Books by Maggie Shayne (78 page)

"You're awake." Daniel leaned nearer. "They said you'd be coming around soon. You shouldn't have been out as long as you were, but we all figured the rest would do you good, so we let you be."

It had done her good, she thought as her mind cleared more and more. She felt the energy surge and longed to toss the covers back and go outside. She licked her parched lips. "It's night, isn't it? My God, how long have I slept?"

"I found you in your bed this morning." He swallowed. "I thought you were asleep at first, but then I saw the pills, and the brandy." He repeatedly pushed one cool palm up over her forehead. "Baby, you should have just told me. I wouldn't have blamed you. It wasn't your fault."

She sat up in bed so fast his hand fell away. Fully now, she recalled the words she'd only dimly been aware of at the time. They all thought she'd tried to kill herself. Moreover, they thought she'd been beaten and raped, by Eric, no less. They'd seen the marks his unbridled passion had left on her throat.

"Daniel, I have to tell you what happened last night."

"Don't torture yourself, sweetheart. I already know. I—" A sob rose in his throat, but he fought it down. "I'll kill him for what he did to you, Tam. I swear to God, I will."

"No!" She came to her feet all at once. "Daniel, you have to listen to me. Just. . ." A wave of dizziness swamped her, and if Daniel hadn't been there to steady her she'd have sunk to the floor. "Just listen to me, please."

"All right. All right, honey, I'll listen if you feel you need to talk it out. Just get back into the bed first, okay?" She nodded, clinging to his soft shoulders and easing herself back down. When she was once again settled back against the pillows, she focused on staying calm.

"Where is Curtis?"

"Outside. He walks the perimeter once very hour. We're not going to let Marquand get near you again, honey. Don't worry on that score."

She rolled her eyes. "Curt should hear this, too, but it can't wait. You'll tell him everything I tell you. Promise?"

He nodded. She cleared her throat and tried to summon courage enough to be honest with him. She should have been from the start. "I've seen Eric Marquand several times since that night at the rink," she blurted at last. Daniel opened his mouth but she held up two hands. "Please, let me get through this before you say anything." She licked her lips. "He's taken me on a sleigh ride, and fed me hot cocoa and fine cognac—in fact, the cognac I had last night was a gift from him. I've been to his house, too. We sat before a fire and talked for hours. He's not a monster, Daniel. He's a wonderful, caring man."

"My God. . ."

"Last night after I left Hilary I had a flat tire. I had to pull off an exit and was going to walk to a service station. I was—" she closed her eyes at the memory "—attacked. I fought him, but it was no use. He was very strong. I think he would've killed me when he'd finished. But Eric came just in time." Her eyes opened now that she'd gotten past the most horrid memory of last night. "He pulled the man off me, and beat him unconscious. He carried me to the car. He covered me with his own coat, and then he drove. He would have brought me directly home, but I asked him not to. I needed time to calm myself." She reached for his hand. "Daniel, Eric saved my life last night."

Daniel stared at her for a long moment. "But, how could. . . I don't—"

"He's not the monster you keep telling me he is," she told him. "He's more human than a lot of men I know."

For a moment Daniel appeared uncertain, but then his eyes narrowed. "You can't deny the marks he left on your throat. That's proof of what he is."

She lowered her eyes. "I won't deny them, but I won't lie about them, either. I'm not going to tell you things that are none of your business, Daniel. But you have to know that everything that happened between Eric and me last night happened because I wanted it to happen. I wanted it, even knowing what he is: He didn't hurt me, and he never will."

"Tamara, what are you saying? You admit he's a vampire and still you defend him?"

She met his gaze without flinching. She would not be ashamed of her feelings for Eric. But she thought she'd given her guardian enough shocks for one evening. "I'm saying that you don't need to worry about me. No harm will ever come to me with Eric around." She put a hand on his arm and squeezed. "I want you to think about something, Daniel. For a long time you've assumed that because his kind is different, they are inherently evil. You've been wrong. You need to sit down and realize how bigoted that mind-set is."

