Born of Defiance (25 page)

“Um … no. You don't.” She gestured toward the dining room. “But will you do that in front of the server? I'll never have to worry about her looking at you again.”

Laughing, Talyn grinned. “If it'll make you happy, be glad to embarrass myself publicly. The gods know that I've done it for a lot less than your gorgeous smile.” He returned to coaching the kids.

Lorens shook his head. “You two have a lot of chemistry together. How long have you been with him?”

“Not very, actually.”

“Yet you love him.”

She froze at something she thought she'd been hiding pretty well. “How do you know?”

“The same way I know he loves you. It oozes from both of you whenever you look at each other. I've never seen a couple hold more regard for one another. It's really very sweet. I hope the two of you have a long life together.”

Her heart broke at those words. “Talyn can never legally marry.”

Lorens turned his back so that he could whisper to her and his sons wouldn't overhear him. “Marriage isn't always what it's cracked up to be, Felicia. Just look at my parents.”

And by his tone, they weren't the only ones who were unhappy in their union.

“Yes, but I'd like to have children one day.”

Lorens nodded sadly. “
That
, I'll give you. There is nothing I wouldn't do for those boys or my daughters. And there's nothing like holding your baby in your arms and watching them grow and learn.”

She could imagine. But she wasn't selfish enough to bring a child into their world when Talyn had no paternal lineage to offer it. That would be beyond cruel. Their child would grow up with the same limitations and stigma that Talyn had known the whole of his life. Not to mention, Talyn would be instantly arrested for impregnating her and damaging
her
lineage.

Lorens sighed. “You know that's why I hated your mother, don't you?”

She frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

“My father was never happier than when he was with her, and I hated her for that. I blamed her for my parents' never-ending fights. Now I lie awake sometimes, angry at myself for the way I treated them both when they were together. I was just so young and stupid. I thought that if he gave up your mother, he'd feel the same way toward mine. As a boy, I didn't understand how feelings really worked. How awkward and harsh an arranged union could be.”

She patted his arm. “We're all stupid when we're young.”

He turned back to watch his sons. “Yes, we are … except Talyn seems remarkably astute.”

“Adversity makes you grow up fast and hard. He was never allowed to be a child.”

Lorens took her hand into his, and led it to his cheek. “And neither were you. I'm sorry I was never there for you, Felicia. But I promise that's going to change.”

Felicia wanted to believe that. She did. However, she had a suspicion that a lot of what he was feeling tonight had to do with his younger brother, who'd died a few months ago. Even so, she was willing to give him a chance. Everyone deserved one.

And the longer she watched Talyn patiently instruct her nephews, the more her heart broke. A male like him deserved to have children of his own that he could laugh and play with.

Life had royally screwed Talyn, and still he got up every day and relentlessly shouldered the scorn and hatred he couldn't stop. Scorn and hatred he couldn't help.

She'd never known anyone more courageous or honorable. While she knew it bothered him—she could see it in his eyes—he never spoke of it. Never blamed his mother, his father, or anyone else for the circumstances of his birth.

For that alone, she would love him. But there was so much more to him than that. Honor. Respect.

Tenderness.

She still couldn't believe how fortunate she'd been to find him. How close she'd come to choosing someone else.

Now she couldn't imagine not having him in her life.

You're going to have to let him go.
Companions never stayed with their patrons. That just wasn't how it worked. And they definitely didn't stay with patrons who lacked lineage. It was a miracle her agency had even allowed Talyn in the door. Most wouldn't have.

Yet she dreamed of things she knew could never be. A long, happy life with a male so wonderful.

It was useless. Dreams didn't come true. And life took its jollies by ruining everyone's plans.

 

C
HAPTER
12

Peeking into the small window on the dance studio's door where Felicia was teaching a class of twenty little girls, Talyn froze. Before their contract, she'd worked as a dance instructor in this school, but the small salary hadn't been enough to cover her tuition and living expenses. After their arrangement, she'd been designated as a floating substitute, which was why she was here for a few hours.

His breath caught in his throat while he watched her laughing and twirling and swaying with the children. From these past few weeks, he'd known she possessed a beautiful heart and soul, but never was it more evident than here and now. She gently corrected and encouraged them, all the while maintaining a dazzling smile and more patience than he could fathom. No wonder she was able to tolerate his assholishness so well.

And the grace she held …

Damn, he was instantly rock hard and in pain. All he wanted was to barge in, sweep her into his arms, and make love to her in the nearest closet he could find.

One little girl fell during a twirl and skinned her knee. Felicia rushed to her and spoke words that had the child laughing through her tears. And it wrung his heart. No wonder Felicia had said on her questionnaire that she wanted children. Like his mother, she was loving and giving. Inspiring.

How could I deprive her of this?

She was born to be someone's mother.

Feeling like shit, he started to leave, but the moment he did, Felicia looked up and saw him in the window. A beautiful, welcoming smile lit her entire face.

She motioned him in.

Unable to resist her lure, Talyn entered, and would have gone quietly to the corner, but the moment he opened the door, the girls let out a terrified squeal and ran for cover.

Felicia laughed playfully. “He's not an evil beastie, girls. He's my male.” She came over to place a chaste kiss to his cheek to show them how “harmless” he was. At least where they were concerned.

Suddenly, they swarmed him like buzzing, giggling bees. For the first time in his life, he panicked.

Felicia laughed out loud as she saw the expression on his face. “Oh my God, Talyn! You're not seriously afraid of a bunch of little girls, are you?”

“I've never seen so many. And they're so breakably frail. I don't remember them being this small when I was in school.”

She laughed even harder before she pulled them away. “All right, class, our time's up and your mothers will be waiting. Good job all!”

