful it must have been for Darling to face that at his age. Puberty was hard enough when you fit in. To have something like that make you a target to your peers…