He shook his head and got to his feet. His eyes on her seemed to hold an unvoiced accusation. "Haven't Curtis and I warned you about the mind control he might exercise over you? Haven't I begged you to tell me if he tried to see you again? Tamara, you cannot believe his lies! He would kill me if he had an opportunity, and you are just the one to give it to him! He's using you to get to me, Tamara. You'd have to be blind not to see that!"

She drew in a sharp breath at the fury in his voice, and in his face. It was as if she'd betrayed him. She'd never seen him so angry. "Daniel, you're wrong—"

She was interrupted by a mechanical beep coming from Daniel's belt. He pushed a button and it stopped instantly. "I have to go. Curtis—" He bit his lip.

"Curtis what?" Tamara felt a chill go up her spine. It had something to do with Eric, she was certain of it. Daniel had said Curtis was out searching the grounds, or something like that. Had he spotted Eric? What would they do to him if they caught him? Daniel didn't answer, but moved quickly through the heavy wooden door. As he did, she saw the guard posted outside it, and her heart raced all the faster. She couldn't get out to try to warn Eric that they were out for blood. My God, what if they got to him?

The door closed and she paced the room, battling the dizziness that tried to return sporadically. She shut her eyes and tried to call out to Eric as she'd done before, with her mind.
Eric, if you 're out there, be careful! Daniel and Curt
—

Her thoughts came to a halt as a chill breeze rushed over her body, and a familiar voice spoke softly. "Are presently being led a merry chase by Roland, all in order to clear them out of here." As her eyes flew open, he swung his legs over the windowsill, landing gracefully on the floor. He stood still for a moment, as if waiting for her permission to come any closer.

Tamara raced toward him and threw herself into his arms. "Eric!" His arms around her seemed hesitant, and then he pushed her from him and eased her back into the bed. His face, she now noted, was a study in misery. Lines were etched deep between his brows and on both sides of his mouth. His eyes were moist and searching. He dropped to one knee beside the bed, and his voice thickened with every word he uttered. "Sweet Tamara, I never meant. . . My God, I never meant to bring you to this. I swear it to you. If I'd known—but I should have known, shouldn't I? I should never have done what I did." He choked on the words and a single tear slipped slowly down his face.

Her heart wrenched as she reached out to touch it, absorbing it into her fingertips. "Don't think what you're thinking, Eric. Not even for a minute. This was an accident, nothing more." His gaze met hers, and she saw the doubt there. "Look into my mind, since you're so talented at that sort of thing. Better yet, look into my heart. How could you think I'd want to leave you?" She felt him doing just what she'd suggested, and as he probed her mind she explained what she'd done. "I knew I wouldn't close my eyes all night, and I had to go to work, or else Daniel would know something was wrong. I sipped the cognac, but it didn't help. A bit later I tried the sleeping pills that have been sitting in my cabinet for over a month. I'd taken them before without any ill effects at all. The problem was that I wasn't thinking clearly, and didn't stop to consider the consequences of mixing them with alcohol. That's all, Eric. I promise, that's all."

He gathered her into his arms and she felt the shuddering breath he released as it bathed her neck. "I thought you'd awakened to regret having given yourself to me. If ever you do, Tamara, you must tell me. I will not be the cause of your despair. I will leave you now, if you tell me to do so."

Her arms clenched tighter and she whispered, "No. Don't leave me, Eric. Don't. . ." Frowning with a sense of deja vu so strong it made her light-headed she pulled away from him. " My God, I've said that to you before. In a hospital bed just like this one. I begged you not to leave me. . . but you did."

He nodded, his eyes studying her carefully. "I honestly thought it best for you. I was wrong. I won't make that mistake again. If you ordered me to stay away from you, I'd never go so far as I did then. You'd have my protection. I'd watch over you, as I should have done before. St. Claire never would have got his hands on you if I'd been wiser then."

"Then it was when I had the accident. That was when I knew you? All these memories and familiarity stem from the time I was six years old?"

"Yes. It is coming back to you now. Soon the rest will, as well, and you will understand better."