They scurried away to gather their things.

Felicia sauntered over to him. “So what brings you here, Major?”

“I thought I'd pick you up and take you out to dinner so that you wouldn't have to cook when you got home. I mean, I would have cooked
for
you, but I'm not particularly good at it. I once set my mom's flat on fire, trying to boil water.”

She pressed her cheek to his. “Thank you. You're so thoughtful.”

As Felicia pulled back, one of the little girls came running back to Talyn with a piece of paper in her hands.

She handed it to him. “They had us draw this in school for our pakas, but I don't have a paka now. Mama says the evil tahrs had him killed and we can't talk about it. But since I don't have a paka no more, I thought I should give it to Tara Felicia's male 'cause I really like Tara Felicia. She used to be my teacher all the time, but she had to quit and I miss her a lot, but she says she'll come back to teach when she's not at school anymore. Here!”

Talyn gaped at the sweet gift of a stick girl holding on to the hand of what must have been her father. Her name was in the corner. “Xarah, I can't take this.”

She nodded eagerly. “Yes, you can. I don't got no one else to give it to, and it'll make my mama sad to remember my paka. I was going to throw it away, but I want it to go to you instead of the garbage can.”

He knelt in front of her and brushed her hair back from her face before he inclined his head to her. “I will treasure it, always.”

She beamed a happy smile and threw herself into his arms. “You're really, really big. You know that?”

He laughed. “I know, sweetling.”

She patted his shoulder before she withdrew and ran off.

Choked by the innocent gift, Talyn stared down at it. “Do you know what happened to her father?”

“Not really. He used to pick her up while her mother worked late. Then one day, he didn't. Her mother has never said a word about it to me.”

Rising to his feet, Talyn carefully folded the picture and tucked it into his pocket. “I see why you like teaching.”

Felicia smiled. “They
are
precious. If you'll give me a minute, I'll see them to their parents and get my things.”

He watched her return to help them dress and remember their belongings. And in that minute, he knew that when their contract ended, he needed to let her go.

To deprive her of the children she wanted …

It would be all kinds of selfish.

And as he watched Xarah, he wanted blood from whatever asshole had taken her father from her. Having been raised without one, he knew how much it sucked. How much he dreaded school assignments like the one she'd given him. And how many times he'd tossed them on his way home to keep his own mother from feeling bad over the fact that his father had been a total dick. Teachers never thought about it when they assigned such. They believed they were being thoughtful, but it burned in a way unimaginable.

Closing his eyes, he fought against the bitterness that wanted to swallow him whole. Especially since he knew his father's actions and their society kept him from what he wanted most.

A family of his own.

Unshed tears stung his throat as he remembered trying to buy a simple ring for the female he loved. The humiliation it had caused him.

You have to let her go.

But it hurt him so deep inside that he couldn't imagine going back to his empty life. To not hearing her voice or feeling her hand on his flesh. She was what saw him through this hell known as life.

Yet as he watched her herd the kids out to their waiting parents, he knew that one day she'd look at him with resentment over the fact that staying with him would curtail everything she'd wanted to do with her future. It would limit her opportunities and taint the way others looked at her. He was nothing but a liability to her, and he knew it. And to see hatred in
her
eyes for him …

That would destroy him.

No, he would never taint her smile the way his father had tainted his mother's. The last thing he would ever be was Felicia's regret.

*   *   *

Two days later, Felicia wanted to cry as she saw Talyn in his uniform. She'd had him at home for so long that she'd grown accustomed to his being here. Worse, she'd enjoyed every second of the time they'd been together.

They hadn't fought once. Not really.

“Oh, Licia, don't.” Biting his lip, he cupped her cheek in his hand. “If you cry, I'm going to cry, too.”

That succeeded in making her laugh. As if. “I don't think anything could make you cry.”

“That's not true. I just cry on the inside.”

She pulled him into her arms and held him flush against her. “I don't want you to go.”

“I wish I could stay. But I have to report in.”

She tightened her grip on his sleeve—where his rank patch was stitched. She fought the urge to rip it off and spit on it. “I know.”

Sinking his hand in her hair, he gave her a sizzling kiss. “I'll call as soon as I can.”

She fisted her hands in his braids. “I won't breathe until I hear from you.”

He smiled sadly at the old Andarion saying. “I could just throw you over my shoulder and take you with me. Think they'd notice?”

“I'm willing if you are.”

Talyn grinned at the serious light in her eyes. She was so incredibly precious to him. He'd never once thought anyone could mean so much to his well-being. Especially not in such a short amount of time. But every day he was with her made him crave her more. It actually hurt him to see her in pain. He felt her sadness even more deeply than he felt his own.

Dipping his head, he kissed her one last time. “Look on the bright side … I won't be hogging your covers anymore.”

“I would give them all to you for your cocoon if you'd stay.”

“
Now
you say that. You didn't feel that way last night while you were cursing me for it.” He kissed her forehead as his band went off. “I have to go, baby.”

“I know. Be careful. Stay safe.”

“You, too.” He kissed her hand before he went to the lift. He turned around to watch her until the doors closed.

Silent tears slid down her beautiful cheeks as she waved at him.

With a heavy heart and tight throat, Talyn left their building and made his way to the palace across town. At least he'd be able to see his mother more often. She'd been assigned to the palace guard for half his life. Though he didn't know her exact duties, they weren't particularly dangerous or taxing. She actually had a lot of liberty to come and go. Something he was looking forward to after the heavy restrictiveness of flight patrol.

Flight patrol …

Talyn ground his teeth at the memory of what Anatole and his friends had done to the females in his squad.