She nodded, wishing she understood now. She wouldn't press him on it, though. He shouldn't be here. It wasn't safe. "Eric, I had to tell Daniel it wasn't you who attacked and bruised me, but I couldn't very well hide the marks on my throat." His eyes moved to that spot and she felt their heat. An answering warmth spread within her, but she forced herself to ignore it. "I told him that I went to you willingly, that you forced nothing on me. He still insists you have me under some kind of spell, though. Eric, he's furious. It isn't a good idea for you to be here."

His lips thinned, and he studied her for a long moment. "You love this man, and I've tried to restrain myself from speaking against him, for your sake, Tamara. Tonight I cannot. It is better to risk your anger than to allow you to continue in your blind trust of him. It is no more safe for you to remain than it is for me. Especially now that he knows of our intimacy."

She stroked his face lovingly. "Old habits die hard. He's so used to thinking the worst of you, he can't do otherwise, and I think you have the same problem. Daniel loves me, Eric."

He covered her hand with his own, closed his eyes and turned his face to press his lips to her palm. "It kills me to hurt you, Tamara. The traits I explained to you, the ones that make you different from other humans—"

"The Belladonna antigen and the common ancestor?"

He nodded. "St. Claire knew of them even then." She frowned at him, blinking. "He did? But why hasn't he ever told me?"

Eric held her hand in his own. "Tamara, there is a good possibility that he only took you in because he knew you were one of the Chosen. He knew of your connection to us, and he knew that as long as he had you, one of us might come near enough to be captured."

"Captured?" She searched his face, his mind, as he spoke, but she saw no sign that he was lying to her. "For. . . what?"

His lips parted, but closed again. He shook his head. "I am afraid for you," he told her. "Believe me that is my only motive for telling you these things."

She shook her head, blinking as hot tears pooled in her eyes. "I know you mean it, you believe all of this... but it's wrong. You're wrong. Daniel loves me like his own daughter." She lowered her gaze and shook her head. "He has to. He's the only family I've had for all these years. If all of that was a lie—no. You're wrong."

Eric sighed, but nodded. "I will not press the matter. But Tamara, he is not the only family you have any longer. You have me. No matter what else might happen, you always will. Do you believe me?"

She nodded in return, but her eyes didn't focus. She was searching her mind, realizing that Daniel must've known Eric had visited her in the hospital all those years ago. It was the only explanation for his overprotective behavior now.

Something niggled at her mind, and she squinted hard, trying to remember. "Eric, when I came around earlier, they were saying something about a. . . a tranquilizer. . . ." She heard their voices replay in her mind, and had the confirmation she'd dreaded.
He'll come to her, just like before.
And then Daniel.
We'll be ready. Get the tranquilizer and meet me back here
. Her stomach clenched.

"No tranquilizer known has any effect on vampires, Tamara."

She shook her head hard. "I got the feeling this was something new, something Curt's been working on." She met his gaze then, her fear for him overcoming her own lingering doubts. "I know I'm safe with them, Eric, but as things stand, you aren't. Please leave before they come back."

"I won't cower in fear of them—"

"But Roland might not be safe, either. If there is some kind of drug, and he lets them get too close. . ."

He frowned then, and nodded.

"I'll go, then—this time." Once again he pulled her upper body to him, and kissed her neck, then the hollow just below her ear, then the ear itself. "I find it unbearable to leave you, though."

She closed her eyes and let her head fall back to give his mouth better access. The sensations he sent through her body would overwhelm her common sense in a few seconds. Her fingers tangled in his hair, and her breath caught in her throat. His lips kissed a path to hers, and then he feasted on her mouth and her tongue as if it were to be his last meal. When he lifted himself from her she clung. She pressed wet lips to his ear. "I wish you could stay. I want you so much it hurts." She felt him tremble in response to her words and her touch.

"It is too soon—you've been through so much." Gently he pushed her until she lay amid the pillows. "I will leave you, but not to go far. If anyone tries to harm you, call to me. You know I will hear you."

"I know."

He left the way he'd come, and Tamara thought it felt as if he'd taken a pan of her with him.

She closed the window, returned to her bed and feigned sleep, though she was wide awake and jittery with restlessness. Daniel returned a few minutes after Eric had left her, and took a seat near the window. Tamara ignored him. She wasn't yet ready for a confrontation, but she knew one had to come. She needed to hear from his own lips that the things Eric suspected were wrong.

Dawn approached and Tamara couldn't avoid sleep's clinging vines. They gradually encircled her and tugged her down into slumber. When her eyes flew wide only a moment later, it was to see the final splash of the sun's orange light slowly receding from the sky. Daniel's chair was empty.

She waited, lying still and lazy as the life seemed to filter back into her body. Amazing that she'd slept all day two days running now, so deeply she hadn't been aware of the time ticking past. Refreshed and energized, she flung the covers back and started opening drawers and closet doors in search of her clothes. She'd had enough of this confinement. The only clothing she found were her nightgown and her long hounds tooth-check coat. She sighed relief that her boots rested on the closet floor.

There was no guard now. She guessed Daniel assumed she'd only needed guarding after sundown. She caused quite a stir when she announced to the nurses at the crowded desk in the main corridor that she was checking herself out. Forms needed to be signed and the doctor notified. She couldn't just leave. She coolly requested that whatever forms needed signing be handed over at once. She'd already phoned for a cab, and fully intended to be ready when it arrived.

Less than half an hour later she marched through the imposing front door of the neglected house she'd called home for the past twenty years. Daniel stood just beyond the door, pulling his coat on. He looked up, surprised to see her. His smile died slowly when she didn't return it.

"We need to talk" was all she said in greeting.

His faded cornflower eyes turned away from her probing dark ones. He nodded, and exhaled slowly. "I left a cabby waiting outside. I'll just go get my purse, and—"

"I'll take care of it." Daniel moved past her and out the door before she could argue the point. She heard the vehicle move away, its tires crunching over the packed snow on the road. Daniel returned a moment later. He removed his coat, draped it on a rather wobbly coat tree and gently helped her out of hers. She'd already toed off her boots.

"You ought to go upstairs and lie down. Tam. We can talk in your room."

She faced him squarely. "Is there a DPI guard outside my door?" His gaze dropped so fast there was no doubting his surge of guilt. " Why was I under guard, Daniel?"

He sighed, his shoulders slumping. "I won't lie to you. I was afraid Marquand would try to get to you there."

"Because he came to me once before in a hospital?" Daniel's head snapped up, eyes widening. "You—you remember?"

She turned from him, stalking though the foyer and into the huge living room. She knew he followed. Her long, quick stride and stiff spine showed her anger almost as well as her words and tone of voice. She faced him again. "No, Daniel. As a matter of fact, I don't remember. For the past g few months I've been slowly, systematically losing my mind because I can't remember. I'm trying. . ." Her throat threatened to close off, and she bit her lips, swallowed twice and forced herself to go on. "You've known about this—this link between Marquand and me all along, though, haven't you? For God's sake, Daniel, how could you keep something like this from me?"

His brows lifted, creasing his forehead. "Tam, I was only doing what I thought was best for you. Trying to protect you—"

"By watching me go insane? My God, the nightmares, the sleeplessness—you had to know it all revolved around Eric. You knew, and you never said a word."

"You were in a fragile state of mind! I couldn't say anything to make it worse."

"Of course not. You couldn't say anything to ease my fears, either, could you, Daniel? Not the way Eric did. You couldn't simply tell me that it was all right, that I wasn't going crazy that there was a reason for all I was going through and that I'd understand it as soon as my mind was ready to let me remember. You couldn't comfort me that way, could you?"

Daniel couldn't have looked more shocked if she'd slapped him. "He—"

"But you didn't want me to remember, did you, Daniel? Because you knew. You knew how close Eric and I had become, and you knew he'd come to me some day. All these years you've been waiting, watching."

She waited for a furious denial, but saw only remorse in Daniel's leathery face. She had to press it further. She had to ask the final question, though she dreaded hearing the answer. "Is that why you took me in all those years ago, Daniel? Was I just the perfect bait to lure him to you?"

For a long time he didn't answer. When Tamara turned away from him in disgust, his soft hand shot out to grip her arm and turn her back toward him. "I was blind with ambition twenty years ago. Tam. There was nothing in my life except my work. I'd have done anything to get to Marquand. . . then. But not now." His hand fell from her arm, and he paced away from her slowly, eyes on his feet, but not seeing. "I grew to love you, sweetheart. How could I not? And it wasn't very long at all until I stopped looking forward to the day he'd come back. I started fearing it. I was terrified he'd come and take you away from me."

She held the tears in check. She wasn't certain where she got the strength to do it. "My entire life has been a lie. From the second you came to my hospital room you were enacting a cold, calculated plot." She shook her head. "What were you going to do with Eric when you caught him?"

There was no remorse in his eyes when he faced her this time. Only the frigid gleam of hatred. "Don't pity him, Tam. He's no better than an animal—a rabid wolf who has to be stopped before he can spread his disease. Oh, I had big plans once. I was going to learn the answers to every question I had about him—his kind. Now all I want is to keep him from hurting you."

"Hurt him, and you'll be hurting me, Daniel." He stepped closer to her, slowly shaking his head from side to side as his eyes searched her face. "I love him," she said.

Daniel's eyes closed tight and he released a guttural grunt as if he'd been punched hard in the stomach.

She didn't show mercy. She felt none after what he'd said about Eric. "You say you love me, but I don't think that's true. I think you've used me all along and just can't admit it to me now."

Again he shook his head. "That isn't true. I do love you—couldn't love my own child more than I love you."

"Prove it." He faced her, standing stock-still as if he knew what she would ask of him.

"Tamara, I— "

"Drop the research, Daniel. Give up this plan to capture Eric, or any of them." She took a step toward him, and realized she was willing to beg if it would help. "He isn't what you think. He's kind and sensitive and funny. If you met him on the street you wouldn't know he was different at all. He doesn't want to hurt anyone, only to be left alone. If you want your questions answered, Eric would probably be willing to answer them, once he sees he can trust you."

"That's absurd! If I got within his reach I'd be a dead man. Tamara, you're the one who doesn't know this man. He's cunning and ruthless. You accuse me of using you, but he's the one using you. . . to get to me, I think."

She blinked slowly. "I can see I'm not getting through to you." Feeling her heart had been bruised beyond repair, she turned and moved to the curving staircase.

"Where—"

"I'm going to shower and change. Then I'm going out. Tomorrow I'll come back and pick up my things."

"You can't go to him. Tam! My God, don't do this—"

"I can't stay, not unless you agree to what I've asked. Keep in mind the way you've deceived me all this time, Daniel. How much have I ever asked from you? If you love me, you'll do this for me. If not, then it won't kill you to see me go."

She moved up the stairs, and did exactly what she'd said she would. Daniel didn't try to stop her. When she left by the front door he was not in sight.

* * * * *

She sank into his arms when he opened his door to her. Eric had sensed her turmoil as she approached, and he felt a burgeoning anger toward those responsible. St. Claire and his protege, no doubt. He held her, and her tears flowed into his shirt. Beyond her, through the open doorway, he felt eyes upon him, and he kicked the door closed. Rogers, he realized slowly. He'd followed her. Eric felt the man's rage like a blistering desert wind, and not solely directed toward him. The heat of his anger was aimed toward Tamara, as well, and the knowledge shook Eric. He knew when the van moved away. The sense of hatred faded, and Eric put it aside for later consideration. Tamara needed to be the center of his attention now.

He held her tighter, and pulled her with him into the parlor, where a cheerful fire and a pot of hot cocoa awaited her. He settled himself on the settee, pulling her across his lap as he might do a small child. He cradled her head to his shoulder, stroking her hair and feeling the painful throbbing in her temples and the dampness of tears on her skin.

"Oh, Eric, you were right. Daniel knew about us all those years ago. He knew you'd come back some day, and that was the only reason he took me in when my parents died." He felt her shuddering breath.

"He admitted it to you?"

She nodded. "He could—could barely look me in the eye."

Eric released a sigh, wishing he could choke the life out of the heartless bastard for causing Tamara this kind of grief. "I am so sorry, sweet. I wish I had been wrong."

The air kept catching in her throat, making each breath she took like a small spasm. "It hurts to know the truth. I love him so much, Eric."

Love him, not loved him
. Eric frowned.

She lifted her head from his shoulder. "I can't stop myself from loving him just because he lied to me. I think. . . in his own way. . . he loves me, too."

"I keep forgetting how well you read my thoughts," he told her. "How can you believe he cares for you after—"

"I have to believe it. It hurts too much to think he's been acting the part all these years. He says he came to love me, and that his motives for keeping me with him changed." She blinked away the remaining tears, and gently brushed his white shirt with her fingertips. "I got you all wet."

"I would gladly catch every tear you shed, if you'd permit it, Tamara."

Her lips turned up slightly at the corners, but still they trembled. "I'm giving him one more chance." Eric's brows lifted, one higher than the other, as he was prone to do when puzzled. "I told Daniel that if he truly loves me he'll drop his research, and the investigation of you."

"Sweet, trusting Tamara," he said, lifting a lock of hair with his forefinger and tucking it behind her ear. "Do you believe he'll agree? He's made me his life's work, you know. He was tracing my every movement even before you were born."

"I don't know if he'll agree. But, Eric, if he doesn't I think you should go away from here. I'm terrified of what he has planned."

He smiled fully. "I am well aware of what he has planned for me. And no, I will not give you new nightmares by sharing it with you. You needn't fear for me, Tamara. With vampires, age is strength. I am over two hundred years strong. A mere human—or even a pair of them—pose no threat to me."

"But this tranquilizer I heard them mention—"

"It matters not, I'll not leave you again."

She gazed into his eyes with so much love Eric nearly winced. "I wouldn't ask you to. I'd go with you."

She'd go with him, and he knew she'd stay with him. For the span of her mortal life he would be allowed to cherish her and adore her. And then she would leave him to die of heartbreak. He wouldn't have her for more than a moment in time a mere twenty more years, at best. For though he hadn't shared the knowledge with her, he was painfully aware that humans with the Belladonna antigen rarely live beyond their forty-fifth year.

Perhaps, he thought, Roland had been right. Perhaps the decision wasn't his to make. But could he sentence her to an eternity of darkness? Would she even want it?

Her hand at his face broke his line of thought, and he looked into her eyes. "What is it?" she asked. "I feel sadness but I couldn't tell what you were thinking."

"I was thinking that you must leave me in the morning." She had enough to deal with tonight. Let the question of her mortality wait for another time. "I wonder if it is wise, now that St. Claire and Rogers know the nature of our relationship? I do not like to think of you within reach of their wrath."

"Unless Daniel changes his attitude, tomorrow will be the last time I set foot in that house." She looked at him and smiled very softly. "Unless I'm jumping the gun. You haven't invited me—"

"Shall I come to you on my knees? Shall I beg you to stay with me?"

"You only need to tell me you want me." Her voice came out lower than a whisper, and he saw the glimmer left by the tears turn into a soft glow, put there by passion.

"In my existence I have seen women of such beauty it was said they could drive a man beyond reason. Beside you, they would fade as a candle's flame beside the heart of the sun. Never has a woman stirred me as you have done." He lowered his head, tilting her chin with one hand to settle his lips over hers. Softly he sipped them, suckled them, first upper, then lower. He lifted only enough to speak, and to be able to watch her glorious face as he did. "To say that I want you is not enough. Might as well say that the parched and barren desert wants the kiss of the rain. You are the part of myself that's been missing for more than two centuries."

The shimmer in her eyes now had nothing to do with her earlier pain. "Eric, you make love to me with your words as thoroughly as you do with your body." She pressed her mouth to him, parted her succulent lips and invited his tongue's invasion. He accepted eagerly, and her taste aroused him even more than the last time he'd kissed her. Eventually he lifted his head to breathe. "I can't say it as well as you can," she told him, breathless now. "But I feel the same. My life was so empty. I thought I'd never stop wondering why. Then I found you and I knew. I don't know what went between us before, Eric. I don't know why we are this close, but whatever it was, it bound us together. You are a part of me, as vital to my existence as my own heart. If you leave me again." She stopped there. The sob that involuntarily blocked her words came without warning, he knew.